I did mean to respond earlier than this to basically say that what I think you suggested Treasur, is a good idea. I was thinking that because I had a problem with lyb going to the party, it would be up to me to let the host know.
I did end up talking to H about it because his new roster showed that he conveniently had the whole weekend off
. I told him that I wasn't yet in a place where I could go to a party she was at. He asked me if I was ok with him going and I told him that if he did it would really hurt and it would send a clear message to me. He asked what that message would be and I said "that I am the only one dealing with the consequences of this". I also said that I hoped for his support whenever I feel strongly about something, regardless of whether he is the cause or not. He nodded. I think he would hope for the same from me. I kept the conversation pretty short and stayed well away from any derogatory comments about her or anything that suggested that I thought he wanted to be with her again. I did say that there would undoubtedly be some "monkey braining" for me if he went and I didn't and that I didn't think that was fair.
One thing I noticed during this conversation was how difficult it was to not drive my point home. Instead, I shared my thoughts and left it there for H to process. In the past, because of my discomfort, I think I may have goaded him into agreement and then been frustrated when I get lip service. I have learned that H needs time to process and space to shine - which he did.
A week later he told me that he had spoken to his best friend and told him that we would not be going to the party. He explained why and suggested that we catch up at an alternative time to celebrate. He said that his friend understood. I have since spoken to D20 who also works with the best friend and apparently he is very disappointed that we won't be there - not angry, just sad. I was pretty surprised that H dealt with it so quickly because the RSVP is not until the end of this week and the party is at the end of the month. I think he chose that time to deal with it because it became good news for me after a couple of really tough days.....
My job involves helping injured workers return to work and one of my guys committed suicide. I had spoken to him the day before and he had told me that he could understand why people have. This was a red flag conversation for sure and we organised for him to go and see his GP that afternoon with a work colleague so that he could ask for a mental health care plan and get some targeted support. He did that, and by all accounts it went very well. He was prescribed anti-depressants and rang his offsider later to tell him that he was on the straight and narrow. The next day, he tried to gas himself in his car first before being found by his wife. Later in the day, he hung himself in his backyard. Most of the people at work did not see it coming and now feel responsible for not noticing. It's hard to say that to me, it wasn't a surprise. We really tried to help but it wasn't enough. I don't feel responsible - just so very sad that on that particular day, that was his best idea
I didn't take it too well and D17 and D20 had to come to my work in one car to pick me and my car up. I was scattered and shocked and at that stage, didn't know how he had passed - except that I did know. Weirdly, I was just praying that it had been a car accident instead. In the early hours of the next morning, I was woken by our security cameras alerting me to activity on our driveway. I checked the cameras and saw that someone was in the yard. I turned the lights on and went to the side door to ask who was there. No one answered so I told them that they were being filmed and I had called the police. I then heard the gate rattle as if someone was jumping over it. I hadn't realised that there was more than 1 intruder and that they had been in the back yard as well. We later worked out that they had been there for 15mins before I knew about it and had so far managed to cut through security chains and move S16's motorbike next to the roller door.
I was truly a space cadet the next day. I had lunch with 2 close friends and I had to deep breathe on my way down there just to stay focused on the roads. After lunch I met H for a couple of hours before meeting up for a lovely dinner with Evermore. It was then that H told me about the conversation with his best friend. He did seem pleased with himself and I think it was something he felt he could do given that he felt so helpless about everything else that had transpired in the previous 24 hours (while he had been interstate). I thanked him and told him that I really appreciated his support.
We have since spent the night with his best friend at his place and I apologised personally to best friend for missing the party. He said he understood although he had added subtle pressure - possibly unintentional, while we were there. Lyb will be there for the party despite her best friend side kick, that H has also taken for a ride on his Harley (earlier post,) going to a conflicting party. She will actually be there all weekend which I find a bit odd.
While we were at BF's house, he said that he thought we should just move back in together and save ourselves a lot of money. Cue the awkward silence. I am not sure if H has spoken to him about this and was feeling me out. I don't think so though. I am open to H moving back in because he spends most of his time here anyway. He has recently stayed here twice when he's had an early start and his place is more than half way towards the airport. I am happy to wait for H to initiate this because I think he will only do it when he feels ready. We last spoke about this in early Jan and we were both happy with him holding onto his place for a bit longer then. I think it might be providing a false sense of security though. If we do part ways again, we would definitely be better off with the extra money that living at home now would give us. Sometimes its not about the money though. What I do know is that it works better for us when I let him take the lead. We seem to be on the same page enough for neither one of us to get ahead of or left behind by the other.
In a possible forum first, Evermore and I realised that it would be quite possible for 2 forum members ow's to be at the same party - well not our ow's but you get the drift. BF is known to Evermore's H and there's a small chance that her H and ow could be at the party that lyb will be at. Not sure how I would handle it if I ever ran into her. I think we all get quite protective of our brothers and sisters on the forum but would never want to do or say anything to their H's or W's (or associated AD's) that would make life uncomfortable for the LBS. GRRRR though!!! P.S Evermore, not sure if I have overstepped here so if you would prefer I edit this post to remove this part, let me know x.
It won't surprise anyone to know that Evermore is a really cool chick - smart, interesting and funny. I just don't know what these MLCers are thinking
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New chapter please