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Author Topic: My Story Check 1, 2, free

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moc

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My Story Check 1, 2, free
OP: November 30, 2019, 01:00:04 AM
Well hello there everyone.  Been a LONG time since I have posted.

So a few things.  First, I am sorry to see so many names still here and new ones come on board.  HOWEVER, the experience ones are lovingly giving advice still and these are the ones the newbies can lean on.  New LBS, please breathe deep.  Take care of yourself, eat, exercise and try not to think so much about your MLCer.  I know that you are in the weeds and it is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to do this.  May you all  be blessed with a better life as you migrate through this.  READ much.  LEARN much.  Accept the feelings as they come and let them wash over you, through you, and exit you.  If you resist, it will be harder. 

Those that do not know me, search for my handle "MOC" and you can review.  But high level

2nd wife: MLC started 3/2008, after many moons of me chasing, done and divorced 4/2018
     * still appears to be in it, stuck or something.  ss25 says she still hits the bars in her hometown to karaoke, ss32 left hometown, no near my town, says MLCer has yet to see new grand-daughter, ss29 has nothing to do with MLCer
     * S17 and S13 live with me, 4.5 hours away, thriving, MLCer rarely sees them


3rd wife: terrible mistake in marrying anyway, MLC red flag 10/2017, done and divorced 2/2019
     * last known report, living in town 10min away, no contact after divorce and last legal dealings (re-finance house to get her name off of it)
     * ss20 moved out, lives on own with GF21, have not heard much from them; sd27 divorced her verbal-abusive husband 11/2018 [realized she married someone like her mother]; last known information NEITHER of them have much contact with her.

S17: junior in high school; band; theater, HOSA, learning to drive, almost an Eagle Scout, band trip to Hawaii 12/2020, grad trip to Italy 7/2021
S13: 6th grade, Boy Scouts


ME: new relationship, met woman from my High School days just after 30yr class reunion, have become re-acquainted with several high school friends that we share experiences now with (fund raisers, concerts, dinners, etc.).  GF49 moved in with her S20, engaged to be married.  GF49 had same issue with her ExH-MLCer.  Root issues of him are typical (narcissism, damaged childhood, cheating, etc.).  ExH still with violator.  GF49 has S20 that has not heard from his dad (ExH) nor has his other kids (a daughter and a son).  Somewhat off the radar. 

GF49 still damaged from what I can tell at times.  Reactions to things are a bit "chicken little" and scared of our relationship ending.  Working with her on this.  She understands her damage from 20+ years of marriage but still has PTSD type of symptoms from it.  Her parents married over 50+ years, still together and loving.

I have new position in company.  Left previous team to expand my learning, felt stagnant and also new information that I was learning was harder to retain.  Still continue to work nights.  Scoutmaster of S17 and S13 Boy Scout troop.  Honored with promotion to counseling position within honor camping program of our Boy Scout local area. 


Other information: still baffles me MLCer #1 is stuck.  Would think after almost 12yr of it she would be settled down.  On her 2nd BF.  She cheated on 1st BF with 2nd BF as he has money.  Interesting how I failed to see some of these things when married to her at the time.  Time is a great gift that lends so much insight to life and what I have been through.  Consequences are important to consider with choices. 

I hope that all of you are well.  That all of you are healing or helping those to heal.  If it was not for ALL OF YOU, I would be stuck in zoned in on MLCer mode.  I chose to move on and let go completely in the way I felt was best for me.  Each of you must do that in your own time and in your own way. 

God bless you all!  Your friend, MOC

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10430.msg690940#msg690940
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« Last Edit: November 30, 2019, 03:33:11 AM by Thunder »
M: 48
W: 43
S15 & S11 [from MLCer1]
BD#1: 9/2017
BD#2: 11/2017
D in the works.  I AM DONE!!!
Separated: 12/2017
OM: EAs up to at least 6 now, 2 PAs-confirmed

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Re: Check 1, 2, free
#1: December 04, 2019, 04:19:34 AM
Hi Moc, im glad that you and the "Kids" seem well. Thanks for the update, sounds like a success story to me.
Everything may not be "perfect" in your world but you can see Things for what they are and your working at it.

Have a Little Patience with your GF49, you and we all know what she has been through, sure she is scared. We all are/were.

Are you sure (none of can be really) that your XW1 ist a MLCer? She sounds more just like a bad lost person to me but I am no expert on these things.

Look after yourself and your loved ones.
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Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

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Re: Check 1, 2, free
#2: December 04, 2019, 04:47:26 AM
Hi MOC,

Nice to "read" from you (another one of the rare "Mid-Lifer Magnets with multiple trips around the mulberry bush").... As for xW1, my FIL(RIP) xW2's father, died in the tunnel about 35 years after diving in. Anyone not willing to confront their FOO issues and deal with their internal demons will repeat the cycle ad nauseum

Both you and GF have your own "battle scars" and damage to deal with. Just seems that she is still closer to the front lines than you are but maybe practice makes perfect?

UM
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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moc

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Re: Check 1, 2, free
#3: December 05, 2019, 11:27:33 PM
Hey Whyus, thanks for stopping by.  I agree, in my opinion, it is a success story.  Nothing is perfect as you say, but I don't expect it to be.  I do have lots of patience for GF49 as she knows as well as anyone she calls herself "chicken little the sky is falling" at times also.  Nobody comes out of that damage quickly.  We each have our growth to do.

UM: sorry to hear about your divorce and I know you will make the best decision for yourself on how much you are here.  Agreed, think XW2 will be looking for quite some time still.  Oh yea, she is only out of the front lines as you say for a few years.  She might be learning from me as I have learned from her also.

For me, when I was done, I knew it 100%.  I did not question or waffle, but like UM said, it was my 2nd time around the mulberry bush.  XW3 was slow in the response so I pushed my lawyer to move the divorce along.  XW3 creeped along and took WAY TOO LONG to do anything.  Each time my lawyer sent something to review, fill-out, etc., I had it back to the lawyer in less than 24hr later.  XW3 dragged it out thinking she was going to get financial gain and got nothing.  She wasted her own money (and albeit mine) on extending the divorce out 3 more months than it should have.  XW3 got same of everything in 2/2019 that she would have received in 11/2018. 

XW2 and OM2 move forward as they just purchased a house together.  XW2 is still as much of a gold digger appearance as ever.  They just got back from Hawaii recently.  Heard XW2 (MLCer1) took money from 401K to make cosmetic changes...chasing that youth still.

What have I learned?  Reading items here was a blessing.  Putting them to practice was difficult.  Feel the feels as you feel them.  Embrace them, analyze them, then let them go.  There is a purpose, just listen and learn.  I am not sure what other benefit I can give you all.  Ask me questions, and I will fill in when I can.

Bless you all and thank you for being there all these years I was on asking for advice.
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M: 48
W: 43
S15 & S11 [from MLCer1]
BD#1: 9/2017
BD#2: 11/2017
D in the works.  I AM DONE!!!
Separated: 12/2017
OM: EAs up to at least 6 now, 2 PAs-confirmed

 

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