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Author Topic: My Story Wife in MLC - please share your thoughts/opinions/diagnosis

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Sounds reasonable to me...
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
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Coming here to process this in a healthy manner. Just confirmed a suspected PA by W. There is nothing to be gained by confronting W, correct?
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Probably nothing at all, my friend. Other than using it to remind yourself that it is all textbook stuff, was never about you and that limiting contact even more is probably a good thing. It was reality when you didn't know; now you do know the only reality that changes is probably yours.

How do you feel about it? Does it change anything in your attitude or choices?
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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As Treasur noted, this is nothing that you didn't already "know."

The question that she asks are the critical ones... What does this change (if anything) for you?
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Sorry about the PA M47..... no, confronting would do nothing and probably make things worse in the here and now.

Everything has it's time and now is not the time. 

Sounds like you're getting a really good deal on the D: That is a gift. Gotta take what is good and look out for yourself and the kid 1st.
He's going to have a lot of issues to work out, and she's going to need a ton of time to work herself out.
The good thing is you have all the time in the world now. 1440 min every day. That's all the time in the world (your world). Put it to good use and see good things happen in it.

Nose to the grindstone...... time to improve and GAL.

-SS
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W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

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Hello,

I was reviewing your past posts and your settlement sounds fair and leaves you pretty much intact. Especially your retirement. As far as the PA, I wouldn't confront. It really sucks, but it is just another symptom of MLC.

Keep taking care of you and how you are going to move forward. So far you are ahead of the game, keep it up!

((((Ready))))
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

M
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Update

We have not agreed to anything officially as far as D goes, waiting for mediator to schedule meeting to review proposed terms. Mediator fell ill last week, so hopefully it will happen soon.

I'm signing a lease for 3 BR apartment this week and moving Labor Day weekend. I will be closer to work and to my extended family. Closing on our house is slated for 10/2. 

My brother tells me that W called sister in-law earlier this week in tears saying, "We sold the house. I don't have a place to live." Also, when school called last week asking of S11 would be attending this year, W told them. "He's with H. You'll have to ask him."
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M
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Stop me if you have heard this before...

W spoke to a family member of mine and told "her story." She said we got married young and that she still loves me but she's not in love with me. W said she knows my family is close and doesn't know what I've told them, but she's not an evil person. She said she loves my family, and that's part of why it took so long to BD. W said we didn't work on the marriage, really focused and the kids, and that we grew apart.

W said I'm a good man and a good father and that she did all the things she should, but she's not happy any more. She added that she tried to get me to do things with her, but I wasn't interested.Things would improve for a bit, and but not last. She concluded that she's lost everything, her house, job, family and kids to hopefully be happy.

This is more or less the "story" I got from her at BD over a year ago. It's what she has cooked up in her head to give herself permission to make the choices she has made. This is about her, not about me.

As for me, it's been a busy time. Accepted an offer on the house. Leased a place for myself and S 19, S11. Moving next weekend and S11 will start in his new school thereafter. Keeping the focus on me and the kids. 
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Hello,

There is a lot of justification in your w. Remember when you are in a room of darkness, all you see is darkness. Of course when she looks back, she sees nothing.

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but she's not an evil person.

No, she's not. However,she is someone who has done some evil things.

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This is about her, not about me.

Yep, her crisis and her choices; your crisis is how to heal from your trauma and move on, keeping your family intact. It seems you have detached from her and focused on what you do control. I hope you have a safe move to your new place, your son enjoys his new school, and you find peace in your heart.

((((Ready))))
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

M
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Wife in MLC - please share your thoughts/opinions/diagnosis
#129: September 07, 2020, 04:07:01 PM
Update

My move with S19 and S11 was completed this weekend. Everyone settling in so far. S11 starts new school tomorrow. As expected, he's both nervous and excited. W texted this afternoon (she's 20 miles away) asking if it was okay with me if she stopped here to see S11 off on his first day. I have not responded, and I'd love some of your wise advice/thoughts on this.

Thanks!
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