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Author Topic: My Story The MLC Upside

S
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My Story The MLC Upside
OP: December 08, 2019, 09:57:13 PM
Hello everyone,

New thread time again, still don’t know how to link threads so could some kind mod link them I would be ever so grateful. Thanks.

The dreaded word time, I remember cringing at that word. The days after BD seemed surreal and never ending. I didn’t think I would get through the next minute let alone the next day yet, here I am, 19 months post BD and I have learned that time, as Old Pilot says, is my friend.

I no longer feel like I am just going through the motions of living day to day desperately trying to hold it together. I now have a life, I took the focus off my h as that is the biggest waste of time ever, and put it firmly back on me. My sister has backed me the all the way and is always there for me.

I arrived here in a desperate mess and felt immensely relieved to know I wasn’t alone but the word time came up and I knew then this wasn’t going to be over quickly. I look back now and realise the advice given was accurate.

I have advanced and the knowledge and understanding of this destructive process is invaluable. I was at rock bottom yet I have crawled back up out of that pit to become stronger than I ever thought I could be. It’s true, time is our friend, it’s allowed me to rediscover my faith in God and I thank Him everyday.

We are not alone in the journeys we are on and I am using this time wisely. As for my h, it again took time to realise I cannot do anything for him to help him, I cannot fix this I can only fix myself. Funny thing is that as I get stronger he seems weaker and more childish than ever and I know he doesn’t like the fact I’m not still laying in a pit of despair pining after him. I now recognise his attempts to bring me down and his gaslighting. I say very little to him as he talks about himself when I see him.

Our MLCers are lost in their own version of Lala Land yet we have the clarity of mind to rise up from the ashes and forge forward. This again takes time. We become obsessed with time and stages which to me anyway is pointless. They progress through at their own pace as we must progress at ours. The man I love is not the man I see now and I know he may never re-emerge but I have hope that he will one day come through until then he’s got his life and I have mine and I refuse to allow him to slow down my progression.

I have a deeper connection with my sister in particular which is another upside, we talk every day and see each other every week. She is a wealth of knowledge and understanding on MLC and I am proud of her.

For anyone just arriving on this forum please listen to the veterans they are very wise and that advice is invaluable. I have learned a lot and grown a lot. I am a better version of myself than I was and I believe this is what the gift of time is. We become stronger and see that we are perfectly capable of living without our MLCers and to be quite honest, at this particular moment and the jumbled mess they are would we want to?

God bless you all

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11004.0
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« Last Edit: December 09, 2019, 02:33:44 AM by Thunder »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

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Re: The MLC Upside
#1: December 09, 2019, 02:06:35 AM
Shockandawe

Welcome to your new thread

Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

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Re: The MLC Upside
#2: December 09, 2019, 04:14:10 AM
Attaching, Shock.   ;D
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: The MLC Upside
#3: December 09, 2019, 04:42:53 AM
Attaching
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M 53
H 48
M 12 years; together 17 years
D18, S28
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 Now off and on vanisher
5/17 Divorce final

S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#4: December 09, 2019, 05:30:25 AM
Shock - Attaching.
You sound so emotionally healthy.

Enjoy your holidays.
Sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

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  • Mlc- Cake eater for 3 yr now vanisher
Re: The MLC Upside
#5: December 09, 2019, 07:18:46 AM
Attaching shock xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

m
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Re: The MLC Upside
#6: December 09, 2019, 07:25:06 AM
You sound like the model LBS.  Good for you!

Merry Christmas to you and yours!
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S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#7: December 09, 2019, 08:05:18 AM
Still following your amazing transformation
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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

W
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Re: The MLC Upside
#8: December 11, 2019, 12:21:46 AM
Still following and sorry to hear your news both you and your sister have been an immense help thank you so much
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M
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Re: The MLC Upside
#9: December 11, 2019, 03:44:53 PM
Kind, strong words.....thanks to you both.....MK
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