Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story The MLC Upside

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
My Story The MLC Upside
OP: December 08, 2019, 09:57:13 PM
Hello everyone,

New thread time again, still don’t know how to link threads so could some kind mod link them I would be ever so grateful. Thanks.

The dreaded word time, I remember cringing at that word. The days after BD seemed surreal and never ending. I didn’t think I would get through the next minute let alone the next day yet, here I am, 19 months post BD and I have learned that time, as Old Pilot says, is my friend.

I no longer feel like I am just going through the motions of living day to day desperately trying to hold it together. I now have a life, I took the focus off my h as that is the biggest waste of time ever, and put it firmly back on me. My sister has backed me the all the way and is always there for me.

I arrived here in a desperate mess and felt immensely relieved to know I wasn’t alone but the word time came up and I knew then this wasn’t going to be over quickly. I look back now and realise the advice given was accurate.

I have advanced and the knowledge and understanding of this destructive process is invaluable. I was at rock bottom yet I have crawled back up out of that pit to become stronger than I ever thought I could be. It’s true, time is our friend, it’s allowed me to rediscover my faith in God and I thank Him everyday.

We are not alone in the journeys we are on and I am using this time wisely. As for my h, it again took time to realise I cannot do anything for him to help him, I cannot fix this I can only fix myself. Funny thing is that as I get stronger he seems weaker and more childish than ever and I know he doesn’t like the fact I’m not still laying in a pit of despair pining after him. I now recognise his attempts to bring me down and his gaslighting. I say very little to him as he talks about himself when I see him.

Our MLCers are lost in their own version of Lala Land yet we have the clarity of mind to rise up from the ashes and forge forward. This again takes time. We become obsessed with time and stages which to me anyway is pointless. They progress through at their own pace as we must progress at ours. The man I love is not the man I see now and I know he may never re-emerge but I have hope that he will one day come through until then he’s got his life and I have mine and I refuse to allow him to slow down my progression.

I have a deeper connection with my sister in particular which is another upside, we talk every day and see each other every week. She is a wealth of knowledge and understanding on MLC and I am proud of her.

For anyone just arriving on this forum please listen to the veterans they are very wise and that advice is invaluable. I have learned a lot and grown a lot. I am a better version of myself than I was and I believe this is what the gift of time is. We become stronger and see that we are perfectly capable of living without our MLCers and to be quite honest, at this particular moment and the jumbled mess they are would we want to?

God bless you all

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11004.0
  • Logged
« Last Edit: December 09, 2019, 02:33:44 AM by Thunder »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1187
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#1: December 09, 2019, 02:06:35 AM
Shockandawe

Welcome to your new thread

Rose 🌹
  • Logged
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#2: December 09, 2019, 04:14:10 AM
Attaching, Shock.   ;D
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 880
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#3: December 09, 2019, 04:42:53 AM
Attaching
  • Logged
M 53
H 48
M 12 years; together 17 years
D18, S28
Summer 2014 - H wanted to runaway
9/14 I was diagnosed with Breast cancer
11/14 Surgery for BC..3 day after my father dies
11/14 BD 2 days after surgery. I have no passion for you.
2/15 moved out
Dated each other all year affection back on..
3/16 moved home
7/16 Diagnosed with Breast cancer again
8/16 No affection again. I knew something was wrong.
9/16 Another surgery for Breast Cancer
9/16 BD 11 days after surgery discovered -EA with much younger W from Work. That is over. I think he has meaningless flings. Work is his mistress
10/16 I filed for D (financial reasons)
10/16 I moved out.
10/16 Now off and on vanisher
5/17 Divorce final

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#4: December 09, 2019, 05:30:25 AM
Shock - Attaching.
You sound so emotionally healthy.

Enjoy your holidays.
Sea
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1584
  • Gender: Female
  • Mlc- Cake eater for 3 yr now vanisher
Re: The MLC Upside
#5: December 09, 2019, 07:18:46 AM
Attaching shock xx
  • Logged
Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#6: December 09, 2019, 07:25:06 AM
You sound like the model LBS.  Good for you!

Merry Christmas to you and yours!
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1539
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#7: December 09, 2019, 08:05:18 AM
Still following your amazing transformation
  • Logged
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

W
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 84
  • Gender: Male
Re: The MLC Upside
#8: December 11, 2019, 12:21:46 AM
Still following and sorry to hear your news both you and your sister have been an immense help thank you so much
  • Logged

M
  • ***
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 206
  • Gender: Male
Re: The MLC Upside
#9: December 11, 2019, 03:44:53 PM
Kind, strong words.....thanks to you both.....MK
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#10: December 12, 2019, 06:46:39 AM
Hello everyone and thank you all for your kindness.

I am with my sister and from both of us to all of you we hope you have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

I continue forward and though the obstacles sometimes are immense I go step by step onwards. I still sometimes have a crazy half hour of self pity and occasionally a cry but I allow only 30 minutes maximum and then I focus on other things. This doesn’t happen often and as it’s been a particularly difficult and stressful time with my step fathers prognosis being so bleak, it’s at times of stress I miss the man I married so much. He would have been here with me. It’s a reminder that our MLCers are not the people we know.

Onwards we go fellow LBSes, we are all great people who didn’t have a choice but we do have a choice about where we go from here. Whether standers or not we are all on our own journeys. Keep strong and may God bless you all.

My sister wants you all to know she thinks about you and wants you to take your focus and time off the crazy bus passengers and put it on yourselves. Remember they all lie so let them lie to themselves because that’s what they are doing.

Shockandawe and Shocks sis


  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#11: December 14, 2019, 02:27:34 PM
Thank you to both of you.

Hugs
Sea
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1668
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
Re: The MLC Upside
#12: December 26, 2019, 05:36:24 AM
Attaching!  Love your upbeat outlook!  It will serve you well!
  • Logged
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away  Monthy visits  Was hiding her!

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children 
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs (he left them all behind

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#13: December 26, 2019, 09:23:31 PM
Thank you Sea and Sam,

Haven’t heard anything from H but it’s almost time for our monthly meeting for him to give me some money. To be fair he has continued to give me this money and he’s contacted me to ask when I can meet him apart from a couple of times when I had to ask but I won’t be doing that again. Last month he arrived at the chosen meeting place and it was obvious he had been drinking and was smoking again. It follows a pattern, he starts off by giving me the money to which I always say thank you I appreciate it. He then goes on to talk about himself and what he’s going to do ( if I were him I would be totally exhausted by now as he’s dashed around doing all kinds of different things). He then goes onto ask me loads of questions which I give very vague answers to, then he starts the pity me section and finally monster arrives in some form, either anger or indifference or both. It’s at this point I make sure I leave.

I don’t contact him because I know he is not the person I knew and I would rather not contact him unless absolutely necessary as I never know which personality he is. I leave him to deal with his own story and I continue to work on myself.

I have learned so much and grown so much. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be and I think my strength frightens him as he says things like, I feel tremendous guilt for what I have done and how I have treated you. He then says I know you are suffering emotionally ( not any more I’m not). He cannot look at me and if he does I see pure hatred looking back at me. His eyes are emotionless and flat until they glint with anger. Not much I can do about that.

He never asks about my step father and they were quite close before MLC, he was even closer to my mother who he asks about almost as an afterthought. I have no expectations but I do have hope. I feel quite detached and no longer feel the need to have him close to me.

God is with me of this I am certain and He has walked every step with me, brought me peace and understanding, given me strength and compassion. I leave it to God and trust in the process.

May God bless you all
  • Logged
« Last Edit: December 26, 2019, 09:25:04 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1187
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#14: December 27, 2019, 08:24:07 AM
Shockandawe

Merry Christmas. How is your step father? I hope you all managed quality time together.

I am sorry your H still has hatred at times in his eyes and hope he can find the strength to stop hating himself, work on himself and move forward.

Sending you love
Rose 🌹 
  • Logged
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#15: December 27, 2019, 08:29:46 AM
Shock -
You sound AMAZINGLY healthy and healing!
It sounds like you're handling the contact appropriately.
I'm sorry that H is still angry, monster, feeling guilty.
I believe it comes with the territory, but you are right...
God is with you on this trip, by your side...

Keep up the good work.

Sea
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#16: December 27, 2019, 09:37:59 PM
Hi Sea and Rose,

My step father is getting weaker and it’s so very sad. He is quite accepting of the fact he is dying. My poor mother is not dealing with this at all well but I pray for God to be with her and my step father. Christmas for my step father was spent sleeping for most of the day though he did get up and open his presents but went back to bed again shortly after.

I spend as much time as I can with them which is most of the day. I shower my step father and give him his meds, I take my mother wherever she needs to go and I sit for many hours talking to her and just being there. She often says she wishes my h were there but understands he’s not the person she knew and loved right now.

I continue to be there and do what needs doing. One thing I thought of was this. There has to be a reason for me to be on this journey and, maybe God knows I need to be there for my parents and I have to be with them without complications from my h as in trying to juggle marriage and time. It’s as if He was clearing the way for me to be where I am needed if you get what I mean. It’s also time for me to work on me, to learn patience and understanding. It’s hard to explain but I feel this is His plan.

I wish each and everyone of you the best for the New Year and may God bless you all.
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#17: December 28, 2019, 08:32:43 AM
Shock -
I am sorry that your Step Father is getting weaker, but SO happy that you have the time and ability to be with him and your mother through this difficult time.

Thanks for the update.

Sea
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#18: December 31, 2019, 04:01:58 AM
Shock,

Just wanted to wish you and your sister a Happy New Year!

Sending prayers for your step father, and your family.

{{Hugs}}
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#19: January 03, 2020, 10:21:47 PM
Hello everyone,

Step father is in hospital he has an infection and so is very confused and just wants to come home. It’s so very hard to watch this extremely intelligent man ramble about things only he sees. I go to the hospital every day with my mother, we spend about 4 hours with him. I do what I can for him, I wash him and change his clothes, shave him etc., yesterday I got him to brush his teeth by himself and he told me he knows he’s confused and that he’s afraid of that. He then returned to the confusion. The mind is a funny thing. The doctors are running more tests as they initially thought the cancer may have spread to his brain but it hasn’t, I thank God for that.

My days are spent supporting my mother and sitting with both parents through this. My mother cannot cope with any kind of stress and relies upon me, I have and will continue to step up to the plate and be there.

I don’t have much to report on my h other than there’s no change.

Keep moving forward fellow LBSes we can do this.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
Re: The MLC Upside
#20: January 04, 2020, 12:37:02 AM
God bless you Shock (and sis too).

That sounds very difficult..... but it sure sounds like grace, compassion and love in action.

You're a very sweet and kind woman.

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#21: January 04, 2020, 01:42:37 AM
Thank you SS,

Kind words much appreciated. My sister says to say hello and hopes you’re doing well and putting you first.

God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1187
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#22: January 04, 2020, 04:16:01 AM
Shock and Sis

Thinking of you both and your step father and your mother.

Does your H know your step father is so ill Shock?

Sending you all love 💕

Rose 🌹

  • Logged
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#23: January 04, 2020, 11:59:46 AM
Hi Rose,

My sister says hi.
Yes my h knows about my step father and he said he felt guilty because he should be here. I told him he had enough on his mind to deal with and that we can manage. Then he said he thought my step father would not want him here to which I replied he doesn’t know much and that he wouldn’t treat him any differently. He said that if there’s anything he can do to let him know. He also asked how my mother was coping. At one point he went very quiet and looked as if he was going to burst into tears. I just sat silently until it passed.

It was a nice gesture and more like the real h than the alien. I left it at that but did thank him for his offer and would let him know if there’s anything we need help with.

Zero expectations just a nice reminder of the person he really is.

Onwards fellow LBSes keep moving forward.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#24: January 04, 2020, 12:37:08 PM
Shock
Thank you for the update, and I'm sorry that your father is so very ill.
Those lucid moments are to be treasured for sure.

Prayers for his health, and comfort to your mother and you and sis being sent your way.

Sea
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#25: January 04, 2020, 02:01:52 PM
Thank you Sea,

So grateful for that it truly means a lot.
I have learned to let go and let God take it from here.
I pray every morning and night for the Lord to take care of my step father and walk with my mother to help carry the burden.
God bless you Sea
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#26: January 04, 2020, 02:17:34 PM
WOW, Shock!

A glimpse of your real spouse!   Mine couldn’t care less about my family.  Maybe if someone died he’d express sympathy, but if he went radio silent I wouldn’t be shocked, either.  He’s shown moments though - even crying at our son’s latest performance.

Happy New Year to you and Sis.

  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1539
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#27: January 08, 2020, 08:07:13 AM
Prayers for your stepfather and your mother and thank you for your wisdom for us to just keep moving forward and trust in God.
  • Logged
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#28: January 10, 2020, 12:59:09 PM
Hello everyone,

Hope everyone is doing well along our journeys.

My step father is out of hospital, we brought him home this afternoon. He’s happy to be back and is quite tearful. He told me, through the tears that he doesn’t know what he would do if I wasn’t around. It was quite touching because he told me he loves me and I told him I love him too.

I have something I want to say to all newbies and LBSes who think the ow is some glamorous and sophisticated person who is in some way this prize catch who you cannot compete with. Well, up until yesterday I had no idea what my h’s ow looked like and had given it thought a few times and in the beginning I was convinced she was some beautiful and super glamorous person. Boy did I get that wrong!!! She is the epitome of affairs down and I have been told she has been married a few times and her last husband she left him for mine less than 2 years after marrying this guy.

Newbies, never think the ow/om has anything you don’t because they really don’t. It’s because they were available and if your MLCers were not in MLC trust me they wouldn’t look at them twice.

Another affirmation for me that the veterans here know of what they speak.

God bless you all we can do this
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#29: January 10, 2020, 01:16:17 PM
Both the veterans and your Sis are well-versed on MLC.

Feeling like I’m wasting my time tho.  Just one of those days.
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#30: January 10, 2020, 01:32:55 PM
Hello Mego,

Wasting precious time on someone who is at this moment not worthy of you will keep you stuck and somewhat exhausted. Leave them to it because you are way more important and valuable than a passenger on the crazy bus.

I know it’s cliche but trust in the process. You are a wonderful person who has helped me immensely and you are so very much better than to be held back by the MLC crazy.

God bless you Mego

  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

D
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 491
  • Gender: Male
Re: The MLC Upside
#31: January 10, 2020, 01:41:53 PM
Hello everyone,

Hope everyone is doing well along our journeys.

My step father is out of hospital, we brought him home this afternoon. He’s happy to be back and is quite tearful. He told me, through the tears that he doesn’t know what he would do if I wasn’t around. It was quite touching because he told me he loves me and I told him I love him too.

I have something I want to say to all newbies and LBSes who think the ow is some glamorous and sophisticated person who is in some way this prize catch who you cannot compete with. Well, up until yesterday I had no idea what my h’s ow looked like and had given it thought a few times and in the beginning I was convinced she was some beautiful and super glamorous person. Boy did I get that wrong!!! She is the epitome of affairs down and I have been told she has been married a few times and her last husband she left him for mine less than 2 years after marrying this guy.

Newbies, never think the ow/om has anything you don’t because they really don’t. It’s because they were available and if your MLCers were not in MLC trust me they wouldn’t look at them twice.

Another affirmation for me that the veterans here know of what they speak.

God bless you all we can do this

In my case, OM was younger, more successful, married with a pregnant wife.  By all accounts, I'd say he's better looking than me, and he definitely has more hair (where people tend to prefer hair.  :D).  STBXW once told me she thought he was the most perfect man in the world.  I can't remember the way she tried to compare us, but that was one time I couldn't stay quiet.  Pointing my finger at her, I said "Don't you dare ever compare the two of us.  He's married with a pregnant wife and you think he's perfect?  He's a cheater and a piece of crap."  She said "What does that make me?"  I responded "I'm still trying to figure that out." :-[
  • Logged
M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
12/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#32: January 10, 2020, 01:50:13 PM
Awe thanx Shock xx

Disillusioned - I, for one, couldn’t care less about hair.  But my X was hung up on his lack of it.

According to S16, apparently ex-MIL asked him, “Have you lost hair?” at Christmas.  Which cracked me up because I was totally expecting him to say that she’d asked if he had lost weight.  LOL.

At the end of the day, any woman who is hung up on hair is very shallow and you’re better off without them.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: January 10, 2020, 01:51:40 PM by megogirl »

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#33: January 10, 2020, 03:04:15 PM
Hello Dis,

He’s still an affair down. The very fact his wife was pregnant and he is carrying on with someone else makes him lower than dirt. I know the ow in my case looks like a drunken corpse isn’t really the point. They are ALL affairs down and available. I also believe it makes our MLCers affairs down too because they are the exact mirror to the ow/om.

You are and always will be the better person because you have integrity and morals which our MLCers traded in when they embarked upon the fantasy life they chose.

Let them go live their nightmare is what I say.

God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#34: January 10, 2020, 05:15:39 PM
Shock!! You’ve nailed it

Cos I just look at pictures of Jeff Bezos with his latest hooker, juxtaposed with pics of his ex-wife, and think, what the hell has he done?

Of course, I am biased because I see the ultimate damage XH has caused to his own family, but just sayin (?!)
  • Logged
« Last Edit: January 10, 2020, 05:18:55 PM by megogirl »

3
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 332
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#35: January 10, 2020, 10:40:22 PM
Thank you for posting Shock, since the other woman was a former friend I have definitely struggled with the “is she better than me” issue. She has a doctorate, so smart. But she isn’t nice. She considers herself an a**hole, she uses biting sarcasm, she neglects her kids and has terribly narcissistic behaviors right now. My two youngest sons are staying there for the first time this weekend - my H hasn’t had them overnight for more than a year. Sporty son is a bit of a germophobe - he just sent me a video of the upstairs and the entire place is filthy - the bathroom is disgusting, the master bedroom looks like it is well on its way to being in an episode of hoarders, her kids rooms are filthy as well - but there kids, so I get that, the stairway bannister has clothes thrown all over it. My so. Doesn’t even want to shower in the bathroom it’s so gross. By contrast, we are very, I mean very neat, clean, tidy. I get behind on laundry sometimes but then we catch up - my therapist told me that people in crisis often manifest it outwardly as well, clutter/confusion on the inside, clutter co fusion on the outside.

It makes me realize what an affair down this truly is...
  • Logged
BD End of April 2017
Moved out - kind of, May 2017
Denied affair
Cycled hard April - Oct 2017, my son figured out affair, I confronted husband, we were going away as a family for the weekend - H monsters hard and files for a D end of Oct, 2017
D final Sept 2018
Many touch and goes
He lives in monster, kids haven’t been with him overnight since Jan 2019
Moved in with MOW, a former friend of mine, May 2019

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#36: January 11, 2020, 11:14:25 PM
Hello everyone,

I was called at 3am yesterday morning by my mother, she was very unwell. I immediately went to her and she is now in hospital. She has an infection. She is responding to the antibiotics but her oxygen levels are low. I am taking care of my step father who only came out of hospital that afternoon.
I decided to text my h to keep him informed as he requested the response I received was give my regards to both of them!

I really didn’t expect a reply but as my sister had advised me to at least let him know as he couldn’t ever say I hadn’t. This is the MLC alien responding as my h would have been here. I have learned to have zero expectations.

I am very busy coping with both parents. It’s sometimes tough but it’s also something I would never not do. Mom should be well enough to come home in a few days and I keep telling my step father this.

The cold response from my h is normal for MLC and I think well at least he responded and that is as much thought as I give to it.

Forward we march LBSes and may God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
Re: The MLC Upside
#37: January 12, 2020, 02:17:35 AM
I'm sorry Shock...... and sorry you had to be shocked.

You handled that better than any "normal" person would.... so give yourself a hand  ;)

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 10495
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#38: January 12, 2020, 02:25:35 AM
I am so sorry, Shock. You must feel rather overloaded right now. (And yes, your h's response is completely MLC normal. I remember my h doing something similar. On the upside, his absence is one less bit of drama I suppose)

You are all in our prayers. X
  • Logged
« Last Edit: January 12, 2020, 02:28:58 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#39: January 12, 2020, 02:47:38 AM
Thank you Treasur and SS,

Totally “normal “ for MLC to the point I would have been more surprised to hear any kind of empathy and probably suspicious of a monster attack at any moment lol.

I have spoken to my mother on the phone earlier and she sounds so much better. I am preparing my step father for our visit to the hospital to see my mother and making sure he’s well hydrated, medicated and fed, though he eats very little.

MLC has to have a reason for the LBS and I think the reason in my case is that I can devote the time needed for my parents with no juggling between h and parents. Point is, they need me, my h doesn’t at least not right now.

I will continue to be here for my parents.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

L
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 430
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#40: January 12, 2020, 03:23:51 AM
Shock, it`s great to hear that your Mum is feeling better, she and your SD are so lucky to have such a kind, selfless person as yourself taking taking care of them.
Lots of hugs, Loyal xx

  • Logged
Me: 56 (when he left in April 2017)
MLCer: 57 (when he left in April 2017)
Together since: 1986
Married: No
Children:No
Begin of P`s MLC: around Spring 2010 with breaks inbetween when he behaved like his pre MLC self.
OW: YES , he`s living together with an old spinster who just happens to live up the road.
Animals: 1 doggie, belongs to both of us but MLCers has abandoned him too.

"Surrender to what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be"

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#41: January 12, 2020, 06:48:18 AM
Shock - Also sorry that you're having a double-load to deal with, but as you said, you're happy to do it.
Just be sure to find time for yourself as well, remember - put your own oxygen mask on first...

H's response is pretty typical, I agree.
Empathy what?

Best of luck with your mum's healing; glad she should be home in a few days.
Keep us posted.

Sea
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#42: January 12, 2020, 10:25:29 AM
Hi Loyal and Sea,

My mother will hopefully be home tomorrow if she keeps her blood pressure steady so I am praying for her to come home.

As for my h, he is far less important as he’s not the person I knew so well and whatever he needs to do then he’s going to do it anyway and I cannot let anything he does bother me. I simply won’t allow it to bother me.

Thank you all for your kind words it truly means a lot.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#43: January 13, 2020, 02:32:59 PM
Hello everyone,

My mother is home from hospital yay. She’s still taking antibiotics and I am still watching her but she’s a lot better. Thank you for all your kind words and prayers.

Update on my h, well, he’s set up a jewellery making enterprise and my daughter ( not his) found it as she was looking for a jeweller. Long story short, she found my h’s and was shocked at the picture of him. She said he looks like he aged a good 10 years and looks awful. I already know that and she said if she had passed him in the street she would not have known him. ( MLC changes them not only in personality). Interesting thing she told me he has on a pair of glasses and on the arm of the glasses where it meets the lens part of the frame he has his wedding ring. ( strange but normal I suppose for MLC). There was a review section and she said there was only one and she told me the name of the reviewer, no prizes for guessing who reviewed it. Yep, the ow.

I haven’t looked nor will I but I now know the name of his new business so I guess it’s useful.

MLCers are sure weird.

May God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#44: January 13, 2020, 03:11:46 PM
Shock

At least you know the ring still means something to him and that he never sold it.

Mine lost his in a pumpkin patch circa 2015.  Would normally sound suspicious but he’d lost a lot of weight, and I was also there when it happened.

Certainly made his quest to find his OW that much easier though.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: January 13, 2020, 03:13:34 PM by megogirl »

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
Re: The MLC Upside
#45: January 13, 2020, 03:36:45 PM
Oh wow Shock...... so now he's a jeweler? Did he ever do anything like that before? Or show an interest in it before?

So he ring is on his glasses???? Like he just slid it down the long part? Or it's attached like.... jewelry?

That is so weird.

Sounds like a recipe for failure if he has no experience...... BUT...... with OW being his only reviewer, she's just screwed herself. Oh sure, he sees that as supportive now.... but when it goes belly up or fails to get traction, who's name is there on his website? He'll blame her in some twisted way. That review wasn't good enough!!!

Funny how that works.

Jewelers in my town have been going belly up left and right for years now. I have an uncle who is a silversmith and he hung it up too after 30+ years.
Your H picked a terrible industry...... bad for him, good for you. Bring on the dose of reality.

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#46: January 13, 2020, 11:32:06 PM
Hi Mego and SS,

His wedding ring is slid along the arm of his glasses, it was on his car key fob until he smashed the car. He’s a qualified silversmith and in fact, made both of our wedding rings from one ring, they fit together.
He has done many things during his 20 month absence and none have given him what he’s looking for and until he’s ready to look inside himself this won’t either.
He came away from the jewellery trade as he hated how, in his words, they were all false. Maybe during his MLC he fits the description he himself gave as in false.

I am just going along at my own pace. Some days are super tough but I just carry on like the tortoise and hare story.

It’s up to us to live for ourselves and be happy and grateful for what we do have. Time is our friend because time is what this takes so use it wisely. I know God is with me every step of this journey and I know he sends me little reminders and encouragement and for this I am ever thankful.

Standing isn’t always easy but it’s what I have chosen to do. Fellow LBSes keep stepping forward for as Old Pilot says, time really is your friend.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#47: January 29, 2020, 11:28:09 PM
Hello everyone,

Monthly update time.

My mother is doing ok but had a bit of a wobble in that she had a panic attack, was convinced she was dying but, after paramedics checked her over and told her it was a panic attack she rallied but not before flipping out for a day and becoming the total opposite of herself. It was amazing to watch because she said some horrible things and totally ignored my step father. He broke down and cried to me and said she was so selfish (which she was). I calmed him down and held his hand till he dropped off to sleep. I went into see my mother and it was as if she had been body snatched. So cold and cruel. I told her I would be back in the morning and that she needed to get a grip because I needed her help with my step father. Next morning she was fine. Back to being herself only now offering to do all of the things she cannot physically do for my step father.

I sat down with her and told her some of the things she had said and she was truly shocked and in disbelief. She didn’t remember saying or doing 90% of it. I told her she had had a crisis.

It’s a reminder that my h is in crisis and his mind isn’t normal right now. A further update on him. He texted me and asked how my parents were. I nearly fainted lol. I replied they are ok under the circumstances he asked what that meant and was my mother out of hospital. Bear in mind it was a couple of weeks after I told him. I gave him a quick update but not about my mother’s crisis. He then asked how I was. I almost stopped breathing lol. He asked to meet me next day to give me my money which I duly did and he was in the pub. I pulled onto the car park and he kind of staggered over and sat in my car with the door open. He reeked of alcohol and was as draining as usual. I said thank you and left. He staggered back into the pub.

As I drove away I thought well, your shiny, happy new life looks like it’s working fantastically, not. He looks worse than I have ever seen him and it’s obvious he’s drinking heavily and regularly. I do worry about him but I cannot do anything so I shift my focus back to me and my parents.

At 21 months and the decline in h is obvious to see. I pray for him each evening but that is all I can do. I need to focus elsewhere. I am still standing and my advice for anyone new here, start detaching for your time and energy is way better invested in you!

May God bless you all
  • Logged
« Last Edit: January 29, 2020, 11:51:58 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#48: February 03, 2020, 11:12:07 AM
shock -
Catching up.
The whole jewelry thing is so amazing.
I love the fact that he wears his wedding ring on his glasses.
More people will see it there than if he wore it on his hand!
It must be very special to him, even tough he could not admit it.

You mother's crisis must have been very distressing, and glad she's back to normal.
It is a good reminder of our spouse's crisis and how they probably won't remember what they've said or done while in the fog.

Sea
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#49: February 04, 2020, 04:01:05 PM
Hi Shock

Hey are you and/or your Sis on any of the Facebook MLC groups?

Because she’s just been called out on one for being particularly awesome, and so, so helpful.  She provides the needed nudge to survive another day as LBS!
 
Hope she keeps posting, and you too xxx
  • Logged

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#50: February 15, 2020, 04:43:51 PM
Just pushing this up cos not sure if you ever saw it - ?

XX mego
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#51: February 16, 2020, 10:02:48 PM
Hello Mego,

Thank you for that I shall have a look. I’m glad my sister is still giving insight even if it’s not here.
I will tell her about that and she will decide if she wants that or not.
I myself am always a little wary of Facebook because I don’t know if my h could see what groups I’m in on there as he’s still on my friends list.

Speaking of h, on Valentine’s Day at 11pm I got a text message from him, it just said hello. I was asleep and didn’t hear the notification. An hour later he sends another saying sorry I didn’t mean to send that hello I will talk to you at the end of the month. As I was still asleep I didn’t read them until the following morning, some 7 hours later. I then took 3 hours to respond with OK.
We all know you can’t accidentally send a text message to someone via FB messenger so I think because I didn’t respond he had to pretend that he sent it accidentally. Probably drunk and wanted to wallow in self pity or to crush my self esteem a bit more. Either way I didn’t respond and really it doesn’t bother me. Just another MLC moment lol.

God bless you all
  • Logged
« Last Edit: February 16, 2020, 10:04:01 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: The MLC Upside
#52: February 17, 2020, 06:41:26 AM
Shock

Awe that is so pathetic it almost makes me feel sorry for him.  He’d thought he’d reach out, eventually figured you weren’t interested and tried to cover his tracks.  No one sends a message “accidentally.”  You were on his brain!

Facebook is obviously “real names” which is no bueno if you’re still seeking anonymity.  For me, I don’t really care if XH joins those groups and sees me, because I am an open book.  I already know he spied on my Facebook using S16 and has for over three years. 

I just hope the hooker knows and they had a big fight about it.
  • Logged

G
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 217
Re: The MLC Upside
#53: February 17, 2020, 12:26:49 PM
Hi Shock-

I'm happy you found he was thinking of you in a touch and go type of moment - lol.  Good job on the 3's!  :D

My ex-h seems to have them every two weeks to send a document every two weeks.  I let them gather and look at everything after about a week and a half.  Some I say "Thanks."  some no response needed.  One thing we all used to do as a family is keep our yard pretty groomed, a family affair to maintain.  I've made sure that my hired handy man works on that too.  In the late summer I got a bit moji from him representing his I wish I was this younger self with dark hair and goatee. He's lost a lot of hair and very grey-lol.  He knows that's what I loved about him in our early years.  He sent this bit moji with a wheelbarrow full of I love you hearts and we don't text.  I said "Um... it looks like you sent this to the wrong gal.  I'm sure your girlfriend is not going to appreciate this-lol".  He wrote back and said..."Wow...I don't know how that happened, that's weird." I asked my daughter a few days later if dad had sent it to her.  She said...auhhh...no, that's weird.  We had a good laugh.  Touch and go's.  You can't make this stuff up.  Classic MLC...lol.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: February 17, 2020, 12:32:01 PM by Ggg4life »

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#54: February 25, 2020, 11:03:11 PM
Hello everyone

It’s been a very stressful few days. My step father has had a mini stroke (tia) and is losing his sight. His right arm and hand are useless and his speech has been affected. It’s so, so sad to watch the gradual and cruel process as this evil disease takes a bit more of him every day.

I am there for both him and my mother and I spend the majority of my day there. If he’s having a particularly bad day I stay over and sleep on the somewhat uncomfortable sofa lol.

This man is so brave and thankful for everything it’s truly heartbreaking. As frail and ill as he is the love he has for my mother is obvious. It’s hard because it’s a reminder of how my h felt for me before MLC hit. I miss my h at times like this because I know he would be right alongside me in this but then I remind myself that God has a plan and maybe it’s to care for my step father and be able to give my time and self to help him and my mother through this. God always has a plan.

May God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
Re: The MLC Upside
#55: February 25, 2020, 11:08:45 PM
Oh no  :(

I'm so sorry........ Don't even know what to say.

Prayers going out to you tonight.

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#56: February 26, 2020, 12:08:00 AM
Thank you SS

It means a lot. It’s a horribly cruel disease but my step father never complains and he’s always grateful. It’s truly heartbreaking and so very tough to deal with.

God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 10495
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#57: February 26, 2020, 09:30:44 AM
I'm so sorry, Shock, for all of you.
The only consolation I can offer is one I think you see in this fine man struggling. When my father was dying, I have never seen such a lot of pure love in the room.....between my parents, from those caring for him, from those supporting my mother and me. In a strange way, it was a time when people were incredibly generous with each other. And it has always stayed with me as a reminder of how real and tangible love can be, that it really does make a difference and how much good there is in human beings. You are part of that good team and what you are doing matters for all of you, it will matter for the rest of your life. May God keep you all in his hand and close so you can feel his love as you are sharing yours x
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#58: February 26, 2020, 01:47:58 PM
Thank you Treasur,
I have just returned home after medicating and putting my step father to bed and your words could not  be truer. As I kissed my step father goodnight he said I love you and thank you for caring for me.  This man has been part of my life for 40 years
I will continue to do my best by him and for him. I am also there for my mother who, at 82 years old, cannot possibly do the things that he needs doing as she is not physically able. I have a disability but it does not  hinder my efforts in taking care of my step father.
I have become physically stronger as well as mentally stronger.
I have evolved somewhat during the time my h has been absent. God has given me the strength I thought I never had and, although this is a very sad and stressful time I have had the privilege of being with my step father for that I am so very grateful.
I have nottold my h anything other than my step father is terminally ill and he asked me to keep him informed. I will see him at some point in the next week or so and, depending on which version of himself shows up I will tell him just how ill  my step father is.
I do not know if that is the right thing to do or not but I will go with my instinct at the time.
Again thank you for your kind words

God bless you Treasur
  • Logged
« Last Edit: February 26, 2020, 01:52:17 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3468
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#59: February 27, 2020, 04:39:38 AM

Sorry that life is so hard for you all at the moment. We have so much to deal with alone once MLC hits and realise how strong we have become but it’s hard when we remember the strong person that was always there to support us in the past and offer so much comfort!



Sending love, hugs and prayers


X
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#60: February 27, 2020, 07:53:52 AM
Thank you Serenity,

Yes when all we have is strength it is the only thing we can be.
Unlike our MLCers the LBSes stand and face what is coming. We do not have the luxury to run especially when others are relying on us.
To be fair to my h he only knows what little I have told him but I have decided that I will tell him just how little time my step father has left but not for sympathy just for the fact he cannot ever say I withheld it from him. I will do so without expectation as I have none. At the moment he has an empathy factor of zero.
The Doctor called today and has said my step father has not got long left in this world. I pray for him every day and it is  crushing to see how he is suffering.
I put my trust in the Lord to be there for him and my mother.

May God bless you all
  • Logged
« Last Edit: February 27, 2020, 08:13:17 AM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1187
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#61: February 28, 2020, 03:54:10 PM
Sending you love and strength Shock and family.
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Rose 🌹
  • Logged
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

G
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 217
Re: The MLC Upside
#62: February 28, 2020, 07:33:54 PM
Shock and family-

Many prayers on this end for you.  I'm sorry you are going through this. What a kind thing to tell your hubby what is happening to someone that was or is special to him. I'm sure your sister will be there getting you through these tough days. Thinking and praying for you.  God Bless!!  GGG
  • Logged

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 256
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#63: February 28, 2020, 08:03:22 PM
Dear shock

I am so sorry to hear this and will send prayers to you and your family. I hope that you get “old husband’s reaction instead of mlcer. I still carry with me the words mine told me when our brother in-law passed. Ex said “I don’t care, I don’t really care. I feel sorry for ‘niece’ but I just don’t really care”.  He knew my BIL for over 13 years and they weren’t best of friends but they had good times together. In the midst of this the mlcer is truly an awful human being.
  • Logged
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2018 moves out
November 2018 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2018 - meeting up with her for holiday
BD3 - engaged to OW December 21, 2018
BD 4 - tells me he is moving back to home country on January 27, 2019. Gives me 5 days notice. His flight date is February 1, 2019.

I just want the money and him out of my life!

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#64: February 29, 2020, 10:09:38 AM
Hello everyone,

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.
My step father is in hospital, he went into seizures and is semi conscious and on a morphine drive syringe. A scan has revealed the cancer has spread to his brain and he is hanging on by a thread. He’s blind and now cannot speak at all though he can hear and communicates by squeezing my hand. We are taking shifts sitting with him waiting for the inevitable and I pray that God will not let him suffer.

I texted my h and just told him the basic facts I didn’t get a response but then I really did not expect one. I feel I did the right thing and anyway he now knows.

Just a huge thank you for all your support during this difficult time.
May God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6165
  • Gender: Female
  • How I long for your precepts! Psalm 119:40
Re: The MLC Upside
#65: February 29, 2020, 10:53:18 AM
Shockandawe,

I am praying for your stepfather, that he is released from this earthly prison soon.

It is good that you have been able to help him and your mother at this difficult time.

May God bless you and give you peace which passeth all understanding.
  • Logged
M 58
H 58
S 28
D 25
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3527
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#66: February 29, 2020, 12:22:45 PM
Thinking of you, Shock, as you go through this difficult time. You have been such a wonderful caregiver. 

It's so sad for the MLCer that even at times like these, they can't find the emotions. What an amazing daughter you have been to both your parents. Big hugs to you xxxx
  • Logged
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

  • *
  • MLCer Type: Vanisher
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3302
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#67: March 01, 2020, 03:04:03 PM
Cyber hug. Touch is a powerful source of communication and your hand holding is conveying a lot of love.
  • Logged
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#68: March 03, 2020, 12:53:53 AM
Hello everyone, thank you for your kind words and prayers they mean a lot.

My step father is still hanging on but is not in pain and is quite peaceful. My mother is more accepting though understandably upset as am I.
I know that God has this and I know He is there with us.

I saw my h last night, he was more like my h and asked about them both. He also asked me to tell my mother that he is thinking of them both. He had just returned from work so wasn’t drunk and was quite normal apart from the fact I know he is in MLC I would not have known. I do not have expectations of him emerging any time soon but I have hope.
I pretty much leave it all to God as He knows exactly what is happening and what the plan is.

I spend my time concentrating on my mother and step father.

May God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 256
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#69: March 03, 2020, 07:27:45 AM
Hey shock

You have such an amazing attitude about your FIL and towards your mlcer. You have amazing strength. Wishing you lots of love and sending prayers.

Limbo
  • Logged
Me- 47 at BD
MLC husband -45 at BD
1 daughter - 2 1/2 years at BD
BD 1 - January 6, 2018 moves out
November 2018 - moves back in for 1 month then leaves saying relationship over, wants a divorce then flies over last minute to be with OW on holiday.
BD 2 - OW confirmed December 14, 2018 - meeting up with her for holiday
BD3 - engaged to OW December 21, 2018
BD 4 - tells me he is moving back to home country on January 27, 2019. Gives me 5 days notice. His flight date is February 1, 2019.

I just want the money and him out of my life!

O
  • **
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 66
  • Gender: Male
The MLC Upside
#70: March 03, 2020, 07:40:48 AM
Prayers for you, your SF and Mother!  Life sure can throw us curves!
Have we lost your Sis?  It is always nice to hear her take on things, from the other side.  I have no particular questions, she just gives us (me ) hope, when things are dark.  My MLC W is at home, and there doesn't seem to be an OM at the time.  She has no energy for that.  We are mostly roommates.  She sleeps at the other end of the house.  We don't speak, except for sharing schedules for our 3 kid's activities, and house business.  She is such a completely different person, it is hard to imagine there could be an awakening in the future.  But reading what your sister has to say, often helps me to get through another day.  Time and God are on our side, I know.
Then I read what you and your family are going through, and it puts my drama in perspective.  Thank you for sharing.  Good Luck and God Bless.
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#71: March 03, 2020, 12:10:55 PM
Thank you Limbo and Optimus,

My sister was more or less hounded off but she remains a font of knowledge on her MLC and I will ask her about your situation.

The kindness of you all is touching and reminds me just how caring and understanding we LBS are.
The terrible situation my poor step father is in and my mothers grief and stress definitely does put into perspective just what is important and what is not.

I know I cannot do a single thing to push my h through his MLC any quicker but I know I can do a lot to help my mother and step father. With God’s help I have become more detached and have handed my h over to Him. This has given me the time and peace of mind to concentrate on what is important here and now.
I have hope but no expectations. I know I am a good person and I know God walks this path right alongside me.

Optimus, leave her be and do you. Be the wonderful person you are and leave her to watch your rising as she plummets because she will notice.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#72: March 03, 2020, 12:33:30 PM
Oh gosh Shock, I'm so very sorry about your stepfather.  I'm glad he is in no pain, but I know it's painful for the family.  You are like a rock for them.  Bless your heart.

A lot of us here really miss your sister.  She was so helpful to many LBS's and I hope she knows that.
I also hope she is getting on well with her life.

Please tell her I said hello.

{{{Big Hug and prayers to all of you}}}
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#73: March 03, 2020, 12:58:54 PM
Hi Thunder,

Thank you for your prayers they are appreciated.
I will pass on your regards to my sister and I will of course ask her advice on any questions.

I often wonder if God has cleared the way for me to be there for my mother and step father in that, although my h was never the kind who would complain about my not being here because of something as all consuming as my step fathers illness I would feel stretched between him and my step father if you understand.
Maybe this is God’s plan because I often think so. Either way I will do what I have been tasked to do and I will do it because I love them both. I will be at the hospital all day tomorrow as I take over from my mother in that my step father is never alone. He’s unconscious but it’s important for my mother that someone is with him all of the time. I’m happy to do this but it’s just so desperately sad.

May God bless you Thunder
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#74: March 03, 2020, 01:30:49 PM
Shock thank you,
God does have his plans, doesn't he?   :)

We don't always understand them right away, but we need to trust in him.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#75: March 03, 2020, 10:28:52 PM
Dear Thunder,

Yes, God has His plans for each of us and His timeline is totally different to ours. I have learned patience (though I sometimes struggle with it). I have learned a deeper compassion and understanding of myself. I know I am a good person and I know my h is too and that a good person can do bad things that does not make them a bad person.
I know my h is not the man I have known all these years and I have understanding enough to know he has to deal with his issues without my interference.
I love my h and I hope he will come through this but I can love him from a distance and get on with my life and let him get on with his.
Thank you Thunder you have always been there with wise words and approaching 2 years of my new life you still offer words of encouragement and kindness.
God is with us all.

May God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 10495
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#76: March 03, 2020, 10:43:58 PM
There is something to be said for loving those we can who want or need our love right now, I think.
You are doing that, shock. That's good enough. X
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#77: March 04, 2020, 03:28:38 PM
Hello everyone,

It is with the great sadness I must tell you my step father passed away earlier today. He died peacefully and I was with him to the end. I held his hand and talked to him as he slipped away.

My mother is distraught and grief stricken so I am currently laying on her sofa for the night.

I would just like to say a heartfelt thanks for all of your prayers they are very much appreciated.

I know God is taking care of my step father and I know he is no longer suffering.

May God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6165
  • Gender: Female
  • How I long for your precepts! Psalm 119:40
Re: The MLC Upside
#78: March 04, 2020, 03:35:51 PM
I am sorry Shockandawe, however, we are not without hope . May he rest in peace. There is comfort in knowing that the Lord is taking care of him now. I hope that your mother is able to find comfort too.

Love to you
  • Logged
M 58
H 58
S 28
D 25
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#79: March 04, 2020, 03:41:54 PM
Thank you Mitzpah

I know Our Lord will take great care of him. My mother is a woman of faith and I know God will help her carry the burden of grief.

May God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
The MLC Upside
#80: March 04, 2020, 03:49:56 PM
I'm so sorry Shock... prayers going out to you and your family.

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 10495
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#81: March 04, 2020, 04:20:14 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. He sounded like a fine and kind man who brought good things into your life and your mother's. God bless. You are both in my prayers. Grief is so tiring so if others offer help, please let yourself accept it. And try to eat and sleep a little, even if it is just a little.
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

  • *
  • MLCer Type: Vanisher
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3302
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#82: March 04, 2020, 04:37:00 PM
Sending caring thoughts your way. May you get some sleep so that you have the strength for the next phase of the journey of grief. Your Mom is lucky to have you around. At the very least you are modeling for your h what normal looks like. Maybe he´ll absorb some of that.
Hugs, FTT
  • Logged
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

G
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 217
The MLC Upside
#83: March 04, 2020, 06:37:05 PM
Shock-

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I'm lifting you up in prayer to have supernatural strength to get through all that comes with this. I'm glad you could be there to the end.  Big hugs for your mom.  I'm sure she's very distraught losing her beloved.  Thinking of you..GGG
  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1584
  • Gender: Female
  • Mlc- Cake eater for 3 yr now vanisher
Re: The MLC Upside
#84: March 05, 2020, 01:02:43 AM
Sorry for yours and your families loss shock. Thinking of you and your family at this sad time. Xx
  • Logged
Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1668
  • Gender: Female
  • https://affaircare.com/the-180
The MLC Upside
#85: March 05, 2020, 10:13:47 AM
So sorry to hear of your loss.  I pray that you and your family find the peace, comfort and strength you need at this time and going forward!

Prayers.....
  • Logged
10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away  Monthy visits  Was hiding her!

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children 
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs (he left them all behind

D

DCD

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 512
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#86: March 05, 2020, 10:16:51 AM
So very sorry to hear of your family's loss.  I wish you all peace and comfort during this time. 
  • Logged
some days are yellow
some days are blue
on different days, i'm different too
you'd be surprised how many ways
i change on different-colored days.
 - dr. seuss

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3527
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#87: March 05, 2020, 01:43:39 PM
I'm so sorry, Shock. Sending you big hugs. xxx
  • Logged
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

3
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 332
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#88: March 05, 2020, 03:34:33 PM
So sorry to hear of your loss Shock, sending you, your mom, sister and family many prayers. May your step dad Rest In Peace, and you all find comfort in your ability to be together during this time, providing the grace and dignity of a peaceful passing.
  • Logged
BD End of April 2017
Moved out - kind of, May 2017
Denied affair
Cycled hard April - Oct 2017, my son figured out affair, I confronted husband, we were going away as a family for the weekend - H monsters hard and files for a D end of Oct, 2017
D final Sept 2018
Many touch and goes
He lives in monster, kids haven’t been with him overnight since Jan 2019
Moved in with MOW, a former friend of mine, May 2019

  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 464
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#89: March 05, 2020, 06:20:07 PM
Shock,

Sending love and prayers to you and your family on the passing of your stepfather.

Hugs,
Believer
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#90: March 05, 2020, 10:44:27 PM
Thank you everyone.
At this time the kindness of you all is touching, especially as each of you have MLCERS to contend with. I thank you and appreciate very much just how caring and kind you all are.

I know my step father is at peace and that this brave man fought to his last breath. I was privileged to be with him as he passed and he knew I loved him.

My mother is coming to terms with his passing and knows how much he loved her. It’s so very sad. We all are with her and she is supported by not only her family but her church too. She has her faith and is leaning on God to help her through this.

I spend as much time as I can with her and she has people coming over all day long. I again thank you for your prayers and kindness. God has us all and He will support you if you just trust Him.

May God bless you all, my LBS family
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#91: March 06, 2020, 02:24:01 AM
Shock, I am very sorry for you loss.

God bless your family.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 500
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#92: March 06, 2020, 03:34:15 PM
Shock, I am so sorry. Sending prayers for all of you.  He is at peace.  May many wonderful memories of your stepdad and his love for your mother bring you comfort.  So good that you were with him at the end.  Hugs. 
  • Logged
BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

O
  • **
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 66
  • Gender: Male
The MLC Upside
#93: March 12, 2020, 01:54:10 PM
So sorry for you and your family.
  • Logged

O
  • **
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 66
  • Gender: Male
The MLC Upside
#94: March 27, 2020, 01:56:20 PM
Hello.  Question for Shocks_Sis, if she is still taking questions.  Does she think there were any feelings of resentment, or jealously of her XH, prior to into MLC? 
I remember she viewed it as his fault that she did not make it back in time to say good bye to her Father.  But were there other times, when he was not suffering, and therefore she hated (or thought she did) him for it? Internal unrest, because he was not having these same negative feelings? 
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#95: April 03, 2020, 10:41:13 PM
hello Optimus

Prior to our father’s death my sister was happy with her ex h, he wasn’t perfect and they had the usual stuff within marriage but after his passing everything was magnified and became her justification for the hatred.
Her unrest began when our father was diagnosed and, given he only lived for three months after diagnosis it was a pretty rapid timespan and she was catapulted into the beginnings of MLC starting with denial of her feelings of unrest and questioning herself and her marriage. The catalyst was definitely our fathers passing when the switch was flipped and she, as she says, went on the crazy bus tour of MLC.

God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#96: April 03, 2020, 11:08:16 PM
Hello everyone,

We buried our step father on Monday. It was a graveside only burial as the church was closed due to covid 19 though the priest officiated. It wasn’t perfect but at least it went ahead.

On news of my h things don’t seem to be going well for him as I will explain. As you know the last I heard from him was Valentines night with his hello text which I didn’t reply to as I was asleep.
He gives me £100 per month and, to be fair he has never let me down on that. We are now at 23 months since he left and I had to text him to ask him to put this money in my bank as I couldn’t come to collect it because of lockdown. He duly did this and I thanked him as I always do.
Yesterday I get this long rambling text as to for 2 years he has done the decent thing by giving me money each month so that I wouldn’t suffer. That I should by now be not depending on him for this and that he promised my mother that he would give me hope that we would reconcile ( he promised my mother he would give me the money with no mention of anything else). He told me he’s not coming back ever, that he couldn’t spend his life telling me he loves me when he does not and that I need to stand on my own 2 feet just as he has. He ended the text by saying cherish as I do the good times we had and followed it up with, all my love as a friend for life!!!
I replied that I was quite capable of standing up for myself and indeed have done so.
He monstered pretty badly with I want a clean break. Agreed?
I replied after about 10 minutes with that is your choice.
Big capital letters came back with send me the divorce papers I want this done and dusted. I didn’t reply.
Background story for this I believe is he reduced his hours at work to 24 a week in order to set up a business making jewellery which, due to the lockdown he is unable to go there. He’s drinking heavily and can no longer go to the pub for the same reason. He lost his driving license through drinking and smashed his car. He has spiralled down and down and rather than say he has no money and his life isn’t at all what he thought it would be he’s again monstering at me and blaming me.
I detached a while ago now and handed it over to God. I don’t actually need the money and I’m not going to be the one filing. If as he says it’s what he wants then he can do the filing but I will do nothing to assist him.
I am glad I have reached this level of detachment and can see this for what it is. My sister says oh, the crazy bus is still being driven by him then just ignore everything he does and go completely radio silent.
Just another day in MLC land oh and today is our wedding anniversary lol. These MLCERS time things perfectly don’t they?
He was going to make jewellery with the hope he would make enough money to care for the people he cared about in his words him and me!! He also said it could be the thing that woke him up.
Hope everyone is keeping well and safe.

God bless you all
  • Logged
« Last Edit: April 03, 2020, 11:22:04 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1187
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#97: April 04, 2020, 03:41:11 AM
Shockandawe

Wedding anniversary day is the most difficult of the year I find as an lbs. I hope you manage to treat yourself in some way today. Be kind, I know you will.

Will you have a celebration for your step father after lockdown? Glad the burial went ahead and you could attend.

How horrible having that exchange with your H, it’s good you can see the bigger picture of what’s going on with him though.

I was wondering what your sis thinks of the lockdown? There is nowhere to run very easily and this for sure gives extra thinking time or maybe will get them angry at being restrained from their fantasy life. Does your sis have any thoughts on how it could effect the MLC? My H is literally locked in a house with his parents can’t see OW2, I assume, and his childhood FOO issues are all around him with nowhere to go to avoid it for months.

Stay well
Rose 🌹
  • Logged
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 500
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#98: April 04, 2020, 07:36:57 AM
Dear ShockandAwe,
Such an awful time for a grieving family.  My heart goes out to you.  I am glad you were able to have a graveside service at least.  Some closure and prayers.

So horrible about the last exchange with your h and his timing.  Mine waited a few weeks after my mother was buried and sent a similar message through his lawyer that it was time to get the divorce going. I wonder if death is a trigger for them in some way?  Things do not seem to be going well for h, you are so understanding.  It is a tough anniversary and I send you a hug.

Please take care. 

  • Logged
BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
The MLC Upside
#99: April 04, 2020, 07:54:40 AM
Hi Shock,

Very sorry about your dad. Can't imagine how hard that must be.

Ahhhhhhh....... your H. Personally I look at that very positively. I know it is terrible getting a message like that on your anniversary....... but why would he send that on your anniversary? Easy. He's thinking about you. That wasn't a spur of the moment outburst either.... it's been eating at him for there to be such a release. That's a really good thing. I think you handled it perfectly: and it is his job to file if it comes to that. Bravo!!!! What strength you showed, and that you won't be moved. I bet there's a part of him that really admired that. He already is hating himself and knows he isn't good enough. Hopefully that will be enough pain for him to get moving. That he's never coming back thing...... oh how they try to convince themselves when they are having doubts, and when they feel the extreme guilt. That's progress. I think they have to get these terrible thoughts and feelings to actually move forward. They have to feel them, think them, and then examine them so they can pull back and say "no.... that's not right". That's how the corner is turned and limping back starts (IMO).

I hope you're doing really well (you sound great  ;D )

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#100: April 08, 2020, 03:24:43 AM
Hello everyone,
Hope everyone is keeping well and safe during this time.
As we spend a lot of time with our thoughts I had an epiphany of sorts about my h and his MLC. For 2 years I have tried to learn as much as possible about MLC because prior to BD I had no idea. With the help of this forum and my sister it’s becoming so much clearer and my particular epiphany hit about 2 days ago.
My sister has always maintained there’s certain criteria which have to be there in order for the MLC switch to trip if you like. For the life of me I couldn’t pin point this criteria in my h’s case but all the pieces fell into place so to speak. These being: his childhood was spent being rejected by his Father in favour of his sisters. All of his life he has had a deep down rage against his Father and he was always made to feel not good enough. He went onto get his degree and suddenly his Father was extremely proud of him, even telling him he had done much better than his sisters. My h applied for a very good job and was very enthusiastic about it. His Father was very proud and when my h didn’t get the job his Father was visibly disappointed and showed his rejection again. My h spiralled into depression and became quite angry at things for no good reason. At this time I had become very weak when usually strong but my health did deteriorate and he saw me as weak. I eventually had a breakdown and then the BD.
My sister has always said there has to be depression, a trauma for a length of time and a traumatic event in order to trip the switch and equally to switch it back off.  She also maintains that our MLCers see us as weak and needy which, I became. I have never doubted my sister and, after thinking on this she is right.
It’s confirmation of what we are told that this has absolutely nothing to do with us or our marriages it’s EVERYTHING to do with our MLCers.

Thank you all for your sympathy during my step fathers illness and passing it means a lot.
Keep safe and may God bless you all.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: April 08, 2020, 03:27:12 AM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#101: April 08, 2020, 10:22:06 AM
Hello Rose,
Sorry this has taken a while but my sister is run off her feet at the moment with the covid outbreak.
Her response to your question is this:

The lockdown will either affect the MLCer or not. It’s as much of a lottery as it is for anyone. However, she said if the MLCer cannot see the ow/om then maybe they will fantasise more about them and given today’s ways of communication they could probably get in touch with no problems.
Focus on your own mental well being and leave the MLCer to it. The answer is as variable as each person.

Shocks sis
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
The MLC Upside
#102: April 08, 2020, 10:54:28 AM
Shock!  ShockSis!  Hi!

We are all battening down the hatches I think re: Covid.  I’d thought all this may have sparked something in my XH - a mini-Awakening so to speak.  It’s clearly a crisis much bigger than anything we’ve ever seen, and I think was/is/will be a come-to-Jesus moment for my XH and for many of these MLCers.

Thoughts? 
  • Logged

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#103: April 08, 2020, 11:38:04 AM
Hi Mego,

As time goes on the MLCERS on lockdown with their ow/om have to be in each other’s pockets so to speak. I was living with my om and I began to despise him and we weren’t in lockdown lol. Imagine your MLCER as he is now, having nowhere to escape to. I know Shock wouldn’t want to be trapped in lockdown with her h at the moment because they are the opposite of what and who they really are.
I think many relationships will be tested without the addition of MLC in the mix.
Haha just be grateful you’re not trapped with the crazy.

Shocks sis
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11033
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#104: April 08, 2020, 11:43:35 AM
Hi Shock,

I am not at all sure that the pandemic will create a "problem" for the MLCer and their OW/OM. Personally, when I started self isolating March 12, I was very worried about how could I do this..be totally alone and yet as time goes on, I have adjusted to the solitude and it is much easier than in the first few weeks.

What I observe with couples on my walks, is they seem very happy with one another, evidenced by their body language. As well, my friends have stated that this is a "lovely" time to spend with their partners and they are quite enjoying it.

Not all MLCer's are unhappy in their new relationships. This crisis could actually draw them closer together as they face the realiies that all this involves.

Just another perspective.
  • Logged
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#105: April 08, 2020, 12:06:28 PM
Hi Xyzf
That’s true but are these couples made up of not broken people because I know I was very paranoid during my MLC and I was also not the person I normally was.
I’m sure there will be MLCERS  who believe covid is nothing more than a flu but there are people everywhere who think that too. Then there’s going to be MLCERS who go into full on panic mode but, again, there’s going to be people not in MLC who are going to do that. It’s random and the variables are too great.
The thing is it’s as different and unpredictable as to how anyone will or won’t react. I can only speak for myself.

Shocks sis
  • Logged
« Last Edit: April 08, 2020, 12:50:48 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11033
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#106: April 08, 2020, 12:20:01 PM
Yes, it really is unpredictable.

I have been thinking a great deal about how sometimes we seem to think that MLCers are all unhappy in their lives....I am not sure that is true. That is why I am reluctant to make blanket statements because I have been surprised and continue to be surprised at what I see.

I wonder, if they are in the "in lust" stage of their relationships that this could intensify how they feel in a time when things are so uncertain. I guess what I don't want people to presume, is that this will trigger them to come back to their families. It might but I still think that the crisis needs to resolve within..and that it will take as much time to resolve as it takes.

Indeed, I am concerned that if COVID caused a person to return "home" prematurely, with out their crisis being resolved, that down the road, they just might leave again.
  • Logged
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#107: April 08, 2020, 02:37:58 PM
Yes Xyzf

Being “awoken “ by this virus could indeed be through fear, anxiety etc., but until they are through it then they are not ready and I agree that they may well return to the tunnel and yet in others it’s a massive trauma which indeed could flip the switch off. I also think a lot depends on where in their MLC they are.
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1187
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#108: April 08, 2020, 05:02:59 PM
Thanks Shock and Sis

I agree it will depend where they are in MLC. In my situation if this virus was two years ago it wouldn’t have been enough to change his path. He is now past 3.5 years so we will see. I do think, in my case, he is living with his parents with many less places to run to so will have more thinking time. Instead of going to choir he is alone going for a walk (facts) so has thinking time that he didn’t have before.

It’s an interesting development to look at from afar but please don’t worry, I am certainly leaving him to it.

Stay well
Rose 🌹
  • Logged
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#109: April 09, 2020, 02:16:09 PM
Hello Rose

I too think depending on where the LBS is on their journey it seems to me the further along we go the less what the MLCer is at in their journey bothers us less.
I know my h monstered quite a bit the other day because I wouldn’t agree with him and I wouldn’t give in to his demands.

Not once has he asked if I’m OK during this time which is quite normal for MLC and, as I’m way more detached after 2 years it doesn’t bother me one bit. I have no idea how he will react to Covid19 but if he is anything like he was the day he texted in full monster mode I am glad he’s not around me at the moment.
The fact they don’t care and have zero empathy was evident but following the script perfectly.

I just concentrate on me and my mother mainly and I don’t focus for any length of time on my h. I trust in the process and what will be will be.

I know I walk my own journey but I walk with God alongside me.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#110: May 01, 2020, 11:48:19 PM
Hello everyone,

On Tuesday we bury my brave and wise Uncle who, at the age of 96 contracted Covid19 and passed away. He was a paratrooper during WW2 and very wise. I shall miss him immensely.
It puts into perspective just how random and lethal this virus is. I hope everyone is well and keeping safe.
May God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1187
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#111: May 02, 2020, 01:21:52 AM
Shock

That is a sad time for your family.

Such a cruel virus taking away such important people in our family/country.

I will think of him on Tuesday and imagine being a paratrooper.

My thoughts are with you all
Rose 🌹
  • Logged
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#112: May 02, 2020, 02:41:42 AM
Oh Shock I am so sorry for your loss.

God bless you and your family.
Big Hug

  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#113: May 02, 2020, 05:57:15 AM
Thank you Rose and Thunder,

It’s so very sad because he fought at Arnhem and came through without so much as a scratch, he had a brain aneurysm in the 80’s and survived that too. He couldn’t fight this awful virus and it took him. I know he’s with my Father now and that gives me comfort.
I shall miss his wise words and sense of humour.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1703
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#114: May 02, 2020, 01:10:03 PM
Shock and Sis:

I am so sorry for your loss.
Your fond memories will carry you through.
What a brave man - no wonder you're proud of him.

Thinking of you both on Tuesday.
  • Logged
Seahorses have one mate for life...

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#115: May 02, 2020, 11:53:26 PM
Thank you Sea,

It’s not going to be the funeral he deserves as it’s graveside only and limited to 10 people only but he will be remembered fondly and with love.

God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
The MLC Upside
#116: May 03, 2020, 10:50:32 AM
Oh Shock..... I'm so sorry to hear this.

Sending a prayer for you and your family.

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#117: May 03, 2020, 08:58:01 PM
Thank you SS,

Means a lot

God bless you
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 307
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#118: May 03, 2020, 09:44:11 PM
Oh, shock,
  Bless you and your family. My heart is with you.

Stand Tall
  • Logged
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#119: July 26, 2020, 08:17:16 AM
Hello everyone,

Hope everyone is well. It’s been a while since I posted here so here I am😁
I haven’t heard from my h since early April but, he messaged my daughter to ask her if I had been to the shopping centre near where he’s living and did I have purple hair! Like wtf, I had purple hair when I met him like 17 years ago and no I wasn’t at the shopping mall. He then said that he thought he saw my daughter and myself there and didn’t want me to be upset if I saw him!
He then asked all about my granddaughter and said he hoped him contacting my daughter wouldn’t cause her any problems. My daughter told him that it was lovely to hear from him and that he could contact her anytime.
Weird to say the least.
Anyway I continue forward and am in a much better place. I work on myself and I know every step of this journey I never wanted is taking me somewhere. The Lord walks with me and I feel so much calmer and have peace.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#120: July 26, 2020, 08:58:12 AM
Nice update Shock!

I'm glad to hear you are doing so well.

Who knows what goes through these MICer's mind.
Probably just wanted to contact but had to find a reason.  So he used you purple hair sighting.  Ha ha

Well onward and upward!

Hugs
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Male
The MLC Upside
#121: July 26, 2020, 10:14:50 AM
Shock!!!

I had been wondering about you.

When he asks if you have purple hair, you say "No sweety, oh course not!!!! It's green and blue".  :P ;D

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 159
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#122: July 26, 2020, 10:36:59 AM
Shock!   I hadn’t attached to your story but read it with great interest after reading your sisters responses!

I too have been wondering how things were progressing with your MLCer.  Great to hear from you

Onwards and upwards
  • Logged
Me (W) 43 - W 41
BD - Jan 17, 2020


OW status unknown, don't care, not relevant.

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#123: July 26, 2020, 12:22:56 PM
Dear Thunder, SS and Les,

Crazy world of the MLCer I am of the opinion that because I told him he wouldn’t hear from me again it’s a case of trying to find out what he can and because my daughter changed her privacy settings on FB he had to request an add as he could no longer see what she’s posting.
He always was nosy but I don’t post much apart from pics of our parrot or our dogs so he’s not getting an awful lot of info.
Another interesting thing, the OW who I’m not at all interested in popped up as a suggested friend on my FB and she’s had her hair cropped like mine!!! This isn’t uncommon or so I’ve read. Maybe trying to morph into me. Crazy but not unexpected.
I’ve learned so very much and detached so very much. After 27 months I think I finally got there. Yay for me.
I sincerely hope any new LBSes learn as much as they possibly can from the veterans here as this place has been a life saver for me.
Special thanks to Thunder, you will never know how much your kindness helped me through some of the worst times in my life.
God bless you  Thunder and God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 159
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#124: July 26, 2020, 12:42:56 PM
Dear Thunder, SS and Les,

Crazy world of the MLCer I am of the opinion that because I told him he wouldn’t hear from me again it’s a case of trying to find out what he can and because my daughter changed her privacy settings on FB he had to request an add as he could no longer see what she’s posting.
He always was nosy but I don’t post much apart from pics of our parrot or our dogs so he’s not getting an awful lot of info.
Another interesting thing, the OW who I’m not at all interested in popped up as a suggested friend on my FB and she’s had her hair cropped like mine!!! This isn’t uncommon or so I’ve read. Maybe trying to morph into me. Crazy but not unexpected.
I’ve learned so very much and detached so very much. After 27 months I think I finally got there. Yay for me.
I sincerely hope any new LBSes learn as much as they possibly can from the veterans here as this place has been a life saver for me.
Special thanks to Thunder, you will never know how much your kindness helped me through some of the worst times in my life.
God bless you  Thunder and God bless you all

Crazy how sometimes the LBS gets so caught up in the AP of their spouse when really, its the LBS that is the true competition. 
The AP will ALWAYS be the AP, but the LBS is always the spouse.   And they hate to see it. 

Like you, I told my W that I wouldn't reach out to her, that she knows where to find me if she ever wants to invite me in her space.   So we are NC, and it works.   I suspect she tries to get information from her family on FB, but to fair, I cant say for certain, and we dont have kids for her to reach out to for information.   But, I do believe that they always look back, somehow.

27 months sounds like such a long time - congrats on standing your ground, detaching, and gaining incredible strength!
  • Logged
Me (W) 43 - W 41
BD - Jan 17, 2020


OW status unknown, don't care, not relevant.

S
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 307
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#125: July 26, 2020, 12:49:12 PM
Shock,

  Glad to see you're still hanging in there and doing good. I haven't been in here for quite awhile. I have no changes to report on. 28 months since mine left and I'm still standing tall.  :)

Stand Tall
  • Logged
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#126: July 26, 2020, 01:11:10 PM
Hi Les and SS,

I have absolutely no idea what he’s up to and I am OK with that. The OW is of no concern to me but after seeing her pic on my suggested friends thing on FB I immediately thought oh well you’re never going to be me so get on with it. We have no children either but we do have the dogs and one crazy African Grey parrot 😄.
If I could impart anything I have learned so far it’s take your focus off your MLCer and put it firmly on yourself.
It’s been an epic journey so far but, when I last saw him he looked just awful. It’s as if the roles reversed as I looked terrible when he first left but it seems as I clawed myself up he started the descent. I know that’s normal for MLC too. So far he’s following the script and I will no longer be affected by his MLC as I have got stronger with God’s help.

SS we are on the same timescale. I am still standing too but I’m not standing still.

God bless you all
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#127: July 26, 2020, 01:20:31 PM
Aw thank you Shock, you are a sweetheart.

I just always found you and your sister to be such real people.  Not to bring it up again...but I am sorry your sister gave so much of her time to people answering questions and got a "few" negative people who chased her off (I still feel out of jealousy they were not getting attention).  Fortunately some of those people are gone.
But that's my opinion only.  I found it very helpful hearing from a former MLCer after recovery.

But water under the bridge.  Right?   :)

I hope some day she will open a new account, but that choice is hers to make.
I hope the two of you just keep healing more and more.  You sound great.
What kind of dogs do you have?

God bless you both!
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#128: July 26, 2020, 01:53:45 PM
Hi dear Thunder

We have two Staffordshire Bull Terriers. My h used to spend lots of time with them and he absolutely loved the parrot but as the MLC script dictates, he lost all interest in them.
My sister is doing ok, I spent two weeks with her redecorating her house.
She tried to give the MLC perspective and was always honest about it but as you say, many attention seekers who didn’t like that her experience didn’t match their MLCers , therefore she was wrong and they were right.
I have learned much and realise in life there’s always going to be people who aren’t interested in any one else’s perspective or viewpoints. As my dear Father used to say, such is life.
I remember reading Old Pilots welcome message and the words time is your friend. To me that seemed too awful to contemplate but he’s spot on. I used the time for me and my growth. I reconnected with God, he never lets me down. Smart contact has helped me immensely, he knows he can contact me as I have never gone no contact. I  have always told him if he needs to contact me that’s fine.

Good to hear from you Thunder, God bless you
  • Logged
« Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 02:24:57 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
The MLC Upside
#129: July 26, 2020, 07:09:50 PM
Shock!!  Hi!! 

You sound great.  I hope your Sis is doing well too.

Unfortunately my update sucks.  X married his OW last summer and she’s knocked up.  I’m sure it was planned as he’s 44 and always chasing his youth.  So with each passing day I become more and more convinced that he’s gone forever.

I hope your sis returns as her detractors are now gone (yay). She was a tremendous asset to THS and we miss her!  Especially me!
  • Logged
« Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 07:13:34 PM by megogirl »

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23228
  • Gender: Female
Re: The MLC Upside
#130: July 26, 2020, 07:39:11 PM
Two Staffordshire Bull Terriers?  They can be a handful but great dogs.  Sweet personalities.

I had 2 Great Danes and would recommend them to anyone, if they can afford to feed them.  Ha ha



  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 10495
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#131: July 26, 2020, 11:38:19 PM
HI Shock
Glad to hear that you and Shock's Sis are both doing well. And yes that OP knows what he is talking about with Time doesn't he? I hope that some of the not so pleasant interactions did not outweigh some of the possible benefits to your sister of telling her story on HS. Of course, that was all she could do....her experience is simply her experience, and iirc she worked very hard to remind people that she had no magic answers and that focusing on themselves was a sensible choice. But desparate hurt people sometimes don't want to hear things they don't want to hear or want to find answers that don't exist in reality. Anyway, please give her a hug from those of us who appreciated her courage and generosity in sharing her story  :)

Decorating together sounds nice. Does your sister live far away or quite close by?

Your Staffies sound lovely  :)
  • Logged
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#132: July 27, 2020, 10:50:23 PM
Hello Mego,

Ltns. Oh the craziness of MLC!
Keep going forward Mego for his mistakes are his own. You are way better than that.
My sister is well and often wonders how you are all doing.
What happened to the “gang” who hounded her every post?
Good to hear from you Mego, you’re sounding more settled and accepting. Always remember, God’s got this, he won’t let you down.
God bless you Mego
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#133: July 27, 2020, 10:55:14 PM
Wow Thunder,

Two Great Danes, who takes who for a walk lol.
My pets are my companions, the one Staffie my h bought me for Valentines one year. As for the parrot, he’s highly entertaining though throws in the odd expletive. My friend, the Vicar was on the other end of his swearing though she’s pretty easy going and found it amusing luckily.
Only draw back is the parrot speaks with my h’s voice!
Onwards on my journey I go
God bless you Thunder
  • Logged
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

S
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 834
  • Gender: Female
The MLC Upside
#134: July 27, 2020, 11:03:28 PM
Hello Treasur,

My sister lives quite nearby so I see her often and talk every day on the phone.
She has been my greatest supporter during this and although it sometimes draws her back to a time she wouldn’t want to go to she does and explains how similar my h’s actions are to her own during her MLC.
She tried to help as many as she could to get some kind of understanding of what MLC is like to someone in it. Though not exactly the same so many similarities are there in them all, hence the script.
I’m doing ok, I get on with my life and have become pretty much detached.
I saw a recent pic of my h he put on FB and he looks quite disturbed. Nothing like the happy go lucky person he once was, the eyes of an MLCer are so blank and dark. Still, it’s not my problem so on I go.

God bless you Treasur
  • Logged
« Last Edit: July 27, 2020, 11:05:02 PM by Shockandawe »
Beware of “keyboard warriors “

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
The MLC Upside
#135: July 28, 2020, 05:16:29 PM
Shock

I hope your sister will reconsider THS. 

We remaining folk miss her insight terribly!


Edited
  • Logged
« Last Edit: July 29, 2020, 07:57:53 AM by Songanddance »

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
The MLC Upside
#136: August 10, 2020, 03:46:05 PM
Kicking this up a notch hoping Shock & her sis will make guest appearances? 😎
  • Logged

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.