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Author Topic: My Story The MLC Upside

S
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My Story Re: The MLC Upside
#10: December 12, 2019, 06:46:39 AM
Hello everyone and thank you all for your kindness.

I am with my sister and from both of us to all of you we hope you have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

I continue forward and though the obstacles sometimes are immense I go step by step onwards. I still sometimes have a crazy half hour of self pity and occasionally a cry but I allow only 30 minutes maximum and then I focus on other things. This doesn’t happen often and as it’s been a particularly difficult and stressful time with my step fathers prognosis being so bleak, it’s at times of stress I miss the man I married so much. He would have been here with me. It’s a reminder that our MLCers are not the people we know.

Onwards we go fellow LBSes, we are all great people who didn’t have a choice but we do have a choice about where we go from here. Whether standers or not we are all on our own journeys. Keep strong and may God bless you all.

My sister wants you all to know she thinks about you and wants you to take your focus and time off the crazy bus passengers and put it on yourselves. Remember they all lie so let them lie to themselves because that’s what they are doing.

Shockandawe and Shocks sis


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S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#11: December 14, 2019, 02:27:34 PM
Thank you to both of you.

Hugs
Sea
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Re: The MLC Upside
#12: December 26, 2019, 05:36:24 AM
Attaching!  Love your upbeat outlook!  It will serve you well!
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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis
7.20 OW2 Confirmed  5 hours away  Monthy visits  Was hiding her!

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children 
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School
3 Dogs (he left them all behind

S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#13: December 26, 2019, 09:23:31 PM
Thank you Sea and Sam,

Haven’t heard anything from H but it’s almost time for our monthly meeting for him to give me some money. To be fair he has continued to give me this money and he’s contacted me to ask when I can meet him apart from a couple of times when I had to ask but I won’t be doing that again. Last month he arrived at the chosen meeting place and it was obvious he had been drinking and was smoking again. It follows a pattern, he starts off by giving me the money to which I always say thank you I appreciate it. He then goes on to talk about himself and what he’s going to do ( if I were him I would be totally exhausted by now as he’s dashed around doing all kinds of different things). He then goes onto ask me loads of questions which I give very vague answers to, then he starts the pity me section and finally monster arrives in some form, either anger or indifference or both. It’s at this point I make sure I leave.

I don’t contact him because I know he is not the person I knew and I would rather not contact him unless absolutely necessary as I never know which personality he is. I leave him to deal with his own story and I continue to work on myself.

I have learned so much and grown so much. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be and I think my strength frightens him as he says things like, I feel tremendous guilt for what I have done and how I have treated you. He then says I know you are suffering emotionally ( not any more I’m not). He cannot look at me and if he does I see pure hatred looking back at me. His eyes are emotionless and flat until they glint with anger. Not much I can do about that.

He never asks about my step father and they were quite close before MLC, he was even closer to my mother who he asks about almost as an afterthought. I have no expectations but I do have hope. I feel quite detached and no longer feel the need to have him close to me.

God is with me of this I am certain and He has walked every step with me, brought me peace and understanding, given me strength and compassion. I leave it to God and trust in the process.

May God bless you all
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« Last Edit: December 26, 2019, 09:25:04 PM by Shockandawe »
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Re: The MLC Upside
#14: December 27, 2019, 08:24:07 AM
Shockandawe

Merry Christmas. How is your step father? I hope you all managed quality time together.

I am sorry your H still has hatred at times in his eyes and hope he can find the strength to stop hating himself, work on himself and move forward.

Sending you love
Rose 🌹 
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#15: December 27, 2019, 08:29:46 AM
Shock -
You sound AMAZINGLY healthy and healing!
It sounds like you're handling the contact appropriately.
I'm sorry that H is still angry, monster, feeling guilty.
I believe it comes with the territory, but you are right...
God is with you on this trip, by your side...

Keep up the good work.

Sea
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S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#16: December 27, 2019, 09:37:59 PM
Hi Sea and Rose,

My step father is getting weaker and it’s so very sad. He is quite accepting of the fact he is dying. My poor mother is not dealing with this at all well but I pray for God to be with her and my step father. Christmas for my step father was spent sleeping for most of the day though he did get up and open his presents but went back to bed again shortly after.

I spend as much time as I can with them which is most of the day. I shower my step father and give him his meds, I take my mother wherever she needs to go and I sit for many hours talking to her and just being there. She often says she wishes my h were there but understands he’s not the person she knew and loved right now.

I continue to be there and do what needs doing. One thing I thought of was this. There has to be a reason for me to be on this journey and, maybe God knows I need to be there for my parents and I have to be with them without complications from my h as in trying to juggle marriage and time. It’s as if He was clearing the way for me to be where I am needed if you get what I mean. It’s also time for me to work on me, to learn patience and understanding. It’s hard to explain but I feel this is His plan.

I wish each and everyone of you the best for the New Year and may God bless you all.
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S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#17: December 28, 2019, 08:32:43 AM
Shock -
I am sorry that your Step Father is getting weaker, but SO happy that you have the time and ability to be with him and your mother through this difficult time.

Thanks for the update.

Sea
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Re: The MLC Upside
#18: December 31, 2019, 04:01:58 AM
Shock,

Just wanted to wish you and your sister a Happy New Year!

Sending prayers for your step father, and your family.

{{Hugs}}
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

S
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Re: The MLC Upside
#19: January 03, 2020, 10:21:47 PM
Hello everyone,

Step father is in hospital he has an infection and so is very confused and just wants to come home. It’s so very hard to watch this extremely intelligent man ramble about things only he sees. I go to the hospital every day with my mother, we spend about 4 hours with him. I do what I can for him, I wash him and change his clothes, shave him etc., yesterday I got him to brush his teeth by himself and he told me he knows he’s confused and that he’s afraid of that. He then returned to the confusion. The mind is a funny thing. The doctors are running more tests as they initially thought the cancer may have spread to his brain but it hasn’t, I thank God for that.

My days are spent supporting my mother and sitting with both parents through this. My mother cannot cope with any kind of stress and relies upon me, I have and will continue to step up to the plate and be there.

I don’t have much to report on my h other than there’s no change.

Keep moving forward fellow LBSes we can do this.

God bless you all
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