Author Topic: My Story Acceptance Feels like Death  (Read 1452 times)

Offline Schratz66Topic starterTopic starter

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My Story Acceptance Feels like Death
« on: December 09, 2019, 06:59:28 AM »
Well, I think I finally arrived at the acceptance stage and quite frankly instead of the peaceful feeling I expected it feels like a fresh death.

Old thread  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11104.msg751852#msg751852

Quick recap.
BD June 2017 via text - OW is High School Sweetheart - first year almost no contact, second year more regular contacts and I got my hopes up just to face reality now. He is gone, has been gone and while still confused, he might be gone forever.
Until now I bathed in that lovely pink bubble of denial and hoped and hoped and dang I am all out of hope now. Not sure what caused this sudden realization but it's here and its raw and cold.

I is now that I feel I stand at the graveside of my M and wonder what to do now.
What do I want to do with my life ?
Will I be lonely forever ?
I don't want to date and I do not want anybody else in my life, and I do keep busy and have friends, but I miss having my person. My ride and die buddy, my sexy H that still gave me butterflies after 17 years, my shoulder to rest on - I miss him dreadfully and I miss the intimacy of knowing somebody so well that they've become a part of you.
Where to go from here - I have no idea, so I will just linger and figure things out one day at a time.

Thank you everyone for still riding along this long and windy road that nobody knows where it leads to - I appreciate everybody on this forum more than I can ever say
« Last Edit: December 09, 2019, 07:01:03 AM by Schratz66 »
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2019, 07:07:02 AM »
Attaching
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Offline Whyus

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2019, 07:10:18 AM »
Where to go from here - I have no idea, so I will just linger and figure things out one day at a time.

Schratz, i am so sorry that you feel like this but it is perfectly normal. The reality can be overwhelmen and you see Questionmarks everywhere. Please dont "linger", Keep rolling, Keep your head up and soldier on. You will be just fine, you are strong.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline 3longyrs

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2019, 07:18:57 AM »
I truly do know how you feel Schratz...These are the times when you must have faith,have faith that Gods will will be done no matter what it is...

Online AlvinTheMaker

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2019, 07:24:24 AM »
Attaching... 

Idk if I'm at the same stage as you, but "feels like death" strikes the chord big time.  Be kind and gracious to yourself.

Alvin
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD: Feb 2019
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

On LBS diet: started at 281 lbs, now 265 - goal is to lose 66 lbs while being suck at this

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Online Treasur

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2019, 07:50:18 AM »
It is normal, dear girl.
And it does seem to work a bit like a funeral first. And feeling like a widow. Which sucks, feels weird and is very difficult to explain in RL.
But we will walk with you and this time will pass, I promise.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2019, 07:51:19 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline 3Boys4Me

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2019, 08:55:28 AM »
With you Schratz, I’m at the same place, same timeline, same emotions, same stage, and yes, it feels like a new death. Maybe though, this is your LBS bottom, from where the good stuff grows. That is my prayer for you.
BD End of April 2017
Moved out - kind of, May 2017
Denied affair
Cycled hard April - Oct 2017, my son figured out affair, I confronted husband, we were going away as a family for the weekend - H monsters hard and files for a D end of Oct, 2017
D final Sept 2018
Many touch and goes
He lives in monster, kids haven’t been with him overnight since Jan 2019
Moved in with MOW, a former friend of mine, May 2019

Offline Thunder

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #7 on: December 09, 2019, 09:17:25 AM »
S,

I don't think Acceptance is a bad thing, not at all.  I believe it has to happen for your healing to really begin.

It's facing reality, no longer fooling yourself, and maybe the feeling of it like a death is because you had to ditch those rose colored glasses finally.
It's more the death of your innocence, which I honestly think we all have to do eventually.

The innocence your marriage held is gone.  The is the one thing all these MLCer's take from us.

You are going to find your way S.  I have no doubts about that.  You are a strong woman.

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #8 on: December 09, 2019, 10:19:22 AM »
S--acceptance is a very important, albeit painful, part of this journey. But I have found that once we feel that pain, it is easier to move forward. Change is painful. Hoping there is a bight rainbow at the end of this metamorphosis. I know there is.
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline SteelSpine

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #9 on: December 09, 2019, 10:43:59 AM »
Wow, yes.
When you get to that point in grief where you say “This happened.  It really DID happen.”
And then you face the grief head on, with open eyes.

I am sorry for your loss.
me 56, H 52
S14, S10 & S10
M 1/98

7/16 - BD - PA - OW
Monster until 1/17
T&Gs until 8/18
No legal action

 

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