Author Topic: My Story Acceptance Feels like Death  (Read 1451 times)

Online Milly

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My Story Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #20 on: December 20, 2019, 05:16:25 AM »
Oh Schratz I’m sorry. I know that pain you’re feeling. Nowadays when I have confirmation of my H going to Ow, I tell myself ‘good! The more time they spend together, the more my H’s OW becomes annoying the more they fight. And I no longer believe their Christmasses are lovey dovey. When you have years of Christmasses one way (with us) where they loved Christmas, there’s no way they don't compare or feel nostalgic. Even if they have a pleasant Christmas, I think we become an elephant in their room.

I hope you wore your sweater into work and let good people surround you with cheer and laughter. Shake it off, Schratz, or imagine swinging a giant dustbin lid on your H’s face when he comes to mind. That’s what I do. Mine is a big stainless steel round one.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Seahorse

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #21 on: December 20, 2019, 05:18:29 AM »
S66 -

Your post made me so sad for you.
We try so hard to put on a "happy face".  It sounded like a great start of a day, only to be ruined by what you saw.  I'm so sorry that you got sad seeing his truck in the parking lot.  It's amazing how these things hit us when we think everything's under control.

I hope that the rest of your Friday goes well, and that you don that Christmas Sweater like nobody's business!  You're the queen, whether you feel like it or not. 

Hugs,
Sea
Seahorses have one mate for life...

Online Treasur

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #22 on: December 20, 2019, 06:18:02 AM »
66 - no way round it, loss and grief just sucks. And jumps up and smashes you round the head out of nowhere sometimes. I get it. I hated the grief, really hated it, hated the me doing it, so I am not going to BS you about it.

I heard a podcast say that it isn't just the loss of the person....a betrayed spouse listed over 120 things that he thought he had to work through grief about after a long marriage. And they reconciled but he had still lost those things anyway......grrr. But he also said he thought he had to look at his losses honestly in order to know he was actually grieving and accepting and making peace with.

But here is what I learned is also true.
It feels like it might but grief will not kill you.
It is possible to have grief and a kind of low key calm of small pleasures in the same day.
The grief is about the last chapters of acceptance....but after acceptance comes new hope for different things. Like spring after winter. It always comes.
This break of time is a gift for you. No need to see his fake smarmy pathetic face. No need to pretend anything to anyone actually. You can do as much or as little as you want...just try to keep on with that hunt for small pleasures bc they turn into a snowball of peace and even joy with a little time.
And how Christmassy is that right? X
« Last Edit: December 20, 2019, 06:43:07 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Schratz66Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #23 on: December 20, 2019, 07:32:23 AM »
Milly - you made me laugh out loud - and I shall picture that trash can lid now.....thank you so much

Sea - thank you so much

Treasur - as always you are so wise and I know wisdom comes from pain and loss and I very much appreciate your view of things. And of course it's not just the person we grieve, it is all our aspects of our lives that no longer are.

Back out of the bathroom now - tears wiped off and mascara reapplied - head held high with my ugly Christmas sweater and I am trying to stay in the moment surrounded by fabulous co-workers and great food and many laughs.
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Seahorse

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #24 on: December 20, 2019, 07:56:21 AM »
S66 - Great recovery!
Have an enjoyable pre-Christmas day with your co-workers.

Save that trash can lid for later!

Sea
Seahorses have one mate for life...

Online Treasur

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #25 on: December 20, 2019, 08:21:15 AM »
And there you go, 66, well done you  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline FearNot

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #26 on: December 20, 2019, 10:49:05 AM »
You go S66! Way to bounce back! Big Hugs! I can kinda hear the clang of that giant lid connecting when need be!! ::)
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Schratz66Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #27 on: December 25, 2019, 08:51:00 AM »
If you need proof that MLC are looney - picture this.
H is spending Christmas with OW and her family and yet at 930 am he thinks about me and sends me the generic Merry Christmas schratz66!!!

Why not either be all in with her or leave her ?

He is still stuck between two chairs - neither all there nor here.

It has to be exhausting to them.

Me, I know who I love and who I want to be with and that hasn’t waivered in 25 years. It’s the one thing I’ve always been sure of.
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Seahorse

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #28 on: December 25, 2019, 05:25:36 PM »
Yes S66 - That's MLC!!

They want what they want, and expect that it is normal and okay.
A bit of self=focus on his side - thinking of you evenjhough he's left you.
Pretty typical, I think...

Hope that your day was wonderful and that the text this morning didn't throw you too far for a loop.

Sea
Seahorses have one mate for life...

Offline FamilyIsMyGoal

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
« Reply #29 on: December 26, 2019, 08:37:21 AM »
Such entitlement, right?   It's all about who he wants contact with and not about who he could be hurting. You are awesome Schratz, so strong!  It takes a really strong person to be able to go through this with love in your heart.  You continue to inspire me.
Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Divorced as of January 2019
I don't think I'm standing, but who knows what the future brings.
Two Teenage boys
Me: 55
H 59
OW? I don't know - probably plural

 

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