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Author Topic: My Story Acceptance Feels like Death

S
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My Story Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#30: January 08, 2020, 08:11:46 AM
Not much new to report other than I am glad the holidays are over. Same bland, generic greeting at 9 pm on New Years eve to have a Happy New Year - first one he wished me in 3 years...of course for a second I thought why isn't he with her on New Years eve...then I remembered that it doesn't really matter where he is as long as he is still not with me.

Finished another 5k and the my biking group ladies and I have booked our next girls trip in April....D is heading back to school for her last semester and I am still focusing on staying in the moment, appreciating all my blessings and rediscovering my faith.

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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

3
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#31: January 08, 2020, 08:38:00 AM
Thanks for the update Schratz! We’re you running and biking before BD, or are those things you have taken up since? I love to hear about how people have incorporated GAL activities!
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BD End of April 2017
Moved out - kind of, May 2017
Denied affair
Cycled hard April - Oct 2017, my son figured out affair, I confronted husband, we were going away as a family for the weekend - H monsters hard and files for a D end of Oct, 2017
D final Sept 2018
Many touch and goes
He lives in monster, kids haven’t been with him overnight since Jan 2019
Moved in with MOW, a former friend of mine, May 2019

F
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#32: January 08, 2020, 09:10:59 AM
Congrats on your 5K and cheers to booking another! Having something to look forward to helps! Your doing awesome S66!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
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M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

S
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#33: January 14, 2020, 12:27:49 PM
Thanks Fear...
3Boys - I did not take up running or biking until recently...as a matter of fact - I was not a fan of exercise at all - but I had to find something to wear me out physically and make me concentrate on physical pain rather than emotional pain. So, when I am riding up hill and my lung hurts and my legs want to fall off, at least my heart and soul is not hurting. And biking I could take up without being in shape....now we have a Thursday evening biking group of 5 ladies and we ride about 15 miles and then go out to eat - it's a lot of fun.

D is back at school and as always the first few days of being alone again are hard to get used to. And so the monkeys are running free range and dragging up past conversations about him wanting me in his life and him loving me and blablabla and none of it matters as long as he is still with her...…
Heavy heart but hopefully tomorrow things will be easier again...….

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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

F
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#34: January 14, 2020, 03:04:31 PM
Schratz, Your words are so relatable.  What a great outlet for you!  Why do these MLCers often say these things while still with another women.  Crazy.  Haha, I don’t have that problem, mine always tells me he doesn’t love me.  I’m not sure which is worse.

Anyways, I hope you have peace this evening.
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-39
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.

S
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#35: January 17, 2020, 05:18:06 PM
Strangely I am struggling more now that the holidays are over. Could be stupid Valentine’s Day and all the hype coming up or could be being alone again.
Could be seeing his truck again at work each day.

I do try to stay busy but how do we ever get rid of this loneliness, the yearning for our person...


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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

M
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#36: January 17, 2020, 05:25:14 PM
Oh, Schratz, I hear you. It is so hard to stop that lonely feeling. But January, post Christmas does make it so much harder. Accept that it's this time of the year and it will pass.

Your very clever idea to bike to stop the heart pain by covering it with physical pain was brilliant. Your girlie group of bikers is wonderful. You are doing so great. Give it more time for your heart to forget a bit more, and for your wonderful activities to make you feel good about yourself. My experience has shown me that whether I tried or not, the passing of time kept easing my pain. It will happen to you, too. That yearning feeling will gradually fade. And I'm not associating to the MLCer. It has nothing to do with whether the MLCer will deal with their crisis or not. Whatever they do, eventually we will hurt less. That is a good thing.

Keep doing what you're doing. You'll get there.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#37: January 18, 2020, 08:49:20 AM
Wow Schratz! A 5k and biking!  I'm so impressed!  For me, the no contact has been easier to handle.  I can pretty much do that we just communicate when necessary through email.  Also the fact that he is a mega-monster helps as well :-).  So please give yourself credit for the fact that you are dealing with seeing him or his truck often and you are handling things really well despite that.  When I find that I am dealing with my MLCer overly much for some reason, it sends me into a bit of a tailspin.  So I think you continue to be awesome!  Don't underestimate the trauma we have been through.  I'm pretty sure we all have PTSD, so be gentle and compassionate to yourself, you so deserve it!  xoxo
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Divorce Bomb August 6, 2017
Married 19 years
Together 22 years
Divorced as of January 2019
I don't think I'm standing, but who knows what the future brings.
Two Teenage boys
Me: 55
H 59
OW? I don't know - probably plural

S
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#38: January 21, 2020, 11:02:25 AM
Thank you Milly and Fam,
I do hope it is just the time of year and I do hope that with more time this loneliness will pass just like the gut wrenching pain eased with time as all the brilliant LBS on here told me it would. Of course it still hurts, but its more of a chronic, low level sadness most days with occasional gut wrenching flare ups.
Fam, i do believe we truly have been traumatized and have PTSD.
I also firmly believe in the mind - body connection and that too much emotional pain can manifest itself in disease, which I really do not want, so I keep trying and trying to let go and let God. Some days more successful then others and I really do think that once I can find another job away from him and the truck, I could let go a little bit more.

A friend of mine said that she thinks that I have to actively become friends with MLC to show him what he is missing. I always reply when he contacts and I mirror his style, but I am not ready to keep contacting him to try to strike up a casual buddy friendship. 

D settled back in at school - her final semester and she is so excited to graduate in May. On a sad note we just found out that the other grand-rat has a tumor as well and only weeks / months to live. So many losses these last few years it makes you not want to get attached to anything any more.
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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

K
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Re: Acceptance Feels like Death
#39: January 21, 2020, 01:42:52 PM
Can I join you please on the "I hate Valentine's Day" parade? OMG. Hearts everywhere. I want to puke.

About actively pursuing a friendship with H? Hmmmm. I agree that closing him off is not productive. But I am not so sure any kind of pursuit is good in the MLC realm. You can be kind and patient and loving in response to him. But otherwise, let him be. Reach out to him only if you are genuinely guided to do so. For me, it was reaching out to H on the anniversary of his grandmother's death. I knew it was a very difficult day for him so I reached out. And then let him be as you have been doing. You need to heal too.

Hugs friend. 
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Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

 

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