Author Topic: My Story 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process  (Read 3378 times)

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #60 on: February 14, 2020, 08:38:21 AM »
Got a long text from H this am explaining where he left S’s Valentine’s Day gifts at the house since we had already left for the airport. Could have just told S as he has done in the past. I responded a quick thanks. He said, “That’s it? Just thanks? Lol. Happy Valentines Day.”

Ummmmmm how do you even respond to that? Happy Valentines Day? Is he psycho? So I just said “thank you very much...better? And happy VD to you too.” VD—get it? Well he did bc he responded with a lol. And thanks. Weirdo.

Ok off to see the mouse!
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online Milly

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #61 on: February 14, 2020, 04:06:31 PM »
Oh, Kit, I felt all warm and cuddly all through your posts! Love how you up and took S to Disneyland for the Valentine's weekend! Who wouldn't want a mother like you!! You are awesome!!

Then, a gorgeous, ex-pro sportsman in a Porsche-he-can-afford is a good thing, Kit. Your H didn't have a car at all last week. That's what a MLCer looks like!  You so deserve to be looked at, you are eye candy. And if your H tried to replicate your old Valentine's gifts with OW, they will not be looking like you did in them! I've seen photos of her, and I've seen pretty, skinny you! Actually, now that I think about it, I hope he did buy her lingerie expecting to see what he saw with you! Bwahahah as Morte says!

However......love that he left gifts and sent you the Happy 'VD' message! You see, he can't stop thinking about you on the love day. Touch and go. Now have the most wonderful, Disney stay. I'm drinking a glass/bottle of pink Prosecco because I love pink. It's my treat to myself today. Lots of hugs and kisses to you both xxxxxxxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Maleficent

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #62 on: February 14, 2020, 04:59:03 PM »
Kit, Enjoy your date with the Mouse! So happy that you and your son are en route to the happiest place! Get a selfie with Prince Charming in front of the castle. ...Although the charming retired football player sounds intriguing if even for a moment!

Also happy that h left gifts. It's a good day and you are in Disneyland! Life is good.

(Milly, what's pink prosecco?)
BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

Online Milly

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #63 on: February 15, 2020, 03:53:52 AM »
Male, pink prosecco is when a little red wine is put into the prosecco/champagne to give it a pink colour, usually Pinot Noir. It makes it a little richer in flavour and very pretty.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Reallytrying

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #64 on: February 15, 2020, 06:39:37 AM »
Enjoy Disney!

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #65 on: February 15, 2020, 08:15:56 PM »
Disney for Valentines Day!! What a great idea. Hope you have a magical time!!

We hit Disney World in 29 days!!

You had me chuckling at the lingerie. I have MOO2 so..  yeah.

D and I had a sushi date for Valentines Day after LB ditched the kids for their usual Friday night dinner and S went off to hang with his girlfriend. I did 20 years of Valentine Days with LB... they were nothing special unless I did all the planning. You are welcome MOO2.  ;)
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

Offline KeepItTogetherTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #66 on: February 19, 2020, 08:31:39 AM »
Thank you all! Disney was great. S and I were definitely living our best lives. Of course we stayed at the same hotel and even the same room type that H, S and I stayed in 8 years ago prior to going on a Disney Cruise, so there was a little sadness initially. But we had a blast. So happy and blessed that I could do this for S.

H was a no show yesterday. Something about being sick. Then shows up this am with a brand new car. The same luxury SUV he had before. The reason he couldn’t give me money this month was bc he had allegedly spent so much fixing the old one last month. And now he has a brand new one. So I know he lied. Whatever. I’m angry bc he owes me a lot of money that I know I’ll never see. And also my pride and ego are hurt bc I know OW was right by his side when he got this. And now it has her stank all over it.  I prayed that God would grant me the humility I need to see this as a necessity—I know H does need a reliable vehicle, although not at the expense of me and S. I’m truly at a loss. I don’t know what to do. I think he’s slipping further in and I know he won’t  be able to give me money absent a court order. He doesn’t do it on purpose but he’s so irresponsible and selfish and immature.  I think I may need to finally divorce him. How is it my heart is breaking all over again?
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online Treasur

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #67 on: February 19, 2020, 09:22:05 AM »
Quote
He doesn’t do it on purpose but he’s so irresponsible and selfish and immature.  I think I may need to finally divorce him. How is it my heart is breaking all over again?

Bc a bit of you knows that he does do it on purpose actually? That it reflects his mindset and priorities? And that isn't a very pleasant thing to accept. He chose A instead of B financially; no one put a gun to his head. And he thinks that is acceptable and probably that he can do that without penalty or shame. Not a nice thing to see in a spouse or father is it? And yes, it is a bit heartbreaking to see in an unvarnished way.

I don't know your circumstances or what legal recourse you have other than divorce, Kit. But I do know that broadly speaking you have some version of two choices....accept what he is prepared to give and write off what he is not or challenge him to meet his legal obligations. Only you can decide which is necessary and best for you and your son.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Nerissa

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #68 on: February 19, 2020, 09:48:45 AM »
Quote
How is it my heart is breaking all over again?I hope

What T said above, but also this stands out to me.  WHY is it, do you think? -  without self criticism, because you do that often.  But then perhaps the why and the putting your very-remarkable-self down might even be linked.

Glad Disney was a success x

Offline Dumbfounded

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Re: 3.5 Years In: Trust The Process
« Reply #69 on: February 19, 2020, 10:25:42 AM »
The reason that my heart kept breaking over and over was because I wanted to see the good in LB.

On an ego level, I wanted to think that I hadn't really and truly married a selfish jerk.  I wanted to think that he really wanted what was best for me and the kids but because of his crisis he was just not able to give it to us. I wanted to make an excuse for him, for us, for me.

What I eventually had to face was that he was totally capable of doing the right thing, the decent thing, the proper thing but he was CHOOSING not to over and over and over again. He wasn't asking for my help or forgiveness. He wasn't going to an IC. He was making poor left choices left and right. And it was heartbreaking.

I was trapped on the expectation bus. Expecting LB to come to his senses. He hasn't yet.   I would not be shocked to have LB pull up in a new luxury car one of these days after having to fight him in Court to get D money for college. I expect nothing now ... and most of the time that is exactly what I get.     
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

 

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