[Seahorse]

Yellow Rose -
So funny, because I was thinking this exact same thought the other day.
I read on another LBSs post that they have women interested in them, and wouldn't have a problem finding a date...
I thought --  I DO NOT have this problem, even tough I am well-educated, decent looking, fun to be around...

Although my time frame is shorter than yours (BD 2017), I am sure there is a reason.
Maybe God is protecting our heart from further hurt right now or the need to reject someone/or be rejected....
Maybe He is saving us for when our H comes out of MLC....
Maybe He wants us to be more open and receptive - maybe more aggressive...

As you know, nobody knows God's reason, but pray about it.

BTW - Why do you think you're not attractive to other men?  It could be that they know your story and know that you're not interested in a relationship; or maybe they feel it when talking to you?

Interestingly, we had a sermon about a month ago.  The pastor gave the impression that being single and wanting God's plan doesn't mean you need to be idle.  He implied that we need to "participate" and even mentioned Christian Dating sites as a good place to meet other singles.  Obviously this doesn't apply to those  standing, but I thought it was interesting.

I've actually started a new thread on that topic.

Sea

[beyondblessed]

I don't think God makes us invisible to others.   God gives us all free will to do and receive as we choose.  Making us invisible to others would be, in essence, be taking that free will away from us, along with the opportunity to attract others to us.

[trusting]

I think it is definitely possible that God might block people/relationships that would deter you from His purpose.  In my very long stand, I feel like that has happened to me.  But truth to be told, as much as I desire to be loved again, I have never been able to imagine myself with anyone other than my H, at least not yet. 

[Yellowroseoftexas]

Trusting that's my problem (is it a problem???).  I love my husband.  I went on a blind date and he was OK. It gave me a huge boost in a fragile ego.  He wondered why no one had "scooped" me up. He made me feel like a woman again. 

[Standing Strong]

I have a story that may or may not line up with that Trusting, BB, Sea, Yellow and beyond.
I haven't shared it before because I feel very....... sad(?)..... guilty(?)..... ashamed(?)...... that W may yet choose to not pick me back up. It's a little hard to place that feeling.

I've also had that thing which Sea describes: Women hitting on me..... and not just any women: Christian women. Good women. It was very confusing to me. Here I am, a married and committed man who loves his W very much. I still wear my ring, still don't give any woman the time of day when it comes to my heart (except W). I wore blinders my whole M, and now with the blinders off I can see her faults (and mine) and I still choose to love her.

It bothered me greatly about Christian women hitting on me, looking at my ring and inquiring about my marital status. I didn't think it was right, at all. How did they know to ask me? It's not like women go around at church asking all the men there if they're married.
Eventually I asked God about it. He had already told me at the beginning of MLC the choices I had to make, and the choices W had the make.... and showed me the result of each of those choices..... and most importantly what choices would arise from our choices. They revolved around patience, sacrifice and faithfulness. Not fun, but he showed me which was his preferred choice..... and it's not easy (and yet we are still only human).

This time I asked God about these Christian women and he explained that there are many women out there, in pain, petitioning him for a good man: Asking him for years on end to send them a good man. He also has heard my cries for years on end as I endured W's emotional abuse and prayed for a Godly woman (W) to love me..... and he is faithful to respond. His preferred plan is to fix W, but she can reject it..... and to strengthen me for the next thing I'm to do for him. If W rejects it, I can sacrifice to continue keeping the door open and he will work with that....... but if I choose to stop (which is not what he wants) then he is prepared to send me to a good woman and answer two prayers at once. Good from bad no matter what happens.
For now I'm told to "wait"... and I will. I know that I am blameless IF I hold on and am faithful to the end of my strength and the strength God gives me when I run empty. This serves some purpose, or lesson although I don't totally understand it. He is with me and sees my pain, understands my suffering, and encourages me to hold on.... but has told me that if W does reject her part, there could come a day where I yell "No more, please".... and he will sadly step in and put an end to the situation. I hope that day never comes. That W will do her part, that I will continue to do my part, and that God's plan and design is fulfilled...... I don't want to be an answered prayer for some other woman. I was joined and given to W by God for purpose, but if I stop and am blameless he also won't waste me. He is always moving things around to account for everything which is happening. Always working to have good come from bad. Always hoping we make good decisions that he wants us to make, no matter the price it costs us. It makes him smile when we suffer: Not because he likes us to suffer, but because to do what his asks involves sacrifice........ and the sacrifice isn't about us or our spouse, it's about faithfulness and loyalty and hurt and love for him. Just has he did all these things for us.
In the case of the Christian women: I was picked up on their radar as W went thru her monster period. God allowed them to become aware that a good man may become available (W was so close to throwing it all away and burning down the bridge of our M..... that was her choice to make) and God was watching to see that I not fall when a woman approached me. I didn't. Then W improved (her choice and God's work in her heart) and just like that, I seemed to disappear from the Christian women's radar. I'm very happy about this, but it was nice to know for a moment that I'm attractive and valuable to the female eye. I sure don't get that at home, and that's a very hard thing to live with everyday.

I don't know about being invisible, but I know he has a plan.... both his 1st choice of a plan, and his salvage plan. All of it is up to us, what we choose. As he moves us closer to him, it stretches us: Takes us beyond what we can currently do.... teaches us, makes us more like him. God is a gentleman, and when we say "stop", he does. Oh that we could all instead say "more" until he stops of his own accord.

-SS

[xyzcf]

You have stated so well SS what is difficult to put into words.

Many time we try to justify what God wants...God wants us to remain married to our spouse.

Many times, men did not do as God wanted and the results were disastrous.

I have had men interested in me, even though I have explained that I consider myself married to my husband. I had one guy who had every qualification that I could ask for in a man, he was a widow so didn't have a divorce hanging on his neck, he was the same faith as I am, attractive, fun, liked so many of the same things I did...it would have been a good life.

But it is not what God has asked me to do.

I am going over to write on the thread started about Christians and dating..the bottom line is not about what my spouse is doing but about my relationship with Our Lord and eternity...something that is hard for me to grasp.

The bottom line are the words I spoke before the alter, in front of my Lord "till death do us part."

[Couragedearheart]

Standing,

I feel like one of those odd things that God showed me over and over and over again was the story of the prodigal son. But the son left the father......not the spouse.....I couldn’t understand. He showed me that my H has believed he was a bad person his entire life.....for him to see that he wasn’t....he must actually do something bad to have the comparison. That the only way H could ever see that he wasn’t bad, that it was a false belief was to have some real bad action to see the difference.

I keep feeling as though I am being shown the father of the prodigal son, he didn’t chase, he didn’t fix, he took care of the responsibilities that God had given him at home. He loved, he held nothing back, no manipulation or withholding to keep the son from leaving.

God taught me that love is an action and a choice, every time that H chooses to come home to me he has chosen in that moment to love to be there and so instead of looking at my unmet expectations I will choose to see the love in that choice and show love (and boundaries). It also helps me to not worry about the what if’s.

God is love. When I ask that the people I encounter see him in me today....I am asking that I show love to others.....it has transformed every relationship in my life. It has ripples I couldn’t have imagined. When I act and speak and think out of love I am softer, more gentle, and I see the love around me.

I see now his hand, in so many things. Every time I cry to him and tell him I am lonely or overwhelmed I have received a timely phone call or visit from a friend or relative or someone who I hadn’t spoken with in months reaching out to check on me or remind me that I am loved. Some of the people He has sent I didn’t even know had a relationship with God.

God is teaching me to listen.
To be patient.
To have humility
To be still
To stop holding back
To tear down my walls
To stop looking at the pain and look for what will be received on the other side of the pain
To stop hiding
To let Him fill my cup
To see the futility of my machinations when compared to the intricate tapestry he is weaving and stop trying to fix or manipulate the outcome

And that’s all I can think of tonight. 😊

[Standing Strong]

Hey CH!!!

Wow, you echo what I feel in such a big way.
Isn't it so interesting how they think they are so bad? They just can't see it. I'll admit, I've had fear about W actually doing something bad and then saying "oh look...... I wasn't bad.... but now I am".

I think about the prodigal son a lot too....... I bet his father was praying night and day until he came home. I wonder if that's part of it for us too. I know growing up, there would be little old ladies at the church, and they would be praying for all the young people. Once in a while, something would happen something good) and the little lady would let the teen know "I've been praying for you". Normally it would be about salvation, but the little old lady would be so happy..... God had answered, she had been faithful in her prayers.
Something that this makes me think about is: One of the wonderful things MLC has brought to my life is praying for others. I find that as I do this, oh do I care more about them and want the best for them. People I don't really know, co-workers, family... not just me or W...... and I wonder..... is that part of the key to us forgiving, moving forward and forgetting sin as God does? I think it may.

I know all LBS's question the ability to love again and to trust again...... the farther I go, the more I understand it is all a choice. Maybe one that isn't easy, or fair..... but it's a choice which can be made.... and thank God for that.... if those were things were ruled simply by emotions then no one would ever forgive. We are called to forgive, we must. There isn't a choice to be made there except by pride, hurt, scorn or anger. God could have treated us that way and he didn't. The more I learn, the more I understand what the cross really means..... and to take up our cross and follow him.

I don't know how the secular LBS's do it... the greatest gift of MLC has been the growing of faith, understanding, love, compassion and mercy. I don't know if I could have gotten any of these things without God. I know me..... I would have struggled to hand on with my own strength, quit/failed and given up.... believing that there was nothing wrong with me and staying THE EXACT SAME WAY. What lies we tell ourselves. No matter what my MLC'er chooses, God says I needed these things to be the man I'm suppose to be. What he would have me be is what I want more than anything else in life, and to make him happy/proud.

I'm so happy to have such friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ here on HS. You are such a blessing to me, and my heart goes out to all of you.

-SS

[AlvinTheMaker]

I don't know how the secular LBS's do it...

No magic in there. Just a different underlying belief system and perspective towards the world.

I am no Christian,  but I did grow up in family and area that was pretty 'hardcore' with religious views. If I would have to use a "Christian expression" to tell how I feel within, I would say "I now watch the world through eyes of Mary".  But instead I just go "I'm full of grace, full of compassion, full of forgiveness. Not because of you, but because of me".... Basically both convey the same message of "personal salvation".

I acknowledge I'm sample of one, but hopefully my response provides some insights how some of us (in this case 'atheist/budhist) cope this all without religion.

Alvin

[Standing Strong]

Very cool, thanks Alvin 

I don't get the "thru the eyes of Mary" though (I'm not Catholic). 
That description of compassion, grace, forgiveness, strikes me as very Christ-like though. That I can understand 

-SS