Same, guys. And Doc, I think it's something those of us getting close to the decade mark with vanishers (or at least, not clingers or on-off-on types) have the opportunity to observe objectively, without so much feeling attached. When we're actively in these relationships it's impossible to not also be bringing to our judgment our emotions, our attachment, and our own baggage. For me, I came from the same kind of dysfunctional family as he did, so it was a quick and easy match. He was the best friend I ever had and that too was something I had to get honest about, once I started working through my own reasons for not aiming higher. He was the type of person who had such a soft identity that he would become like whoever he latched onto, matching their interests, style, etc. I even pointed it out to him at times. He could discard them just as quickly and be on to the next thing. Naively I thought, "At least I know the REAL him, who is just like me!"
As though he wasn't doing the same thing. Yes, the discard of me and the drastic things at midlife have been more extreme, but they've also come after his diagnosis and treatment of bipolar (and I do wonder if instead of chemical imbalance, it is borderline, or a combo of the two). Chicken or the egg as to what the catalyst for the bigger version is. But if we use what we learn from this we become better at relationships, more self loving, and certainly, less accommodating! Glad to hear you're doing well, Doc, and that life indeed does go on.