Author Topic: My Story BRAND NEW MAN 2  (Read 3662 times)

Online Treasur

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My Story Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2019, 05:00:14 AM »
I agree with Thunder, my friend.
But you know.

And your boys? Well I suppose you are using some of your fine LBS skills to keep opening the door and show them a safe way out. All you can do, and you're doing it incredibly well....like catching squirrels right? But of course it needs patience bc they are afraid. I suspect in years to come you will hear some stories from them about what it has been like actually living in that house.

It is very sad about your w and I don't know what her version of rock bottom will be that makes her get help, but all of us wish that for her. I know you love her, probably some bit of you will always love her, and I completely get how painful it is to watch this kind of train wreck and be able to do nothing. And why you don't want to watch as well as don't want to be sucked into the vortex of it. But there is no shame in loving someone, Watcher, tucked away in a corner of your heart.

There will be better Christmases to come, Watcher
Keep going.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline WatcherTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2019, 11:14:10 AM »
Hi Thunder, Treasur.

Well we got off to a good start and now I have to do some talking/damage control I gather. IDK. She is a real B***h that one.

I texted S16 this morning and he was up so I arrived at the house and S19 had them organized and ready to go. S19 finished taking care of the pets, picking up after them and brought in the garbage can from the curb.

Off to the mall we went and they picked up their winter gear with S16 choosing 2 coats and S19 choosing 1. They each picked out hat and gloves. The original gloves they chose were Cashmere and leather at a sale price of 93 dollars each. LOL I told them to choose again.

We went out for lunch and S16 needed a protective cover for his phone. As we were driving S19 asked S16 if they had milk at home so I knew that didn't come from him.

Apparently she must have texted S19 earlier to see what he was doing and ,in his defense, it's normal to say out with dad shopping.

S16 immediately chimed in, mom just texted me and said you haven't been paying for school and I'm about to be thrown out. Nice.

So we went back to the house. S19 was going to be stressed so I didn't bother asking him how she knew. S16 says he probably told her yesterday that we were going out and he says that's normal dad. Ok I can't get on S19. Again he is just 19 in a number.

So I talked to S19 just to alleviate any stress his mom caused by putting him in the middle. I talked to S16 in more detail.

First I explained the school situation. I informed him that his mom does not pay for school. She took me to court over the school tuition and the judge was supposed to decide how much we are each responsible to pay. I said your mom refuses to pay any bills.

I informed him that he will most likely be asked questions during this divorce process and he can answer anyway he chooses. Again I will not be mad with his answers.

He replied he knows exactly what he is going to say to the court. So I did soothe him a bit however she did stress him out.

Oh and she hit him also with the milk request after really delivering him that mean spirited text. I told him she should never had mentioned the school issue to him.

I explained everything from being thrown out on June 1st and onward. I did tell him that she is going to get much worse as she already lost her car and she does not want to goto court in January.

He says they really just ok her. They don't really listen to anything that she has to say. So I had gifts for them and I will talk to them for a bit longer. Again I have to handle 19 differently.

Yes she constantly makes me eat my compassion for her. Well I know it's going to get a lot worse.

Ooh Eric Church "Monsters' song is my new fav. Yep I agree with his lyrics. We grow up and learn that the RL monsters are far worse than the ones under our beds.

Ok I have talk to them a bit and will be back later.

Thank you
« Last Edit: December 24, 2019, 11:17:19 AM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2019, 12:23:49 PM »
Watcher,

You could also have told him you told school last Spring he were not returning to that school, but she sent him there anyway, just expecting you to pay for it.

Well I guess you've said enough.
Maybe just let it go for now and see what happens in January.

I'm glad you had a nice time with the boys, that's what mattered, plus they got some nice winter gear.
Tomorrows another day. 

Hang in and don't let her rattle you anymore.

I hope you have a good Christmas tomorrow, Watcher.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online in it

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #13 on: December 24, 2019, 12:40:06 PM »
When they can't control you, they try to control how other people see you: Currently it's your kids.

Stay above it as much as you can. If those boys don't know the or can't see the truth by now, they will when then divorce is final it's over with.
I agree with Thunder the less you let her get to you the less power she has. No reaction, is not easy. Don't react to whatever she says.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Online karmirtsaghik

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2019, 04:10:14 PM »
Attaching Watcher,

You could have also explained to your son, that all these years you paid for school and volunteered endless hours in order to earn discount. That his mom also had a chance to volunteer like every parent but chose not to.
I wish you and your sons will get some peace in New Year. Merry Christmas!

Offline WatcherTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #15 on: December 24, 2019, 06:26:11 PM »
Hi Thunder, Init, Karmirtsaghik.

Yes they generally enjoyed themselves today. S19 is very easy to talk to. They know how to pick out their own clothes and I just had to wait until they came back to me with their items. There is no need to stand over them while shopping.

He now is showing me growth. He was quiet the first few days with me just like the new cat. He has been engaging the past 2 days. We returned to the house after her fiasco and we just talked about the cat and the dog in his bedroom.

He seems to take care of his bedroom, the 2 animals and his little brother. Yes I have been impressed with him.

S16 did worry that she was going to be mad now again. I told him she wasn't going to yell at them. He tried to convince himself that I was telling the truth. Yes I went over everything with him.

She probably did reach out to S19 to ask about his day/give him orders and was most likely horrified to learn that they were with me hence the immediate text to S16. He says she never texts him.

I told the both of them I do not live with them so their mother has to buy the milk. I also told them I made a mistake in buying the water as that is her responsibility.

I reminded them to call me as needed. If she is not home tomorrow than I will come and get them.

Her world seems to be falling apart. The car and most likely now the school notice. The Holidays and the looming court date. No she will get no reaction from me.

Yes the boys are her control. Her stupidity is so tiring. This need to exert control all the time. S16 has had enough of her. Does he have the strength to leave ? Not yet. I am always amazed with how he is so candid.

He has an accurate opinion of her that he has formed on his own. He thanked me for today and all I can do is show him that I really want to be a part of his life.

I told them I will stop by on Thursday before I have work. I'm tired and going to sleep.

Have a good night.
Thank you and Merry Christmas

Offline WatcherTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #16 on: December 25, 2019, 07:05:13 PM »
So today was the 5th crisis Christmas. Alright I guess it was OK.  ::)

In 2015 she invited me home and we had our typical family Christmas. In 2016 I visited the boys as she was out with her mother. In 2017 I lived at home. The boys opened their presents that morning and she took them out immediately afterwards for 15 hours and gave me a big FU.

In 2018 I didn't visit as we had our harassment/criminal case brewing and this year we have the divorce so I stayed put. Anyway I was able to see my sons yesterday.

So I spent the day with my family. Its overwhelming as they go overboard with the gift giving. My brother gave me a medallion and bib holder display case. Now runners are geeks. They love that stuff.

Eventually I put on shorts as it was too hot and my sister commented on my calves. I told her she's not supposed to notice my calves. That's for other women who are not my sister to notice.

I have a run on Saturday and I'm looking forward to it. This one is only a 5K but it's been awhile now since my last run. I get to break in my new Brooks Ghost 12's and I need some distraction.

I think I'm going to have to continue leaning on this running and Kickboxing to get me through this divorce process.

I had a bout of feeling rejected heading into today. IDK why now it surfaced. Feeling like I was replaced in favor of another man, another woman, or a sex toy. Or all 3 in her case.

She has this thing where every other man is better than me. At least that's my impression because she gives every other man the time of day. Meanwhile I really no longer want her attention.

So I'm sure I got it out of my system and I know her breaking NC stirred up feelings in me where I question myself. I guess she just disturbed me right when there was a lull in my running and concerts. She hit at the right time.

Tomorrow I will attend Kickboxing in the morning and then make contact with the 2 boys before I have to go to work. I left them alone today.

I really want to be in a different place next Christmas. Its just time.

So we will see if things remain quiet for a bit.

Have a good night.  :)
« Last Edit: December 25, 2019, 07:06:36 PM by Watcher »

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #17 on: December 25, 2019, 07:28:33 PM »
Flip that thinking to:

Its HER loss NOT yours.YOU deserve better than her. You deserve to be treated better than she treats you.

I'm glad to see you say you no longer want her attention. Who would? All she does is try to manipulate and abuse and control you. They create self doubt these types. Don't let it take hold. You are enough.

You deserve better than a lying, cheating, abusive, manipulative, angry, self-centered woman, don't you think?

Start saying that "I deserve better". Get rid of the "rejected" narrative and change it to "redirected". And eventually you will see this is going to be a blessing.
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

Offline WatcherTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #18 on: December 26, 2019, 11:49:50 AM »
I was up early this morning for Kickboxing as my gym friend was texting me. The class was packed as everyone was attacking yesterday's calories. Apparently your not supposed to eat cookies. Not just yesterday. I mean Ever. No cookies and no donuts. Ever. LOL....

I did get my haircut the other day so I looked good this morning. I stopped by the house afterwards. I checked with S16 beforehand. She has this thing where she leaves the outside light on because she returns home in the dark. It gets dark by 430pm.

That alone is an indicator that she went to work however I clear it with my son first. I only had an hour today as I have to work.

They were both happy to see me and were talkative. I had gifts from my family. S16 talked a lot about protein shakes as he is ready to start adding weight now.

I did advise him that he is going to have to accept that he will gain weight now so maybe it's time to put the scale away. He can talk forever about fitness and his goals.

S19 still has the cat and dog hanging out with him. He has no goals so we talk about other things. The dog is always happy to see me.

They had a quiet day yesterday and unfortunately they are accustomed to this life.

Ooh Carly Pearce/Lee Brice "I Hope You're Happy Now".  ;D

IDK what to expect from her. Let's just get to the 14th and see what happens.

I think S16 wanted me to stay a bit as he was surprised I had to goto work. So my family provided them with gift cards because they need clothing. So they have the option of shopping online or going to the store with either me or their mom I said.

As of today she still does not have the car and I really dont know how long she has to reclaim it. I live in a world where I pay my bills. Her world is very foreign to me.

So tomorrow should be a repeat of today. Gym, boys, work. The woman does not want to change her ways. There's nothing I can do.

Enjoy your day
Thank you Init
« Last Edit: December 26, 2019, 11:52:33 AM by Watcher »

Online in it

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 2
« Reply #19 on: December 26, 2019, 01:32:37 PM »
You are Welcome Watcher.

You have to develop the attitude who gives a sh!t what she thinks, says, does or anything else. You have had enough.

Time for you to repair whatever damage she has caused in regards to you. It may take a while, this kind of cruel heartless brutal treatment causes different kinds of issues.Just remember.The abuse was never your fault.

She's a grown woman who makes her own decisions. Bad ones, but they are hers to own.

She didn't and doesn't even treat you like a human being. Don't allow her to drag you down with her.

It's a waste of time and energy focusing on her. The days of wondering whether she's in "replay" in the "tunnel" in a "fog"  are over with.

She's getting herself to work just fine apparently.

I am happy the boys were happy to see you.They'll be busy online with their gift cards probably. The boys will be ok, it's better the house is quiet than a war zone.

Yes I'm sure the 14th can't come fast enough.

Take care of yourself
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

 

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