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Author Topic: My Story How did I get here?

H
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My Story How did I get here?
#80: August 09, 2020, 05:59:14 PM
The boys and I haven’t seen or heard from W since 7/4 when we went to mass and dinner. She has not invited us to attend mass with her since. I suspect it must be getting to difficult for her to pretend that all is ok.

I’ve been cruising along working, home projects (prepping to pour a concrete sidewalk), hanging with friends, working out and running. Today I had a bad day for the first time in over a month. Not really sure why. Went on a four mile run to sweat out the negative emotions. This always seems to work wonders. I have no expectations other than tomorrow is a new day and I will continue to work on being my best.

Last week I was thinking that her lease will be coming up in seven weeks and hoping that she doesn’t ask to come home. I know she and I aren’t ready for that as we both still have work to do. I know I have a good start but doubt she has even started.

Still standing (after picking myself up of the ground today)

HD
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W51
M54
Together 27 Married 22
S21  S19
BD 9/29/19 (Moved out while I was away for weekend with no prior warning.  I was shocked)

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How did I get here?
#81: August 09, 2020, 06:17:39 PM
I find Sunday the toughest day of the week. We always went to mass and then would either go out for breakfast or come home and make bacon and eggs...sometimes we'd visit our folks...we both worked full time so Sunday's were a "lazy" day...of course when football season started I could hear the games in the background as I went about doing house stuff...and usually we had a typical Sunday dinner...roast, potatoes, vegetables.

Or sometimes we'd take our sports car for a fun drive..it was just a good day, a day that we were together as a family.

I find Sunday's so empty now..what was a family day is now a day to get through. I recognize it as such...usually just happy when the day is over.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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How did I get here?
#82: August 09, 2020, 08:46:19 PM
Thanks for the update Hoosier. Sundays are difficult for me too. It used to be family day. And with COVID, I don't see as much of my church family either.

One bad day a month is pretty good. Keep up the good work, especially the squashing expectations.

To life!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

H
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How did I get here?
#83: August 23, 2020, 07:16:04 AM

So I got S21 and S19 off to there respective universities. It made me a bit sad but it was time. No word from W. Still no contact since 7/4 except seeing her at mass last weekend. She did ask if she could sit with us and I said of course.

Got me thinking about how no one in her immediate family has reached out to the boys to see how they are. Her FOO is not a healthy bunch when it comes to supporting one other. Probably the root of some of her issues as after her father passed while she was a freshman at college she was basically on her own. When we first started dating she never wanted to visit her mom and younger siblings. She used to comment that it was like a group of strangers when they got together.

Replay is back on after a hiatus. She’s back to chasing after fun and happiness by attending our sons former HS football team events. They are limiting attendance but her new recently divorced friend has sons on the team so she has access to her family allotment of tickets.

Time to get the house cleaned up now that the boys are gone. I see a few improvement projects on the horizon. I also have a trip planned with friends in a month if it doesn’t become a COVID casualty.

Still standing,

HD
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W51
M54
Together 27 Married 22
S21  S19
BD 9/29/19 (Moved out while I was away for weekend with no prior warning.  I was shocked)

H
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#84: September 05, 2020, 07:36:23 PM
So after 9 weeks of silence I get a text from W at work last week, “Want to meet me tomorrow night at xxx?” Needless to say I was shocked. I waited 4 hours to clear my head and responded “Sure”.

It’s been 11 months since BD and this is the first time she’s wanted to meet with me alone. I went with no expectations but figured this could go one of 3 ways.

1. She is filing for divorce.
2. She wants to come home.
3. ???

So we we had dinner, a few beers and light conversation about our sons, families, sports and current events. No relationship talks. So I guess #3 was the outcome. I’m still perplexed by this random reach out. Was this just a temp check?

Still standing,

HD
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W51
M54
Together 27 Married 22
S21  S19
BD 9/29/19 (Moved out while I was away for weekend with no prior warning.  I was shocked)

5
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#85: September 06, 2020, 07:29:15 AM
Hi Hoosier,
I am attaching to follow your updates.

5hil
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#86: September 07, 2020, 08:37:49 AM
That was kind of weird. Sounds like an anchor check to me. Or a guilt-alleviation exercise. But who knows with these people?

Sounds to me like you handled it well. It had to be difficult not to press her to decide on #1 or #2. Limbo is no fun.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

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  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
How did I get here?
#87: September 08, 2020, 03:45:27 AM
Found a GIF of you from the other night... maybe a little older and greyer but....



As for her motivation... What does green taste like?
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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#88: September 08, 2020, 04:52:35 AM
UM - I think that describes our meeting to a tee.

I think green may taste a bit bland like an unseasoned vegetable or lettuce.

Still standing,

HD
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W51
M54
Together 27 Married 22
S21  S19
BD 9/29/19 (Moved out while I was away for weekend with no prior warning.  I was shocked)

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  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
How did I get here?
#89: September 08, 2020, 04:58:05 AM
UM - I think that describes our meeting to a tee.

I think green may taste a bit bland like an unseasoned vegetable or lettuce.

Still standing,

HD

But trying to taste it with your elbow makes it even more "interesting."
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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