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Author Topic: My Story Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop

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My Story Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
OP: December 29, 2019, 02:50:06 PM
Previous Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10253.150

I can only wish everyone a happy new year as we all move forward working on ourselves, and making the best of our situations and lives. As I look forward to 2020, I can reflect back on 2019.

Wow, 2019 was another amazing year. High points, going to my ceremony for my Doctoral Degree in January, cruise to the Bahamas for my birthday, new job assignment as a Superintendent of Instruction, oldest daughter's marriage, family trip to New York, and finally, a phone call from my ex apologizing to me. I also focused on getting healthy and fit.

I also learned how to fold my laundry condo style and wash windows without leaving streaks!

I thought 2018 was incredible, 2019 was a solid encore, and now 2020 brings more goals and opportunities to build a better life for me and those around me.

Right now, I am home watching my Broncos play and waiting for the laundry to dry. Then a little binge watching with my wife while I fold laundry and then time to clean the shower. (Not all things are fun!)

I am going to spend next week taking care of a few things around the house and typing a few documents for work. It will be another hard run as we implement new strategies and a focus on student learning. Also opening a new school in August. Yikes!

However, I am up for the challenge and with the right mindset, I know great things will happen. My wife and I continue to grow together and build a life as a couple. We have our moments, but we confront our issues and work on our conflicts rather than avoid them.

Which brings me to my goal for 2020 for the forum. I really am going to focus on the LBSer and conflict avoidance. I have been thinking about this for the past few weeks and a post by Law Professor has really intrigued me. I am reflecting on my own situation and others. Something to research and ponder for the upcoming year.

(((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs))) to everyone and here's to a fantastic New Year!

Ready
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#1: December 29, 2019, 03:29:08 PM
Congratulations Ready for such accomplished recent years. 10 years sounds like eternity. I just passed 5 th year mark, and still not there where I want to be professionally and financially. My hope for 2020 is to finally get there and have a life. Can I ask you how long did it take to regain your professional and financial stability after BD. Thank you.

Happy New Year to you too!
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#2: December 29, 2019, 03:47:43 PM
Hi Ready, so happy to hear your life is just getting better a d better. What an achievement yo gain your doctorate degree. Congratulations.

Wishing you much happiness with your W.
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#3: December 29, 2019, 04:02:27 PM
Great to hear, Ready!

I just love to hear success stories.  Makes me feel like this whole rotten nightmare will eventually end.

Best xxx
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#4: December 29, 2019, 05:09:38 PM
Ahhh, Ready, you sound great!!  So many high points for you the past few years, and I know they didn't come accidentally or by mere chance...they came because you made them happen.  You GAL, you moved forward, you used time wisely.  Bravo, my friend!!

And, the Broncos happen to be Big's team...so you have good taste there, as well  8)  And, as another bonus, you are just as passionate about becoming healthier and more fit, just like me.  Crazy that this journey had to made to bei g us together, but life works in mysterious ways, and I'm glad to call you friend!

All the best to you and yours in 2020.  I look forward to following you escapades and will be cheering from the sidelines!
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#5: December 29, 2019, 05:10:13 PM
Hi Ready,,, I don't think I know much about your journey but this post of yours is so inspiring.  So I'm going to attach, listen, and learn from this 10 year veteran.  I hope one day I get to where you are - and I like the focus of your 2020 goals for the forum.  :)

 
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#6: December 29, 2019, 05:21:13 PM
Hi Ready,

You are truly a guiding light to us all. You are one of the people I listen to when you give advice. your story is inspiring. You are a shining example of what a complete and healthy person looks like.

Thank you for being there for all of us. You have touched so many
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#7: December 29, 2019, 05:35:23 PM
Ready -
Attaching...

Thank you for the wise words you so often provide.
Looking forward to your thoughts on conflict avoidance for 2020.

Sea
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#8: December 29, 2019, 05:41:23 PM
Congratulations on an amazing year Ready and wishing you continued success in 2020.
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#9: December 30, 2019, 01:10:02 PM
What a blessed few years!  Happy New Years!!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
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4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#10: December 30, 2019, 01:21:41 PM
Congratulations Ready on all the fruits of your labours.  :)
And as I recall, like most, you had a brutally hard first few years in your 10 but worked hard to adapt without losing the core of who you are, to heal and to move forward.
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Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#11: March 22, 2020, 06:32:11 AM
Hello,

Like many of you, I at home part of the state wide time out. In 30 years of education, I have never been at a point where they close all the schools for possibly the remainder of the year. Wow. We have been setting up online learning, making packets to mail home, and just trying to plan for the next few weeks.

The nice thing is that I did bring this matter up almost a month ago with the team and we had a plan ready to go before they shut us down. My only error was I figured around 30 days so with two weeks of Spring Break and two weeks of packets, I thought we would be just fine. Nope. Thank goodness, the teachers and staff have gone way above the call of duty.  It was truly heartwarming,  I could really see how much they cared for and were going to miss their students. My own daughter who teaches as well has shown me pictures of her own students as they completed assignments on their own.

My other daughter is safe at home and she will take her next quarter completely online. So many people working at home. Hopefully, we can establish that many people can still work from home when we get back to the new normal and see how much it impacts traffic. LOL

On my own personal story, I continue to workout, focus on my career, and help my wife with her business. She passed her kitchen manger test, we got the insurance, and are waiting on the health department to approve our shared kitchen space. We even had our first order through a business associate. Our first official check with the name of her business on it. Then the crisis hit. My gym is closed but I meet my personal trainer in his garage twice a week to workout. He is a college kid and needs the money. I have tried to order take out as much as I normally eat out so I can help the local restaurants stay open. It is my little gesture and doesn't compare to what others have done.

So many stories of heroic actions and deeds. Only then to hear of stories where people stockpiled items and trying to sell them on Ebay at a high profit. Paper towels, toilet paper, disinfectant wipes, diapers, and baby wipes. I guess a crisis like this brings out the best and worst in people. Which is my point. When I went through my crisis, it brought out the best and worst in me at times. My own personal journey to becoming whole again.

Just take this time to be well at heart and love those that are close to you-especially yourself

((((Ready))))
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#12: March 22, 2020, 06:51:30 AM
Nice post Ready-
Glad you were able to get your online teaching started ahead of the curve, so to speak.
Sounds like things are going well for your wife's business as well.
Nice when things fall into place.

Yes, crisis does bring out the best and (or?) worst of people.
Any kind of crisis.
As long as we stay focused on the important things, it will all work out...

Hugs and stay safe,
Sea
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#13: March 25, 2020, 07:52:07 AM
   HI Ready,

As always you are a shnning example a grace and humility. I just wanted to say thank you for showing the way. Your behavior has shown me a better way to deal with anger and resentment. From the bottom of my heart thank you !

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#14: April 29, 2020, 04:24:25 PM
Wow,

April 27 came and went without much fanfare. April 27 was bomb drop when I found out about OM and my journey began. Five weeks later, I found the forum. My safe place and it helped me take the steps to live for myself and my daughters.

Went back and here is my first post from June 12, 2010 and I even used my real name and had to have OP help me change it:

"I am forty-five years old and I have been married for 16 years. My w is 43 about to turn 44. We have two girls at home 10 and 14. My wife became obsessed with farmtown and through this met another man who she feels a true "love" for. They have never talked nor seen each other as he lives in England. However, she is very distant towards me and angry. She states that she supported me while I pursued my career and took care of the kids and she feels that I was never "there" for her. She has a compiled list of my "failures" and can only see the negative aspects of our marriage. She states as if she has accomplished nothing her entire life and that she wants to be bad. She states hat she loves me but s not "in" love with me anymore. I have been kind and respectful but the issues have made me an emotional wreck at times. Any attempt by me to have her give up on this affair has had no positive impact and has only made her angry. She wants to finish her CPA and then move out as she will be able to be financially stable at that time. She has not mentioned the word divorce except to state that she no longer fears it. She also tells me that it has been something that I have always wanted-which is far from the truth. I have worked on ensuring that I do my job, take care of the girls, and love each as much as possible. My heart aches at each day as I accept the loss of love. I pray each day, put a smile on my face, and go forth. I know I am in a battle for my wife and family. I also know that this is a journey that I must make with my wife. I have accepted that she is no happier than me- even with the affair. I see her struggle to sleep and has trouble accomplishing many tasks that she normally did. I know that if I continue to be positive, remind her that I am committed to the marriage, and that I continue to support the family, I can make a difference for my family- and myself. I am hoping that this forum will help me maintain perspective and create an inner peace for my heart."

Wow, does a decade make a difference. In the beginning, I thought my world was over. I remember crying at night and feeling lost. It was like driving a car like any other trip and suddenly all the wheels come off. The shock, the fear, and the total loss of control of what you perceive as your life. Today, the hurt and pain is gone, but I still feel the scars.

Now I am in a new marriage. We've done so much as a couple. Our wedding was incredible and going to Italy was beyond amazing. My wife and I are always trying new things, new experiences that take me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes it is incredible, sometimes we look at each other and say, "never again." We laugh, we cry, we argue, but most of all we love each other. It is nice to be back in a place where I feel safe, welcomed, and loved.

Now I am at home distancing from others. I really am at a ledge right now. The new position is exciting and exhausting. Being stuck at home and trying to hire new teachers, conduct evaluations, and build out for the next year is both opportunity and feeling trapped. This is all mixed in with are we starting in July, August, or September? Are we going to have half days with half of the students? Are we going to have am/pm sessions? How will teacher professional development be implemented? Lots of ambiguity that limits my ability to respond accordingly.

My wife's business is about to start. We have a web page design, business cards, a point of sale, business licenses, and health department permit. All set to go, just need to end this stay at home and let people get back to celebrations. I think this is a great opportunity, but I also worry if things don't work well. My wife has a lot of emotional commitment to this business and I really want her to be successful. Because this is about her, it is her thing, her passion, and as her husband, I really want to be the silent partner and let this be her moment to shine.

Two weeks ago, my renters moved out of my old home and it is on the market. Now, I have taken this time to complete some minor repairs and get the place back to shape. Overall, the place is not bad. However, they had little kids and the place is dirty. Just needs a deep cleaning to get it up to nice. I want to get tenants in soon so I can go back to being comfortable financially, little tight right now. Not horrible, but I feel some anxiety.

Overall, despite all the Covid stories, the loss of lives, the anxiety of the situation with friends and family, I find myself in a pretty good position  and looking forward to new challenges.

I guess I post this because I want everyone to see that you can go forward. I began this journey with a different end in mind, but I find myself in a different place. Is it better or worse? I don't know. That story is still being written at this time. However, I can say that the forum provided me tools to self-improve. How to interact with others, to listen carefully, to respond as opposed to react, the importance of self-care, to keep a positive view of yourself in challenging times.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to read and respond to so many stories on the forum. I have learned new perspectives, ways to see life, opportunities to learn and grow as a man, husband, and father.  Amazing how a few words from someone I have never seen can make such a positive difference. To lift and even carry someone through a tough day.

Just wanted to take the moment to thank my "virtual family" for giving me hope at a time I needed it the most and hopefully help those looking for hope right now.

(((((Ready)))))
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#15: April 29, 2020, 04:35:20 PM
Wow, ready

You sound great!  Congratulations! 🎉🍾🎈

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#16: April 29, 2020, 04:35:32 PM
Ready -
So nice to see how you've "come out on the other end".
A true example to wish for the happiness that you've found after the complete and utter destruction.

And thanks for staying around to take care of us who haven't quite gotten there yet.
Your words are always wise...

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#17: April 29, 2020, 05:24:59 PM
Thank you, Ready!!

I am very happy for you and your wife now getting to enjoy so much!  Your descriptions were spot on.  I was thinking of your post the other day how the x finally stepped up to say it wasn't you. That truthfully is what I would like to have most.  Who knows if it will ever come.  It's sad to see them become the total opposite of the love of our lives who we had no doubt we could count on.  I wish them all the best finding their way back.  I wish blessings and prayers to us LBS's and children to let God send in wonderful people like you have in your new wife to share with.  Congratulations !!!!  GGG
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#18: April 29, 2020, 06:14:19 PM
You are an inspiration Ready!  What an encouragement to know that life does go on!  We can move forward and make a new life in spite of what our current spouses chose!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-40
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#19: April 29, 2020, 08:09:31 PM
Thanks ready. You're a source of inspiration. It is always good to be reminded that no matter what life goes on, and new happiness (and new misfortunes) can take place. Smiling for you.

Alvin.
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Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#20: May 10, 2020, 08:46:05 AM
Hello,

Not much going on, but I did want to take the time and wish all the wonderful mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day. I am always amazed at how much time, care, and most of all the love you provide your children each and every day! Make sure you take today off, my wife is still lounging in bed, enjoying her Nespresso and bagel I brought to her. She has no plans for the day at all!

So enjoy your day and know how much all of us respect and admire mothers around the world!

((((Ready)))
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#21: May 10, 2020, 08:48:40 AM
Thank You Ready!!!  Have an awesome day!!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-40
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#22: May 10, 2020, 04:45:57 PM
Thank you, Ready.  Very much appreciated!  ;)
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#23: July 15, 2020, 07:58:23 PM
Wow,

The past few months have been highs and lows. On the low part, someone stole my cellphone and laptop out of my car. So a few really bad days of changing accounts and deactivating my phone. Learned after the fact on how to save all my information to the cloud LOL So I lost all my contacts and a lot of documents, but I have recovered and moving ahead.

At my new house, we have a sunscreen. It serves no purpose and living with an Asian family means we keep our shoes outside. When it rains, we have to go and bring all our shoes back in. So my dad drew up the plans, I got a city permit and on my week off from work, my dad and I built a covered patio. It is all done except for the paint and I will get it done this weekend. I was so tired, but I look out my glass sliding door and feeling pride at my project.

Now my wife and I will shop for some nice outdoor furniture and a fire pit. Yep, a fire pit. Ready the pyro is happy!

We start professional development next week with the teachers and we are bringing the students back 4 days a week full time. It has been a tough decision as most are keeping the students home on distance learning. We have implemented a safety plan and if we can keep the staff safe from each other, we believe we can benefit our students best by bringing them back into the classroom. We offered our parents full time online program or the four day a week plan and surprisingly 60% of our parents want the students back in school.

I just pray and hope that we are making the right choice and everyone stays safe. If you can, please say a prayer for the staff, students, and parents.

((((Hugs))))

Ready

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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#24: July 16, 2020, 04:40:38 AM
Ugh- the cell phone and laptop loss are so hard. You don´t even know all that you´ve lost until you need something.

Congrats on the building project- practical and you got to spend time with your Dad.

Fingers-crossed for the school. I worry about the school community. Teachers seem to be the disposable cog in the engine of getting the economy up and running. The remote was hard on everyone and probably not very effective but the price for the risks is so high.

Be well, stay well,
FTT
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D final 8/13

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#25: September 13, 2020, 06:34:28 AM
Ready -
Thinking about you and hoping you're enjoying your new patio (and fire pit)!
Has your wife's business been able to open back up yet?
Has the safety plan for your teaching been working well?  It would be interesting to hear because so  many colleges are doing such diverse things (some totally virtual still, some with dorms open, hybrids, etc.).

Let us know how/what you're doing...
Hugs,

Sea
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#26: September 13, 2020, 07:11:23 AM
Ready from one pyro to another, I'm excited for you.   ;D
You'll love the fire pit!

Prayers going up for all staff, students and parents that this stays safe for everyone....and God bless teachers!  They are truly hero's in my book.
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« Last Edit: September 13, 2020, 07:42:04 AM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#27: September 13, 2020, 05:37:51 PM
Hello,

Thanks for checking in.

Quote
Thinking about you and hoping you're enjoying your new patio (and fire pit)!

Two more weeks and it will arrive. Last week, I rented a powerwasher and cleaned the entire patio. It was over 100 degrees and no one really wanted to be outside. By the time the furniture arrives, it will be cooler and I look forward to spending some quality time with the wife on the love seat!!!!

Quote
Has your wife's business been able to open back up yet?

We just got the web page and the point of sale system going. No sales yet, but we are both confident as we head into the winter, we will start to take off. We are using the time now to fine tune the operation. There is a lot to learn and I think it is best to go slow until we have our system in place.

Quote
Has the safety plan for your teaching been working well?  It would be interesting to hear because so  many colleges are doing such diverse things (some totally virtual still, some with dorms open, hybrids, etc.).

We started virtual with the teachers working in their classrooms with no students. So far with one month in, no positive cases. We have had to send some staff home for two weeks but it was because a family member in the household tested positive not anything from the site. We submitted waivers to the county and state to open our elementary students to come to school for in person instruction. So in two weeks, students may be at two of our sites. Keep your fingers crossed! Right now I have been busy with reports to the state and training our site leaders on how to observe classroom teaching and providing feedback to improve instruction.

On a sad note, one of the teachers I worked with as a vice principal and as a principal passed away last Thursday. She was 66 and it was from ALS.  She was a little odd, always followed the beat of a different drummer. I put my youngest daughter in her class years ago and my daughter loved her. She always spoke of my aura as being beautiful. She would say, "It's so beautiful and filled with love. I wish you could see it."

She was a good teacher and never had a mean bone in her body. So sad that she isn't here, but I know she will find herself in a better place.

Everything else is going well. Going to watch a little more football before I go to be and wake up for another week of work.

((((Hugs))) and more ((((Hugs))) to everyone,

Ready



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#28: September 13, 2020, 06:06:26 PM
Ready -
Great update.
Enjoy the fire pit when it gets there.
Good luck with your wife's business.
Stay safe in the school - glad they seem to be able to work out in-person teaching in the near future.

I'm sorry about your friend's passing.
It's lovely about the aura -

Sea
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#29: September 13, 2020, 11:57:24 PM
Thanks for the update Ready. I'm so glad you've returned to the board. Reading updates about normal things like patio furniture, firepits, the wife and the loveseat gives me hope. Maybe someday I'll be living that kind of life again.

Thank God we had football this weekend. Thank God.

So sorry for the loss of your friend.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

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#30: October 28, 2020, 12:26:45 PM
Hello,

It has been a while since I last posted on my thread. A lot of ups and a few downs.

Outdoor furniture arrived and the fire table. About time. Really looking forward to enjoying an cool evening with the fire and a cocktail with the wife by my side.

Of course, fire breaks out in my county and my lovely new furniture is covered in ash. So I am trying to figure out how to clean it without working the ash into the fabric. So if you have any good advice, please, please post.

Wife and I had a fabulous anniversary weekend together. We just went to a hotel, had a couple of great dinners, an okay breakfast and a really nice long walk. Lot's of time to talk and focus on each other. It is nice to have a great time and come back feeling closer than ever.

On my professional front, we have opened both elementary schools. One month of students on campus and no outbreaks so far. Some positive tests for staff, but not linked to the site. Everyone in masks and social distancing. Lots of handwashing, temperature checks, and wipes galore.
However, just having the kids back on campus and learning is worth all the effort.

Hope everyone has a great remainder of the week and an even better weekend,

((((((Ready))))))
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#31: October 28, 2020, 03:57:53 PM
I’ve been desperate for a fire pit for a long time. So I’ll live vicariously for through you 😂
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

F
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#32: October 30, 2020, 05:04:53 PM
Ready, your weekend away sounds lovely!  I’m so glad your elementary opening is going well.  These fires are out of control!!!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-40
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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#33: November 01, 2020, 05:45:22 PM
Ready -
So happy for your bonding anniversary with your wife.
Living vicariously through you!

Fire pits are amazing; planning on building one in the Spring.

Glad that school is back in without a hiccough. 
Keeping my fingers crossed that it stays that way!

Sea
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