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Author Topic: My Story Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop

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My Story Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
OP: December 29, 2019, 02:50:06 PM
Previous Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10253.150

I can only wish everyone a happy new year as we all move forward working on ourselves, and making the best of our situations and lives. As I look forward to 2020, I can reflect back on 2019.

Wow, 2019 was another amazing year. High points, going to my ceremony for my Doctoral Degree in January, cruise to the Bahamas for my birthday, new job assignment as a Superintendent of Instruction, oldest daughter's marriage, family trip to New York, and finally, a phone call from my ex apologizing to me. I also focused on getting healthy and fit.

I also learned how to fold my laundry condo style and wash windows without leaving streaks!

I thought 2018 was incredible, 2019 was a solid encore, and now 2020 brings more goals and opportunities to build a better life for me and those around me.

Right now, I am home watching my Broncos play and waiting for the laundry to dry. Then a little binge watching with my wife while I fold laundry and then time to clean the shower. (Not all things are fun!)

I am going to spend next week taking care of a few things around the house and typing a few documents for work. It will be another hard run as we implement new strategies and a focus on student learning. Also opening a new school in August. Yikes!

However, I am up for the challenge and with the right mindset, I know great things will happen. My wife and I continue to grow together and build a life as a couple. We have our moments, but we confront our issues and work on our conflicts rather than avoid them.

Which brings me to my goal for 2020 for the forum. I really am going to focus on the LBSer and conflict avoidance. I have been thinking about this for the past few weeks and a post by Law Professor has really intrigued me. I am reflecting on my own situation and others. Something to research and ponder for the upcoming year.

(((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs))) to everyone and here's to a fantastic New Year!

Ready
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#1: December 29, 2019, 03:29:08 PM
Congratulations Ready for such accomplished recent years. 10 years sounds like eternity. I just passed 5 th year mark, and still not there where I want to be professionally and financially. My hope for 2020 is to finally get there and have a life. Can I ask you how long did it take to regain your professional and financial stability after BD. Thank you.

Happy New Year to you too!
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#2: December 29, 2019, 03:47:43 PM
Hi Ready, so happy to hear your life is just getting better a d better. What an achievement yo gain your doctorate degree. Congratulations.

Wishing you much happiness with your W.
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OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#3: December 29, 2019, 04:02:27 PM
Great to hear, Ready!

I just love to hear success stories.  Makes me feel like this whole rotten nightmare will eventually end.

Best xxx
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#4: December 29, 2019, 05:09:38 PM
Ahhh, Ready, you sound great!!  So many high points for you the past few years, and I know they didn't come accidentally or by mere chance...they came because you made them happen.  You GAL, you moved forward, you used time wisely.  Bravo, my friend!!

And, the Broncos happen to be Big's team...so you have good taste there, as well  8)  And, as another bonus, you are just as passionate about becoming healthier and more fit, just like me.  Crazy that this journey had to made to bei g us together, but life works in mysterious ways, and I'm glad to call you friend!

All the best to you and yours in 2020.  I look forward to following you escapades and will be cheering from the sidelines!
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#5: December 29, 2019, 05:10:13 PM
Hi Ready,,, I don't think I know much about your journey but this post of yours is so inspiring.  So I'm going to attach, listen, and learn from this 10 year veteran.  I hope one day I get to where you are - and I like the focus of your 2020 goals for the forum.  :)

 
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#6: December 29, 2019, 05:21:13 PM
Hi Ready,

You are truly a guiding light to us all. You are one of the people I listen to when you give advice. your story is inspiring. You are a shining example of what a complete and healthy person looks like.

Thank you for being there for all of us. You have touched so many
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#7: December 29, 2019, 05:35:23 PM
Ready -
Attaching...

Thank you for the wise words you so often provide.
Looking forward to your thoughts on conflict avoidance for 2020.

Sea
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#8: December 29, 2019, 05:41:23 PM
Congratulations on an amazing year Ready and wishing you continued success in 2020.
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#9: December 30, 2019, 01:10:02 PM
What a blessed few years!  Happy New Years!!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-40
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#10: December 30, 2019, 01:21:41 PM
Congratulations Ready on all the fruits of your labours.  :)
And as I recall, like most, you had a brutally hard first few years in your 10 but worked hard to adapt without losing the core of who you are, to heal and to move forward.
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Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#11: March 22, 2020, 06:32:11 AM
Hello,

Like many of you, I at home part of the state wide time out. In 30 years of education, I have never been at a point where they close all the schools for possibly the remainder of the year. Wow. We have been setting up online learning, making packets to mail home, and just trying to plan for the next few weeks.

The nice thing is that I did bring this matter up almost a month ago with the team and we had a plan ready to go before they shut us down. My only error was I figured around 30 days so with two weeks of Spring Break and two weeks of packets, I thought we would be just fine. Nope. Thank goodness, the teachers and staff have gone way above the call of duty.  It was truly heartwarming,  I could really see how much they cared for and were going to miss their students. My own daughter who teaches as well has shown me pictures of her own students as they completed assignments on their own.

My other daughter is safe at home and she will take her next quarter completely online. So many people working at home. Hopefully, we can establish that many people can still work from home when we get back to the new normal and see how much it impacts traffic. LOL

On my own personal story, I continue to workout, focus on my career, and help my wife with her business. She passed her kitchen manger test, we got the insurance, and are waiting on the health department to approve our shared kitchen space. We even had our first order through a business associate. Our first official check with the name of her business on it. Then the crisis hit. My gym is closed but I meet my personal trainer in his garage twice a week to workout. He is a college kid and needs the money. I have tried to order take out as much as I normally eat out so I can help the local restaurants stay open. It is my little gesture and doesn't compare to what others have done.

So many stories of heroic actions and deeds. Only then to hear of stories where people stockpiled items and trying to sell them on Ebay at a high profit. Paper towels, toilet paper, disinfectant wipes, diapers, and baby wipes. I guess a crisis like this brings out the best and worst in people. Which is my point. When I went through my crisis, it brought out the best and worst in me at times. My own personal journey to becoming whole again.

Just take this time to be well at heart and love those that are close to you-especially yourself

((((Ready))))
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#12: March 22, 2020, 06:51:30 AM
Nice post Ready-
Glad you were able to get your online teaching started ahead of the curve, so to speak.
Sounds like things are going well for your wife's business as well.
Nice when things fall into place.

Yes, crisis does bring out the best and (or?) worst of people.
Any kind of crisis.
As long as we stay focused on the important things, it will all work out...

Hugs and stay safe,
Sea
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#13: March 25, 2020, 07:52:07 AM
   HI Ready,

As always you are a shnning example a grace and humility. I just wanted to say thank you for showing the way. Your behavior has shown me a better way to deal with anger and resentment. From the bottom of my heart thank you !

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#14: April 29, 2020, 04:24:25 PM
Wow,

April 27 came and went without much fanfare. April 27 was bomb drop when I found out about OM and my journey began. Five weeks later, I found the forum. My safe place and it helped me take the steps to live for myself and my daughters.

Went back and here is my first post from June 12, 2010 and I even used my real name and had to have OP help me change it:

"I am forty-five years old and I have been married for 16 years. My w is 43 about to turn 44. We have two girls at home 10 and 14. My wife became obsessed with farmtown and through this met another man who she feels a true "love" for. They have never talked nor seen each other as he lives in England. However, she is very distant towards me and angry. She states that she supported me while I pursued my career and took care of the kids and she feels that I was never "there" for her. She has a compiled list of my "failures" and can only see the negative aspects of our marriage. She states as if she has accomplished nothing her entire life and that she wants to be bad. She states hat she loves me but s not "in" love with me anymore. I have been kind and respectful but the issues have made me an emotional wreck at times. Any attempt by me to have her give up on this affair has had no positive impact and has only made her angry. She wants to finish her CPA and then move out as she will be able to be financially stable at that time. She has not mentioned the word divorce except to state that she no longer fears it. She also tells me that it has been something that I have always wanted-which is far from the truth. I have worked on ensuring that I do my job, take care of the girls, and love each as much as possible. My heart aches at each day as I accept the loss of love. I pray each day, put a smile on my face, and go forth. I know I am in a battle for my wife and family. I also know that this is a journey that I must make with my wife. I have accepted that she is no happier than me- even with the affair. I see her struggle to sleep and has trouble accomplishing many tasks that she normally did. I know that if I continue to be positive, remind her that I am committed to the marriage, and that I continue to support the family, I can make a difference for my family- and myself. I am hoping that this forum will help me maintain perspective and create an inner peace for my heart."

Wow, does a decade make a difference. In the beginning, I thought my world was over. I remember crying at night and feeling lost. It was like driving a car like any other trip and suddenly all the wheels come off. The shock, the fear, and the total loss of control of what you perceive as your life. Today, the hurt and pain is gone, but I still feel the scars.

Now I am in a new marriage. We've done so much as a couple. Our wedding was incredible and going to Italy was beyond amazing. My wife and I are always trying new things, new experiences that take me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes it is incredible, sometimes we look at each other and say, "never again." We laugh, we cry, we argue, but most of all we love each other. It is nice to be back in a place where I feel safe, welcomed, and loved.

Now I am at home distancing from others. I really am at a ledge right now. The new position is exciting and exhausting. Being stuck at home and trying to hire new teachers, conduct evaluations, and build out for the next year is both opportunity and feeling trapped. This is all mixed in with are we starting in July, August, or September? Are we going to have half days with half of the students? Are we going to have am/pm sessions? How will teacher professional development be implemented? Lots of ambiguity that limits my ability to respond accordingly.

My wife's business is about to start. We have a web page design, business cards, a point of sale, business licenses, and health department permit. All set to go, just need to end this stay at home and let people get back to celebrations. I think this is a great opportunity, but I also worry if things don't work well. My wife has a lot of emotional commitment to this business and I really want her to be successful. Because this is about her, it is her thing, her passion, and as her husband, I really want to be the silent partner and let this be her moment to shine.

Two weeks ago, my renters moved out of my old home and it is on the market. Now, I have taken this time to complete some minor repairs and get the place back to shape. Overall, the place is not bad. However, they had little kids and the place is dirty. Just needs a deep cleaning to get it up to nice. I want to get tenants in soon so I can go back to being comfortable financially, little tight right now. Not horrible, but I feel some anxiety.

Overall, despite all the Covid stories, the loss of lives, the anxiety of the situation with friends and family, I find myself in a pretty good position  and looking forward to new challenges.

I guess I post this because I want everyone to see that you can go forward. I began this journey with a different end in mind, but I find myself in a different place. Is it better or worse? I don't know. That story is still being written at this time. However, I can say that the forum provided me tools to self-improve. How to interact with others, to listen carefully, to respond as opposed to react, the importance of self-care, to keep a positive view of yourself in challenging times.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to read and respond to so many stories on the forum. I have learned new perspectives, ways to see life, opportunities to learn and grow as a man, husband, and father.  Amazing how a few words from someone I have never seen can make such a positive difference. To lift and even carry someone through a tough day.

Just wanted to take the moment to thank my "virtual family" for giving me hope at a time I needed it the most and hopefully help those looking for hope right now.

(((((Ready)))))
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#15: April 29, 2020, 04:35:20 PM
Wow, ready

You sound great!  Congratulations! 🎉🍾🎈

Mego
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#16: April 29, 2020, 04:35:32 PM
Ready -
So nice to see how you've "come out on the other end".
A true example to wish for the happiness that you've found after the complete and utter destruction.

And thanks for staying around to take care of us who haven't quite gotten there yet.
Your words are always wise...

Sea
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#17: April 29, 2020, 05:24:59 PM
Thank you, Ready!!

I am very happy for you and your wife now getting to enjoy so much!  Your descriptions were spot on.  I was thinking of your post the other day how the x finally stepped up to say it wasn't you. That truthfully is what I would like to have most.  Who knows if it will ever come.  It's sad to see them become the total opposite of the love of our lives who we had no doubt we could count on.  I wish them all the best finding their way back.  I wish blessings and prayers to us LBS's and children to let God send in wonderful people like you have in your new wife to share with.  Congratulations !!!!  GGG
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#18: April 29, 2020, 06:14:19 PM
You are an inspiration Ready!  What an encouragement to know that life does go on!  We can move forward and make a new life in spite of what our current spouses chose!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-40
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#19: April 29, 2020, 08:09:31 PM
Thanks ready. You're a source of inspiration. It is always good to be reminded that no matter what life goes on, and new happiness (and new misfortunes) can take place. Smiling for you.

Alvin.
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At time of BD.... Me: 43, XW: 41
Kids: G19,G18,G14,G12,S5
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years

BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."), Mar 2020
D filed May 2020, D finalized Dec 2020
I have moved on, and am in new relationship.

Lessons from Stoicism and REBT helped me to exit the chaos zone and become a better person. 

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. - Epictetus"

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#20: May 10, 2020, 08:46:05 AM
Hello,

Not much going on, but I did want to take the time and wish all the wonderful mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day. I am always amazed at how much time, care, and most of all the love you provide your children each and every day! Make sure you take today off, my wife is still lounging in bed, enjoying her Nespresso and bagel I brought to her. She has no plans for the day at all!

So enjoy your day and know how much all of us respect and admire mothers around the world!

((((Ready)))
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#21: May 10, 2020, 08:48:40 AM
Thank You Ready!!!  Have an awesome day!!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-40
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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#22: May 10, 2020, 04:45:57 PM
Thank you, Ready.  Very much appreciated!  ;)
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#23: July 15, 2020, 07:58:23 PM
Wow,

The past few months have been highs and lows. On the low part, someone stole my cellphone and laptop out of my car. So a few really bad days of changing accounts and deactivating my phone. Learned after the fact on how to save all my information to the cloud LOL So I lost all my contacts and a lot of documents, but I have recovered and moving ahead.

At my new house, we have a sunscreen. It serves no purpose and living with an Asian family means we keep our shoes outside. When it rains, we have to go and bring all our shoes back in. So my dad drew up the plans, I got a city permit and on my week off from work, my dad and I built a covered patio. It is all done except for the paint and I will get it done this weekend. I was so tired, but I look out my glass sliding door and feeling pride at my project.

Now my wife and I will shop for some nice outdoor furniture and a fire pit. Yep, a fire pit. Ready the pyro is happy!

We start professional development next week with the teachers and we are bringing the students back 4 days a week full time. It has been a tough decision as most are keeping the students home on distance learning. We have implemented a safety plan and if we can keep the staff safe from each other, we believe we can benefit our students best by bringing them back into the classroom. We offered our parents full time online program or the four day a week plan and surprisingly 60% of our parents want the students back in school.

I just pray and hope that we are making the right choice and everyone stays safe. If you can, please say a prayer for the staff, students, and parents.

((((Hugs))))

Ready

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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#24: July 16, 2020, 04:40:38 AM
Ugh- the cell phone and laptop loss are so hard. You don´t even know all that you´ve lost until you need something.

Congrats on the building project- practical and you got to spend time with your Dad.

Fingers-crossed for the school. I worry about the school community. Teachers seem to be the disposable cog in the engine of getting the economy up and running. The remote was hard on everyone and probably not very effective but the price for the risks is so high.

Be well, stay well,
FTT
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me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#25: September 13, 2020, 06:34:28 AM
Ready -
Thinking about you and hoping you're enjoying your new patio (and fire pit)!
Has your wife's business been able to open back up yet?
Has the safety plan for your teaching been working well?  It would be interesting to hear because so  many colleges are doing such diverse things (some totally virtual still, some with dorms open, hybrids, etc.).

Let us know how/what you're doing...
Hugs,

Sea
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Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#26: September 13, 2020, 07:11:23 AM
Ready from one pyro to another, I'm excited for you.   ;D
You'll love the fire pit!

Prayers going up for all staff, students and parents that this stays safe for everyone....and God bless teachers!  They are truly hero's in my book.
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« Last Edit: September 13, 2020, 07:42:04 AM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#27: September 13, 2020, 05:37:51 PM
Hello,

Thanks for checking in.

Quote
Thinking about you and hoping you're enjoying your new patio (and fire pit)!

Two more weeks and it will arrive. Last week, I rented a powerwasher and cleaned the entire patio. It was over 100 degrees and no one really wanted to be outside. By the time the furniture arrives, it will be cooler and I look forward to spending some quality time with the wife on the love seat!!!!

Quote
Has your wife's business been able to open back up yet?

We just got the web page and the point of sale system going. No sales yet, but we are both confident as we head into the winter, we will start to take off. We are using the time now to fine tune the operation. There is a lot to learn and I think it is best to go slow until we have our system in place.

Quote
Has the safety plan for your teaching been working well?  It would be interesting to hear because so  many colleges are doing such diverse things (some totally virtual still, some with dorms open, hybrids, etc.).

We started virtual with the teachers working in their classrooms with no students. So far with one month in, no positive cases. We have had to send some staff home for two weeks but it was because a family member in the household tested positive not anything from the site. We submitted waivers to the county and state to open our elementary students to come to school for in person instruction. So in two weeks, students may be at two of our sites. Keep your fingers crossed! Right now I have been busy with reports to the state and training our site leaders on how to observe classroom teaching and providing feedback to improve instruction.

On a sad note, one of the teachers I worked with as a vice principal and as a principal passed away last Thursday. She was 66 and it was from ALS.  She was a little odd, always followed the beat of a different drummer. I put my youngest daughter in her class years ago and my daughter loved her. She always spoke of my aura as being beautiful. She would say, "It's so beautiful and filled with love. I wish you could see it."

She was a good teacher and never had a mean bone in her body. So sad that she isn't here, but I know she will find herself in a better place.

Everything else is going well. Going to watch a little more football before I go to be and wake up for another week of work.

((((Hugs))) and more ((((Hugs))) to everyone,

Ready



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#28: September 13, 2020, 06:06:26 PM
Ready -
Great update.
Enjoy the fire pit when it gets there.
Good luck with your wife's business.
Stay safe in the school - glad they seem to be able to work out in-person teaching in the near future.

I'm sorry about your friend's passing.
It's lovely about the aura -

Sea
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#29: September 13, 2020, 11:57:24 PM
Thanks for the update Ready. I'm so glad you've returned to the board. Reading updates about normal things like patio furniture, firepits, the wife and the loveseat gives me hope. Maybe someday I'll be living that kind of life again.

Thank God we had football this weekend. Thank God.

So sorry for the loss of your friend.
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W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

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#30: October 28, 2020, 12:26:45 PM
Hello,

It has been a while since I last posted on my thread. A lot of ups and a few downs.

Outdoor furniture arrived and the fire table. About time. Really looking forward to enjoying an cool evening with the fire and a cocktail with the wife by my side.

Of course, fire breaks out in my county and my lovely new furniture is covered in ash. So I am trying to figure out how to clean it without working the ash into the fabric. So if you have any good advice, please, please post.

Wife and I had a fabulous anniversary weekend together. We just went to a hotel, had a couple of great dinners, an okay breakfast and a really nice long walk. Lot's of time to talk and focus on each other. It is nice to have a great time and come back feeling closer than ever.

On my professional front, we have opened both elementary schools. One month of students on campus and no outbreaks so far. Some positive tests for staff, but not linked to the site. Everyone in masks and social distancing. Lots of handwashing, temperature checks, and wipes galore.
However, just having the kids back on campus and learning is worth all the effort.

Hope everyone has a great remainder of the week and an even better weekend,

((((((Ready))))))
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#31: October 28, 2020, 03:57:53 PM
I’ve been desperate for a fire pit for a long time. So I’ll live vicariously for through you 😂
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#32: October 30, 2020, 05:04:53 PM
Ready, your weekend away sounds lovely!  I’m so glad your elementary opening is going well.  These fires are out of control!!!
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April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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#33: November 01, 2020, 05:45:22 PM
Ready -
So happy for your bonding anniversary with your wife.
Living vicariously through you!

Fire pits are amazing; planning on building one in the Spring.

Glad that school is back in without a hiccough. 
Keeping my fingers crossed that it stays that way!

Sea
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#34: April 14, 2021, 04:46:14 AM
Hello,

I have tried avoid posting this for a while, but unfortunately I lost my job a few months back and I have found getting a new job a little difficult. In fact, I had to apply for unemployment for the first time in my life. Pre-bomb drop, I would have lost my mind.  But after surviving the emotional devastation of bomb drop, I will say that I have been very focused and positive despite the uneasiness of the times.

I did make it to the second round for one position. It was sad feeling when I realized I wasn't going to make it for the final round.  However, the leadership position for a school that I taught at for eleven years will open soon and I am optimistic that I would be a top candidate for that position.

Just wanted to reach out and ask for a few prayers/positive thoughts. My  wife has been amazing and so supportive. Can't even put in words how much I love her.

Have an amazing day, 

(((((Ready)))))

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#35: April 14, 2021, 05:48:59 AM
Ready, sending good thoughts your way.  I’ve come from a long line of teachers and hold a spot in my heart for all of you.  It must be so reassuring to know your wife has your back, this is gold and something we all hope to have once again. 

With all the great advice you give in here, I can tell you are a quality teacher.  Any school would be lucky to have you. 

Fingers crossed for you. Roo
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#36: April 14, 2021, 05:49:52 AM
Praying!!
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#37: April 14, 2021, 06:33:07 AM
Sending positive thoughts your way, Ready. I am so grateful for all the wisdom you share here.
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#38: April 14, 2021, 06:44:36 AM
Ready,,, many positive thoughts and prayers coming your way!  🙂
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#39: April 14, 2021, 08:27:56 AM
Sending you tons of positive thoughts ready.
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#40: April 14, 2021, 08:38:35 AM
Dear ready,

The challenges that we continue to face in life sometimes seem to be too much. You would think having to go through all that messed us up with the loss of our marriages would be enough.

At my sister's funeral mass recently, I suggested the reading from Ecclesiastes 3. Sometimes we forget all the good things that are happening. You have the love and support of your wife and a loving family.



A Time for Everything
3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

I understand the stress of not having employment and I am praying for your calm and trust that God has a plan and that His timing is not necessarily ours.

Peace to you, prayers for you and let us know how things go with the interviews.

We are a "virtual" family here, in many ways, we care deeply about one another so it is good that you shared this here.

(((((HUGS)))))))
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https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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#41: April 14, 2021, 09:22:16 AM
Hi Ready,
I went through this after 39 years in the same company just before BD.  I am keeping you in my prayers as you are a big part of my aha moments.  I cannot imagine someone better positioned to be gainfully employed.  There are a lot of online teaching jobs that may keep you busy until you find that right job.  My daughter teaches English to foreign excutives online.  Just a thought i am not sure what your direction is.

You are definitely in my prayers 🙏🙏
5hil

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#42: April 14, 2021, 10:21:32 AM
Good Luck my virtual Friend
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#43: April 14, 2021, 10:52:13 AM
Ready -
I am so sorry to hear of this recent unemployment, and the poor choice of your interviewers to not grant you the job you were interviewing for.
That being said - and you know this - God has something different and better planned for you.
So glad that you have HIM and your wife as well for support.
Keeping fingers crossed and prayers your way for the perfect position for you.

Sea
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#44: April 14, 2021, 11:03:55 AM
Can’t say anything better than others have said, Dr Ready.
You are a gem in search of a good setting....and we are all cheering you on like a little bunch of mini HS figurines in your metaphorical pocket xxx
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#45: April 14, 2021, 11:42:14 AM
Ready, I'm so sorry to hear about the job struggles.  Life can really mow us down with its curve balls, but people like you and I always get back up swinging for the fences.

I'm a so glad you have your amazing wife in your corner.  Thank goodness someone rock steady has your back now, and you know she can be trusted to support and encourage you when it matters most.  After the betrayal of our former spouses, new love can be daunting,  but finding that one genuine and honest love is more than worth any risk or rejection.   

As an aside,  Popeye has been encouraging me for a while now to grow into a new job, myself.  He almost has me convinced to go back to school to further my education....in Physical Education, non teaching.  Shocking, right lol
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#46: April 14, 2021, 02:56:40 PM
Sorry to hear about the job loss. I've been laid off twice in my life and - even though I wound up with a better job than the one I lost - the unemployment experience truly sucks. No way to candy-coat that turd.

I'm very happy that your wife has been there for you.

I'm reminded of something UM shared with me once - "you don't go through hell and back without acquiring transferable skills." We all know you'll be OK, but I'm sorry you're going through this. You've been added to my prayer list.
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BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

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#47: April 14, 2021, 04:34:25 PM
Ready, Sending positive thoughts and prayers.  Adding to the chorus.  I lost my long time job just pre-covid.  My first "gap year" ever.  Finally found a great position a few months ago - starting over, related educational field with a nonprofit.  Somehow the universe knew I needed this "gap year."  Compared to BD, it was nothing, although it would have been devastating if the job loss had happened first-what PJ says about transferable skills.  One thing that made me more marketable was that I took some online and hybrid courses  during my search so I was conversant with some of the new technology - not all of it, but comfortable enough for this new organization to give me a chance.  Your new organization will be lucky to have you.  And so glad that your lovely supportive wife is by your side. 
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#48: April 15, 2021, 02:26:00 AM
Ready, sorry to hear about your job loss but I'm sure something better will come along soon for you.

For 20 years I stayed in the same company thinking there was nothing better out there. I'm now over 10 months in a new job and I really wonder why I didn't jump sooner. At a professional level, I've never been this happy, I actually can't believe how stuck I was in the old company and I didn't even realize it at the time.

You have been through much worse and now at least you have your wonderful wife supporting you. I'm sending positive thoughts and hope you find something in no time!!

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Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW (we are not divorced) - Oct 2019
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#49: April 15, 2021, 09:38:04 AM
New challenges, new opportunities.

That's the best part of life, unexpected ways to grow and flourish, even if/when we can't see it at the time.

Jobs don't define someone's self or worth.  Too many men are defined by their jobs.  Not to say you are.  It's a challenging time.  But everything rewarding is challenging.

Go show them what you bring to the table.  And make the best of this opportunity wherever it may lead you.

Lp

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#50: April 15, 2021, 11:18:37 AM


Jobs don't define someone's self or worth. 

Truth! I have to remind myself of this a lot.
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#51: April 15, 2021, 11:49:29 AM
I wholeheartedly believe the right job will turn up when the time is right. But I've always taken what happens in life and figured that the Universe is sending me a message and it's time to look for what opportunity it is sending me. If XH hadn't left me just then, I wouldn't have gotten the great job I have now
 because I would not have been looking yet.

Also, I would suggest that you not limit yourself to what you have been doing, but consider taking your skills and seeing if they apply to doing something a little different. Sometimes we miss out on great opportunities because we think "Oh, I can't do that" or "That's not what I have always done". Lots of skills are transferable. I certainly didn't start my career life in software QA, and when I signed up for QA at this job, never expected to be querying Databases, creating databases, repairing stored procedures or programming in a language I had never seen before.

Think of your transferable skills, and look outside your career box. You can do this. Fist bump to Mrs. Ready.
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#52: April 15, 2021, 02:07:08 PM
Oh Ready I'm so sorry hear about you losing your job.  It's been such tough times for so may people right now.

I do pray you find something soon, that top position sounds perfect for you!

Stay positive my friend because...well that's who you are, a positive thinking man....and how can you not be with that beautiful, supportive wife by your side?

Please keep us posted and thank you for sharing, even though you are a few months late.
 :)

Big Hug!
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#53: April 15, 2021, 03:59:33 PM
Ready,

So sorry to hear about the job loss, however, it IS a chance to open yourself up to new challenges! I am sure you will be a valuable asset to your next employer  ;)

It is good to hear about the support you have  :), you have mine too!
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#54: April 15, 2021, 04:05:50 PM
Hello and thanks to everyone, One Day, Lawprofessor, PJ, Maleficent, Beyond Blessed, Treasur, Seahorse, dogwalker, 5hilmerton, Xyzcf, deparis, Anon, Curiosity, Gracie3, 9393Roo, Nas, For the Trees, Offroad, Mitzpah, and Thunder! (I really hope I got everybody)

I have been reading your messages and they have truly uplifted me. I had been holding it back for a few months because I was so certain I would have a new position by now. Told my parents yesterday and then found out my mom spilt the beans to my daughter today. So I called her and I was strong until she was strong and then she started crying and I started crying as well. She has never know me without a job and she was really worried for me. Told her how much I love her and that I would be just fine.  After the call, I  started networking. I just finished an application and submitted it and just found out that there will be three openings for principal in my previous organization as well as a director position. I am very confident that something is going to come my way and I am going to make the most of it.

Quote
No way to candy-coat that turd.

Thanks PJ, I really laughed at that comment.

Quote
Jobs don't define someone's self or worth.

Absolutely correct and Like Nas,  I need to remind myself that from time to time. What defines you is your integrity in both good times and bad. Like I've said before, I believe that you should always be thinking that you are writing your eulogy not your resume when it comes to your personal actions and how you live your life.

I will get another job and I will continue to be in a place where I can make decisions that are in the best interests of the children I serve.

Have an awesome evening,

(((((Ready)))))

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#55: April 15, 2021, 06:56:54 PM
I have to say you made me think when you wrote your daughter and you cried.  When my job was moved to another country i came home in shock when i told my family.  My girls were 30 and 36 and my son 29, i had worked at the same place since before they were born. The girls just  bawled and between the three they said "what will WE do, we have never been without that company in our lives" .  Just funny it was their loss too.

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#56: April 15, 2021, 07:54:11 PM
Thinking of you and sending some prayers your way.  They would be MLCer cray cray to not hire you!
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#57: April 16, 2021, 02:36:20 AM
Hi Ready,

Sorry that I am just now catching up with your news....

I have been laid off once myself so I know what a feeling of "limbo" that can be. In fact, at the moment, there is the possibility that, in 2 years, my contract may come to an end as the customer is being ... well... difficult.... We'll see.

I was glad the read in the last update that you have several good leads and irons in the fire. That is important I think... I was told once to approach looking for a job like a job itself which served me well so far. When I was laid off in 2002 when the dot com boom turned into the dot com bomb in Europe, it took me about 4 months to land a new position which, considering I was in a foreign country and not a native speaker, not too bad.

Praying for your successful job search!
UM
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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#58: April 16, 2021, 07:42:17 PM
Hi Ready ,

You have been such a positive force and a breathe of wisdom on this site. I will pray long and hard for you and your family. Good luck !
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#59: April 17, 2021, 09:35:45 AM
Hi Ready,

I know the right job will open up for you soon, and I am glad to hear your wife has been so supportive.  Wish you all the best and I have appreciated your guidance on my thread.

HF
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#60: April 22, 2021, 02:02:38 AM
Always late to the party ha! This is what happens when the UK opens up beer gardens 😉

Ready I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you. I believe that things fall apart so better things can come together.

And if you ever decide to do online zoom lessons, I’ve got three rebels who have been home schooled by a drunk for a year haha!
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#61: April 22, 2021, 04:02:06 PM
Ready - let us know how it’s going.
Any news yet?
We’re here for you...

Sea
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#62: April 23, 2021, 04:05:28 AM
Hello,

I had one interview last Tuesday and I will know sometime next week. I also went and volunteered and helped a principal at a school where there is an opening. Just want to get back in the process of doing things again. The applications are due in two weeks. I will submit mine over the weekend.

I also met with my mentor and he spent a half an hour going over interview techniques with me. He made it is so simple. Just an incredible person. He is retiring in June and the district I used to work for is going to have a huge loss of when he leaves.

With his process and a little practice on my part, I should have interviews down pat. I hate interviewing.

Other than that, I am celebrating my birthday today by changing the plumbing in a shower/tub with my dad. Don't worry, they are all taking me out for dinner tomorrow. LOL

Thanks so much for the support and I will keep all of you posted if anything positive happens on my front.

Have a great weekend,

(((((Ready)))))
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#63: April 23, 2021, 04:42:32 AM
Happy Birthday, dear Ready  :)
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#64: April 23, 2021, 05:50:08 AM
Happy birthday! Sounds like you are really preparing well, interviewing and looking at several possibilities. Praying that the right position will come your way.

Good luck with the plumbing.

Enjoy your dinner tomorrow night! I am having a couple over for dinner tonight...the first time since last summer!
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#65: April 23, 2021, 09:31:34 AM
Happy Birthday Ready!!

Good luck on your applications and upcoming interviews. 
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#66: April 23, 2021, 02:58:30 PM
Happy Birthday Ready! Have fun
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#67: April 23, 2021, 04:34:49 PM
Happy Birthday Ready!
Enjoy your time with your father today, and celebrate like crazy tomorrow!
I know you'll be spectacular in your interviews.

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#68: April 23, 2021, 06:57:50 PM
Happy Birthday and i am wishing you the very best with your interview.
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#69: April 23, 2021, 07:21:44 PM
Happy Birthday Ready!  Praying for peace and joy in the midst of this trial as well as a speedy new job that will fit you and your skill set perfectly!!
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#70: April 25, 2021, 06:45:42 AM
Hello,

It's Sunday morning and I am up and ready to seize the day. My dad and I did not finish the plumbing job. We worked all day Friday, went to his house, spent the night, went back to work on Saturday, still didn't finish. My daughter and son-in-law took my dad home so I could go home. We will finish the job next week.

No birthday celebration, but a lot of good time with my father. I learned how to solder a copper pipe and learned a lot of how a shower works. Next time, I think I can do it on my own.

I am busy selecting the next positions to apply for and will be well prepared for my next interviews. The one thing I am not doing is wallowing and I feel that something good is about to come around soon enough.

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes as well as the thoughts and prayers.

Enjoy a great day and be good to yourself,

(((((Ready)))))
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#71: April 25, 2021, 08:46:01 AM
Ready -
As always you sound strong and ambitious.
Glad that you had some quality time with your father.  And learned a lot in the process!

Good luck on the applications/interviews.
I think MLC has taught us a lot about not wallowing, and moving forward in a positive direction.

Have a great week.

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#72: April 26, 2021, 07:48:58 PM
Happy belated birthday Ready.  You share a birthday with my oldest brother's wife.  She is a wonderful person, as are many of my friends, and my Daddy, who was born this time of year too (coming up on Friday is the anniversary of his birth)
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#73: April 29, 2021, 04:18:30 AM
Hope you had a lovely birthday Ready.
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#74: April 30, 2021, 08:25:11 AM
Happy belated BDay Ready! Mine is coming up as well.

Sending you good vibes for those interviews. I am sure you are knocking it out of the park and something amazing will land at your feet soon.
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#75: May 01, 2021, 05:15:04 AM
Hello,

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. Everything is perspective and mindset. I spent my birthday at the rental house repairing the tub with my father. No special dinner, no party, or cake. My dad and I were tired. Thank goodness my son-in-law and daughter offered to take my dad home which cut my trip to my house by 200 miles.

I rested Sunday and went back to work on Monday to finish the job. My tenant is a very nice man. He commented that he really liked my dad and wished that he had a father like him because his father was never in his life to guide or help him at all. That's when I reflected that the two days with my father was my birthday gift and it was the best gift of them all.

Have an amazing day!

(((((Ready)))))

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#76: May 02, 2021, 07:12:31 PM
I lost my dad in 2008. Two days with my Dad working on a project would be a wonderful birthday gift indeed. How nice  you can see that while he is still here with you.
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#77: May 06, 2021, 08:58:37 PM
I lost my dad in 2008. Two days with my Dad working on a project would be a wonderful birthday gift indeed. How nice  you can see that while he is still here with you.

2001, 3 weeks before my wedding for me.  I miss him so much.

What a fantastic birthday present!
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#78: May 22, 2021, 04:34:53 AM
So glad you had a lovely birthday. I never had a biological dad in my life, but my step father more than makes up for it.

How did the interviews go?
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#79: May 23, 2021, 05:49:25 AM
Ready - Thinking about you and the job search.
Let us know how it's going.

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#80: June 08, 2021, 05:02:15 AM
Hello,

So after four rounds of interviews, one round with three different community panels, one with a panel of principals, one with the cabinet, and a one on one with the new superintendent, I have been recommended to the board to be a principal. The appointment should happen this evening.

I am greatly relieved and grateful. Thanks to all of you for your support, thoughts and prayers. They really meant a lot to me and sustained me to continue to move forward.

Virtual hugs, coffee, and chocolate to everyone (except Nas gets a big slice of cake) and I am planning on celebrating really big with the family this weekend!

(((((Ready))))

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#81: June 08, 2021, 05:11:37 AM
Wonderful news ready! I am so pleased for you.

They have a real treasure for their principal. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!
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#82: June 08, 2021, 05:32:36 AM
Congratulations, Dr Ready  :)
They are fortunate to have found you....and oh my, what a challenging but important time to have some of our best humans as educational leaders.
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#83: June 08, 2021, 06:06:25 AM
Hello,

So after four rounds of interviews, one round with three different community panels, one with a panel of principals, one with the cabinet, and a one on one with the new superintendent, I have been recommended to the board to be a principal. The appointment should happen this evening.

I am greatly relieved and grateful. Thanks to all of you for your support, thoughts and prayers. They really meant a lot to me and sustained me to continue to move forward.

Virtual hugs, coffee, and chocolate to everyone (except Nas gets a big slice of cake) and I am planning on celebrating really big with the family this weekend!

(((((Ready))))

You'll be old enough (like me) to appreciate this.....


CONGRATULATIONS! CONGRATULATIONS! CONGRATULATIONS!
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#84: June 08, 2021, 06:18:22 AM
Heyyyyyyy, GREAT news, congrats!!  :)
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#85: June 08, 2021, 06:30:41 AM
Congratulations, Ready! So happy for you.
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#86: June 08, 2021, 06:48:20 AM
Congratulations, as they say couldn’t have happened to a nicer person! I am sure it must be a relief.
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#87: June 08, 2021, 07:23:28 AM
Congrats Ready  ;D

Qa'pla!! (Success)

-SS
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#88: June 08, 2021, 08:44:48 AM
Hey Hey ! Thats great news ! I am so happy for you.
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#89: June 08, 2021, 09:02:13 AM
Congratulations!
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#90: June 08, 2021, 09:52:23 AM
So Happy for the Ready!  You will be a fantastic principal! 
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#91: June 08, 2021, 10:47:22 AM
What wonderful news!! Congrats Ready!!  I am so happy for your new adventure.

It has been quite a year for educators and parents.  Hopefully, you can start it out with some normal and it will be clear skies ahead!!     
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#92: June 08, 2021, 12:13:03 PM
Well done!  Celebrate in fine fashion, Ready!
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#93: June 08, 2021, 01:29:44 PM
What great news Ready! So happy and excited for you. Well deserved.
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#94: June 08, 2021, 03:08:10 PM
Great news! I am sure it must be a relief too!

I agree, they are getting a great principal!!!
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#95: June 08, 2021, 03:25:17 PM
Yeeee Haw! And the Universe comes through- thanks to your years of effort and proven ability.

Bet you feel a whole lot lighter:)
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#96: June 08, 2021, 04:15:34 PM
I am beyond thrilled for you! A well deserved congratulations to you!!
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#97: June 08, 2021, 05:14:22 PM
Congratulations,  my friend.  They could not have selected a better man for the job!  They will be lucky to have you at the helm!
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#98: June 08, 2021, 07:28:28 PM
Never had a doubt that the smart people would recognize your abilities!! CONGRATULATIONS!!

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#99: June 09, 2021, 04:09:01 AM
Many congratulations. So happy and relieved for you! Hooray! May it be the best position ever.
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#100: June 09, 2021, 07:44:14 PM
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#101: June 10, 2021, 06:45:11 AM
Congratulations Ready!!

Our educational system needs more kind, compassionate and honest people like you!  You are a huge asset!

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#102: June 15, 2021, 02:06:01 AM
Yay! Well done ready. I’m so happy for you!
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#103: June 26, 2021, 06:35:26 AM
Hello,

I want to thank everyone for their support and well wishes. It was stressful time, but with all the support, I managed and feel better in the long run.

Well, the first week back on the job and it was great. Scholars were on campus for "summer camp" and we finished the week with a field day and it was a blast. I set up two centers and spent three hours outside with the scholars. I also catered lunch for the staff before sending them off on summer break. Then went and had a couple of drinks with a friend I used to work with at another school.

I put in 14,000 steps yesterday. I was exhausted but happy that we had such a great day. Next week I will be setting up my office and planning staff development day for when the teacher's return.

My wife and I had a great time at in cabin in the mountains. It was hot, but we hiked and enjoyed some good meals together. Now that a huge weight is off my shoulders, we can go back to focusing on our life together as a couple.

She will be up soon and we will go about running errands and everything else.

Enjoy your weekend and appreciate all that you have!

((((Ready))))
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#104: June 26, 2021, 07:04:31 AM
Great to hear that your first week back went well and that you were able to enjoy time in the mountains.  Enjoy your summer and getting things ready for the start of the new school year.

HF
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#105: June 26, 2021, 08:15:06 AM
Glad to hear all is going well for you.

Have a lovely weekend
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#106: June 26, 2021, 12:17:56 PM
Great great news Ready! ENJOY! You deserve every bit of ti!
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#107: June 26, 2021, 01:30:20 PM
Congrats on all of it, Ready!
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#108: June 26, 2021, 08:13:37 PM
Glad to hear it!! Enjoy!!
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― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#109: June 28, 2021, 12:28:51 AM
A picture is worth 1000 words

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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#110: July 29, 2021, 09:00:19 PM
Ready,

I just came to the site and read your news!!!

Really, really wonderful.  Congratulations

L
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M -60,  ExH - 66 (56 at BD)
M - 33 years (do the last 3 years count?)
D - 30, D -27, S - 27 (only S 27 at home)
BD 5/29/2010, Ran away from home - 8/15/2010,
Found out about affair - 2/11
H asks for divorce - 8/11
H filed for divorce 10/11
Announced "new" girlfriend 12/12 (3rd OW)
Divorce final 06/13 (I decided to finish it)
Dumped OW#3 9/15 (After 4 years)
Married OW#1 2019
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