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Author Topic: My Story Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop

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My Story Re: Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#10: December 30, 2019, 01:21:41 PM
Congratulations Ready on all the fruits of your labours.  :)
And as I recall, like most, you had a brutally hard first few years in your 10 but worked hard to adapt without losing the core of who you are, to heal and to move forward.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#11: March 22, 2020, 06:32:11 AM
Hello,

Like many of you, I at home part of the state wide time out. In 30 years of education, I have never been at a point where they close all the schools for possibly the remainder of the year. Wow. We have been setting up online learning, making packets to mail home, and just trying to plan for the next few weeks.

The nice thing is that I did bring this matter up almost a month ago with the team and we had a plan ready to go before they shut us down. My only error was I figured around 30 days so with two weeks of Spring Break and two weeks of packets, I thought we would be just fine. Nope. Thank goodness, the teachers and staff have gone way above the call of duty.  It was truly heartwarming,  I could really see how much they cared for and were going to miss their students. My own daughter who teaches as well has shown me pictures of her own students as they completed assignments on their own.

My other daughter is safe at home and she will take her next quarter completely online. So many people working at home. Hopefully, we can establish that many people can still work from home when we get back to the new normal and see how much it impacts traffic. LOL

On my own personal story, I continue to workout, focus on my career, and help my wife with her business. She passed her kitchen manger test, we got the insurance, and are waiting on the health department to approve our shared kitchen space. We even had our first order through a business associate. Our first official check with the name of her business on it. Then the crisis hit. My gym is closed but I meet my personal trainer in his garage twice a week to workout. He is a college kid and needs the money. I have tried to order take out as much as I normally eat out so I can help the local restaurants stay open. It is my little gesture and doesn't compare to what others have done.

So many stories of heroic actions and deeds. Only then to hear of stories where people stockpiled items and trying to sell them on Ebay at a high profit. Paper towels, toilet paper, disinfectant wipes, diapers, and baby wipes. I guess a crisis like this brings out the best and worst in people. Which is my point. When I went through my crisis, it brought out the best and worst in me at times. My own personal journey to becoming whole again.

Just take this time to be well at heart and love those that are close to you-especially yourself

((((Ready))))
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#12: March 22, 2020, 06:51:30 AM
Nice post Ready-
Glad you were able to get your online teaching started ahead of the curve, so to speak.
Sounds like things are going well for your wife's business as well.
Nice when things fall into place.

Yes, crisis does bring out the best and (or?) worst of people.
Any kind of crisis.
As long as we stay focused on the important things, it will all work out...

Hugs and stay safe,
Sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#13: March 25, 2020, 07:52:07 AM
   HI Ready,

As always you are a shnning example a grace and humility. I just wanted to say thank you for showing the way. Your behavior has shown me a better way to deal with anger and resentment. From the bottom of my heart thank you !

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Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#14: April 29, 2020, 04:24:25 PM
Wow,

April 27 came and went without much fanfare. April 27 was bomb drop when I found out about OM and my journey began. Five weeks later, I found the forum. My safe place and it helped me take the steps to live for myself and my daughters.

Went back and here is my first post from June 12, 2010 and I even used my real name and had to have OP help me change it:

"I am forty-five years old and I have been married for 16 years. My w is 43 about to turn 44. We have two girls at home 10 and 14. My wife became obsessed with farmtown and through this met another man who she feels a true "love" for. They have never talked nor seen each other as he lives in England. However, she is very distant towards me and angry. She states that she supported me while I pursued my career and took care of the kids and she feels that I was never "there" for her. She has a compiled list of my "failures" and can only see the negative aspects of our marriage. She states as if she has accomplished nothing her entire life and that she wants to be bad. She states hat she loves me but s not "in" love with me anymore. I have been kind and respectful but the issues have made me an emotional wreck at times. Any attempt by me to have her give up on this affair has had no positive impact and has only made her angry. She wants to finish her CPA and then move out as she will be able to be financially stable at that time. She has not mentioned the word divorce except to state that she no longer fears it. She also tells me that it has been something that I have always wanted-which is far from the truth. I have worked on ensuring that I do my job, take care of the girls, and love each as much as possible. My heart aches at each day as I accept the loss of love. I pray each day, put a smile on my face, and go forth. I know I am in a battle for my wife and family. I also know that this is a journey that I must make with my wife. I have accepted that she is no happier than me- even with the affair. I see her struggle to sleep and has trouble accomplishing many tasks that she normally did. I know that if I continue to be positive, remind her that I am committed to the marriage, and that I continue to support the family, I can make a difference for my family- and myself. I am hoping that this forum will help me maintain perspective and create an inner peace for my heart."

Wow, does a decade make a difference. In the beginning, I thought my world was over. I remember crying at night and feeling lost. It was like driving a car like any other trip and suddenly all the wheels come off. The shock, the fear, and the total loss of control of what you perceive as your life. Today, the hurt and pain is gone, but I still feel the scars.

Now I am in a new marriage. We've done so much as a couple. Our wedding was incredible and going to Italy was beyond amazing. My wife and I are always trying new things, new experiences that take me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes it is incredible, sometimes we look at each other and say, "never again." We laugh, we cry, we argue, but most of all we love each other. It is nice to be back in a place where I feel safe, welcomed, and loved.

Now I am at home distancing from others. I really am at a ledge right now. The new position is exciting and exhausting. Being stuck at home and trying to hire new teachers, conduct evaluations, and build out for the next year is both opportunity and feeling trapped. This is all mixed in with are we starting in July, August, or September? Are we going to have half days with half of the students? Are we going to have am/pm sessions? How will teacher professional development be implemented? Lots of ambiguity that limits my ability to respond accordingly.

My wife's business is about to start. We have a web page design, business cards, a point of sale, business licenses, and health department permit. All set to go, just need to end this stay at home and let people get back to celebrations. I think this is a great opportunity, but I also worry if things don't work well. My wife has a lot of emotional commitment to this business and I really want her to be successful. Because this is about her, it is her thing, her passion, and as her husband, I really want to be the silent partner and let this be her moment to shine.

Two weeks ago, my renters moved out of my old home and it is on the market. Now, I have taken this time to complete some minor repairs and get the place back to shape. Overall, the place is not bad. However, they had little kids and the place is dirty. Just needs a deep cleaning to get it up to nice. I want to get tenants in soon so I can go back to being comfortable financially, little tight right now. Not horrible, but I feel some anxiety.

Overall, despite all the Covid stories, the loss of lives, the anxiety of the situation with friends and family, I find myself in a pretty good position  and looking forward to new challenges.

I guess I post this because I want everyone to see that you can go forward. I began this journey with a different end in mind, but I find myself in a different place. Is it better or worse? I don't know. That story is still being written at this time. However, I can say that the forum provided me tools to self-improve. How to interact with others, to listen carefully, to respond as opposed to react, the importance of self-care, to keep a positive view of yourself in challenging times.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to read and respond to so many stories on the forum. I have learned new perspectives, ways to see life, opportunities to learn and grow as a man, husband, and father.  Amazing how a few words from someone I have never seen can make such a positive difference. To lift and even carry someone through a tough day.

Just wanted to take the moment to thank my "virtual family" for giving me hope at a time I needed it the most and hopefully help those looking for hope right now.

(((((Ready)))))
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#15: April 29, 2020, 04:35:20 PM
Wow, ready

You sound great!  Congratulations! 🎉🍾🎈

Mego
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#16: April 29, 2020, 04:35:32 PM
Ready -
So nice to see how you've "come out on the other end".
A true example to wish for the happiness that you've found after the complete and utter destruction.

And thanks for staying around to take care of us who haven't quite gotten there yet.
Your words are always wise...

Sea
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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#17: April 29, 2020, 05:24:59 PM
Thank you, Ready!!

I am very happy for you and your wife now getting to enjoy so much!  Your descriptions were spot on.  I was thinking of your post the other day how the x finally stepped up to say it wasn't you. That truthfully is what I would like to have most.  Who knows if it will ever come.  It's sad to see them become the total opposite of the love of our lives who we had no doubt we could count on.  I wish them all the best finding their way back.  I wish blessings and prayers to us LBS's and children to let God send in wonderful people like you have in your new wife to share with.  Congratulations !!!!  GGG
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#18: April 29, 2020, 06:14:19 PM
You are an inspiration Ready!  What an encouragement to know that life does go on!  We can move forward and make a new life in spite of what our current spouses chose!
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-40
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.
Oct 30 2020-He wants to get back together.  I am unsure.

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Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
#19: April 29, 2020, 08:09:31 PM
Thanks ready. You're a source of inspiration. It is always good to be reminded that no matter what life goes on, and new happiness (and new misfortunes) can take place. Smiling for you.

Alvin.
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Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."... D filed May 2020
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
*** There are things you control and things you can't control, but what you can control is your attitude towards things you can't control. ***
*** You're not going to master the rest of your life in one day. So relax. Master the present day. Then just keep doing that every day. ***
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