Wow,
April 27 came and went without much fanfare. April 27 was bomb drop when I found out about OM and my journey began. Five weeks later, I found the forum. My safe place and it helped me take the steps to live for myself and my daughters.
Went back and here is my first post from June 12, 2010 and I even used my real name and had to have OP help me change it:
"I am forty-five years old and I have been married for 16 years. My w is 43 about to turn 44. We have two girls at home 10 and 14. My wife became obsessed with farmtown and through this met another man who she feels a true "love" for. They have never talked nor seen each other as he lives in England. However, she is very distant towards me and angry. She states that she supported me while I pursued my career and took care of the kids and she feels that I was never "there" for her. She has a compiled list of my "failures" and can only see the negative aspects of our marriage. She states as if she has accomplished nothing her entire life and that she wants to be bad. She states hat she loves me but s not "in" love with me anymore. I have been kind and respectful but the issues have made me an emotional wreck at times. Any attempt by me to have her give up on this affair has had no positive impact and has only made her angry. She wants to finish her CPA and then move out as she will be able to be financially stable at that time. She has not mentioned the word divorce except to state that she no longer fears it. She also tells me that it has been something that I have always wanted-which is far from the truth. I have worked on ensuring that I do my job, take care of the girls, and love each as much as possible. My heart aches at each day as I accept the loss of love. I pray each day, put a smile on my face, and go forth. I know I am in a battle for my wife and family. I also know that this is a journey that I must make with my wife. I have accepted that she is no happier than me- even with the affair. I see her struggle to sleep and has trouble accomplishing many tasks that she normally did. I know that if I continue to be positive, remind her that I am committed to the marriage, and that I continue to support the family, I can make a difference for my family- and myself. I am hoping that this forum will help me maintain perspective and create an inner peace for my heart."
Wow, does a decade make a difference. In the beginning, I thought my world was over. I remember crying at night and feeling lost. It was like driving a car like any other trip and suddenly all the wheels come off. The shock, the fear, and the total loss of control of what you perceive as your life. Today, the hurt and pain is gone, but I still feel the scars.
Now I am in a new marriage. We've done so much as a couple. Our wedding was incredible and going to Italy was beyond amazing. My wife and I are always trying new things, new experiences that take me out of my comfort zone. Sometimes it is incredible, sometimes we look at each other and say, "never again." We laugh, we cry, we argue, but most of all we love each other. It is nice to be back in a place where I feel safe, welcomed, and loved.
Now I am at home distancing from others. I really am at a ledge right now. The new position is exciting and exhausting. Being stuck at home and trying to hire new teachers, conduct evaluations, and build out for the next year is both opportunity and feeling trapped. This is all mixed in with are we starting in July, August, or September? Are we going to have half days with half of the students? Are we going to have am/pm sessions? How will teacher professional development be implemented? Lots of ambiguity that limits my ability to respond accordingly.
My wife's business is about to start. We have a web page design, business cards, a point of sale, business licenses, and health department permit. All set to go, just need to end this stay at home and let people get back to celebrations. I think this is a great opportunity, but I also worry if things don't work well. My wife has a lot of emotional commitment to this business and I really want her to be successful. Because this is about her, it is her thing, her passion, and as her husband, I really want to be the silent partner and let this be her moment to shine.
Two weeks ago, my renters moved out of my old home and it is on the market. Now, I have taken this time to complete some minor repairs and get the place back to shape. Overall, the place is not bad. However, they had little kids and the place is dirty. Just needs a deep cleaning to get it up to nice. I want to get tenants in soon so I can go back to being comfortable financially, little tight right now. Not horrible, but I feel some anxiety.
Overall, despite all the Covid stories, the loss of lives, the anxiety of the situation with friends and family, I find myself in a pretty good position and looking forward to new challenges.
I guess I post this because I want everyone to see that you can go forward. I began this journey with a different end in mind, but I find myself in a different place. Is it better or worse? I don't know. That story is still being written at this time. However, I can say that the forum provided me tools to self-improve. How to interact with others, to listen carefully, to respond as opposed to react, the importance of self-care, to keep a positive view of yourself in challenging times.
Over the years, I have had the opportunity to read and respond to so many stories on the forum. I have learned new perspectives, ways to see life, opportunities to learn and grow as a man, husband, and father. Amazing how a few words from someone I have never seen can make such a positive difference. To lift and even carry someone through a tough day.
Just wanted to take the moment to thank my "virtual family" for giving me hope at a time I needed it the most and hopefully help those looking for hope right now.
(((((Ready)))))
Ready for 2020 A Decade after Bomb Drop
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