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Author Topic:  Reading Materials on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

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I am wondering if any of you in particular who have reconciled, or who had your own MLC or bad childhoods, could recommend any reading materials on the topic that opened your spouse's eyes or your eyes to how it might affect you today. Not necessarily just the MLC outcome, but also the negative health effects.
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« Last Edit: December 30, 2019, 07:48:17 AM by Not Your Monkey »

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‘Why Love Matters’ by Sue Gerhardt is a useful and accessible  start.  ‘The Neurosciencenof Human Realtionships’ Louis Cozolino.  A number of works by Alan Schore.  ‘Attachment Theory and Psychoanalysis’ by Peter Fonagy.

‘Adult Children if Emotionally Immature Parents’ is quite good and easily read.
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« Last Edit: December 30, 2019, 10:05:04 AM by Nerissa »

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Codependent no more is the very best illustration of the comprehensive list of wrong beliefs.

Toxic parents was spot on enough with enough examples it made me vomit. Excellent book for picking apart the myriad of ways bad parenting instill bad beliefs, behaviors and the roots and origins of our own behaviors in response.

Paul Walkers “from surviving to thriving CPTSD” this is the hand guide, emergency rescue pack, how to deal with the trauma, some of everything book that I keep on hand and use in emergencies or as a guide to what to dig into next.

The body keeps the score, dealing with and recognizing somatic memories and the physical toll of trauma on the mind and body.

Running on empty: the best way to SEE the invisible abuse that is CEN or childhood emotional neglect.....it is after an abuse of absence of a thing that should be there.

The Four Agreements: something to build with once you have ripped out your old unstable foundation and begun to rebuild it.

Those are just a few but the ones I have been turning to most.
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« Last Edit: December 30, 2019, 11:50:59 AM by Couragedearheart »
Me 37
H 37
S15
Wallower/Chaos kid
EA discovered 3/31/2019
BD March 31 2019
EA ongoing? 🤷‍♀️ (Who knows?)
“God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of his.” C.S. Lewis

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All of the information / books previously stated. I have read them all. A few additions may be When A Man You Love Has Been Abused by Cecil Murphy ( both Utube and his book) has been helpful to me .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGTtrAxXYEc
https://www.amazon.com/When-Man-You-Love-Abused/dp/0825433533

Webpage for Jonis Webb who wrote Running On Empty

https://drjonicewebb.com/

My husband rates very high ( 9/10) on the ACE scale. In his particular case, much of the abuse and actions are a result of alcoholic father . He has a diagnoses of ACOA Trauma Syndrome. Reading in the area has helped incredibly .

https://www.amazon.ca/ACOA-Trauma-Syndrome-Childhood-Relationships/dp/0757316441



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Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

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Hello,

Wow, what a great list of books. I am doing research on conflict avoidance right now. If I find anything that is interesting, I will post it. I read a good research article that couples that have one or both spouses that avoid conflict, they are more apt to divorce. My research has been preliminary so I don't want to come across as conclusive based upon one study.

For the record, when I asked you to start a thread, this was exactly what I meant. You have stated you have come to discuss MLC and ask questions. These threads you have started have allowed you to ask probing questions, provide different perspectives, and allow active participation from other members of HS.

I have not nor will I reconcile my marriage, so I have limited information for you in this regards and I will not even attempt to state that I have any expertise in this area. However, I do wish you the best of luck in your endeavor and hopefully you will be able to provide details on how to reconcile for the benefit of others on the site.

Have a Happy New Year,

((((Ready))))
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

 

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