Author Topic: My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?  (Read 2560 times)

Offline Standing StrongTopic starterTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 760
  • Gender: Male
My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« on: January 06, 2020, 04:15:18 PM »
Old threads pass away and all things are new again........ ;)

Old thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11156.0


Update:
Waxing isn't that bad.........  :P

-SS

« Last Edit: January 06, 2020, 04:17:47 PM by Standing Strong »
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Online AlvinTheMaker

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 529
  • Gender: Male
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2020, 11:17:35 PM »
Attaching....

How do you come up with these title's.  I had totally forgotten Memorex...

Re, waxing... I guess that's one way to try something new every day.  LOL.

Alvin.
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD: Feb 2019
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

On LBS diet: started at 281 lbs, now 265 - goal is to lose 66 lbs while being suck at this

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
*** There are things you control and things you can't control, but what you can control is your attitude towards things you can't control. ***
*** “Rivers know this: There is no hurry, we shall get there some day.” ***
**** Security is mostly a superstition...Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. ****

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9372
  • Gender: Female
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2020, 03:22:02 AM »
Ah, as some of us know, it's not the waxing...it's the regrowth  :)
One word, Standing.
Exfoliation.  ;D
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Standing StrongTopic starterTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 760
  • Gender: Male
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2020, 12:59:11 PM »
You've got that right T...... little bumps all over my back today (maybe the back is ticked off from having all the hairs ripped out of it? I guess I'd be mad too.... LOL!!!!).

HaHa Alvin.... yeah, I'm a 80's/90's culture junkie. What a great time to grow up. The last generation before the internet was let out of Pandora's box.

Journaling:
Well..... two days to go until W returns. I'm getting a little anxious...... what's wrong with me? I'm stronger than ever, had a nice break along with some sleep (a lot of sleep), so why be anxious? I was so good while she was away... very strong. Oh... I know what it is: It's the unknown. How have the rules will have changed this time. Yup, that's it. [sigh] I can't even count how many times the rules have changed so far, or guess how many more times they will change: But that's the challenge, and I'm ready to meet it.

I was watching Ted talks on youtube about dysfunctional M's last night. Had a really good time watching them: All the speakers were women, and they were talking about "W's how to understand your H". I was nodding my head nonstop. "Yup, Yup.... very easy to understand..... women don't know this stuff?".
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
Of course, it was applying to relatively "normal" R's..... not MLC.
The nutshell version was: Men, you need to be more attentive and listen/hear. Women: you need to get over yourselves and still your thoughts (these were all women speakers mind you).
I think that was right on the money and good advise. I sure was guilty of what they talked about, but I'm not that anymore. On the other side, I knew W's brain is/was racing a million miles an hour and instead of slowing down..... she'd speed up: Do more, work harder, not relax, not stop, always more..... all because "she was a woman" (her words) and she always had something to prove against men in the workplace.... like working more was ever going to fix it..... she'd never, ever slow down especially if I'd ask her too "Oh I'll slow down at some point, I just can't now" (which went on for years and years and I stopped asking her to slow down after several years of insisting and her ignoring my request (I was very concerned, but she just didn't seem to care).
I knew it was dysfunctional back then and for all those years, but I was powerless to stop it. That was her choice, and I respected her choice. I tried to help as best I knew how, but she didn't want it (but I always felt like she wanted me to be like "poor you", and "of course you can have your way, you work so hard in other areas"...... but it can't be that way forever, no matter how much she succeeded it was never enough.... never. Her negativity only deepened the higher she climbed in the corporate world..... and then pre-shadow started, and they blended together so seamlessly).

And then it dawned on me (again): I'm learning so much.... growing so much, but W has never tried to learn........ anything about R's. That is something to be worked on (later)...... and I still have so much to learn (now). Funny how these things are eventually suppose to be equal in an R, but it always starts with one. That was a good reminder: I am the one. Waiting for someone else to change while doing nothing yourself is futile. Change must start in one and carry to the other (by example and by leading). I really hope and look forward to the day we can work together to improve our R, but that must follow her successfully getting thru MLC (no small feat).

Something very interesting across all the female speakers was the concept of affection in women who have problems with affection. They were talking about the chicken and the egg when it comes to certain women (I guess it could happen to men too, but they only referenced women) whereas most people think affectionate thoughts and then pursue affectionate actions but these people are reversed: They require affectionate actions in order to get affectionate thoughts..... but without the thoughts they have no desire for affectionate acts (LOL!!!!!). So they have to fight their instincts and hold still so their brain will wake up. Interesting right? This is far more common than is generally known. This makes me wonder..... if a lot people have this reversed order of affection, can it apply to other thought processes as well? What is different in an MLC'er who has this reversal vs an MLC'er who isn't reversed in this way?

The other thing they talked about was the physical pain someone experiences with abandonment, rejection and loneliness (caused by a spouse): It's unlike any other pain that scientists can measure in that there are changes in the brain which aren't observable in any other stimulus except physical injury. The poor LBS's are all under this strain, so it makes sense that we are hurt in a very different way that others simply can't understand (and why it's so difficult to recover from). It isn't just emotional, being an LBS also means physical trauma. No wonder some here have PTSD, or get "stuck", or who knows how deeply scarred they are? Emotional trauma, physical trauma. Brain altering trauma.

Just fascinating. I love to learn.

One day at a time,

-SS
« Last Edit: January 07, 2020, 01:03:59 PM by Standing Strong »
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline Standing StrongTopic starterTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 760
  • Gender: Male
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2020, 07:04:39 PM »
One day to go!!!

After days of no calls, no texting...... all of a sudden tonight..... text text text.

That makes me laugh. Not because I'm wanted or there's progress........ it's about I'm the hanger-on'er....... I'm the life she's going back to, I provide stability. Time to make nice with reality.
Not surprising, not in the least. I was expecting it. This morning I told myself "I bet she starts texting before she goes to the airport, and as she hits each airport".

Ding Ding Ding!!!! Tonight I get a text about leaving to the airport. A little while later, a text about getting to the airport. I bet in a little while I'll get a text about the plane either boarding or about to lift off..... and then one when she arrives stateside. LOL!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!

She's playing nice: Making sure the home is safe, inviting, and ready for her without complaint. It always has been, why would it be different now? Because she broke 23 years of anniversaries, Christmases and New Years? Absolutely. It's guilt. Nothing to do with me, but everything to do about her. When you're away for almost a month, I bet it seems like you never have to go home..... until you do. I bet that it's not a great feeling for the MLC'er....... but I'm not going to say a word about it. The home always has been and always will be a safe place. It'll be like she was away for a "normal" visit. But the knowledge will be her's to sort out, not for me to..... and I know that someday, it will bother her.... but not today, and not tomorrow.

She's already saying how tired she is, and how tired she will be: telegraphing to me "I'll be going to bed once I get her home". Crash and not face anything. Well, of course (duh).... changing environments is way beyond what an MLC'er can handle, I know this..... I expected nothing to begin with. (LOL)

I almost forgot what this was like..... almost.

Time to clean  ;)

One day at a time,

-SS
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline Standing StrongTopic starterTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 760
  • Gender: Male
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2020, 08:32:17 PM »
Journaling:

I was right... W texted every step of the way. Picked her up at the airport...... was curious if I'd get a kiss (alright... I was hoping for a kiss).... didn't get one. Got a really weird hug instead..... I think she was trying to figure out if she should kiss me or not, and chickened out. Her forehead ended up at my lips, I don't know what was going on. LOL!!!!!!

We had dinner..... which was nice. Caught up.
She told me a story about some creepy old retired guy hitting on her at New Years....... I was thinking to myself "So tell him you're married". Evidently she didn't and he kept trying to get in touch with her for half her trip. At least she told me.... but what is the purpose? To see if I'd be jealous? Get a rise out of me? I was totally calm, just nodded my head and listened. It is just  :o ::) >:(

She commented on my body looking better/stronger..... that was nice.

And she came home and crashed (as expected, no surprise there..... and I want her to rest. Long day. Lots of stimulus for an MLC'er).

Tomorrow is another day.

One day at a time,

-SS
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline Standing StrongTopic starterTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 760
  • Gender: Male
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2020, 08:00:46 AM »
Journaling:

After leaving W to relax and shift gears, it was off to the gym. I get so much out of working out.... the changes, stress relief, and goals to aspire to. Just absolutely love it.


After a good (but not incredible) workout, off to home and W was passed out (as expected). It was nice to see her there in the bed. Peaceful. It was so weird to have her absent and not weird to have her back.
Once I had showered, read a little.. I was off to bed.
Her eyes opened, and she watched me there in the dark. I could detect some sadness..... maybe hope? So I told her hi, and she smiled and said hi back. I told her I was happy she was home....... "You are?" (in a little voice), "you're really happy I'm home?"....... yes...... very happy. She scoots very close, inviting me to hold her.... and I do. She whimpers as I put my arms around her, and falls fast asleep..... not moving at all for 2 hours.
It is still incredible to me how weak they are on the inside. How much reassurance they need contently. How they don't feel lovable or deserving of love. How the need for safety is so powerful.... and how hard it is for them to reach out.

This morning she said that was the best sleep she's had in a long time. As she ran to and fro getting ready for work (she was very excited to get back to work) I left her completely alone. She was about to run out the door and approached.... very timidly giving me a kiss. I let her (of course)..... and then grabbed her and gave her three more  :-* She giggled and smiled..... feeling loved and accepted (at least that was my take on it).

Build them up... build them up....

One day at a time,

-SS

Update: Oh right!!! How could I forget? So tomorrow will be a big day for me...... it's Saturday (Church). Will she go? She said she wanted to...... will she remember? Will that desire still be in there? No idea. Expecting nothing.... oh but I hope. Not going to make a deal about it, not going to ask.... just going like normal. I hope she jumps in....... but if she doesn't..... someday.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2020, 08:06:19 AM by Standing Strong »
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline megogirl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2483
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2020, 08:39:38 AM »
Wow, Standing!

How exciting for you.  At this point I would kill for any sort of acknowledgement that I exist, that I created a human with him, etc.

Sometimes I feel like an idiot for Standing, but stories like yours keep me going.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2020, 08:42:12 AM by megogirl »

Offline Finding Joy

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 774
  • Gender: Female
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2020, 09:21:51 AM »
That is so precious SS!  ♥️ it!!!
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 39

BD1-April 2018-Unrecognized by me until way later, he is unhappy, wants counseling.
BD2-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).

4 kids 5-15 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Offline Standing StrongTopic starterTopic starter

  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 760
  • Gender: Male
Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 7: The is it real or is it Memorex?
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2020, 06:37:47 PM »
Very interesting.......

I came home and talked with W....... rubbed her back (she liked that)....... fed her...... watched a show we like..... and then she mentions "I slept hard last night, I don't think I moved".
To which I mention the events of the previous night...... she couldn't recall any of it. Not talking to me. Not cuddling. No me rubbing her arm. Not..... anything.

How convenient.

That makes me wonder if the memory from those three days of her calling, and in particular her realization that she's been pushing me away is still in there.......
Her memory has been somuch better..... I didn't realize there is still some present-time memory disconnects going on. I have noticed some minor personality shifts, so this is a yellow flag to me. She could be cycling in some harder to observe manner.  :-\

She could only vaguely remember turning on the tv: not what she turned it to (a movie on Netflix), nor getting into bed, not me coming to bed, absolutely nothing.

-SS
W - 38
M - 42
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.