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Author Topic: Mirror-Work GAL ideas....

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Mirror-Work Re: GAL ideas....
#10: January 14, 2020, 01:50:40 PM
I also don't like the acronym "GAL" and feel I'm way behind others in terms of what I should be doing at this point in time. It seems many of us are introverts and prefer being alone or at home much of the time? Before the "event" I was a bit more outgoing. I liked to travel, read, window shop and try different food via new restaurants. I kind of lost my interest in everything except reading which became somewhat of an addiction as I was and still am occasionally plowing through two-four books a month.

I found joining forums where others discussed similar interests to be helpful, like engaging in one over a popular TV show (Reddit). I also like the deal (SD) and points/miles forums (FT). I found forcing myself to go out to actually be helpful as I don't mind roaming around shops alone. Have you tried meetup dot com? I'm thinking of doing something with that since everyone will be in the same position, strangers! Might be fun. I also think like Nerissa in that you could be a writer. Maybe the next Harry Potter book author!  ;D You're good at understanding and empathizing with others too so maybe you could be an online counselor or mentor?
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My grandmother died 12/16
Mini BD - Jan 2017  - Doesn't want to be married to a "sad" person.
BD - July 2017 - spent the previous 3 months in his home country with OW
OW discovered Aug 2017
EA started Dec 2016? PA start unsure
Filed for D - Aug 2017
D - Nov 2017
Married - 15 Y
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Re: GAL ideas....
#11: January 14, 2020, 04:41:29 PM
Well, guess I should've read this before I posted. Some great insights here !
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Re: GAL ideas....
#12: January 14, 2020, 06:02:43 PM
For me Gal looks very much like Armids post.
It was looking at the areas in my life that I was lacking something to fulfill me and filling my own cup.
Wether that was time in nature, exercise, friends I could confide in, so fun activities, something creative, ways to feel accomplished or ways to just have experiences.

Gal for me is whatever fills my empty cup.....wether that’s solitude or activities or something mentally stimulating or some time in the woods with God.

Gal is about meeting my own needs first and learning to be attuned to myself enough to figure out what those are.

I absolutely love the graph. That’s basically what I referred to when examining my life.
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EA discovered 3/31/2019
BD March 31 2019
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“God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of his.” C.S. Lewis

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Re: GAL ideas....
#13: January 14, 2020, 08:22:21 PM
I swear, semantics will kill us all.....

I was fortunate that by the time I arrived here, I had found it's where I found my coloring groups, offroad buds and hiking crazies. Driving off road saved my sanity because for a day or a weekend, no one was left behind. The group I traveled with made sure everyone was safe. I needed to be in control of something, even if it was my car poised on the precipice of an 80 degree angle and screaming "Banzai" as I careened down the hill and have a bunch of strangers care about whether or not I was alive at the bottom.

Getting/gaining a life was about recognizing me as an individual,  what I like, what I don't.  It was about trying something and if I didn't like it stop doing it. It was about filling my own tank instead of sitting around bemoaning my fate, which sometimes included sitting around and watching tv, something I rarely did before. It was about learning that's it's ok to be an introvert with extroverted tendencies. It was about getting MY life (I'll  GAML with the best of them).

IT always makes me wonder, and I think Barbiedoll said this best, why so many hear through a "wound" instead of hearing the spirit of "Find a way to keep your spirits up. Go do something you might like. Maybe you'll love it, maybe you won't. Look beyond what was."

Bedazzle your life with whatever makes your motor hum.
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When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

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Re: GAL ideas....
#14: January 14, 2020, 08:38:33 PM
And now for my list of activities.
Drive off road. Or back road. Or take the long way home.
Color. Books, drawings, your hands, rocks, whatever
Create something. Bake bread, do a craft, make a book shelf, build a gazebo, grow vegetables.
Escape room with someone or someone's
There are escape rooms in a box and online
Play Artemis with your online buds  or gather all your geek friends in your living room with their laptops so you can see the view from your ship together (look it up, you might like it)
Visit open houses
Test drive cars
Go Geocaching ( treasure hunt with GPS coordinates )
Take a day trip. Anywhere.
Take a weekend trip. Anywhere.
Do 10 knee bends. Celebrate by coloring.
Replace the batteries in all your remotes. Marvel at how much better they work.
Stand in the sun if it is out. Make snow angels if it's snowing. Find someone with a moon roof in their car if it raining. Stare up into the rain falling on the moonroof. Watch flowers close up as it gets dark.
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« Last Edit: January 14, 2020, 08:39:58 PM by OffRoad »
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

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Re: GAL ideas....
#15: January 14, 2020, 10:03:25 PM
I agree with Offroad - has been a wonderful social outlet for me.

Great posts on this thread.

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7/16 - BD - PA - OW
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Re: GAL ideas....
#16: January 15, 2020, 08:08:53 AM
Ok I still don't like the term GAL.. lol. I agree with LP mostly, for the reasons she's stated about not over focusing on your hurt and instead, occupying your time and mind with other activities. I agree with someone else who posted that maybe we can re-title it self care.

My issue is specifically, is that it get's lumped into the whole "how do I get my spouse back" thing. Most people run into that when they're new to MLC and I think we give people the idea that if we lose weight and suddenly become more interesting, the spouse will take notice and start coming around again. Like the 180 we preach here, has a different meaning out on the WWW. It means that if you're more interesting and suddenly doing something you don't normally do, you'll make your spouse jealous. Here, I think it means wait, think about what you're doing before you react to your MLCer and to not repeat negative or co dependent ways of interacting.

I think GAL means something different to everyone, because everyone's situation is different. To me, it just means be more of myself. I've always had a large variety of hobbies that I've done, but xw became a 10,000 gorilla in the room who also made me depressed and at times she actively prevented me from perusing my hobbies. It was xw who sat in bed depressed for years, while I begged and encouraged her to have friends and hobbies.

I have a lot of my own self validation and esteem issues to work out, but GAL hasn't been one of them. I think maybe as introverts, we don't like the term because it implies that we're not keeping up with the other kids. I think introverts have been told at various times in their lives to "go out and play with the other kids" and it's harder for us to self validate when we have this socially acceptable, status quo we're always comparing ourselves to, when there's no logical reason for comparison at all. So yeah, we can GAL, but it'll be more slowly because we need more down and process time. And also for us full time parents, it's that much harder. I really am proud to be around so many dedicated, full time single parents.

My list of hobbies?:

visiting historical places / museums
road trips
DIY house projects and home improvement
writing and performing music
airsofting / working with & mentoring teens and the community at large
writing freelance blog articles, books, short stories
collecting records & CDs
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« Last Edit: January 15, 2020, 08:17:02 AM by gman242 »

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Re: GAL ideas....
#17: January 15, 2020, 09:08:45 AM
GAL has been difficult for me, but I feel I've done the best I can when I have the kids full time. I'm sure other single mum and dad's feel the same.
I'm am also admittedly a little introvert. Not completely, but I struggle in big groups and am better in more informal smaller groups and one to one.

For me, I did the dating, joining the gym, going on hikes with and all sorts of other things, but I felt it was something I was forcing myself to do. I have had some nice dates though and I'm not opposed to exercise, but I struggle to fit it all in and it was exhausting me and trying to find someone to watch the kids. It became a real chore and I didn't like that.

So, for me GAL was continuing what I was doing and trying to do it to the best of my ability. I love my trips around Europe, so we've been on some driving holidays that have been fun and cheap. We've been to France, Germany, Holland, Belgium. I've done these trips solo and once with my sister and niece. We are heading to Spain in June and if Thomas Cook hadn't have gone bust we would have just come back from New York and Florida.
We've done plenty of weekends away around the UK. We always meet people and they have increased my confidence so much.

I've focused on getting my house renovated and I reduced my working hours. The working hours gave me the time to breathe and clear my head a bit. There was too much stress with looking after kids, a home and working full time.

I go on really big walks with dog. I used to take the dog on the park, but we go on epic walks that the kids can come with me. I have some great countryside on my doorstep. We go out on our bikes too, when the weather is better. I enjoy this. I just really enjoy spending time with the kids.

I invested in a counsellor who has helped. I want to make new friends. My counsellor has helped with this too. So, I am making an effort to talk to people when I can. She set me goals to find things out about people. I have done this at my kids school by talking to parents, talking to colleagues I wouldn't ordinarily need to chat too. Sounds silly, but it's improved my confidence in just striking up conversation with people.

I've got more into looking after my skin too. Sounds ridiculous, but this makes me feel good too and focus a little more on my appearance. This sounds a little MLC, but it isn't. I get up slightly earlier for work. I straighten my hair and put a bit of make up. It makes me feel better. In my dark times, I would drag myself out of bed, shout at the kids, stress about getting to work one time and end up exhausted by the time I got there. That is gone! Ha!

So, for me, it's just about focusing more on what I can do to improve my life and enjoy it the best I can. I'm not obsessing over my ex anymore, but it does still happen. Just not as often.

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Re: GAL ideas....
#18: January 18, 2020, 05:06:58 AM
See I think, and after reading everyone’s responses I may be alone in this ha!
But, I fell pregnant with D8 very young. I gave birth 3 days after my 20th birthday. And so the time from D8 being born to BD. I was so scared of looking like a “statistic”. I didn’t do things normal 20year olds did. I stayed home even when my mum had D8 and or the kids. I lived a life I felt that being a Mum was. I kinda felt a bit like I was acting. Don’t get me wrong, I Ofcourse LOVED being a mum and wouldn’t change it. But now I think, would it have killed me to have a girls night then? However I then found myself a forced introvert. Naturally I’m a extrovert. I love going out. I’m a confident and bubbly person. But I spent a lot of my time in the house cooking cleaning being a mum I had no friends. I had Clington and that was it. Well that ended well didn’t it. At the time my friends were only really interested in planning stuff with me if I was out getting drunk. They didn’t want to go park and feed ducks. So they started dropping after the first few cute baby visits.

So when the Bomb dropped I didn’t even had friends I could talk to about it. Hence how I found this forum and hence how I read about GALING. And so I forced myself to message random people on Facebook. We started attending play date with the kids. Then when Clington has the kids, we would go to a pub. Or a night club. I spent a lot of my time “GALing” drunk in nightclubs with friends. BUT, and I guess this is the thing. It’s a bit like my GALing is reliving the life I should have lived years ago. If that makes sense.

I mean, Ofcourse I still go out and get drunk. I may be a mum but at the same time, I’m still only 28.

However, I don’t always go out and get drunk. Sometimes I stay in and watch a film on Netflix. Sometimes I go to the cinema. Sometimes I meet friends and we try and new restaurant.

I guess for me, my GALing May look a bit higgledy piggledy but I’m not getting a life, or building a life. I guess I’m sort of finding my life. Working out exactly who Sacha is when she’s not a LBS or a mum. The Sacha underneath it all.
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Me - 28
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BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019


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