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Author Topic: My Story Thread 36 - The answer is 42

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My Story Thread 36 - The answer is 42
OP: January 17, 2020, 05:43:36 AM
Old Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11077

If you haven't read Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," the title of my thread is probably totally obscure....

Since my last thread is at 149 posts, I'll close it off with the link to this one...

42 is the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything in it, according to the supercomputer in the book....

After Christmas, xW went off with the kids to see xMIL and some friends down south. S12 said that it was "OK" but that he was bored...

They came back and S12 came to spend New Years Eve with me. R, her S17, S12 and I were invited to a friends for New Years so we went and had a wonderful evening.

On January 4th, D8, S12, and I took off for a week of skiing in the Austrian Alps near Salzburg with a group of friends from the neighboring village.. THAT trip was eventful as S12 broke his arm the 2nd day there. I still managed to get in some skiing. I had gotten both kids into Ski School for the week and was sitting eating my lunch when my cell rang.... ??? The voice (S12's Ski Instructor) on the other said told me that S had fallen and they thought he had broken his arm so I paid my lunch tab and started working my way half-way across the mountain to where HE was from where I was... In the mean time, I sent out a SOS to the others in the group as D8 was still in class and I had NO idea where they were on the mountain. One of the other parents that D8 knows said that they'd collect her from the ski school and get her back to the hotel while yet another grandparent on the trip (D8 was palling around with their GD12) said they'd watch over her until S12 and I got back.

So, collected S12, skis, poles, etc.,etc., etc. and got S12 to the car. Went to the local doctors office and, yep, his arm was broken alright... The doc said that S12 was going to have to go to the hospital because it was a bad break and surgery was likely.... Once we had a confirmed diagnosis of the break, I let xW know what was going on. She was concerned but didn't flip out so that was all good. Took S12 to a well-respected Sports Clinic (they have treated some World Cup skiers) and after LOTS of consultation, they decided they could set the arm without surgery but they were going to have to knock S12 out because they were going to have to pull the arm out so the bone went back into position... (The Austrians are VERY conservative when it comes to surgery on kids... Unless it is REALLY an absolute must, they won't do it).

Meanwhile, keeping the ski group (including D8), xW, and R informed of the latest developments was taking lots of time... When they sent me out of the room just before S12 got his KO drugs, I talked to xW, explained what had happened and what was happening with S12, who was taking care of D8 (not that she knows any of the people but that everything was under control) and said that I'd have S12 call her if he was up to it once he was back in the land of the conscious. To make a long story short, this all started at 1 pm and around 9 pm, we managed to get back to the hotel. They were so nice and kept a plate of food warm for me and then made a pizza for S12.

I got to hit the slopes again on Wednesday and Friday after taking S12 back to the doc on Tuesday and Thursday then we all came back to where we live on Saturday.

xW said more than once that she knew S12 was in good hands and that I was taking good care of him, thanking me for keeping her informed of everything going on, etc., so that made my life easier as well as S12's.

Ironically, xW wanted to "talk" to me and made a couple of comments regarding the financial agreements we had . She made one comment about money that I have in the US (which is a checking account I use to pay US-based bills and I shut that line down quickly by pointing out that this account was fed form my German account so it was already accounted for in the disclosure, unlike her inheritance from her father <boom!>  but then she started in about how I wasn't the only one who had suffered from the D. I just looked and said, that it was what she wanted and then comes the coup d' grace... She tells me that she is jealous of her sister (who has a stable marriage and 2 kids) and of me since my R with R seems to be going so well... She said that she had gone on 2 1/2 dates since she bailed (how does one go on a 1/2 of a date?) but that it didn't work.... I just nodded and said "Uh huh."  ::)   I finally wished her a nice evening and left...

Meanwhile, xW has decided to buy a flat (A Condo-like apartment for the US comparison) and will be moving in April after a fight with her landlord (who is a greedy shyster) . They are moving within the same town so the kids will not be changing schools again (thank goodness) and still be close enough to my apartment.

And that is about all the news that is news....

The company that I worked for has been fully acquired by a different company about 100 times the size so there are lots of integration meetings and such going on. All of us in my office are safe but there are some in the offices in northern Germany and especially in the UK that will be out of work in a few months (mostly back-office positions) so that has added a bit of stress to the mix but nothing too extreme.

To sum it all up in a sentence - 42

My life and that of my kids is going forward. xW is on her own trajectory, complete with choices, actions and consequences....

Not my circus, not my monkeys...

UM
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Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
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Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#1: January 17, 2020, 05:50:45 AM
I was wondering where you were. On a ski trip, nice. Sorry to hear about your son's arm.
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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#2: January 17, 2020, 05:53:14 AM
Sounds like somebody is figuring out the grass isn't greener (slowly).

Ski trip sounds like fun.

I had to chuckle when I read the title. The movie was really good too.

-SS

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#3: January 17, 2020, 06:58:18 AM
Quote
She said that she had gone on 2 1/2 dates since she bailed (how does one go on a 1/2 of a date?)
Hilarious!  Reminds me of something my mother (with dementia) said following a fall.  “ I broke 2 1/2 ribs!”.   So maybe your xw has dementia?

Sounds generally like your ex’s chickens are coming home to roost and she’s finally feeling some genuine regret. 
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"This too shall pass.  It might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass."
"Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Instead, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus."

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#4: January 17, 2020, 07:09:21 AM
Welcome to your new thread, UM.

Sounds like you had a good trip, minus the broken arm of course.
Kids mend up pretty well.  It nice they just set it.  He'll be good as new before you know it.

Also sounds like some consequences are hitting Ms XW. 
It's to be expected.  No the grass is not always greener on the other side.  She can now envy her sister, who had just what she had and threw away so carelessly.

Oh well..

Glad to hear your job is safe.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#5: January 17, 2020, 07:38:24 AM
Hey UM - sorry the ski trip had a bit of a glitch.
I am glad your son didn't need surgery.

I was nodding my head when I read about your xW - and her new "happy" life - uh maybe not so happy.
I don't have contact with my xH - but recently something came up that I had to contact him regarding an old account that was in his name.

I got a super helpful and friendly note back from xH- and a comment that he remembered my upstate home in the mountains - and how lovely it was and the nice times we had there. 
So I guess I am no longer some slimy ugly green ogre - with whom he was miserable the entire time.

My xH doesn't complain about his life - but I can see from the rare glimpses I get that he is not living with the grass green and the unicorns farting rainbows.
He has gotten fat - and OW is fat too.  (remember that he left me because I wasn't athletic enough and OW was a super marathon runner. Lies, all lies, but that was his story then at BD).
He has let his rental property look overgrown and like Grey Gardens - despite the fact he now lives about 5 minutes from the property rather than 1.5 hours.
OW is apparently unemployed - but got her real estate licence last year in the spring I think.
She is working for xMIL's real estate friend - probably he did a favor to xMIL.
She has yet to sell a home.
XH put his home up on the market for her - but it failed to sell so he removed it from the market - I suspect he will list it again late this Spring.
The "happy couple" used to post "family" pictures on FB all the time - that has stopped.
Do I think xH is absolutely miserable?  No - and really I have no way to tell - but I can certainly see his life is small and boring.

Me?  With the help of LP's tutelage - I have rebuilt a pretty sweet life. 
Financially I will never be in the same place I was with xH - but I am not suffering - not by a long shot.
I have expanded my circle of friends, I have revived some interest/hobbies and made some new ones.
All in all life is pretty good and drama free.

When I first came to HS, some mentor told me that this was like the race of the tortoise and the hare.
The MLCer is like the hare - at first shot they are out of the gate running like mad - looking like surely they will win the race.  The LBSer is like the tortoise - slow to start due to the shock of BD - much slower in pace.
If life were a sprint - the hare would be the winner - but life is a marathon - and if the LBSer is persistent - the outcome of the race shifts to the Tortoises.

Being responsible, GALing, doing mirror work - slow and painful eventually pays off.
The MLCers fuse burns bright and fast at first - but fizzles out - and it is common to see them disappointed with their "new life".


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« Last Edit: January 17, 2020, 07:40:34 AM by Airmid »

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#6: January 17, 2020, 10:07:44 AM
Sorry to hear about your S12's fall and medical adventures. Nothing boring about that trip.

My S fell and broke his arm when he was small and had the same type of medical treatment. He healed up quickly without surgery and has had no problems since. Hoping your S12 has the same good results.

I just have nothing to say about your XW and her envy.  It is just insane for her to even say that out loud to you.  She had exactly that... a stable marriage with 2 kids and SHE blew it up because she didn't want to do the work. Now she is looking for pity from you. Pffft. Ridiculous.

Happy New Year UM!! Wishing you and your kids many blessings for 2020!!       

     
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D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#7: January 17, 2020, 05:56:31 PM
Nice update, UM.

I hope S is mending well. 

Interesting to read that your ex was thinking you might have some secret money stashed away that she feels she's entitled to.   Nice that you could shut down that topic before it ever took flight. 

Happy 2020!
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After all, tomorrow is another day.

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#8: January 18, 2020, 01:53:58 PM
Fantastic update, UM, minus of course your S and his broken arm.  If he's anything like you, I'm sure he will bounce back quickly and not skip a beat.

And, in regards to your xw being jealous of the very things she chose to discard....well, I guess she's the type who will always want what she can't have....even if she had it once and blew it.  Nothing to do with you.  Just keep on thriving and watering your own grass.
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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#9: January 18, 2020, 02:17:01 PM
Yes, definitely 42. Between that and Mercury Retrograde, it explains everything.  ;D I'm sorry about S12, and I hope his arm heals well. Its good that you went somewhere that knows what they were doing.

I am glad your life is going well.
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