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Author Topic: My Story Thread 36 - The answer is 42

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My Story Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#130: October 28, 2020, 04:58:56 AM
I'm really sorry to hear this. It is hard enough when a Spouse does it but with them, there are consequences. With kids it is less easy. Like you notesd, what are you going to do? Toss him out on his ear?  Call him on it and get shouted at?

 :'(
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#131: October 28, 2020, 08:38:10 AM
I'm so sorry, Song, that must be exhausting and difficult with your son. It's a reminder I suppose that this kind of behaviour is all too common with disordered folks who are trying to avoid reality and accountability, whatever the root cause. But I am truly sorry that this is part of your life experience after everything else you have survived.

I suspect that the standard good LBS tools like detachment and boundaries are just as applicable but I can't begin to imagine how painful and difficult it must be to have to try to use them with your child as opposed to your ex/spouse.....

Out of interest, given that your h probably did a dollop of this in his worst days, how does he react when your son does it?
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« Last Edit: October 28, 2020, 08:40:14 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#132: October 28, 2020, 09:40:20 AM
Quote
Out of interest, given that your h probably did a dollop of this in his worst days, how does he react when your son does it
?

In short - nothing - either because he doesn't witness it or because he knows that S will turn on him and be even more vicious. 
He has said quietly that I am putting up with an awful lot and that S needs help.

Otherwise he will try and keep very much out of S's way and that's down to the fact that S is vile to him and often talks about him in derogatory terms whilst H is standing there. 

Anyway - this belongs on my thread really - Sorry UM
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« Last Edit: October 28, 2020, 09:41:32 AM by Songanddance »
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 and still going with no sign of reconciliation.

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#133: October 28, 2020, 09:59:31 AM
Quote
Out of interest, given that your h probably did a dollop of this in his worst days, how does he react when your son does it
?

In short - nothing - either because he doesn't witness it or because he knows that S will turn on him and be even more vicious. 
He has said quietly that I am putting up with an awful lot and that S needs help.

Otherwise he will try and keep very much out of S's way and that's down to the fact that S is vile to him and often talks about him in derogatory terms whilst H is standing there. 

Anyway - this belongs on my thread really - Sorry UM

No worries. Actually, R's S17 is similar in some ways. He and I have only gotten into it once and he apologized fairly quickly afterwards because I basically refused to interact more than absolutely necessary. He's in a trade school 90 minutes south of here and comes back on some weekends or holidays so that has brought LOTS more peace into the house.

He and R were getting into it regularly over his gaming addiction and computer time so it's a relief when he's not here.

As much as I really do care for the kid (he's a good kid in the core but emotionally lagging - he's 27 with the EQ of a 10 year old - my D9 and S13 are more emotionally mature/intelligent but his father physically abused him and is a Grade A narcissist in his own right) , there are moments when hanging him by his toes from the ceiling fan really does seem like a viable alternative...
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#134: November 18, 2020, 04:47:14 AM
So, if anyone is interested in following along on Saturday, here is the link:

https://www.esa.int/Applications/Observing_the_Earth/Copernicus/Sentinel-6/Watch_live_Copernicus_Sentinel-6_Michael_Freilich_launch?fbclid=IwAR1b5-cU4ImMsqaJIQaXjh0C_749pBto6xVljre5Me7VUTxSKv5ss_MgJX4 or
https://one.esa.int/article/Establishments/Areas/Home/Articles/How+to+watch+the+Sentinel6+launch+and+insights+from+the+team or
https://www.esa.int/ESA_Multimedia/ESA_Web_TV

If you are lucky (and I am not) you might even catch a glimpse of me in action (NO idea as we don't know what camera is looking where int eh Main Control Room at any one time) and you might hear me in the Roll Call.... My call sign (No, I am NOT making this up....) is (get this....) "OM" for "Operations Manager"  ::)
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« Last Edit: November 19, 2020, 08:34:25 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#135: November 18, 2020, 01:26:31 PM
Well that’s pretty cool UM! Will check out when that is Aus time.
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M: 50 (48 @ BD)
H: 53 (51 @ BD)
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 21 (19 @ BD)
D: 19 (17 @ BD)
'Extra D': 19 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (45, now 47) - he met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her. Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her.

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Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#136: November 18, 2020, 08:36:11 PM
Well that’s pretty cool UM! Will check out when that is Aus time.

NO idea but the rocket will launch at 17:17:08 UTC. That is probably close to midnight or so in Australia

Later edit: OK, I have gone in and looked. Western Australia is UTC +8 and Eastern is UTC +10 with the middle at UTC +9.5 (?) so Launch Time in Western Australia is at 00:17:08 on Sunday morning.....  So I was right. Close to Midnight....
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« Last Edit: November 18, 2020, 11:58:43 PM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Nas

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Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#137: November 19, 2020, 12:44:09 AM
Very cool, UM!
I laughed at your OM call sign. But am also happy to give “OM” a new and better definition, lol.
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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#138: November 19, 2020, 01:32:48 PM
Quote
My call sign (No, I am NOT making this up....) is (get this....) "OM" for "Operations Manager"  ::)

I laughed.... Not sure if that was the appropriate thing to do but I did 🙊
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H - 43 (40 @BD1)
M - 43 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW (we are not divorced) - Oct 2019
H "finally" asks for divorce - Aug 2020

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

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Re: Thread 36 - The answer is 42
#139: November 19, 2020, 10:56:10 PM
Quote
My call sign (No, I am NOT making this up....) is (get this....) "OM" for "Operations Manager"  ::)

I laughed.... Not sure if that was the appropriate thing to do but I did 🙊

OneDay, yer goin to Hades!  ;D We'll save you a seat on the bus.....

All seriousness aside, do you have ANY idea how HARD it is to have to reply to the Roll-call with "OD <for 'Operations Director'>- OM - GO!" and NOT crack up..... or curse....
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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