[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi Moon,

Agree with UM that consistency of actions is important but at least your W is thinking about the kids and acknowledging she could be better.   I'm still only about 1 year after BD and my W is at least trying to focus on our kids.   My W  is struggling but putting the effort to build the relationships with my girls.   Although there is no effort with me and the D appears to be finalized too, I am thankful that my girls are getting the love that they deserve from both parents.  It is enough for me at this point as I heal.

Glad D10 is excelling in school and keep on loving D 10 and D8.   

HF

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Hi all.  Just a belated happy new year to anyone following along.    It’s approaching my 4th anniversary since BD.   Truly does seem another lifetime ago.   Since my last update, a few more ups and downs with W.  Big argument in November over holidays next summer.  I booked a week away with the girls in my usual week in August.  It’s MIL’s 70th that week though and W was planning a surprise party for her.  W never told me about it, but she expected me to somehow know about it and take it into account.   She got quite upset with me when I pointed out that, as much as I like her mum, it’s not really any of my business any more.

It also appears her and the new boyfriend have split up again - although from what I can understand they’re still continuing with the dance lessons they started while together. 

Then late on Xmas eve, I go round to take the girls presents ready for the morning, and she asks me for a hug! She gets quite emotional, explaining it’s been a tough year.  I think she was a bit drunk tbh, but the hug was nice.  I listen to her issues for a while (FOO issues still) then leave.  We spend Xmas morning together, the four of us, which the girls love, but that’s it.   

The usual ups and downs then, as I say.  I think I’ve learned by now not to take too much notice of it all.  Still, almost 4 years, I still do find that hard to believe.   

Anyway, wishing everyone a safe and healthy 2022. 
Moon

[FaithWalker]

Happy new year to you!

W never told me about it, but she expected me to somehow know about it and take it into account.   

Yes, because you are supposed to be a mind reader.     Nevermind that you aren't a mind reader and that that week is your usual time with the girls.

She got quite upset with me when I pointed out that, as much as I like her mum, it’s not really any of my business any more.

Exactly.  She fired you from that role.  Darn those pesky consequences!  Insert another eye roll.   

Sounds definitely like some ups and downs.  It's tough when we get drug into their "ish".

[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi Moon,

Glad you to spend the holidays as a family, and looks like you are navigating the confusing interactions with your W.   I remember first joining this forum and thinking how can people spend years dealing with their MLCers and here I am 18 months since BD.  Wow has time has flown right by.

Hope you have a safe and health 2022 too!

HF

[rosetintedglasses]

Hey Moon. Great update. Lovely to hear all about it. Happy New Year!

Wow. 4 years, that’s quite an achievement, you should be so proud of yourself navigating this for so long, isn’t it just awful. Especially as you are the one missing so much of your children. I’m really sad about that Moon.

Glad you did Christmas morning together, that’s lovely.

You don’t deserve one minute of this, how are you feeling in yourself? Managing to get out and about? Having fun?

I always read along, can’t always comment but just so you know I’m reading.
Rose 🌹

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Thanks FW and HF, and so sorry to hear your news about your divorce as well as your job HF.  Not a good start to the year at all. 

Hi Rose. Good to hear from you.  I’m ok.  Still find this time of year hard - post Xmas blues combined with the anniversary of bomb drop.  I’m keeping myself busy enough though.  Hope you’re keeping as well as can be expected.

I can’t believe it’s been 4 years coming up since BD.  Whatever happens, and I think reconciliation is highly unlikely now, that’s been 4 years of still living in a kind of limbo world - detaching and moving on, but being dragged back by thoughts and memories- and regular contact with W and questions from the kids, meaning it’s never been truly possible to escape the past.  It’s almost like a perpetual grief - with the departed never really departing, but you’re expected to move on from a perfectly good marriage.  MLC really is such a horrible place to try and escape from. 
Moon

[rosetintedglasses]

Hi Moon.

You worded that well. I get exactly what you mean. The departed never really departing.

Who know what will happen around reconciliation. I do know anything is possible, especially with MLC.

Glad you are keeping busy, hopefully finding laughs & fun too?
Rose 🌹

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Hi Rose
Adding to the ghost theme, I also sometimes feel like I’ve become a ghost and am haunting my old live.  Old friends I rarely see and familiar places I now rarely visit.   It’s like I’m no longer there. 

Anyway, just a brief bit of journaling, I was having tea at a friends the other day when W phones me.  She’d be texting me about D8’s trip to the doctors that morning (not that she has told me beforehand she had an appointment).  W and D8 had been looking through old photo albums of me and W’s holidays (before we had the girls).  W was in full reminiscing mode, all good stories and with D8 keen to know if I would take her to some the places mummy and daddy had been.  Almost romantic in a way, but also rather weird.  My friends thought it very strange, given the history.  All I could say was ‘welcome to my world’. 🤷‍♂️
Moon

[rosetintedglasses]

Yes that about sums it up Moon.

Welcome to my weird world!

Crazyland.

Rose 🌹

[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi Moon,

Definitely weird for your W to be reminiscing over a previous life that your W rewrote in her mind.      Glad to hear that you are doing well in your new world.  I am transitioning to a new world too and it definitely an adjustment.  All we can do is move forward.

HF