[JohnnyBravo]

Sorry to hear that, Moon, but the certainty does seem to help. Hopefully it will be "good" (as good as a divorce can be, anyway), and of course, we're all here for you.

[xyzcf]

I am sorry Moon, and yes, now you do not need to think about this possibility anymore.

Of course she would not consider D11's retreat to have anything to do with her parents divorcing. They just do not consider it to be something that kids will have an issue with. I am glad that you are aware and concerned about your D11 and watch carefully.

Nothing really changed post divorce regarding the type of contact we have..he's still in pretty regular contact with me. "it" has never been talked about, never been mentioned...he sent me a text message informing me that he had filed for a divorce 9 years after BD...I have no clue why he felt the need to do that ..and that was almost 4 years ago and there isn't any sign of a significant other so it makes no sense...but as you know, much of what they do doesn't make sense.

Still Moon, there is also great sadness, especially since this is not what we choose. It takes some time to adjust to.

(((HUGS)))))

[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi Moon,

I am sorry to hear the news about the D.  I thought it would change things for me as my D to my XW was finalized early this year.  The funny thing is it really hasn’t changed things much yet except maybe relieving some guilt that she has. 

Hang in there and I know you will be there for your D11.  The impact on the kids is still what bothers me most today.

HF

[UrsaMajor]

Hi Moon,

As you noted, it is sad and a relief at the same time... Sort of one of those "what is the worst that can happen? She divorces me? Oh! Too late!" things.

What I expect is that your STBXW will find, like most, if not all Mid-Lifers, is that, well, nothing will have changed for her. The issues that she had will still be there with her and there won't be "wonderful new life"  that she expects.  That is hers to deal with.

All you can do is to continue to be the stable parent for your kids and to be there for them.

For what it's worth, divorce doesn't necessarily mean the " end."  Many MLC' ers seem to have the idea that they can just go running off for a while, do whatever they want, and then return later. My xW said as much "Maybe then in 7 years or so, we will get back together and ....." That is a bridge to cross when the Mid-Lifer gets their head out of their ..... fog.... if they ever do. It also depends on you. You get to make a choice in this as well...

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Many thanks JohnnyB, xyzcf, HF and UM.   Your kind words and thoughts are a real help. 

I agree xyzcf,  there appears to be no reason why now.  She isn’t seeing anyone seriously as far as I know.  Dating certainly but no one serious.  As you say UM, perhaps she thinks this will bring her the happiness she’s looking for.  The string of dates apparently hasn’t.  Let’s see how quickly she moves thing along though. 

Just as an aside, she asks me late last night if I can do the school runs today.  No problem, of course.  She then asks if I can drop the girls back just before 6pm but also if I can stay around for a little bit as she’s selling some furniture online (a chair from our bedroom funnily enough, that’s been in D11’s room for a while).  She’s worried that the person picking up sounds a bit strange.  Anyway I hang around and everything’s fine.  Just so odd, she still calls on my like that, to sell off a bit of our past (albeit very minor), days after asking for a divorce.    It’s like a divorce through the looking glass.   

[MadLuv]

I’m so sorry for the divorce news, but whether you move on or still stand divorce does not have to be the end. Sometimes all has to end to begin a new . So, you will move forward and life will hopefully unfold as intended.

[FaithWalker]

Sending you some positive thoughts Moon.  I hope that her divorce will be gentle.  Divorce is hard enough without the added trauma of a difficult one.

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Thank you for your kind thoughts Faithwalker and MadLuv

Just to emphasise the craziness of all this, W takes the girls away for a short holiday (she mentioned it a while back and I had agreed).  So she goes to the very hotel where we went away - just her and me - to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary.  Where everything seemed rosy but yet less than 4 months later she was going into full on MLC mode.  And while she’s away she’s sending me pictures of the girls, discussing how beautiful and grown up they are now.  Like everything is completely normal - and she’s not just asked for a divorce.   Just more MLC madness I guess.
Moon

[UrsaMajor]

Like everything is completely normal - and she’s not just asked for a divorce.   Just more MLC madness I guess.

Yep - exactly..... "Normal" is quite relative... and at that moment, it may have been as close to normal as she gets.

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Just a quick update, mainly to note it was the fourth anniversary this week of me moving out of the family home.  D8 would have been 4 and D11 would have been 7, so younger than D8 is now.  I found a pic D8 keeps of me and W, taken before either of the girls were born.  W used to keep it in a frame but now D8 just has it lying around.  I noticed on the back she had scribbled all our names followed by ‘family’.  Nearly bought me to tears. 

Anyway, the girls and I finally went on the holiday that caused so much trouble.  We had a really good time, although W still managed to upset me - by moaning about the girls sleeping arrangements (after I agreed that she could speak to the girls).  I gave her a polite blast back and she quickly backed down - but it still upset me.  Even after all this time, she thinks she can control me and how I choose to bring up my daughters.  Cakeism I’m guessing.   And no sign yet of anything further happening with the divorce she’s asked for.  I’m leaving that in her court, but I can’t say I’m surprised it’s been over 2 months now without anything happening.  Standard MLCer behaviour I believe.
Moon