[Acorn]

Wow, that was rather cheeky of her.   Her complaint comes across quite controlling, jealous and unreasonable.

You are a lot nicer than I am.  I can’t imagine saying anything other than ‘thank you for letting me know your thoughts.’ 

Have a blast with your lovely kids! 

[Curiosity]

You are absolutely right to set this boundary. Your daughters’ memories are their own, and it’s not her place to decide how they should remember any particular place or event. This is your time with them, it is something that you and they will enjoy, and it is absolutely your right to decide where to take them for a vacation. I don’t have kids and have not had to navigate this - but my parents split when I and my siblings were young, and each parent had autonomy over how their time with us was spent.

[Zion]

I agree with everyone else.  Her jealousy is her problem.  You will have a blast with your kids and friends.  No need to feel one ounce of guilt.  This is the reality that she created for herself, you, and your daughters.  She is feeling consequences and she doesn't like it, so she is dropping it on you to fix.  She is being self-serving and trying to control in order to feel better.

I wouldn't respond other than what Acorn suggested.

I would address the ear piercing though.  Maybe wait a bit or she might try to connect the trip with the ear piercing in some weird way.

Go have fun! 

[PJ Ames]

I agree with everyone else as well. It sounds like she doesn't like the consequences of her choices.

I say just do what's best for you and the kids.

[FaithWalker]

I agree with everyone else here.  That is utterly bonkers on her part.

[OffRoad]

One more vote for you to set the boundary that she does not get to tell you where you may and may not go with the kids. Your time, your choice as long as it is within the guidelines of your agreement.

Take the free vacation, enjoy your kids.

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Thank you all, that’s pretty unanimous and reassuring.  I’m picking the girls up from her later, so i’ll see if she says anything- otherwise i’ll keep quiet for the moment and get ready to take my girls away next weekend.  I’ll only say anything if she asks.

It will be three years later this month since I moved out - and it’s just over three and a half years since bombdrop.  I had hoped to have seen some progress but it doesn’t look like it.  She’s now onto her third boyfriend since BD, including the initial AP - her ‘soulmate’.  The current one has met the girls, which is a first, although he broke up with her recently (she apologised to me for introducing the girls to him too soon) I see he appears to be back on the scene.  Before the split she did offer to introduce him to me!  I wait to see if I get the offer again.  That is pretty weird though, right?   Like she’s seeking my approval. 
Moon

[HeavenlyFocus]

It will be three years later this month since I moved out - and it’s just over three and a half years since bombdrop.  I had hoped to have seen some progress but it doesn’t look like it.  She’s now onto her third boyfriend since BD, including the initial AP - her ‘soulmate’.  The current one has met the girls, which is a first, although he broke up with her recently (she apologised to me for introducing the girls to him too soon) I see he appears to be back on the scene.  Before the split she did offer to introduce him to me!  I wait to see if I get the offer again.  That is pretty weird though, right?   Like she’s seeking my approval. 
Moon

Hi Moon,

Well, It's been almost a year since my BD and  I also have two girls that are a couple of years older than you.   Our situations are so similar and I felt the same way as you after my wife moved out 6 months after BD.  I couldn't handle the lying and the communication with the OM and needed my own space to heal.  My W moved out first and we sold our home months later. 

As for how to handle the weird OM introduction request,  others with more experience can offer some great advice.   I am currently contemplating how to handle this type of request in the future in case it happens although my W still hasn't even admitted to the OM yet.  Here are are my thoughts in the request for your consideration.

If she brings up the OM introduction, I would let her know that you have no desire to meet OM as she is currently your W.   You can offer to be cordial but that a relationship with her and the OM will not happen.   

Also I would recommend you think about what boundaries are needed in the event that OM becomes a larger part of kids lives.   I see that occasionally you do things as a family still so obviously your W still wants you around from time-to-time.   My question is does the combined family time allow her to cake eat while still living in replay.   My W and I did a couple of things together with the kids after moving out early this year but I have stopped it since she filed for D.     I have decided to have strict boundaries with No OM and I will not initiate any family time.   If my W wanted to reconcile, it would have to be just the two of us first before starting to spend time together as a family.

I am sorry that you have had to go through this and think you have handled things well.  Keep loving your children and finding joy in your life no matter what the outcome with your W.

HF

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Hello HF
Good to meet you, and so sorry that you and your girls are having to go through this as well.  It really is the kids, especially the young ones, I feel sorry for.  We might be able to get our heads around MLC but what must they think?   I would like to say things get easier but my two still ask questions about why their mum and dad split that I still find hard to answer.

   I see that occasionally you do things as a family still so obviously your W still wants you around from time-to-time.   My question is does the combined family time allow her to cake eat while still living in replay.   My W and I did a couple of things together with the kids after moving out early this year but I have stopped it since she filed for D.     I have decided to have strict boundaries with No OM and I will not initiate any family time.   If my W wanted to reconcile, it would have to be just the two of us first before starting to spend time together as a family.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head here and it’s something I’ve been meaning to raise for a while.  Ever since OM3 has appeared on the scene much of this ‘family’ time has stopped.  Sadly, its been a while since we’ve even had a meal together.  Before then though, I wondered whether it was cake eating or reconnecting.  Perhaps it was the former, but how do you tell the difference?   Perhaps it was an attempt at reconnecting, and OM3 is her going back into the tunnel.  I read somewhere that one of the stages of MLC involves them going back through replay one last time, but this time closing the doors behind them. 

I’ve often wondered though, if it was cake eating, whether I should have stopped it, but I know my daughters, especially D7 loved it so much that it’s so hard to say no when, for her, having the four of us together means so much, especially given the age she is at.  I fear though, she’ll now spend more time with OM3.  The girls often tell me they’ve had tea together with OM3.  I fear now those days of the four of us may have gone as well. 

Still, I’ve a weekend away with my girls to look forward to now, and a week away with them after that.  Plenty to look forward to this month.  I’ll start to think about where I go next more seriously when the Autumn comes.  No need to spoil the summer. 
All the best
Moon

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Just a spot of journaling - Wedding Anniversary yesterday - our 14th.  Nothing from W, but I wasn’t expecting anything tbh.  As usual I put my wedding ring back on for the day.  I put on Moon River in the evening- our wedding dance song.  That hit me harder than I thought it would.  If never seems to get any easier each year though.  Next year, if it gets that far, we’d have been separated for nearly a third of a 15 year marriage.  She’s not mentioned the D word yet, but perhaps it time I started to think about seeing a solicitor.  I know MLCs can take longer, and at just over 3 1/2 years my W’s MLC could still have a way to go, but I increasingly doubt she will ever come back now.  It’s just not in her nature.   Besides she seems to getting more serious with the new man she’s seeing. 

Last weekend, her weekend with the girls, she packs them off to her brother, while she goes to the cinema with him.  Why she couldn’t go to the movies when she didn’t have the girls is beyond me - but I’m guessing it’s usual behaviour for an MLCer to not put the kids first.  For the first time, he stays the night while the girls are there.   This weekend she’s asked me to swap a couple of nights, so i’ll have them from Friday to Sunday night this weekend, so I guess she’s probably going away with him.   

I suppose the question is, why should I keep waiting?  My fear is I may miss out on new opportunities, new relationships, in the hope she’ll come back - when she never will.