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Author Topic: My Story My third thread: Still living in interesting times

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My Story My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#110: January 23, 2023, 11:55:11 PM
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Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#111: August 17, 2023, 04:23:12 PM
Hey Moon

I’ve just caught up. Can’t believe it’s been 5 years since BD.

How are you doing now?
Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#112: September 19, 2023, 11:42:17 AM
Hi Rose.
Good to hear from you.  Hope you’re keeping well. 

Yes, 5 and half years now.  It was our WA earlier this month.  I didn’t think it would make it to 16 years but the divorce is still rumbling on.  We seem to be stuck at getting a financial agreement sorted.  She keeps asking where it’s got to but then goes out of her way to tinker with the order which slows it all down again.  To be honest, I’m no longer all that bothered.  She’s got her life now (she appears to have bought a comic merchandise shop with her new BF, despite having a successful career of her own - although she has been on gardening and sick leave from that recently). Although from what my daughter’s say she and the BF argue a lot.  She and her Bf also went on a short holiday the other day and it wasn’t until a couple of days later that I realised that it would have coincided with our WA. 

But I’ve moved on now as well, and by and large pretty happy with where I’m at.  It’s not been easy getting here but things seem to have settled down.  Tbh I’m looking forward to getting the divorce done so I can truly say that that chapter in my life has closed. 
Moon.
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Me:48, W: 46
Married: 2007
D13 and D10
BD 1: Jan 2018 ILYBINILWY
BD2: Feb 2018 EA discovered
August 2018, I move to own place.  June 2022, asks for divorce
13 June 2024 divorce final.  Moving on.

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#113: October 03, 2023, 10:09:33 PM
Hi Moon!  I hope you can get the financial agreement sorted so that you can continue moving forward.  Glad to hear that you are happy where you are at!
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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#114: October 09, 2023, 02:35:26 AM
Moon nice to hear an update from you. I haven’t really read your whole story. Your BD is a year ahead of mine. I can understand when you said you wanted the D to over so you can close that chapter in your life. My divorce was last year in Nov. After the D it was heart breaking in the beginning but I can tell you it sort of released me finally. I can say Im in a good place now. Im glad the D was over. I don’t have to worry anymore about meeting lawyers . Besides, I feel free now. It does release you from the hold of your spouse. At least that’s how it felt for me. My xh had covid recently and he told me about it. I would have worried a lot for him two years ago or even a year ago. But now, he’s just like an acquaintance and I told him to get well soon. I hope you get a fair deal with your d. I know it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Good luck.
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Me 43 at BD
H    45 at BD
Married 11 yrs at BD, no kids,
BD May 2019 (I moved out Nov 2019)
EA or PA with ex gf (not sure), H spent 3 nights with the hoe during our vacation in July 2019, it was a friendly encounter according to H
H wanted D April 2020 seeing suspected OW2 (divorced with two kids) and 2 years older than him, H didn’t file the D
Clinging boomerang
6/21 H moved in with me; kicked him out 01/22
H turned into a vanisher, wants a Divorce, OW 3 (16 years younger and extreme sporty)
14.11.22 Divorce final, I'm done

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#115: June 14, 2024, 06:41:03 AM
Been a while since I last posted but felt the need for a brief update - possibly coda - the divorce was finalised yesterday.  After some time getting a financial order agreed - mainly now XW’s doing, tinkering with the terms of the agreement- the order came through yesterday.  We are now divorced.  She’s getting on with her life - doing god knows what on comic book merchandise, with her boyfriend, and I’m getting on with mine.  Still painful, yes, but not fatal.  I wish all those out there still standing the best of luck.  But for me, I am free to properly and wholly move on now. 
Moon
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Me:48, W: 46
Married: 2007
D13 and D10
BD 1: Jan 2018 ILYBINILWY
BD2: Feb 2018 EA discovered
August 2018, I move to own place.  June 2022, asks for divorce
13 June 2024 divorce final.  Moving on.

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Hey Moon!!

Nice to see an update from you. I know this is the divorce you didn't want but I think it gets to a point where it's the only way to fully heal and move forward. I'm 18 months away from mine and it's been a game changer. The sadness I felt around the time it was happening eventually lifted. I think, at least for me, it was the only way to fully focus on me and a future without my xh.

I wish you all the best in this new chapter! Looking forward to reading your updates as you continue to build a life without MLC madness in it 😀
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H - 47 (40 @BD1)
M - 47 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose)
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019
H gets engaged with OW - Oct 2019
H "finally" asks for divorce - Aug 2020
H marries OW - March 2021.. We are not divorced!
Divorced - Dec 7th 2022

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

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My third thread: Still living in interesting times
#117: June 14, 2024, 08:55:38 AM
Nice to hear an update from you Moon. Divorce is always painful but at least now you can truly move on. That's how I felt after the divorce. Mine was in November 2022. I remembered I cried a river after the hearing because after all it was very painful. I took a leave of absence the following day and just stayed at home so I could digest everything. However sad it was, I felt I was released finally. After that there were still moments where I cried but it got lesser and lesser. And then you just learn to move on. I hope you can now focus fully on your healing now. I wish you good luck with your new life. I'm sure you'll be doing great.
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Me 43 at BD
H    45 at BD
Married 11 yrs at BD, no kids,
BD May 2019 (I moved out Nov 2019)
EA or PA with ex gf (not sure), H spent 3 nights with the hoe during our vacation in July 2019, it was a friendly encounter according to H
H wanted D April 2020 seeing suspected OW2 (divorced with two kids) and 2 years older than him, H didn’t file the D
Clinging boomerang
6/21 H moved in with me; kicked him out 01/22
H turned into a vanisher, wants a Divorce, OW 3 (16 years younger and extreme sporty)
14.11.22 Divorce final, I'm done

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Don´t know about you but the overwhelming feeling I had was one of relief, that I would no longer be subjected to the new lows of behavior and hurtful behaviors. It may take awhile for your joy reservoir to refill but know that it will. Please take the time to take deep inhales and long relaxing exhales on a regular basis.
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me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

 

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