Author Topic: My Story Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay  (Read 986 times)

Online MillyTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #20 on: February 12, 2020, 03:49:23 PM »
Hi everyone, I've been busy but have been reading threads. I sign my house sale on February 28th. It all feels so quick. I have furniture still in my garage and will need to sort it out. I'm still in an expensive rental until July 1st and hope to find something to buy by then but if not, I might have to find something temporary to rent.

I have been in contact on whatsap with H. My garnishing order is now over with his employer. My H has not lost his job, he has just ended the employment contract and will continue to work for the same employer but as a consultant, like he did for most of our marriage. I am in regular contact with my L. I have agreed to remove the garnishing order and my H will set up a permanent direct withdrawal from his pay cheques through his employer. I realize it's risky because we all know he can't be trusted, but from now on I get absolutely nothing anyway and I am sick of paying legal fees. Fighting my H legally (or not) has got me absolutely nothing. What I have achieved has been on my own with nothing to do with him. So this is the way I choose to move on now. No more lawyers, no more suing, divorce.

My work has been really busy. I worked a wine fair with my boss last Friday here in Florence. It was a 16 hour day, starting 7.30 in the morning, lunch, afternoon, a 2 hour break, then client dinner. It was very hard but I came home exhilarated so that is good. I have another work fair in Florence this Monday. It's a beautiful location. I will be on my own so a really hard day but I chose this so I could get the next day off. The fair is 2 days but the winemaker and I are going to do a day each. I chose this because S15 will be arriving down Monday evening to do a tournament here in Florence. I'm so excited. I don't know how long he will stay, maybe just a couple of days, depends on whether he wins his matches or not, but how fun to be with him and get to watch him. Right after this tournament, he's doing one a couple of hours south of here so I'm going to go stay at my cousin's holiday house near there with S and watch him there, too.

My days are busy, thankfully, so I have little time to think. Went back to my IC last week and this. I hadn't been since November. It was good for me, but it is an extra expense. She is always getting on to me about doing things for me and not just always for my kids. I know she's right, but I don't really have a choice. They cost, and I'm the only breadwinner.

I don't have the energy or the money to do anything in my free time. I do see my single girlfriend and we go for dinner or an aperitif but I'm pretty much a wreck by Friday night. I don't want you to think I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm happy to work for my kids, it's my joy in life. Being able to provide for my S's tennis is such a pleasure. He's so sweet, whenever I send him money for his basic necessities he sends me huge thanks and big red hearts. He's very careful with the money and gives me a weekly expense breakdown, but he has to be able to go out and have a pizza with the kids now and again. He's playing great although he complains when he's not perfect. It's a long, curvy path to being a champion, like an LBS, so I tell him that it's two steps up and one back, but as long as he looks back and he's ahead then he should be happy with himself. His teachers are very happy with him, it's just him who wants more right away. I can't wait to hug him and just have him hanging around.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #21 on: February 12, 2020, 05:20:32 PM »
Milly you are so amazing. I don’t know why but that little part you wrote about your son being able to go out for pizza with his friends brought tears to my eyes. You are the epitome of a selfless mother through and through. You derive your joy through the happiness of your children. It is a perfect unconditional love and I am just in awe.

Fingers crossed this new arrangement with Hs “employer” sticks. I have the utmost f  are it’s in your abilities though regardless of what H does. You are my hero Milly!
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Nerissa

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2020, 12:58:15 AM »
I hope this turns out to work for you all.  Kit is right - you do a fabulous job of making things right for your family xx

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #23 on: February 13, 2020, 05:13:08 AM »
Hi milly, you get to the point I think where you just want it all over for a more normal peaceful life. Hope the new patent arrangement works for you xc
Me 52
H52
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

Offline Maleficent

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #24 on: February 14, 2020, 05:43:33 PM »
Hi Milly, You are amazing (lodevole! Love that word) and you do sound great, like you are in a better place even though you feel like a wreck by the end of the week. So glad that work is exhilarating; busy is good and your job does sound fun despite the hard work. 

Also have fingers crossed for the new arrangement for the direct withdrawals. After all these legal machinations let us all hope and believe that he will finally follow through. Sending much positive energy your way.

Hope your son's tournament goes really well and so exciting that you will be there to cheer him on. Keep us posted!
BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

Offline terra

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #25 on: February 14, 2020, 07:25:11 PM »
Milly, I relate, in being happy to work for my child. When D was little, many people were on about GAL and “do things for yourself”, and h experienced same when S was small. People now know to let me do as I do — because no one can deny that I’m happy doing it.

Your life and ways sound very fruitful to me, even aside from the stuff your h does or is doing. I’m rooting for you from here in the States and I’m glad your S will be giving you hugs soon.

Things leveled out with D’s dad when I refused to hire lawyers anymore. It was satisfying representing myself and I like to think ;) I scared his old bulldog attorney off with my mama bear integrity. D’s dad has been reasonable ever since.

So steady on! You’ve got this! I love that you are exhilarated at the end of a workday, too. You’re stronger than you know.

Online MillyTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2020, 03:10:07 AM »
Thank you so much everyone for your lovely words. I so appreciate it. Love how you remember the word 'lodevole.'

S arrives this afternoon, two days earlier than planned so I'm excited to get him the whole weekend, too. We're going out for a pizza tonight with friends whose S is a tennis player friend of S's so it will be cosy.

S tells me that H has been in contact with him and will see him Monday during the day. H also told S he'd like to watch his watch if he was allowed. S said yes.

I bought a heart shaped cake yesterday for S. It's called a Mille Foglie (pronounced milé folié). I brought this cake to the Tuscany meet up. It's S's favourite cake and I couldn't resist the heart shape and the 'I love you' on top. Toasted myself with pink Prosecco last night. Better than nothing.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Online Mitzpah

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2020, 09:20:36 AM »
Just had a pink prosecco in your honor!! Milly, I think you are doing great!

I almost had to put ice cubes in my prosecco, it is so hot here!
M 58
H 58
S 27
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Online MillyTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Heading to 6 years post BD. Stronger now. H still in Replay
« Reply #28 on: February 15, 2020, 09:23:18 AM »
That's so nice, Mitz! I saved myself a last glass for tonight. Will think of you!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

 

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