Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story Trusting I am on the right path

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 9960
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
My Story Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#10: February 14, 2020, 12:22:22 AM
And the suspense grows....

How with the check be made out this time?

What color will the ink be?

Will the envelope be decorated?

Will his signature be legible?

Those entitled ones are just a joy to deal with aren't they? Sort like like a root canal... ::)
  • Logged
Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4435
  • Gender: Female
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#11: February 17, 2020, 07:43:52 PM
Ah yes, the check…funny that ::)

The check is neatly written, black ink and accurate. Sure only 15 days late, but whose paying attention to that? LOL Fortunately no decorative flourishes nor references to any pet names, etc. LOL. But, clearly not the usual "angry or confused" checks.

Progress? IDK, but it does not change my path.

I do know that Xh is still creating serious issues and it falls on me to help keep things stable.

After not contacting D for a month, Xh decided to reach out to S and invite him for breakfast. Unbeknownst to S, he didn't realize D hadn't heard from Xh. And of all the weekends to stir the pot.

I had company all weekend visiting and things were fine until D found out S was invited for breakfast. It was a huge trigger and of all the things the normal backup support wasn't there. My parents are traveling. D's boyfriend was away. S was working. My sister was working. D's friends were at college. And her insecurities bubbled up.

It had little to do with my visitor. This happens when I am working at times. But, she also added a level of testing not only me but my visitor as well. Friday, she was grouchy and needing to know where I was, when I would be home, etc. Saturday mid afternoon she called and seemed annoyed and informed me where she was and her plans. It prompted a change in plans and meeting D for coffee and going shopping. There was a noticeable change in her later. And, this was not about control so much as she was clearly making sure I would be there for her if need be. But, it was also a way to test how this person was going to behave. Was he going to try too hard to somehow be her buddy? Was he going to control me? Or was he going to prove to be an understanding person who gets that I have kids.

Saturday night, I didn't get an annoyed text from her wondering what time I would be home. Nor did she squawk on Sunday morning.

By Sunday, D had eased up a little. I had wanted to cook a nice meal for my guest. D changed up the plans a bit and went full on velociraptor on me most of the afternoon.

She did tell me S, who I had only seen for about 5 minutes on Saturday, was leaving to return to school earlier than normal. So, I made the decision to meet up with S to at least give him a hug and check in with him before he left.

Tonight D told me that S was struggling this weekend. He doesn't usually have a hard time. D said they are both very happy I am moving forward and they like this person very much. D recognized she was a bit intense, apologizing to me, but she said she was having a hard time when she realized S was struggling. It was in part because S experienced more loss with Xh this weekend. The realization that Xh wanted something in exchange for the breakfast. And S didn't want to interrupt my weekend.

I spoke to S at length today. He is better. We didn't discuss Xh. I kept it as normal as possible, as we only discuss these things when he brings them up. D on the other hand, launched a couple of Xh comments out into the open this weekend.

And my poor guest. He was beyond understanding and patient. My entire plan for the dinner was hijacked. The house was a disaster - not how I keep things normally. He never complained. Earlier we had a conversation about my situation. He was incredibly understanding and that is huge. So much so that both kids made mention of the fact that they picked up on it. It is part of what is so special about this person. I have kids. They don't always take center stage, but not everyone gets that it is a delicate balance at times when I know the kids are dealing with triggers and the residual trauma. Not many people would be so patient -- some would say "no way".

It is hard at times. I so wanted to have a weekend where I didn't have to play M. Just one weekend - LOL. But, I don't always get to check out of that role. MLCers do that.

That said, the moments I did get time where that M role was in the background. And, the reality was I found myself letting my guard down more and more. A comfort that has been there for a long time, strangely. And it dawned on me at some point on Saturday, there is a very strange sense of security I always feel. When I found myself expressing something I have felt for a long time, there was no fear. It was so incredibly odd in that I was not afraid of some horrible MLC rejection. I did not need a response, I simply wanted to express my own feelings and felt secure enough to do so.

I had off from work this morning. I did go to the millwork, where I was stopped by my boss. He and the head of the mill were saying how much they love having S there on the weekends. S comes in and gets things done and thinks out to what has to happen during the week so that he can continue his projects on the weekends. Both men said it is really remarkable to witness someone that young be able to think in that manner, as it comes with maturity quite often. Then my boss made mention that he asked S how I was, as the boss had been on vacation. We haven't seen each other much in the past month. S told the boss he hadn't seen me except for 5 minutes that morning. Of course, my boss, who loves to kid with me wanted to know who my mystery man was. That was kind of fun, as he didn't get much out of me. He did tell me S made a point of saying he and D like my choice of company. Luckily a customer came in and saved me from a true inquisition - LOL.

And then the rest of the day went a little insane. D came home and she and I had a good talk about her trigger this weekend, but she noticed I was on edge. She asked what was wrong. I hadn't wanted to alarm her or S, but this morning, I had 2 calls that are weighing on me. One from my sister. She wasn't feeling well earlier in the week, but by this morning was at the doctor's office. She is very weak and sounds really bad. They have her diagnosed with the flu and the doctor is concerned with the possibility of pneumonia. She asked that I downplay it with my parents at the moment.

Then my M's sister called, asking that I keep from my M, that she had to call the ambulance to take my uncle to the hospital. They are running a battery of tests on him and he had major surgery a couple of weeks ago. I have been getting updates all day, and it isn't looking good.

The funny thing is, I was saying this weekend how I sometimes don't tell my M all the details so that she won't worry. It is much harder when she calls, like today and specifically asks if I have heard from my sister or aunt. It is much more difficult than omitting certain details when it comes to making sure she doesn't worry.

D made the comment that she realizes how I am the reliable one that people count on. She surprised me mid afternoon by calling me from school and picking up my computer which the IT people had finally repaired. And she had dinner all cooked by the time I got home from the millwork. The discussion came back up about my weekend and my guest. D said she hoped I knew that she and S are not looking to sabotage things by any means and they hoped my guest realizes that. Her BF came through the door and I found myself alone in the kitchen with the dog. I had to laugh - the dog, she tested things a little as well, but she seems to have accepted the "new human" in the mix pretty quickly and it didn't require bribery with a biscuit.  ::)
  • Logged

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 9960
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#12: February 17, 2020, 11:42:37 PM
Kids.... Harumph....

Sometimes, you want to hug them. At other times, you want to hang 'em by their toes form the ceiling fan and play 'em like a Piñata, especially when they decide to try to "test" people that are involved in our lives.... When it is REALLY fun is when BOTH "parents" have kids and BOTH sides decide to test ... at the same time... ::)  It is one thing to be dealing with one's own triggers but the purposeful "Let's see if I can get a rise out of them" stuff is... well....



As far as the check goes, hey, what is half a month in the grand scheme of things, right? I am sure that xH's creditors are more than willing to wait for him to get around to pay them too so .... What a tool....

When I read that xH "invited" S to breakfast, my first thought was "Wonder what xH wants this time?" Poor S is having to learn that lesson repeatedly that xH is only interested when it is to xH's benefit somehow.... What DID xH want this time? More driving? Help with his umpty-leventh broken-down vehicle?

I am REALLY glad that you had a nice weekend and that your visitor could go with the flow in terms of changing plans and teenage mood swings....
  • Logged
Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4435
  • Gender: Female
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#13: February 18, 2020, 08:13:45 AM
UrsaMajor - Yah, and I am having a very hard time finding that balance of how to navigate this new path. D was better once I had let her spend time with my visitor again. I had tried to avoid that aspect a little only because my kids and all the potential other kids around can be really overwhelming for me, let alone someone else.

And, I should have known from S's goodnight text on Saturday night something was bothering him. He was in bed early and sent me his usual goodnight text, but the wording was his key. S would never tell me to come home or play the same cards D does. He has said to me countless times I have every right to be happy and his only requirement is whoever I am with treats me well. S has told me that Xh didn't know what he has and he hopes someone else who comes along does. Knowing that he told D he was having a hard time is rough on me. I missed that cue. And it all went back to Xh and his games. I am glad S and I were able to connect and D let me know he was leaving earlier than usual.

The thing is, both kids know I cannot just sit and wait until they have their own lives completely. Neither want me sitting home crocheting doilies and waiting for life to start back up. But, it is an adjustment for them as well.

That said, hard to know what is normal kid stuff and what is MLC related at times. And, I am trying to find out the best way to deal with it. What is fair to the kids? What is fair to the person I am with and what is fair to me? I felt a bit like I was asking an awful lot from the person who was here visiting. And part of me was really upset with D and I can't really be upset with her to the extreme. But, I wanted to scream "when do I get my release papers"? And like it or not, D is just being part teenager, part MLC victim, but it also sets off tiny triggers in me. Triggers that I have to keep in check. D is just enough like Xh at times when he was in MLC - which makes some strange sense, since D is in fact a teenager and Xh thought he was. I have to take such a mental step back and think about my own reactions.

This $h!te isn't easy. LOL

I never did figure out what Xh was up to this time. Who knows? I didn't ask S. I didn't even make mention of the support check, as S knows how I feel about Xh using S as the Pony Express. I know there are some who think it is no big deal to give S the check, but it bothers me. I never wanted the kids in the middle of any of this. Add to the mix, Xh made sure he told S he was not going to pay support on him and would have him legally emancipated. Then Xh had S served with a subpoena, along with my parents, a move that was beyond appalling, as it was not about custody, but a tiny bit of money S made working along side my F. And Xh knew that money had been documented for the project my F was working on - it was on the up and up and documented for tax purposes. It was just a power play to squeeze me. One that worked to a certain degree. My protective side conceded to keep S and my parents from having to come in to a courtroom and argue over a measly $600. So when Xh plays this game, S is always hurt with the support check as it brings up many emotions.

My sister called. She is out of work for a minimum of a week. She sounds better, but very tired.

My uncle they admitted to the hospital and are running tests.

My M keeps checking in. I am pretty sure she suspects something as my aunt, while she told me to say nothing, she has been nervous and chatting with my M and is very "cheerful". Toxic aunt is usually calling to gossip. That said, for all of her toxicity, the one thing I will never say about her is she doesn't love my uncle with all of her being. He has been a saint putting up with her, but she does express her love for him. So, I feel for her. She has her children, but I am not sure how she would function without my uncle and it is not because she needs him, it is because she truly does love him. She sent me a picture of him in his hospital bed. I told her to tell him that I think he needs a refund on his vacation accommodations. She sent a reply and said my uncle thought that was funny.

In the meantime, my parents are blissfully unaware at the moment of the things going on around here. Once my M gets wind that she has been kept out of the loop, I am going to get an earful. But, the reality is there is nothing my parents can do anyways from where they are.

The house is quiet this morning. I am not sure that is a blessing or a curse, TBH. I am in think mode. I am replaying the weekend in my head a little. How I should have handled things differently. And it is a combination of how moving forward I need to deal with D. What upsets me the most is I didn't stay out all night. I came home and waited at home for longer than I wanted to. I was often awake at 6 am and would have been out of the house earlier. But, no, I waited until there was movement in the house to reassure the kids. I should have done what I used to do in the past, when I travelled for work, which was to leave them both little sticky notes around the house where they would find them.

And so much that happened is playing in my head and while I expressed my own feelings, I am being struck by a little bit of fear of OMG - wanting to make sure there is no pressure for anyone involved. I need to get out of my own head because I am wishing things had been different on Sunday afternoon and that is not like me - that would have, could have, should have train of thought. I only want to be there long enough to see where I can do a better job next time. Have to find that balance with my kids in the mix without sacrificing my desires all the time or the needs of anyone else I let into my life.
  • Logged

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 9960
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#14: February 19, 2020, 12:43:14 AM
Quote from: MourningDove
In the meantime, my parents are blissfully unaware at the moment of the things going on around here. Once my M gets wind that she has been kept out of the loop, I am going to get an earful. But, the reality is there is nothing my parents can do anyways from where they are.

And this is EXACTLY the tack I'd take when Mom starts in on you... "What would have been the benefit? What could you have done to help, Mom? How would that have affected YOUR vacation with Dad? There was noting you could have done from where you were so why spoil your time away?"

Oh yes, if we only could have squashed the "coulda, woulda, shoulda's" syndrome.... (see what I did there?)

So, xH wanted to have breakfast so he could use S as a delivery boy for his late check?


I'm thinking that S may need a little bit of an alternate D. A. R. E. theory (Dumb A$$ Resistance Education).  I guess that I am not surprised S wanted to get away early. That way he can tell xH "Sorry, I am not at home right now, please leave your message after the beep."

However, unless someone has died and granted you the power to read minds, you can't be held responsible for missing an unvocalized clue.

  • Logged
Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4435
  • Gender: Female
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#15: February 19, 2020, 09:22:59 AM
UrsaMajor - I saw what you did there - LOL. And, yes, that exercise is rather pointless most of the time. I think for me, when I do that, it is find if I look at it as a way to improve in the future - that is, to see things and perhaps at times handle things differently, not so much as a regret, etc.

My parents are better off not knowing any of the things going on at the moment. I am only 8 miles from the hospital and all I can do is wait for updates, as they are running multiple tests to try and figure out what is going on with my uncle. It has not been easy seeing him in a bed, unable to walk, when I have grew up believing he had superhero-like strength. But, true to his nature, he is keeping a positive attitude. Toxic aunt is showing her true weakness and fears. My aunt, for all of her drama that she creates, underneath it all is a very frightened person. I am not sure she will know how to function if something happens to my uncle and not because she relies on him to take care of her in any way. As I have said, for all of her faults, she truly loves him and she actually takes good care of him.

I am not sure what Xh's game is this time. Maybe nothing at all, but unfortunately in regards to Xh all I can come up with is a cynical view right now. Xh hasn't given me any other positive actions to prove me wrong. TBH, I wish he would. It is not easy watching my S now have to see his relationship with Xh deteriorate more.

And, no, I can't read minds, but I think sometimes when it comes to S, I assume too many times that he is okay. But, I know with S, he just needed that hug on Saturday. I met him at a gas station when I found out he was leaving early. And then I talked to him on Monday at length in the middle of the day. And, because S is so much like me, I know that sometimes all I need is a hug and an "I love you" to make it all right. Life gets busy and sometimes I have to stop and remind myself of those little things.

There was a change in my schedule today, so now I have the full day off. I spent some time on the phone with my sister this morning, checking on her. She sounds a little better. My nephew was in the background and he wanted to talk to him. He and I laughed a lot. He asked me some art related questions and I suggested a couple of artists for him to look up. I told him one of these weekends I would come and get him so that I could have a date to one of the art openings. He was excited and then paused, concerned that meant he would have to get really dressed up. I wasn't sure what he was getting at, and then I remembered the last big event he went to he was dressed in a tux. I assured him as long as he wasn't in pajamas, we were going to be okay.

The sun is streaming through my new kitchen windows and it was a good reason to put on a fresh pot of coffee and soak in the day.  :)

Now that I have the day off, I am going to tackle some of these lingering projects. I am so tired of the chaos that is going on in my downstairs. I have a need to accomplish something other than the mountain of prep work for college and other paperwork.

D won't be home until late afternoon. As long as the dog behaves, I may actually be able to make noticeable progress.  :)

  • Logged

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4435
  • Gender: Female
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#16: February 19, 2020, 05:57:22 PM
I received a post card in the mail from S's school, announcing that S has been chosen to be inducted into an honor society on campus. I called S and it seems Xh was downplaying the invite. D and I are both encouraging S to pursue it, as they listed several scholarships. I called S to talk to him but he was having dinner and then was off to work on a paper, so the conversation was very brief.

While I was on the phone with him we discussed the Facebook post he made earlier. It was a photo of bridge that runs to Key West. It is a trip we have taken several times over the years. The last time was not great, as that was a MLC trip. D posted that she wanted to go and I should drive. She informs me she has spring break coming up and I laughed at her. Yes, the college has off, but I do not. I will be at the high school that week. In the midst of this Facebook conversation, it would seem Xh saw S's post and felt he should comment. Both S and D were quick to tell me that they would like to go down there again, but sans Xh this time. I told them I didn't think that was going to be a problem, as I have no plans on inviting him on a road trip of any kind.

As S talked about his day, he asked if I knew of anyone looking for a dog. I laughed as our dog barked. I told both the dog and S that I didn't need a second dog. S said he was glad, as this dog is not one he would want, but he felt bad, as the owner, Xh's neighbor past away and they need to find a home for the dog. S went on to tell me that Xh had taken the neighbor out for breakfast, as he often did and it was a couple of hours later when the man's sister found him. It was Xh's only real friend now. Xh blew up his friendships with the one's that really had his back. He has his younger crowd, but this man really was a good friend. D heard the conversation and said right away that this is not a good thing - more death surrounding Xh and he hasn't dealt with the last few deaths well. S agreed and they are waiting to see if Xh goes deeper in the hole, or if this will shake him up in a different manner.

And, there is a little bit of compassion I feel for him. He has pushed so many people away over the years. Both kids noted they didn't know what Xh is going to do now that his neighbor was gone. Xh spent many an afternoon at this man's house or they went out for a beer regularly. The kids said this man was the only friend Xh seemed to have.

It will be interesting to see if this prompts Xh to move out of the cottage. I am doubting he will move out of state or out of the country now. That was his dream at one point in MLC. I don't see it now. But, he had expressed wanting to have a house of his own now to S. S joked that there is a building Xh had eyed years ago in the town over that is now up for sale. D and I had the same response - "oh, please, no". S laughed and said that would be too close for comfort for him as well. Sad statement, but it is the reality Xh has created.

Actions and consequences.
  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3679
  • Gender: Female
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#17: February 20, 2020, 02:51:26 PM
It's your family and your choice as to what you tell or don't. I know I get angry when people decide what I "need" to know or not, for "my own good". Isn't that for ME to decide? And how can I decide without all the information?  Think about it, what if Uncle were to die, and your mom didn't even get to call and say how much she appreciated him?

I can only go with my own experience last year when it didn't look good for my mom. I called both kids and said "You need to do whatever you need to do, just in case". D called my mother, S came home. I'm not sure S would do that again, as the end was beyond horrible,  but they at least got the opportunity and when it went south quickly, no regrets for either. 

A different perspective to consider.

  • Logged
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4435
  • Gender: Female
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#18: February 20, 2020, 05:56:58 PM
OffRoad - I am with you on this and it is why I struggled. On the one hand, I was okay with my M not knowing for a short time, as there was nothing anyone could do. That said, I don't like when people decide what I do or don't need to know - so, it did play into my thoughts. I was respecting my aunt and more my uncle's wish that my parents not know at the time. It was not an easy place to be put.

Tonight, I told my parents. My M was mildly perturbed that no one told her. I explained her sister made us promise and I was going to be in a boatload of trouble as it was now revealing the news.

Sometimes it is a fine line with family to know what is a confidence that needs to be held. And there are things that I have never shared, but those are perhaps secrets that don't affect anyone else, as in it is no one's business. My sister and I were discussing that today, as I don't go around betraying confidences, but this was a tough call.

D called me mid afternoon to share her day. She was approached by her English professor, who is so impressed by her ability to grasp literature at her age. D said she attributes much of that to the fact that Xh and I read to both kids faithfully every night and they were reading novels by an early age. D laughed and said she told him that we were the parents that dragged their kids to cultural events and S's favorite author in 6th grade was Hemingway. She recounted that when she was in 3rd grade she recalled going to Key West to see Hemingway's house because S wanted to go. She said of course, she liked all of the cats - that was her big take away from the house.

D then told me she reached out to Xh and gave her condolences about his friend. She said he thanked her and said he would like to see her. She has accepted a date with him on Sunday to have coffee and she will meet him at the coffee shop. She tells me that gives her an opportunity to get a free cup of coffee and to escape if need be.

I won't lie. I am not thrilled. I have apprehension and it is based on the last time D saw Xh. I got to pick up the pieces then.

And then I was mad at myself for being upset in the first place. This is what I have wanted for D and S - a normal relationship with their F. And in my heart of hearts, that is what I want, but I am not trusting this encounter. Xh has given no reason for me to believe it won't be more of the same.

And, what if it is genuine? I know I don't want him back, nor do I want to play "hey we are buddies now". Civil is going to take. getting used to. Coparenting is out the door as the kids are adults.

I mentioned it to my sister who point blank asked me if he got his act together and worked on things if I would go back. I wondered if there was something wrong with me for not wanting that any longer He is not the man I recognize as the man I married, first of all. Secondly, I pushed him out of the inner circle and that is a deal breaker. Once someone is out of that ring, there is no coming back to it. And the truth is, I like the path I am on now.

We will see what Sunday brings. I hope it is not disappointment for D.

I will be in a couple of towns over enjoying a brunch with a good friend of mine. I am glad she and I decided on that place and not the coffee shop D and Xh will be at - that was one of the options. That would have been all sorts of awkward.  ::)
  • Logged

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 9960
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Re: Trusting I am on the right path
#19: February 21, 2020, 04:10:20 AM
I really hope that, for D's sake, xH behaves himself.....

I can also see moms' getting annoyed. That IS a hard line to walk, between respecting the wishes of aunt and uncle balanced with the needs of your mom to know about her brother in law.... I hope that they can figure out quickly what is going on.

The invite to S is GREAT, especially if it opens a door tr two towards some financial aid. That will be good news for him and for you.

All in all, sounds like a good way to kick off the weekend....
  • Logged
Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.