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Author Topic: My Story Keep Your Head Up

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My Story Keep Your Head Up
OP: March 04, 2020, 08:00:56 PM
This thread theme brought to you by the song "Keep Your Head Up" by Andy Grammar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmrOB_q3tjo

The days are just rolling right along.  I keep myself way too busy, 40 hour a week job and 2 side hustles (and still feeling broke, heh). 

Monday nights I open up my home to teenagers for a teen Bible Study led by me.  My BFF brings her daughters (13 and 15), D17 looks forward to the discussion and actually gets mad if we don't meet, and xH's cousin's daughter, also 17 shows up for most of the discussions too. 

One Tuesday a month I go to a local networking group for my side hustles called Wine, Women and Wealth.  We exchange business cards, learn some financial things, financially adopted a program called FAM (Foster Alumni Mentors) to help out these kids that have aged out of the foster system, and drink some wine and laugh a lot.  It's been nice.

Wednesdays are my night at home, and every other Wednesday the kids usually leave to go to xH's around 6:30 so one is with kids, one without (kids are gone every other Wed night through Sun night)

Thursday's I go to an adult women's Bible Study where most of the ladies are a good 20+ years older than me.  I've been giving one of the ladies a ride as she doesn't live far from me and she is on oxygen, uses a walker and has some other health issues.  We enjoy our 20 minute drive and do a lot of gabbing on the way.  So far I haven't scared her off with my driving skills.  We just finished up Gideon by Priscilla Shirer and this coming Thursday are starting a study by Lysa Terkeurst called "Finding I Am - How Jesus Fully Satisfies The Cry of Your Heart".

The weekends go much too quick and are a combination of lazy and far busier than we would like, depending on the weekend.  I still volunteer every other Sunday in my Church bookstore before and after the 2nd service, and I've had another gal reach out to me and ask me if I would be part of her non-profit group called the Rahab Center.  I told her I would have to pray about it because I'm already feeling pulled in every single direction.  Sometimes I daydream about shutting it all down and having absolutely nothing on my calendar but I don't foresee that happening and I would probably get bored and lonely if it did.  I don't know.  I will probably feel better once the weather turns beautiful again and I can get back into nature more and get out the paddle boards and all that.

I also recently started a FB group for some local single gals called "You Don't Have To Go It Alone" where the intention of the group is to be able to post when you are feeling up to some company, whether it is a lunch date after Church, grabbing coffee or a movie, or going on a hike.  I know most of us wish we could just post to our FB friends and say "I NEED company!" This group is private and feels like a safe space to post things like that, with the acknowledgment that sometimes we might still find ourselves doing something alone, but opening more opportunities for interaction when we feel like it.  I've had several women reach out to me prior to the starting of this group and we all realized we had days that we were all out there in separate spaces, doing it alone at the exact same time we could have collaborated.  Most of us are in the same boat with the teenage kids and no love life. 

In my previous thread I mentioned that D17 got a job.  And we are hurtling towards a May graduation date, although currently she doesn't go to school until 12:20pm (lucky!) and only has 2 classes, both that are for college credit as she had earned all her credits to graduate before the December break, but had the opportunity to pick up these college classes at the High School through one of the programs the local university does with the High School for free.

S14 will be S15 later this month and has given up his Spring Break to take a 30 hour course to get his driving permit by his 15th birthday. 

S19 is doing well but drifting a bit in just being happy to live with 3 roommates and deliver pizza.  He was going to school to get his pre-requisites and got most of that behind him and then "took a break" to figure out if he still wants to be a pilot or not.  He was most likely going to have to move to a different city to do it but I recently saw a program in our newspaper and clued him in that we now have a pilot option here.  Oh and he grew a beard.  Shocked the heck out of me last time I saw him as it miraculously appeared in between seeing him.

Previous Thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.0
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M-41
H-43
S-19 (mine)
D-17 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

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Re: Keep Your Head Up
#1: March 04, 2020, 11:06:35 PM
Sounding goog Faith! I love the Facebook Group idea, so easy yet so effective. Well done  :)
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Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

M
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Re: Keep Your Head Up
#2: March 05, 2020, 10:55:17 AM
Hi Faith!

You sure do keep busy. Tired me out just reading about all of your activities. Must be nice to be young and full of energy!  :)

Happy to hear that your family is doing so well!
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Keep Your Head Up
#3: March 05, 2020, 11:32:53 AM
You sound awesome!  It seems like you are trying to enjoy every minute of life!  Good for you!

I love the idea of your FB group!  That is so awesome!  Can't wait to hear more about how this is going!
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10.29.17 BD-Moved out to OW/A began in  6.17
3.5.18 OW moved away/H moved in with F
3.19.18  H moved home into spare room 
7.14.18  Moved to be with OW (another state)
9.4.18  Moved back-Living with Parents 
11.1.18  OW moved back.  H living w/her in D's basement room. 
11.18 - H started visiting on holidays
11.26.19 Call from H.  BIL died suddenly.
1.19 - H announced to my inner circle that he moved to sisters  inc all belongings
2.19  H volunteers to house and dog sit whenever.
Spring 19  H visiting house and doing chores on a regular basis

4.83 Started Dating
8.10.85  Married

D -29 Married with 2 children  Lives Local
S - 27 Engaged in Prof School across country
3 Dogs (he left them all behind - taking care of them but not really visiting or interacting with them yet)

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Keep Your Head Up
#4: March 05, 2020, 11:56:45 AM
Some days, I'm exhausted.  But I've been tracking my sleep on my Fitbit and slowly improving, which also helps keep my energy up.  I also had a genetic health test done in  Fall, and learned some things.  Like, I'm a fast metabolizer of caffeine, so I can reach for several cups a day and be fine!

I will let you know how the group goes.  I will be posting in it this weekend as the kids are gone and the weather is looking like it will be nice for some outings this weekend.
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M-41
H-43
S-19 (mine)
D-17 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

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Re: Keep Your Head Up
#5: March 06, 2020, 06:36:01 AM
Attaching FW - Enjoy the Spring... or is it still snowing to beat the band?
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Me - 56, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Keep Your Head Up
#6: March 06, 2020, 11:51:58 AM
Hey UM, the temps and sunshine are just gorgeous right now.  Hopefully they last through the weekend so I can get these windows open and push out some of the winter germs, and maybe even get out for a hike and some fresh air.  It's supposed to turn cold and rainy with snow in the high country again towards the end of next week, which is right as Spring Break hits.  Ugh.  Bulbs are starting to poke out of the ground, but as is our weather fashion, we have at least one more huge freeze coming which sucks for the orchards and vineyards.  They try and do their best to protect the plants, but some years we lose some crop to the Spring freeze.
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M-41
H-43
S-19 (mine)
D-17 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

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  • Gender: Female
Keep Your Head Up
#7: March 06, 2020, 12:13:28 PM
I had a really interesting dream last night.  Woke up incredibly in love with this man in my dream.  Don't know his name.  But his eyes.  Wow, just gorgeous.  And the way he treated me.  There wasn't anything overtly sexual about the dream, he just wrapped me in this really amazing hug, let me sleep in, and then I woke up (in the dream) and just sat in this lovely sunny window seat in his t-shirt watching him do some crazy water stunts on his wakeboard on the lake in front of the house I was in.  He had inflated my paddleboard for me, turned his crazy amazing smile on me and gestured toward the paddleboard like he knew I was going to join him on the lake as soon as I was done with my morning laze and cup of coffee.  The hug was just amazing.  One of those hugs where you feel the male strength and virility as you rest your head against their chest, and this feeling of love and protection that you are being wrapped in.

I woke up with the feelings from the dream still lingering.  But I couldn't really pin-point my age in the dream.  There weren't any of my kids around and so I thought at first it was one of those pre-kid dreams that I have on random occasion, where maybe a feeling of "if my life had been different".  But at the same time, he really seemed to treat me with care, as if he knew I had been hurt before, as if maybe we had talked about it.

Of course I can't control my dreams, and I don't know where the heck that came from, but it shook me up a little bit.  I still dream of my H fairly often and so the tenor of this dream was vastly different from what I have been dreaming.   Nothing in this dream was anything that felt familiar from real life.  I did not recognize the house with the lake in front of it.  The vision of him sticks with me.  But I am certain that I have never seen or met anyone that resembles him, not a movie star or a person in real life.  So strange. 

All I know is that I did not want to get out of bed this morning and go to work.  I wanted to go back to sleep!   :P

Conflicting thoughts about this strange dream for sure today.   ???
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M-41
H-43
S-19 (mine)
D-17 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

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  • Posts: 2421
  • Gender: Female
Keep Your Head Up
#8: March 08, 2020, 05:24:56 PM
Well, so far no more random dreams like the one above.  In fact, the next night was a fluster-cluck of craziness involving former H, S14 at about 4 years old, and some crazy kitchen cooking antics by me.  I woke up feeling like I need a dream interpreter for my dreams lately.

This past Friday I had to have a conversation with MLCer regarding S14 and his grades.  All of our conversations are pretty much just parenting business and small talk.  Seems that's all he is capable of with me.  It is interesting to note that if I bring up anything, even if it is in a (very non-judgmental way and just as an aside) that places any blame (for anything the kids are going through post divorce) on the divorce, he is very, very quick to dismiss.  Dismissal is very prevalent, which makes me wonder if any work has been done at all.  How these MLCers do not see the damage that has been wrought is just insane to me.

So after a Friday email from one of S14's teachers begging us for help, and the end of quarter looming and this being MLCers weekend, I made sure we were both on the same page and S14 probably had a pretty intense catch up weekend on his missing assignments.  I did take accountability for my part in that I was remiss not to check S14's grades online before this like I had been doing in the Fall.  As the only parent on the school's parenting app (MLCer could get an account if he wanted) it does fall on me to be checking the parent site for missing assignments.

I had also texted S14 directly, but I do try to forward any emails that come in to my email inbox that are co-parenting since MLCer does not have access.  I had added the note of the assignments S14 was missing and said to reply via email or phone if we needed to discuss this further.

It is worth a mention that when I was taking accountability for my part, MLCer was very kind to me and did not use that as an opportunity to jump on me and agreed that S14 should be taking accountability for his own work and that it should not fall on me to always be monitoring the grades and pushing.  Ahhhh it's a catch-22 with parenting teens!  I do feel like S14 is less organized because he has 2 different houses, but MLCer made a point of saying on his weekends he does ask S if he has any homework and S always tells him no, so the brunt of the responsibility for the state of things does fall on S.

I do feel like I have maybe swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction of being a fixer to maybe being too lackadaisical.  But I'm also just really, really busy and doing the best I can with the situation that I've been given. 

Both S and D are a bit annoyed with me for Friday's conversation with MLCer I'm sure.  D lit into me via text a bit ha because the conversation of her college stuff also came up during our chat as I got an email from FAFSA saying that she had started it but not completed it.  I thought the deadline was March 1st and that we were now past and out of time but I guess the deadline is March 15th.  She was filling it out at school with her college adviser or whatever.  She's still not sure why MLCer is making her fill it out as she is not planning on going to college until August 2021 but I don't know enough about this stuff to know what's best and MLCer said that if she doesn't get all her scholarship and FAFSA ducks in a row right now, that she will be screwed for August 2021 later, so I will help her finish tonight when she gets home.  I've pretty much forgotten how to do this even though I did it with S only 2 years ago.  It was just a few short months later that S ended up in the hospital for his attempt and I KNOW that my brain and memory is just not the same after so many stressful things post Bomb drop.
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M-41
H-43
S-19 (mine)
D-17 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

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  • Gender: Female
Keep Your Head Up
#9: March 09, 2020, 12:09:18 AM
Quote
Dismissal is very prevalent, which makes me wonder if any work has been done at all.  How these MLCers do not see the damage that has been wrought is just insane to me.

I suppose the simplest reason is that they don't want to, FW, bc it would be uncomfortable if they did.
Nothing you can do about that though other than stick to your truths and your experience of reality.

Not a parent so no useful advice to offer re your son, although I'm pretty sure others here have experienced similar problems and will be able to chip in. And i am sorry that you have so much on your plate right now. In a funny way, sometimes when we don't have enough bandwidth to get involved trying to fix some things, life has an odd way of unfolding anyway and showing us that usually the world doesn't end when we can't fix other people's stuff. Even sometimes with teenagers lol.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

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