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Author Topic: My Story Celebrating five years of freedom

M
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My Story Celebrating five years of freedom
OP: April 22, 2020, 09:54:46 AM
Well, folks, it’s been awhile...

Recap, BD Jan 2015, left April 2015 because I sleep with the tv on, files for divorce behind my back, cleans out our home while I’m at school, and became what I call Stay Puff the marshmallow man... still the same raging, angry monster that set me free on April 19th, 2015..

I can’t believe it’s been 5 whole years.. 

Everything about me has changed, zero has changed in puffy land.

I’m married to the most amazing man, ever.. My relationship and marriage to puffy was never this stable, honest, supportive, trustworthy, caring, or loving, EVER. I truly believe that puffy simply never loved me or he honestly does not know how to love.. I flip flop between the two..

For those that are just climbing aboard, I was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer last summer, 5 days after our first wedding anniversary. 15 rounds of chemo down, destroyed and removed  the colon tumors.. Now fighting the liver mets,.. 2 more treatments  to go.. !!!! We are winning and I know it.., But it’s really made me look at life through a very different set of eyes.

During the initial months of puffy’s  crisis, I was the typical lbs.. Then I hit bottom, like we all have to, and started recreating my very own life... 2 years in, I met Mr Duke... and his list matched mine.. and BAM...  The relationship and marriage I’d always dreamed of, was actually right in front of me.. I’m lucky, blessed, grateful, and thankful.. every single day for puffys choice to leave.

After my diagnosis, my view began to change. While I’ve sympathized with puffy, in my deepest parts, I hadn’t forgiven.. I hadn’t let go of the anger due to the damage he did to me, but mostly because of his treatment of our son.

So. That’s been one of the items I’m working on, forgiving him so when God asks me, I can say, I have to the best of my human ability. Not doing so, hurts me, my son, and my husband. So, as hard as urs been, I’ve forgiven but not forgotten..

I’ll forgive the dog for biting me, I’m wise enough, now,  to never go near him again.

S sent a pic of the 3 of us, me and Hunny to his dad. We went to a major rodeo, like we do every year, and puffys response is classic MLC.., don’t send pics of mom and stepdad, it’s disrespectful...

Um, to whom??? I get to see pics of him and her, because s will show me. And I’m NICE about it, for my sons sake… but not puffy, he can’t stand to even see me. I don’t get it, he left me, but is still pissed at me?? Will never make sense to me..., I gave up long ago trying to decipher the code of mlc.. 5 years dude, grow up... And get this, I’ve finally seen her,.. She looks like a taller, fatter, older version of me!!!!!!!! Vomit!!!

So, things are good, 2 rounds left. Almost done then it’s ring the bell, remission party time!!! Gosh, I hope and pray I can have my tribe with me,, I’ve been quarantined since January due to the compromised immune system.. To say it sucks, is an understatement!!!

But school is canceled so I can “teach” from home.. We sneak to our lake place every chance we get.. I haven’t caught a bass yet this year and it’s starting to piss me off!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

All in all, life is pretty good, considering. I hope y’all are well and staying safe!!!

Sending love, hugs, and prayers to y’all!!!

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10826.0
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« Last Edit: April 23, 2020, 04:08:27 AM by Thunder »

M
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Re: Celebrating five years of freedom
#1: April 22, 2020, 10:53:29 AM
MsMed, lovely to hear your positive update in spite of the extra trials you are facing. I'm so pleased for you that you have your wonderful new husband. Rooting for your remission party being free of lock down!
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Re: Celebrating five years of freedom
#2: April 22, 2020, 11:06:42 AM
You are still a beacon of grace, MsMedfly! So glad to hear your treatment is stepping forward in positive ways and I hope it's speedy and upward from here. :)
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"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

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Celebrating five years of freedom
#3: April 23, 2020, 03:29:13 AM
Hi MsMed,

Well, if you are REALLY looking for an answer.....

Puffy is mad because you aren't sitting on the porch as a pile of goo surrounded by snotty Kleenexes crocheting lace doilies pining away for the Marshmallow Man... You have actually gone on and gotten a life and an R that is good for you and you are on the way to kicking the big C's butt.....

Puffy can only be jealous..... because he hasn't got squat in Schmoopieland....
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Celebrating five years of freedom
#4: April 23, 2020, 03:47:54 AM
What an amazing journey!! I'm so happy to hear you're a few treatments away. Perseverance, joy, acceptance and a wonderful new life in spite of it all. May you get to continue to enjoy life on your terms.  Praying for continued healing and blessings!!  Great job staying the course. GGG
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M
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Celebrating five years of freedom
#5: April 23, 2020, 07:50:49 AM
R2T and Ursa, y’all have been with me since the beginning and I cannot thank you enough. There isn’t an amount of money, gifts, etc that can ever repay y’all for getting me through  this.. There are others too, Nah, Thunder, Fabulous, Law prof, Medusa, Believe, Still, so many of you and your stories are how and why I survived and thrived.... eventually!!

I wallowed like a pig for the first 8 months.., Oh why me, why us, poor poor me....

Then I hit bottom. It was October 2015. I’ll never forget it, my guts finally caught up with reality. It was awful.. but necessary and mandatory.

I’d built my life around a lie. He’s a full, total, complete, narcissistic sociopath. Making a come back after that tsunami from hell wasnt easy. But it was because I have a tribe of incredible people who GET IT... I’m just really lucky I landed here...

Life’s pretty great actually. I have the massive, close knit family I always dreamed of, my son is the best he’s ever been, and my Hunny, oh my my precious hubby. I’m so glad God pushed me to say yes to his date offer... Our story begins with a Jersey, a sausage biscuit and a coke!!

Newbies, I hurt for you.., I know every step of your pain. Don’t be like I as for 8 months, start looking for the blessings, find something in each day, that you are grateful for.. Their MLC isn’t all horror and nightmares.. Think about it, what’s one blessing you can see, each day??

It’s where I started and I never looked back. I don’t have time nor the head space for it.. I’ve got one life to live, not a past to continually grieve over...

If MLC didn’t change me, cancer sure as heck did.. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I have to see the humor and I find it very funny you say jealousy.. He’s bought and sold 3 convertible sports cars, in 5 years... The latest, classic MLC, red convertible corvette!!! Too bad he doesn’t have a cute girl to go with it.. My former mil, my sons grandma, can’t stand her, says she’s hiding something, and doesn’t understand why she makes zero attempts to have a relationship with her.... Hmmmmmm..,  Interesting...

Well, because of their beginning.. And now, 5 years in, it’s all come out. Her skeletons are worse than his.. but to not cherish the woman that gave you the love of your life??! WTH?..

I adore my in loves. They are just like my parents, I’m so lucky, blessed and humbled. I couldn’t imagine not having a great relationship with them, we are with our family ALL the time...

They aren’t. She’s on Facebook but blocked everyone of us, and that’s ALOT.., PLUS, she blocked my son... She makes zero attempt to be in s’s life, he doesn’t even have her phone number...

Absolutely bizarre...

I’m sure my diagnosis was met with his typical oh great, here goes the martyr... I can hear it. I know this much, if this had been during my marriage to puffy, he’d let me die.. He’d rather have the insurance money!

As my hunny says, it is what it is. And I’m so thankful for the hell I went through because the blessings are completely worth it!!!

Happy Thursday y’all!! I’ll update more once I get to a computer...

Love your sweet faces!! Chins up, crowns straight, heads high... 💜💜💜💜💜



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M
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Celebrating five years of freedom
#6: April 27, 2020, 08:12:56 PM
I won't go on and on, I promise.  If someone could link me, I appreciate it. I've never figured that out!

Now that I have the time, I can update more.

I'll start with the little I do know about puffy land and just get it over with.. I don't know much, just the bits I pick up from s. I don't dare ask, I've come too far to resort to that. I know that they live together, in his house, and that they "play" this happy family gig pretty well. S believes she's hiding something and of course, has FINALLY connected all the dots. Good grief, it took him FOREVER. I wasn't going to be that parent. I wasn't going to be the one to bash his dad, tell him what a lying, cheating, piece of poo he is.. I could, I probably  did in a drunken state, at some point.  He's figured it out, put the pieces together, with grandma's help and the the two of them are so done with puffy and his spring shower.... I call her this because all of this went down in April, and that just happens to be one of her names. She's got so many, we can't really figure out who she really is. Sketchy I tell ya... Plus, did learn that her first hubby has the same first name as the puffer. Are you serious???? They don't even get creative and change the names... Just bodies and geography!!  It's like a bad soap opera....

I know she's got one foot in, one foot out. You don't move in with someone and then intentionally NOT become part of their family.  The whole situation is odd ... I'm glad it's not mine to deal with. I cannot imagine.....

S does say that he's still the angry, puffy monster that left. Everything is still my fault and the mention of my name, sends shock waves. I seriously don't understand this. Part of why I'm here updating. I don't understand the anger at me.

I didn't do this, I had zero part in any of it ... but all the blame and anger, still five years later, is all at me.... Is it a guilt thing? It can't be, puffy doesn't have that button. He feels guilt for nothing, ever. It's always the other person's fault, even when you have video evidence. It's your fault it's on video!!

Gosh, I don't miss the eggshell dance I used to do. My insides no longer feel like they might rupture from the constant knots, living "his" life caused. It was gradual, I didn't see a thing, everyone else knew BUT ME... I've gotten over feeling stupid. I don't see most of the ones that kept his ugly secrets anymore so it's no longer a constant reminder of people that I cannot trust. Now, I feel lucky. Lucky that he left and didn't drag me through the hell that some of you have endured. I can't imagine having a clinger. I'm grateful for the vanishing act, it's helped me heal, find my sanity, and own my reality again.

He took away my ability to trust, even my own thoughts, movements, decisions, choices. He made sure I was a puddle of goo when he ripped the rug out from under me. It's all part of their evil, little plan, they hatch on lunch breaks and when stuck in traffic. He most certainly got me, but only for awhile. Once I laid down my law, it stopped. He had nowhere to get his fix any longer so he finally left me alone. He would attempt. to bait me, with some minor whatever issue with s, but has completely left me alone since. It's been more than three years since I've spoken to him. I did see a pic at Christmas. Eeeeewwwww..... Not sure what I found attractive there but it's gone now....

I know this, it takes a LONG time to heal from the damage of a narcissistic sociopath, I still have triggers. Small things now, but I still have them. Hunny understands, s is currently living with us so he's gotten a bigger glimpse into what our lives were like with puffy and he thinks it's sad I stayed for so long, with someone who clearly didn't deserve neither s nor I. He's right, but how do you leave when you don't even know??

Do I think about him? Nope, do I wonder, nope... Do I think damn, I'm lucky I got away cleaner than I could have.... YUP!!!! I get the if only's... if I had only figured it all out sooner, retained my own attorney faster, somehow slowed the motion of a cat 5 hurricane with my bare hands... I no longer feel sadness for what was lost. I hurt for my son but even that, doesn't sting like it used to.

That's because I chose to rebuild. I made the choice to say yes to good looking coach that asked me out on a date. 4 years later, here we are... about to celebrate our second wedding anniversary. I chose to move forward, for me and for my son. God knew exactly what He was doing, He knew... My son has a massive family, full of fun cousins, aunts, uncles, that have just made him one of the grandkids. It makes my heart so happy.... It's what he's always wanted to, a big, loving family that does everything together.

I guess write me down as one of the lucky ones, I don't know. I certainly didn't feel lucky for the first three years. It was pure hell. I really didn't know if I was going to come out alive. Every step I'd take, he'd knock me down, just to laugh as I fell. I just kept getting up, putting on my big girl panties, and handling it. I think when I married someone else, he finally got the message, she's totally over you....

It does get better, sweet newbie... I promise. It takes a lot of hard work, tears, and commitment that you will not let it destroy you!! Do not let their crisis take you down too. You are better than that, worth far too much to let the emotional temper tantrum of a 50 something year old be the reason you can't get out of bed in the morning. Find something, anything, that makes you happy. And go with it... start building a life around it. Make it all your own...

So, that's pretty much me. Spending too much time on the couch because the chemo slows me down, which in turn, pisses me off. I'm a goer, I don't sit still well, at all!!!

Life marches on.... and to think, 5 years ago today my declaration of independence was signed and delivered....

Who knew his MLC would turn out so wonderful for me... I really should send a basket or something, maybe a hanging plant...

Love ya'll!!!
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Celebrating five years of freedom
#7: April 28, 2020, 03:42:54 AM
Hi Ms MedFly

Maybe one of these?



I know, I'm going to Hades....
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Celebrating five years of freedom
#8: April 28, 2020, 05:20:20 AM
I love your update except for the cancer part. Luck to you. I wish so hard I could find a man like you have. Not actively looking but nothing would stop me from a date. Its been almost 6 years for me and my "puffy" shows no change either.
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M
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Celebrating five years of freedom
#9: April 28, 2020, 08:33:30 AM
Ursa, that’s it!!! That’s the perfect gift for those two!!! They have a big backyard and a pool.. He had the nerve to purchase the house, that we almost bought, 10 years before... 2 years after the divorce.. What the heck.. Wasn’t good enough in 2007, but buys it in 2017... and pays $100,000 more than it was listed for in 07.. Didn’t want the pool upkeep, but now that he’s 12 years older and had no children at home, it makes perfect sense!??? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Idiots, both of them!!

Keep, they are out there!!!!!! I did online for a month and then deleted.. I’m too old fashioned and for some reason, all I attracted as older men, who wanted to send me dirty pictures.. Ugh... I met my darling hubby the old fashioned way, we teach at the same school...  It’s funny now, how we were just teacher friends, knew nothing about the other for 8 years...

Later, after we were married, I was told that my very first day at my school, when I was introduced, he told another coach, that’s her, that’s the one!! She’ll be my wife one day..  How he knew, I don’t know.. I was “happily” married to puffy, with a 12 year old at home.. Mr hot single coach was nowhere on my radar!! 8 years later, here we are, I’m Mrs. Coach...

I know this site is about standing. And I did, fiercely, till God told me to move... I waited until I felt Gods push to move on... I knew that the marriage to puffy could never be restored and God was taking me to a new place. I just had to trust and believe in His plan...

Have y’all made the list?? The list of the perfect partner???

I did.. My therapist’s bright idea... So I did.. Pages of qualities, characteristics, morals, values, things I knew that couldn’t possibly exist, therefore I could continue to wallow and long for puffy..

Then my list showed up.. I couldn’t believe it!!!

It started because our boys gave me the honorary captain jersey for that weeks game.. I get to the sidelines, don’t have a clue what to do and who do I run into??! None other than mr cutie coach... He shows me around, takes me in the locker room for pre game (my most favorite part of our Friday night rituals), gets me a headset so I can talk trash to the press box.. Tells me as I, leaving, I don’t got out with married chicks but you, I’m going to make an exception.. I laughed,.. and he was the first person at school, besides my tribe, that found out, I was now single...

We chatted beck and forth, for months... he’d call to see if the boys needed to come help me with anything... since s was away at school and I was living alone..

It really began on Valentine’s Day, in the drive thru at McDonalds.. At 5 am, I’m getting breakfast and heading to school to make stuff for my kids, he’s behind me, getting ready to head to Houston for the state wrestling tournament. I bought his breakfast, a sausage biscuit and a coke.. He emails me and says thanks, that’s never happened to me before.. and proceeds to ask me out... I waited three days to respond, prayed about it, consulted my inner circle...and finally said yes!

And I get to say yes with him every single day... I’m so lucky..

So, what are you saying no to that might be a new adventure that deserves a big fat YES???? Think about it... What’s keeping you from jumping in, head first?? Fear, hurt, trust issues... what is it that’s holding your freedom??

I may he married, but I’ve never been more free in my entire life!!!!

I’ve got to get moving, Alexa isn’t going to lay 12 bags of mulch!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Hugs and kisses!!
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