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Author Topic: My Story It’s about what I think of me.

M
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My Story Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#10: May 14, 2020, 01:51:43 PM
I agree with Ggg, you do sound great. I like how you're observing your H - no emotion involved. I think I'm at this point, too.

Your VE tea out the front of the house in your neighbourhood sounds very cosy and charming. I also loved the sunbathing and wine in the back! You seem to be appreciating all the good stuff. And look, you even texted your H a load of gobbledygook and you're like 'whatever.' Isn't that great?
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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It’s about what I think of me.
#11: May 14, 2020, 02:44:36 PM
Sunbathing and wine in the back--I feel like you and I could definitely hang out!

I am guilty if sending H LOTS of gobbledygook....especially when there is wine. It used to give me such anxiety and dread. And self loathing and shame. Now, it's more, eh. B/c usually it was something that I felt and left unsaid. So I got it out. Maybe not the most eloquent or articulate manner, but it got out and left my system nonetheless.  I'm glad you didn't address it to H.

Fake orange tan and shaved legs. Wow. That is a visual I am not sure I can "un-see."

Happy you are re-gaining, or even learning for the first time, confidence in yourself. We are all beat down mercilessly at BD. It is hard to get over those feelings of inadequacy. But the truth is, it is exactly the opposite. YOU, my beautiful friend, are far too good for H now. Add I'm guessing he is becoming very aware of this fact.

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Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#12: May 15, 2020, 03:21:16 AM
Thanks Ggg, Milly, kit.
I don’t know what my shift is or whether it will last but I know I will try my hardest to keep going forward and keep my distance. I am re focusing on my online courses as I seemed to put those in the back burner in the last couple of weeks. I am hoping working souring the day will motivate me further as my mind will be more occupied. We shall see.

I have not heard from ex h for a week which previously was not unusual as I was blocked but in the last couple of weeks , he would text every 3 to 4 days. Possibly annoyed I didn’t go out to see him in his short shorts on his last visit or annoyed I text rubbish however I am not blocked and I haven’t text since as I don’t need to.
S17 is annoyed his father has not been in touch since last Friday when he said he would try harder and has been in contact more. I knew it would slow down again. S17 did look at social media due to his annoyance and found ow having a rant about me not co parenting and I’m a narcissist and she heard all before blah blah blah and I stop my kids spending time with his new family because I have resentment towards his new relationship etc. Really! Still think I’m the problem the kids won’t and haven’t met you. In the same rant is the contradiction that I ask for co parenting to get face time with him. Mostly copied from the internet. I told son it’s just another attempt to elicit drama from me and I won’t offer any drama. I am no longer interested in co parenting as I have looked after my kids on my own for just over 5 yrs and asked for co parenting. I don’t need to now. Kids old enough make own decisions and that ok unless they are put in danger or upset then I step in which is very very rare now with their father.  May also be she has discovered his texting or doesn’t like him sitting outside my house as has no idea if or what talking to me about. Oh well. Not my problem. I just told son that it is very immature of her and to ignore. I have not asked for Co parenting for over 12 mths or more. I did send updates 12 mths ago but I no longer do that. I cut the replies to him down to 2 sentences in his last text if are we all ok. He text s17 that message this morn. I am definitely out of favour 🤣

Sometimes I think, I wonder why I am now out of favour but then quickly think oh well who cares, he will need me before I need him.
I rang the mortgage company yest and he still has not changed his address. Courts may be starting to return so they may shortly be able to action my application for finances which will probably annoy ex h. Damned if I do nothing and dammed if I do. Has to be completed! Divorced so needs sorting.

I am now set up for work at home and completed my first day yest. Day off today lol as I don’t work Fridays. Must say my dining room is freezing! Am doing my weight watchers diet and some exercise as my legs know that my weight is creeping up and to be fair, I have spoken to the bix of chocolates in the dining and advised them that the will be regimes to my mum shortly. 😂
 Sorry for the long rambling. Xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#13: May 15, 2020, 03:25:05 AM
Oh and d15 has just had her interview for prefect for school in sept if they are back at school. She is anxious to know if successful. Personally I think she did fab. One question was out of 10 characteristics such as helpful, thoughtful, responsible, resourceful etc, Was to choose 3 and explain why. Her last one she chose was that she is resourceful as she can use all the other characteristics as her resources to enhance her role as prefect.
I was so proud as so pleased that I raised with manners as the teacher asked if she was ok and she said fine thank you sir but how are you? Xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

M
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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#14: May 15, 2020, 03:43:40 PM
Oh, Rising, your D15 is just a lady and a leader by the sounds of things. Hoping she gets the prefect roll.

Your H's OW sounds like mine. The posting that your H can't see his kids because you won't allow it because you are not happy with her, basically. My H's OW, when she sued my D22 and I a couple of years ago, had it put down that I am very angry at her because I'm jealous she's with my H. I think this is what this kind of OW needs. She needs us to be jealous because it gives her a buzz. This kind of OW doesn't just want our H for him, they want to know they took our husbands and that we're hurting. It's sick. Now, I think my H's OW is pathetic. I see it's a pattern with these OW who have serious issues. Unfortunately, whatever happened to them in the past, has now an affect on our family, us and our kids and our finances, so me, personally, I have no sympathy.

Anyway, you are a great mother. Of this there is no doubt. Your S17 being annoyed that his dad has not been in touch for days, shows he's a boy with feelings who knows that a dad should be in touch. He knows what's right.
Have a lovely weekend. xxx
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#15: May 18, 2020, 01:40:05 AM
I am having five min break from work. I have not had a neck ache at all whilst not working but as soon as I start work at my pc, within 10 minutes my neck is hurting. Need to try and get a better posture.

Nothing from ex h to me for over a week. Oh well. Whatever. It was ex h day to see the kids yest but also the first weekend he would have chance to get out on his motorbike with ow so he text s17 yest to say too cold and miserable so will come the next day. It was beautiful and warm. Sometimes there was a bit of cloud but it was still warm. How different the weather is 4 minutes up the road? I was annoyed as it was obvious what the real reason was but I didn’t say anything and the kids are not bothered if the see him or not. S17 was annoyed a little as it’s the messing about and last minute or the let down that ex h said he would see them more but didn’t. If ex h didn’t say anything about coming then s17 wouldn’t pursue it. D15 really could care less. She doesn’t respond to text etc. Unsure why I was annoyed and kids not or are for about 2 seconds then yeh whatever.

I did wonder if I feel it a bit of control that he chooses when and if he comes round with no regard for my plans etc but I suppose at present I don’t have any plans other than work in my dining room and house jobs.

No acknowledgement of any of that business I think is best as ow apparently on a social media rant about my co parenting. They have heard it all before blah blah blah( she did actually put that)! And that you can’t co parent with a narcissistic or with some that has mental health. The other parent is bitter about the relationship breakup and uses the kids in mind games and only asks for co parenting for face time with the ex h. Hmm I did wish to co parent when my kids were 9 and 11 and prob until last yr but I have zero wish to co parent since he didn’t wish to and any info I gave him, he didn’t act in anyway. My kids are just 15 and 17 so I don’t see much co parenting needed and I have done it in my own for 5.5yrs so no co parenting needed. I do apparently play mind games using the kids whilst looking like parent of the yr on social media. Not going to bite as not worth giving them drama. Happy people? Don’t think so but hey who knows.

Personally don’t think I do but if any one who is in my fb thinks I do, please let me know. Mostly about wine drinking.

D15 is still waiting to hear about being a prefect. Wish they would hurry up as making her anxious.
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

s
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It’s about what I think of me.
#16: May 19, 2020, 03:58:45 AM
I don’t think you play the perfect parent role because we all know there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We all just middle through the best we can.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#17: May 23, 2020, 04:58:30 AM
The weather up until yest was beautiful and the kids and I were desperate to get out. We didn’t go out when the weather was lovely but decided to go out yesterday when it was rather windy. As a member of the national trust we decided to go to a wood near Cheadle. The car park is small so only 3 cars can get in and it is large and lots of different walks through the woods. The kids wanted to go to the beach but there is no way I’m going to the beach as everyone is going and there is no social distancing! It’s ridiculous. I thought the British were doing quite well in following lockdown however quite a lot are not! Ex h came on Monday to see kids for an hour as not seen them for a week and a half. Apparently he kept looking at the front door as son had to ask what he kept looking at. I did wave goodbye when the kids came in. He waved back and smiled. S17 has asked ex h to see them more this week and ex h agreed. Ex h has NOT seen the kids more this week. He has text once to ask how we all are to son. Son has not replied. I passed ex h on Wednesday at an island in the car and I am good enough to call out of my house to give me 4yr out of date flea treatment but completely ignore me on the road because ow in the car. That has rather annoyed me as I’m good enough to call out of the house to show me what he purchased for us and give me the 4 yr out of date flea treatment but Can’t even look at me when drive past. Fine, I won’t be supplying cup of tea in future. Probably mean.

I did have a thought and poss that’s my issues but I did wonder if ow gave ex h the flea stuff to cause harm to my animals as ex h still classes my dog as his dog and is not affectionate to her dog really. I found it strange that the flea treatment was not good enough for her dog and cats but it is for mine? I don’t think ex h even knew it was that out of date. Ex h has also stopped texting me and the visiting has dropped off so I wonder if ow AGAIN discovered ex h texting me. Only text about kids and how are we all. I can’t see issue with that really but hey ho. It is what it is. I have not text to ask how he is. It’s not that I wish him harm but I don’t feel the need to but also that I feel it gives him the wrong impression that I’m keen? Perhaps again that is my issue? But does seem coincidence that ow had to rant about co parenting that they are unable to with me but when I have tried to co parent that I’m after her boyfriend. Insecure much? Certainly not after her boyfriend!

I would like to explain why the kids don’t reply but there is really no point in pointing anything out as it will just give him drama and I shouldn’t have to explain to an adult about behaviour. Xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#18: May 25, 2020, 05:30:03 PM
Hi all fellow lbs, I hope you are all well. I am having difficulty sleeping lately. I’m having weird dreams re ex h and ow. I remember them as they wake me up but by the morning, I can’t remember what they were really about. Seems odd really.
Today I took the kids for a drive. We try to go some where where there is very few people. Today we went to another national trust site that is actually in the sea front. It is not a beach as such but where the sea carves little rivers in the sand when out and the sand has little boats dotted about. It was very quiet. We could see the car park of the beach front about a mile down the round and it was packed with probably a thousand cars. We left when more people arrived to take their boats out as the see was coming in. When we arrived their were a couple of people sitting in cars and one family the other side of a sand bank. We sat by our car and got some rays. We were only there just over an hour. We have got out of the house twice and been lucky in choosing places that are where few people want to go.

Ex h came on Sunday. He wasn’t going to and wanted to come today but I said it wasn’t convenient as it’s my only day off and I wanted to do a picnic with the kids as the weather wasn’t good over the weekend. I think he had a bit of a moan as asked s17 why he had to re arrange even though he didn’t actually say he was coming until Sunday afternoon.

Ex h sat at the end of my drive however, when I look at my kids have forgotten social distancing and showing him things in their phones. He stayed about an hour, I didn’t go out. When s17 came back in he said that his father thought dark grey skirting boards would go well with my new light grey paint as I’m painting my living room. I said how did you get into my decorating and s17 said his father asked what I was doing. S17 replied decorating and you don’t speak to her anyway and stopped texting her to which he replied “ well err , it’s awkward isn’t it err, this lockdown has been difficult for all so we can all go out and catch up after”  well I will believe it when I see it and sounds possibly like ow has discovered his texting me.

I think 2 outings is enough for now and see how things go with lockdown easement. Am currently looking for a locust, I accidentally let loose in s17 bedroom. The last one I accidentally let out was found in the hall ceiling the next day. 😡 tbh they are better than a cricket singing in your bedroom at 3 am and you can’t get it. Took me 2 days to get that one. Xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#19: May 26, 2020, 03:08:30 AM
Am currently looking for a locust, I accidentally let loose in s17 bedroom. The last one I accidentally let out was found in the hall ceiling the next day. 😡 tbh they are better than a cricket singing in your bedroom at 3 am and you can’t get it. Took me 2 days to get that one. Xx

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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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