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Author Topic: My Story It’s about what I think of me.

s
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My Story It’s about what I think of me.
#60: July 27, 2020, 01:57:49 AM
I’m neither use nor ornament so to speak when it comes to things relating to divorce as I was never married. So I can’t help. But I truly believe, as someone who speaks to you outside it the forum, you have moved on and healed a lot more than you give yourself credit for.

Ofcourse you still think of ExH. Aside from the many years you spent together he is the father of your children and it you never thought it him etc it would be very strange indeed. Cut yourself some slack. You did exactly what you could when you did.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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  • Mlc- Cake eater for 3 yr now vanisher
Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#61: July 28, 2020, 06:23:23 AM
I am currently waiting to sign my e form with my solicitor. I am only using her as ad hoc which is worrying as ex h has secured a big fancy firm in the near by city. I have been very pleased with my solicitor in the past. She assures me that by doing myself and just using her for advice the outcome is achieved but at less cost. The court or ex h solicitor write to me, I ask her what to reply. She tells me and I reply so don’t pay for emails or letters.

I have been very emotional, I am worried on what he is going to want. I had put some behavioural details down and solicitor removed as she feels makes no difference to outcome and will just create more work when he retaliates which he would.

Ex h took son fishing yesterday and son had a good day. I cried with happiness but also felt a bit perhaps jealous? Ex h has hardly bothered and I suppose I feel I could lose my son a bit as had my kids so much to myself but the most part of me hopes it continues and he is finally stepping up? Ex h apparently got emotional as he said he had a wonderful day and felt he relaxed and had an actual fit the first day off in months as he doesn’t get a minute to himself. Karma?

I may be wrong but I feel the finances and this last bit isn’t actually about the finances but about ow finally getting rid of me. For me it’s the finances, for exh quiet life if he is lucky?, ow about me?

My son told his dad that even after all he has done that his mum (me) will always be there for him. Ex h hung his head and quietly said I know!

We have the side effect of stress at the moment of my weight going down which at the moment is ok as I have lockdown love handles to shift. Some sleep would be good though. Felt like been having a heart attack for a week! Xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

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It’s about what I think of me.
#62: July 28, 2020, 08:05:47 AM
I don’t have much practical advice to offer you except to be kind to yourself and send you a virtual hug
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

N
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It’s about what I think of me.
#63: July 28, 2020, 08:10:45 AM
It sounds as if your son is very loyal to you and loves you very much.  I can identify with  your feelings about being happy and jealous at the same time.  This is a horrible time as you complete the finances. 
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K
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It’s about what I think of me.
#64: July 28, 2020, 09:07:04 AM
This is probably the worst time (figuring out finances) since BD for most. It not only symbolizes the true end (in our minds only b/c with MLC we know otherwise) and much stress about the uncertainty of the future both from a personal as well as financial perspective. Both equally unsettling. It will be such until settled, but I do believe after you will feel a wave of relief.

For what it's worth, I think you are handling it perfectly with your solicitor. Don't worry about H's big fancy firm. They are only as good as each individual there. And also, it is quite dependent on H's ability to pay.  Which may not go on indefinitely.

You should feel pride and accomplished in that you got this done. It was difficult emotionally and practically. It is A LOT! But you put your nose to the grindstone and you did it. I think you are pretty amazing. And your children are a great tribute to that. They know who their rock is. And from the sound of it, so does H.

Hugs my friend. This too shall pass.
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Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

M
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Re: It’s about what I think of me.
#65: July 28, 2020, 02:38:27 PM
Rising, I understand your feelings as you prepare to settle the finances which will bring it all to a close. I'm at the same point, my D is just around the corner. That comes with the usual wonderings about H and OW's future. I'm trying to prepare myself for the possibility of a wedding, because I'd rather be prepared. I'd like to think that if they do marry, it will be a nightmare.

Your boy is so sweet and so wise. What these MLC kids have had to endure. Makes them grow up too fast.

But you sound like you are incredibly wise. You've managed to secure yourself some legal advice without it becoming a huge financial burden. The best thing is to reach a conclusion without making the lawyer's rich and us poor. You wisely listened to your solicitor regarding omitting the emotional stuff. Saying it again, you are so wise.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Nas

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It’s about what I think of me.
#66: July 28, 2020, 05:55:54 PM
I just wanted to reiterate that the arrangement that you have with your lawyer is a massive accomplishment in itself. Coming from someone who spent every last penny I had on lawyer fees and ultimately got nowhere, I am applauding you for being able to find someone to help you without draining you financially at the same time. Regardless of what happens, you will come out on top.
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« Last Edit: July 28, 2020, 05:57:16 PM by Nas »

S
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It’s about what I think of me.
#67: September 07, 2020, 06:48:45 AM
RP -
Just catching up, and hoping that you're doing well.
You have done an amazing job - your son is amazing, you've been kind, honest and open towards your H.
You can't ask more from yourself.
The mediator can do good things; just listen and act as recommended.

I understand about wanting your son to have a R with his father, but at the same time being jealous of it.
I'm going through it as well; but mine are grown.

Your H is being controlled by ow and struggling it sounds.
Stay the course; listen to your heart.

Let us know how you're doing.

Hugs,
Sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

 

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