[Imgood]

Just read your thread Em. Hope you are doing well! Any update?

[em5731]

Hi imgood

I am doing well. Ex H used to live in another state. He now lives about 5 miles away with ow. I really thought I would have a hard time with them living so close. But I have managed to not bump in to them anywhere which is nice. He has recently started to try to convince my daughter 14  to spend time with ow. This was my worst nightmare. But now that it has happened I actually feel like it’s not the big of a deal. Ex has been reaching out more by email. He seems to event issues so we can discuss it. I’m right to the point and he no longer try’s to argue. Which is shocking to me as everything was a battle. I sent an email last week regarding my daughter giving her way to much freedom. I was ready for a battle. But instead he said you are right. I’m sorry and it won’t happen again. That is progress. My older daughter tells me that he isn’t nice to ow. They work different shifts and don’t see each other that much. She volunteered to work this Christmas this just past. Sometimes he seems like the guy I know. Then it’s back to crazy ville. I just bought a vacation home a few states away and we spend time there. So I’m not home like I used to be. Maybe that has affected him a little. As I’m no longer sitting at home licking my wounds. Hopefully he becomes a better dad then he has been in the last 6.5 years.

[Imgood]

Sounds like you’re doing great Em! A vacation home…how fun! My dream is a second home on the beach. . You mentioned in your thread….maybe starting to date. How’s that going?

[em5731]

I am doing great. Some days I have issues but I don’t let it get me down. I really haven’t dated. I was with my ex from the age of 14 to 46. I am enjoying my Life. At some point I will date. I read somewhere about getting to know your self before dating. I am glad I did that. I have more self confidence than I ever had. I know what I want and what I will never put up with again. He seems like a teenager. He has been trying to make conversations about things. I answer is questions. But I never reach out first. And the first sign of crazy, I stop the conversation.  3 weeks in a row now he paid the child support on time. That hasn’t happened much in 7 years.  I went on a dating website and talked to a few men on the phone and thought yikes I don’t know if I want to do that again. I am not sure I want to be a wife again. It’s nice to not cook and clean for a slob anymore. Lol.

[Dragonfly33]

It’s my third year this year since BD. A couple of times I also attempted going on a dating site and I had the same feeling as you have. I am not sure if I can do the dating process again. For me, it’s all superficial. But maybe when you’re truly ready, everything will just fall into place.

[em5731]

I think I am ready. Just not interested yet. I am just enjoying my life right now. I do want to spend my life with someone, at some point

[em5731]

I really just wish he would disappear. My first weekend at my summer home. Ex and ow rent a hotel down the street so he doesn’t miss a weekend with my daughter. He misses visits all the time.  He really is a piece of crap. My summer home is 2 hours away from where he lives. I really didn’t think I could dislike him anymore than I did. And then when I say something to my daughter. She says well you threw him out. And began to argue with me about what happened when he left. With him telling her what to say. As she doesn’t know the details of our divorce. I would never tell her he said he didn’t want to be a father. 

[in it]

Yes , your first sentence resonates

Ohh boy, when they (the kids) don't know the truth with how things ended I would think there's some confusion there.

Wouldn't it be enough to at least let her know, he was lying and cheating on you and you couldn't trust him so yes you threw him out? How old is she?
Do you think him saying he was not wanting to be a father was true?

[MadLuv]

I’m sorry he couldn’t allow you to have your time away. As far as your daughter that’s so hard. I struggle with my adult daughter not knowing all the bad and  so I get a lot of the back talk, but there are just some things that they dont need to know and I will take the bullet for it. I feel sooner or later the truth will reveal itself or they will at least see that the version of what they know is one sided. Keep being the bigger person. I do think there is no harm in stating the last thing you ever wanted to do was end your marriage. If it was not your choice the. That is all you need to say. This would not have been my choice.

[em5731]

Hi Init

My daughter is 14. she might not know everything he has done, but she knows enough to know that I don't want to be around him. When he left he told me he has been a father for most of his life and he no longer had any interest in it. I would never tell her that. Plus he said she was obese, and she looked horrible. She was 7 at the time. I would never want her to know that. She was a chubby 7year old. No that she has thined out and has skinny friends, he know likes to hang around with her. Creepy