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Author Topic: My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce

STP

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My Story •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
OP: May 18, 2020, 11:05:52 AM
Welcome to my latest thread. What new fun awaits?
My first bomb drop was 11/09. I stood and we reconciled in 9/10. Second bomb drop 4/16. Divorced 9/16

Cast:
—FAMILY—
S27 & S25 - live together in former family home 5 miles away S27 bought from me.
S20 & S18 - live with XW & OM a mile away from their brothers. S18 will go away to college Fall '20

—GIRLFRIEND—
KA - Six years younger, we began dating 2/18 and see each other Tuesdays and weekends alternating houses depending if she has her D7. Her father age 80+ lives with them. Her best friend is LD.

—SINGLE FRIENDS KNOWN since 2016—
MM - my woman best friend who is married, but her dying H is confined to bed for the last 20+ years. Some have said she loves me?
JS - my best guy friend who is overly serious which is why women don’t like him!
DC - an interested woman in a four year relationship. There is a secret attraction between us. We were last intimate a year ago.

—FORMER GIRLFRIENDS in reverse order—
AF - I gave her up to try with CH again. That didn't happen. No contact. 11/17-12/17
CH - loved her but she dumped me. Many mutual friends. No contact. 9/16-11/17. Unblocked me 5/20 on Facebook.
AG - 11 yrs younger I dated her same time as CH. A friend now, I don’t see. 8/16-12/16
GW - rebound while separated. No contact. 6/16-7/16

---OTHERS---
XW - we were married 25 years, she is now married to OM since 12/18
OM - former husband of BF for 25 years, he no longer sees his kids. I hate him and wish him harm. We have not exchanged any words since before I discovered their affair.
BF - former best friend of XW for 22 years, lives with her kids a state away and has no contact with her ex, the OM. She has a boyfriend.

I had a very active social life throwing a party at my home monthly attended by no less than 20 people. This ended due to the pandemic as well as activities with a hiking group and a singles group I belong to. I basically see my gf KA, her family and coworkers as I continue to work. XW and I rarely communicate but lately about S18s college tuition.

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10460.0
My very first thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4735.msg300673#msg300673
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« Last Edit: May 18, 2020, 11:12:01 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#1: May 29, 2020, 06:00:20 AM
Journalling

Not much happening with all social activity closed up. DC and I chat periodically as I know she very actively follows me on facebook and yesterday sent me a pic of herself in a dress.

I have several friends who I think of as the partiers and they seem to have no regard to social distancing. One suggested I have another wine party. haha, no. Another wants me to organize a hike. Not yet. Just 'cause the states opening up that's for businesses and not really for chummy socializing in my house.

KA is coming over tonight for the weekend. Continuing my pizza taste test for the local restaurants. I'm still running a lot lately and just ran 7.7 miles which is my longest jog in ten years. While shirtless in the country, I saw XWs car coming. If she waved it was before reaching me. I wonder what she thought passing me?

Hands washed, fingers crossed. Be careful out there so we may post again one day.
💗
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M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#2: May 29, 2020, 06:24:19 AM
Hello,

Your cast and dialogue cracked me up. It also reminded me of my mom's soap operas she used to watch. All these characters all intertwined and connected to one family or character. In you case is the "Loves and Life of STP".

Coronavirus has certainly shut down our ability to celebrate and mingle hasn't it? No graduations, no weddings, no birthday parties. Nada, nothing....just the people in the house gathered around and this it about it.

Quote
KA is coming over tonight for the weekend. Continuing my pizza taste test for the local restaurants.

Nice. I am planning on taking my wife out to eat at a restaurant tonight. Don't know if we will be able to get in as the rules are very strict. Just be nice to get out, sit down, and order a nice meal from someone wearing a mask. LOL

I hope you have a great weekend, enjoy your pizza, and be careful running without your shirt on, you're tempting a lot of ladies out there on the road.

High five,

Ready

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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#3: June 02, 2020, 12:15:56 PM
Journalling
Thanks for you comment Ready,

Reminded me I did have a passing car passenger scream out to me last week. Hey, I guess I still have it. lol. I'm at 229 miles for the year which is ahead of my schedule to run 550. I've been trying to be productive and get things done as well as get a pizza from every place within 15 mins of my home.

I recently requested a service to transfer a dozen VHS tapes to digital files of when my kids were babies. $13 a tape. Most of the 20+ year old footage of my kids was shot by my mom. I had asked XW back in Oct about paying for half and will remind her soon I am proceeding with the service.

A woman friend of mine yesterday asked me to make her birthday invite for her party this Sat. She's a complete airhead. What about social distancing? She doesn't appear to care. KA and I will not be going. If there was justice I'd want it to befall those that ignore safety warnings.

People have been very serious as of late with all the protests and riots and I'm trying to keep joy alive by being entertaining. KA is coming over tonight and rather than the usual, we will take a short hike or go sit on the beach. I'm less than 2 miles from Lake Michigan and it's almost 90º today in NW Indiana. The water level is 10" higher than last year and the shore has eroded away with 4 beaches closed.

I thought of setting up my 4' deep, 15' round pool to avoid the beaches and S20 brought it over from S27s house for me but the mice had eaten holes in it since I last used it in 2015. KA has offered to give me her identical pool as she just bought a 30' pool to be permanently installed next month. It's a lot of work to maintain and S18 said XW and OM have the same 15' pool thus doubt my kids would swim in mine. I had thoughts of inviting MM, or my yoga instructor realtor DS or woman friend DC over to hang out in it if I set it up.  ??? I'm not that bold and won't bother to do such and will be content to swim in KAs every other weekend.

Finally bought a dishwasher after 11 months without one in my new home. I installed it last night but needing a part for water hookup. I've given thought to leading a hike of hand picked friends but I'd be vigilant about space around me and right now it's not that attractive an idea.

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M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#4: June 22, 2020, 11:10:19 AM
Journalling

Hi all. I hope you are well. I've been busy continuing life as it has become. A lot of running miles and the usual weekday activities.

The vhs video tapes of my kids I sent away to become digital files came back with poor results. They said 12 of 17 have mold and they wont process. I find that hard to believe and will seek out another service. Happily each of my 4 kids most recent tape is being converted. Also the first video of XW and I goofing around in front of the camera. I'm not sure why I even will pay $10 for that footage but it's kinda neat to see us interact just 2 months after meeting. Maybe it will hurt to watch? Maybe I'll laugh at how goofy I was? More than likely I'll just pay to have it exist and never watch. XW will pay half and I won't charge her for that tape of us. She'd have even less interest in watching it?

KA and I declined an annual pool party we went to the last two years. Apparently several of my friends think the pandemic isn't a worry, they don't care or have parents who'd be harmed by it. I just smh and don't follow them. I am trying to not let how I think effect the friendship. In time we will hang out together again.

MM texted me and invited me to the beach. I told KA about it ahead of time. It was alright to see MM although I feel so gun shy seeing anyone. We did not hug and just talked and stood in water. I also saw my buddy JS this week to stop by his house to pick up some mp3s. His talking took a day off my life. I don't think he recognizes social cues. Me in my car with the engine running wasn't enough to get him to shutup where I sat 30 mins listening to him wanting to leave. I will get back to being rude and interrupt him to not take the abuse. His opinion on the virus is polar opposite of mine and he refuses to wear a mask or do anything preventive. He lost his job and is beyond broke so not sure what to think. I also saw KAs bestie LD yesterday to photograph her dog which has failing health. Tried to keep my distance from all.

I had my kids over for Fathers Day and it was nice to get the five of us together.  :) I guess XW and OM have a cat now along with the dog. Something special to not thwart his allergies.

I find myself become introverted again. The desire to reach out and see people has faded. Perhaps I just am doing so to ease the fact I cannot see people?

XW just contacted me as I'm writing to ask for money as S18 wrecked her car in accident (not his fault and he's fine)/ sigh. Her money taking woes continue to pursue me.

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M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

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Re: •• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#5: June 22, 2020, 11:23:04 AM
Wow you guys all really look alike!  LOL   ;D

Glad you had a nice Father's Day.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#6: July 07, 2020, 04:41:05 AM
Journalling.

XW called me yesterday to explain about S18s college tuition needed in the fall and asked how much I could pay monthly towards it, knowing my child support to her ends in Nov. when he turns 19. I was really looking forward to having that fall off my monthly responsibilities and now will be paying even more. <sigh> That's what being a parent is all about. We also talked about covid-19 and I was pleased she takes it serious even though the kids are lax about it. S18 will have his HS graduation on the 24th outside on HS football field at 7pm. The four tickets for attending will be myself, XW, OM and S20. Obviously I won't sit with them.

Last week MM texted me she wanted to get together and watch a movie. I said sure but we ended up going to the beach instead. She had us park at mutual friend and my realtor DSs house and walk to beach. At 7pm bubbly DS showed up with a dozen others to do her beach yoga and had me photograph her class with her phone. It died and I said it'd be better pix if I used my canon camera. We talked about me coming back to her beach this Thursday to try again. Afterwards DS drove MM and I around her neighborhood on her golf cart. She is kinda a dumb blonde even saying "The virus is over." MM and I disagreed. Afterwards MM asked if I still wanted to watch a movie? It'd be like 9:30 before we could even start it and having been up since 4:20 am I knew I'd never stay awake. I would not want to fall asleep with MM over although she had slipped in the line if she got too tired she could sleep over in my guest room. I didn't work Fri so that's certainly an option but my mind wandered elsewhere seeing her more attractive lately, I said no, another time. If we go to the beach this week perhaps?

I spent the fourth of July with KA at her moms lounging in the pool. D7 was there as well. We watched the neighborhood fireworks that evening. KA is coming over tonight and Friday morning we leave on another 'Escape the Heat' vacation going to Torch Lake, MI-the most beautiful lake in the world. We will be camping in her tent. Looks to be a hot time in the midwest and we will keep to our social distancing unlike many of our single partying friends. smh.

https://www.touristsecrets.com/destinations/best-reasons-to-visit-torch-lake/
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« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 04:56:35 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#7: July 23, 2020, 06:26:47 AM
Hi all. Not much happening with the way of the world and all.


My camping vacation to Traverse City, MI with KA was wonderful! The waters were beautiful like the carribean. I found petoskey stones too which was a goal of mine.

XW messaged me yesterday S18s HS graduation which was supposed to be this FRI was cancelled. She also said no college for him either and guessing no football season either. She also said his party cancelled, although this is the first I'm even hearing of it. I saw on the kids instagram that her, OM, S20 and S25 took a lil vacation to KY. S20 had mentioned it to me last time I saw him so no surprise. Hopefully she moves away once S18 leaves home. S20 who is a union welder just got a raise and makes like a third again as much as me. Proud of him but I did feel a touch of dang, I really chose the wrong career. I do love what I do and can survive comfortably but no way could I last with XWs spending.

I did get 4 of the kids VHS tapes converted to digital movies. 12/17 of the tapes they said had mold and wouldn't process.  >:( I will try another service. I notified XW this morning asking her for half the cost which she agreed to pay. There is so much footage of my family compared to family shy hers. Lots of her BF too and her kids with OM. I wonder how that will feel to her seeing those old memories from '01-'05? One vhs that I won't charge her for is a tape of her and I made just two months into dating in '88. It's a fun watch as we barely know one another. Two sessions, each an hour long of us getting drunk in front of the camera. It's on the imemories site, should she wish to watch.

I wonder what seeing old memories like this can do for someone having come out the other side of MLC? I'd guess she wont see them sentimentally at all.
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« Last Edit: July 23, 2020, 06:34:08 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

STP

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  • Gender: Male
•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#8: July 31, 2020, 05:44:02 AM
Happy Friday! Journalling



My company has a relationship with a marketing firm that delivers full size real samples to their mailing list of critics. They decided this week to liquidate their extra products which we store in our warehouse. All are all beauty supplies: Loreal, Mabelline, St. Ives, Olay, Yyes Saint Laurent, Pantene, Aussie, Herbal Essences, Dove, Clairol, Cover Girl etc. So everyone took box loads home. I figure I have well over $1000 in makeup. Example: 4 bottles of Giorgio Armani foundation sell for $91 each on Amazon. I decided to give these away to friends. KA took a bunch of hair products when she was over on Tues. Her bestie LD came over on WED for an hour and grabbed a bunch. She's only the second person I've had over since the pandemic started. I disinfected the counter and door handles after she left. I naturally thought of DC who is a girly girl and she stopped by on her way home last night and took things. It was good to see her as I hadn't since my X-mas party. I took our pic, shared some wine and had some kisses. I know I know.  It's not to be, Just a moment shared from a 'what if' universe. Sunday other friends are coming over but I moved all the supplies to a table in the garage. Don't want them inside.

I chatted with BF last night as we both saw a picture of XW and OM. She'd living with her boyfriend an additional hour away in IL. She thinks our exes couldn't be happy together. OM has no contact with their two kids. BF agrees my XW loves OMs money and he does her by default, being whipped into her life. I know, as I was there. Whatev. I'm years past caring.

KA is coming over this weekend and we're doing a heritage drive this weekend around NE Indiana taking in 18 quilt gardens. Large images made with flowers.

I hope all fo you continue to be safe, happy and healthy. Live your life to the fullest. We don't get back time.
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« Last Edit: July 31, 2020, 05:51:11 AM by STP »
M56 XW55
S30, S27, S23, S21
BDs 11-09 & 4-16
D 10-16

You are responsible for your own happiness!

N

Nas

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•• Calm the crazy; Life after divorce
#9: July 31, 2020, 07:17:04 AM
STP, there's a charity called iGoPink that creates bags full of beauty products for breast cancer patients.  If you or your company still have any products left, it would be great if you could donate to this organization.
I know when I felt very down and unattractive during the hardest part of chemo, receiving a bag full of products was a nice feeling.
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