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Author Topic: My Story  Beauty into Beast 18

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My Story Beauty into Beast 18
#10: June 11, 2020, 07:38:06 AM
I'm sorry, Morte. No magic wisdom from here but an acknowledgement that it is a strange situation to be in. If it helps, I give you full permission to feel whatever you feel and make your own rules up as you go lol.

Even as an outsider, I found myself thinking 'oh he's just looking for a bit of support by telling you before he actually knows anything, a bit of poor old me looking for good old Morte, gah....let him talk to Miss Magic Skittles grrrr' which is not at all how I would react to that kind of information from someone else. Hypervigilant cynicism is useful with these disordered folks but also a bi$ch isn't it? I hope it turns out to be nothing big and bad, but let us know and support you if you need it xxx
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H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Beauty into Beast 18
#11: June 11, 2020, 09:41:33 AM
Morte you get to feel however you feel. There are no rules for that. I hope and pray it is not the "C", although I can tell you from personal experience that it is not a death sentence in most cases.

As an observation from the cheap seats, Beast chose to tell you this information. Maybe for sympathy sure. But also maybe b/c he knows you are the one person he can trust with such information. I believe those feelings and that knowledge runs deep, no matter how crazy they are.
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OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

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Beauty into Beast 18
#12: June 11, 2020, 11:04:03 AM
But also maybe b/c he knows you are the one person he can trust with such information. I believe those feelings and that knowledge runs deep, no matter how crazy they are.

That is so true...

Hoping for the best.
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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

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Beauty into Beast 18
#13: June 11, 2020, 11:22:09 AM
I'm sure that what Kit says is true too....I'm more cynical about the benefit of it for an LBS though now lol.
These foolish broken folks must know somewhere in them that they discarded a big deep real kind of love....so big that it takes many of us LBS years to put it away in a box  ::)....it would be surprising if they didn't have moments or tough times when a bit of them misses the familiarity and strength of that. Just as we do probably.  ::)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Re: Beauty into Beast 18
#14: June 11, 2020, 11:52:25 AM
Ah - the MLCer's life runs into a snag and he runs back to Mommy (Morte) who can kiss his boo boos and make it all better.

Word of caution - the times when I have noticed these MLCers returning is when they have failed at everything in life.  He is well on his way - and of course Cancer/illness is the biggest sympathy card in the deck.

Please consider carefully how much effort (if any) you want to put into his situation.

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Re: Beauty into Beast 18
#15: June 11, 2020, 12:50:31 PM
Oh, Morte, I'm really sorry about this news. I hope it turns out to be nothing, but if it's not, I also think you may feel about it the way you want. I mean, even if you had moved on with a new partner by now, you are still allowed to care for your partner of many years and the father of your children.

And I also think that he turned to you when he had a big problem, because you are still the one he can count on. Of course, he may also be seeking a nurse/therapist/mummy/shoulder to lean on/and lots more, but in the middle of all that, I believe is a window where he knows you are real.

There are examples on the forum of MLCers who did get very sick, came back crying to the LBS, got nursed back to health, and the minute they were healthy again, ran back to an OW. He is still in Replay and still behaving like a child. However, it doesn't mean you can't have your feelings of sadness and fear about what he might be facing. Hugs xxx
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Beauty into Beast 18
#16: June 13, 2020, 06:59:57 AM
I also think you may feel about it the way you want. I mean, even if you had moved on with a new partner by now, you are still allowed to care for your partner of many years and the father of your children.

I'm with Milly here.  You get to feel about this however you want, it would also be up to you to support your children through this, so maybe the heads up he has given you will give you chance to prepare in case the worst  was to happen.  That said I really hope that they don't find anything sinister and its something that is easily cleared up. 

Take care
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Beauty into Beast 18
#17: June 13, 2020, 02:10:01 PM
I'm sorry this affects you in such a detrimental way. It's difficult to navigate under the best of circumstances, and these are not those.

I am going to mention that he might have mentioned this to you so that he has reason to pay you less and expects you will understand. Mine lied, for random reasons and no reason at all. But the biggest reason he would lie? To get some kind of personal profit from it (image management, sympathy, money, whatever).

Beast may or may not be lying. His Dr may not have said cancer, but maybe Beast is scared and/or convinced of it and has convinced himself any tests mean this. Or he may be maneuvering you into a "I don't have money to give you because I have this possibility hanging over my head" situation. Only you know him and the situation. For me, if my mlcer said he was dying, I wouldn't believe it until I'd seen original test results, not imaged. Because that is my experience.

And by the same token, my mlcer once came and told me about how his friends father had died, then wondered out loud why he was telling me that. (To which I replied "Because I'm the one you told those things to for 23 years. Why wouldn't you tell me?").  It meant nothing.

I wish you luck navigating this. He's still your children's father, and that alone makes it a tough wall to walk.
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« Last Edit: June 13, 2020, 02:11:28 PM by OffRoad »
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Beauty into Beast 18
#18: June 14, 2020, 02:00:53 PM
I agree. He may not be your partner right now or indeed ever again but he is the father of your child and the C is a serious matter. Your aloud to feel however you see fit Morte, at the end of the day if that was a dad at school, or your friends husband you would still feel something. Your human after all and not a robot.
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BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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Re: Beauty into Beast 18
#19: June 14, 2020, 07:38:25 PM
Or Beast may be seeing you sailing away and he wants to keep you just where he left you.  The best way to do that?  Blow a big ole hole in your final classes by causing you to focus on him rather than school and your future.  Or if schools over, dampen you happiness with his woes by turning your focus back on him.

Or Beast may have decided life is pretty hard out in the real world and he's considering coming home or hoping you will be his Mommy and take care of him whether or not he's still living with Skittles.  Perhaps even forgive some financial support.  Or the moon was full and his underwear was too tight for him to communicate clearly.  Or it could be true. Or whatever.

But the whys aren't relevant.  What is relevant is how it impacts you and your kids, and how you handle it.  Just like when you landed here.

I don't think there is any one way you're supposed to feel.  And I certainly don't think you have to feel any pressure to help him if it is Cancer.  Skittles can always do that since he fired you from that job and chose her.  If that's a problem, maybe he should have chosen more wisely?  He still has the responsibility and moral obligation to provide for his children.  Compassion only goes so far and gets laid on with a trowel around here sometimes.  Polite, yes, Martyr, no.  It's his issue.  Yes Cancer can be quite a serious matter but the welfare of you and your children is as well.  And he's already not exactly doing a stellar job of meeting those adult responsibilities. 

Over the years I've noted that these people tend to lean on those they perceive as strong.  For a time, while they need them.  And Poof.  I don't think one should necessarily assume that is because they care, but because that suits their needs which is what's most important to a MLCer usually.  A disease doesn't awaken them necessarily and magically change them back into a good husband or person or even help them respect you.  Afterall, there is no love if there is no respect.

And they love drama, can sense it like a dog senses fear.  His remarks seemed full of drama and quite light on facts as reported.  I'd agree with the comment that said I'd need proof before I'd believe because the saying goes if the MLCers lips are moving, he's probably lying, at least to some extent, so he gets what he wants.n

Think very carefully before getting drawn in to whatever happens.  It's a hell all its own taking care of a sick man if that's the case.  You're a young woman with the whole world opening for you.  You only get one chance to be where you are now.  You've worked too hard and come to far to carry a grown man on your back like a papoose, sick or not, but then that's just my opinion and I may be just cranky and tired. 

I do hope he is well for your kids sake and hope I'm just being cynical.

Lp

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