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Author Topic: My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 9: You spin me round (like a record)

F
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Standing, or even if she moved to part time it might really help.  Especially if it were more of a “hobby” job that she enjoyed.  It would give her purpose, but not be overwhelming. 

Without kids (even with kids), staying home without an outlet might not help the depression, but exasperate it.  Just a thought.
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-39
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.

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Standing, or even if she moved to part time it might really help.  Especially if it were more of a “hobby” job that she enjoyed.  It would give her purpose, but not be overwhelming. 

Without kids (even with kids), staying home without an outlet might not help the depression, but exasperate it.  Just a thought.

I agree with FJ....When you are on the other side (working hard), the grass on the other side (of being full time housewife/dad) seems greener than it might be in real life.

No doubt this is one of the "big mistakes" STBXW  made (and I was his partner in crime).... You know the drill.  Let her make the decisions about her life, and just cheer when she makes it good, and be there and listen when she fails.

Alvin.
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Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."... D filed May 2020
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
*** There are things you control and things you can't control, but what you can control is your attitude towards things you can't control. ***
*** You're not going to master the rest of your life in one day. So relax. Master the present day. Then just keep doing that every day. ***
*** Without trust fear is the only possibility. Place your trust in your own wings. ***

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That's a REALLY good idea FJ  :D
Like that idea a lot. Will keep that in the back pocket to suggest at some time (if that time ever comes).

Yeah Alvin, not interjecting in her life. Just supporting and being patient (and listening).

Seems to be on the downhill slope still, just clawing on a ledge at the moment. Poor thing.
I could totally see her getting to the point of not caring at all and just letting all that go. Wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, maybe even something that needs to happen to break her addiction to work running her life.

-SS
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W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

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The running and mania behavior is in full swing.......

Journaling:

I didn't think I'd have anything to add for a week or so (that seems to be the schedule currently), but no....... our MLC'ers are on their own schedule  ;)

Today I get a text: "I send you five messages in messenger and some pictures.... what you you think?".
I open up the app and sure enough there's 5 in there..... Hmmmmm.... are they old? Nope, she waited a whole 7 min for me to respond and then begun texting to get my attention.  ::)

She's found a house she wants to possibly buy in the other country.  ???
It's giant, and is themed like a castle.  :o
Yes, complete with high walls, turrets, a guard house, swimming pool, and a central tower. Are you kidding me?
Yeah we could afford it (I couldn't believe the price: Low)...... but what are we going to do with that?
She's convinced she can sell her stuff to get it, and then she'd buy it (her, not us).
She hasn't even seen the inside yet........ fantasy and escape.

[sigh]

The madness continues. Glad I'm as detached as I am.

One day at a time,

-SS
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W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

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Oh Standing, yup mania at it's finest.  I'm sorry.  They do cycle a lot, may just be a whim of hers today.  It may be something else tomorrow.

I guess just try to ignore it or downplay it...maybe say...yes, it's nice but what would we do with a big house like that?  Are "you" thinking of buying it?

What would that mean for your job Standing?
Can she really afford it on her own? 
Without knowing the particulars, maybe no more money should be sent to her until she comes home.

Oh boy...these MLCer's, huh?   ::)  A cra cra bunch.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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She wants to buy a house that looks like castle in a foreign country :o :o :o???

Okey, just when I thought stories cannot get any weirder, they do  ;D

Has she even thought the bureacracy involved in it?  Say something like tax-implications (the house can be cheap, but tax might not - especially if she doesn't have local/dual citicenship)... these things are way more complicated than "I saw something pretty and it's cheap and I'm gonna buy it now").

Alvin.
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Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."... D filed May 2020
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

*** Every person on the planet is like you - a human being, most likely doing the best they can. Some are just more in control of themself than others ***
*** There are things you control and things you can't control, but what you can control is your attitude towards things you can't control. ***
*** You're not going to master the rest of your life in one day. So relax. Master the present day. Then just keep doing that every day. ***
*** Without trust fear is the only possibility. Place your trust in your own wings. ***

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She wants to buy a house that looks like castle in a foreign country :o :o :o???

Okey, just when I thought stories cannot get any weirder, they do  ;D

Has she even thought the bureacracy involved in it?  Say something like tax-implications (the house can be cheap, but tax might not - especially if she doesn't have local/dual citicenship)... these things are way more complicated than "I saw something pretty and it's cheap and I'm gonna buy it now").

Alvin.

Alvin, why are you bringing so much logic to her idea?  ::)

Ah, I wanna have a vacation in La La Land!  ;D
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Me (W) 43 - W 41
BD - Jan 17, 2020


OW status unknown, don't care, not relevant.

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She wants to buy a house that looks like castle in a foreign country :o :o :o???

LOL Standing you just can't make up this stuff if you tried.   :o
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

F
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How are you coping Standing?  Anxiety or taking it in stride.  She seems to be going further into the tunnel.
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-39
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.

m
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SS: yup its real, you have to believe it.

Thunder: my wife bought a 90 year old farmhouse that has not been occupied in around 30, no roof, no electricity, no indoor plumbing, and no road to it. In a foreign country. And she can’t receive any packages.

Yup not surprised.
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