[AlvinTheMaker]

Journaling.... a quick update...

So far all's well in this new home of mine.

All the moving boxes....empty. Hooray😀 Still some stuff floating around looking for permanent position, but there's definitely order in chaos.

Work....well, it's been more chaotic. The person who was supposed to mentor me for the initial week or two had their baby born few weeks early. So off to deep end of the pool I had to jump all alone. Two of my closest co-workers are really nice and knowledgeable folks, getting to know them better each day. My boss....I guess you could say she's the usual boss, with ups and downs.

STBXW...Apart of some mail and kids related issues we have zero contact. It's all very official. And it's good this way. She's no longer renting my head space.

Kids...all okey except of S6 having a runny nose (no covid). I've been keeping daily contact with them all.

Paperwork....dragging. And it's not about the STBXW or me, it's the system. Sigh.

This gal ...there's definitely chemistry between us. And mutual pursuing (without this experience I likely would not had realized it, but now it's sticking out like a beacon)   She's making me laugh and smile  (and vice versa), and it feels great. Where this all ends up, too soon to tell. But this is a nice stage.

Standing or not... Let's say I'm letting life take me where it is taking.

Alvin.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Glad you stopped by and gave us an update. Moving is an experience all of it own. It's hard to believe that I have been in this home now for almost  two and a half years. Time does fly.

Kids...all okey except of S6 having a runny nose (no covid). I've been keeping daily contact with them all.

Glad to hear they are doing well.

She's making me laugh and smile  (and vice versa), and it feels great. Where this all ends up, too soon to tell. But this is a nice stage.

Yes, it is nice that someone sees you and responds to you in a positive manner. It's like being sick for a long time and suddenly realizing you feel well and this is what feeling well is all about.

Enjoy your weekend, keep focused on you and your family.

(((((Ready)))))

[AlvinTheMaker]

Oh boy, another week has vanished into thin air..

Life... Lots of fun. Enjoying the me time, cooking, photographing, decorating,...

Work... Busy. Challenging. But fun...

STBXW... Down with flue. Of course I feel a bit of worry how she manages kids and herself, but she'll make it. Actions have consequences and this is one.

Kids.... Over the flue and back to normal regime 😄

This gal.... We're going on cosplay date tomorrow night...The word boyfriend was brought up by her. And that this could be bit more serious than casual friendship.And I agreed... still taking it slowly. Enjoying this moment

Alvin.

[Thunder]

It's good to hear you are enjoying life, Alvin.

I'm not sure what a cosplay date is.  Is that with your kids?  Does she have kids?

You sound like you have gotten over your wife pretty fast, Alvin.  I have to say that worries me just a bit.

You loved her so much and I know a certain amount of grieving is normal.
Well maybe just take things slow.  I hope this woman likes your kids and can share your love for them, especially your young 6 year old who is a big part of your life.

Otherwise carry on...   

[AlvinTheMaker]

Hi thunder,

Cosplay - basically costume play. A kind of masquerade  It could involve kids (as some are family events) or not (as some are not). I think good ole Thunder might enjoy being in one.

Grief... I did a lot of my work last winter. I've had plenty of time to work through this.

Does she have kids....yes, three kids, all of them on close/identical age range as S6 (and split parenting). And both of us are putting the kids on priority (not just words, but actions. I have put her on hold because of kids, and vice versa. So she has got priorities right on this stage).

And yes.Im taking it slow... As I know this is just the early stages of crush, and neither does not genuinely know each other well enough, and will not in long time (kids and work slowing down).. But the potential is there.  Chemistry, personal traits, thinking....so far all of them are thumbs up.

And I know hard topics will come up too (we have touched a bit of our pasts).

But ummmm.... This can swing anyway. But right now this is good. And taking it slow is even better.

Alvin

[Thunder]

Ok, all sounds good Alvin.

Enjoy your party!   

[AlvinTheMaker]

Howdy all,

though I'd do bit of update as it's been a while. All is well and okey.  Just been busy with life, work, dating, and now starting out a new relationship

Life... still working out things large and small.  And enjoying and embracing all of it.  Possibly one of the biggest benefits of going through MCL is that I can see what are things I can influence and what I cannot, and unlike many others I'm not running around like headless chicken when things go unplanned. It is all about choices you do for you and finding the right balance, and it is not the end of world to fail and try again at times.  Maybe it would be good to say  that though busy I'm enjoying inner serenity.

Financially speaking I'm all clear, possibly even wealthy. I've been putting some of the unexpected wealth back to kids and plan to keep on doing so.  I haven't forgotten myself neither - I did buy a massively big smart tv, new sofa's, some clothes etc.  So I've been a real sinner with money, LOL.   Possibly the thing that has surprised me most is that even with all the money rebuilding home is such a slow process. The further I go building my home and life, the better I understand how many small things there are that I lost and that need addressing.  No doubt it will take a year or two before life will be back to "completely normal".

I've been in occasional contact with XW. Zero relationship talks, just business about parenting etc.  She's definitely trying to be a good parent and is finding her own way out of it all.   Not so surprisingly, I still occasionally think of her, but I also accept realities of life.  Its all very similar to what you'd feel a year or two after somebody important passed away. Being grateful of of what was and all the good memories, but moving on. I wish her nothing but good.

Kids are doing all okey.  They have adopted the concept and reality of two homes really well.  And life is moving steadily for them now.   I'm still keeping up with daily contact as I feel it is important for them as well as for me.  Otherwise we are keeping up with parenting plan (though very likely COVID restrictions will influence Christmas plans).

Dating...   well, let's say it's been a process.  Good dates, bad dates, anything in between of it....  The upside is that good guys seem to have somewhat unlimited supply of dates if your head (and body) is even somewhat okey.  And it is also downside, the supply can be so overwhelming (especially those seeking nothing but casual sex). Don't ask how many dates I had as I ultimately stopped keeping track and went with the flow... But going out, seeing other people en masse taught me a number of things of myself. Of that I am good enough the way I am.  Of that my own fears (of inadequacy) were the biggest thing that kept me from approaching people who likely are best match with me.  Of that it is okey to decline and say that some person is not a good fit or does not feel right.  Of that seeing others through grace goes a long way.

For past month I've been dating exclusively ms.H.  And it is serious... She's warmhearded, fun, smart, tall drop-dead-corgeous blonde (just the type XW told I should marry, LOL) who shares a lot of values and common interests with me. She too has been through a lot, and walked through all of it, growing and healing. So we get, love and support each other in a way that feels "right"...     Though it's still "early" I'm very positive that I have found the future mrs. Alvin    (you just know when you know, and I know msH shares the same feeling)

As uncanny as it is....   I feel grateful of entiere MLC experience, despite going through some really bad times.  It made the person who I am now.

 I hope this gives hopes to all newbies and old timers out there.

Alvin.

P.S.  I really should catch up with Standing, Joy, Courage, Benson, mego and few others to see how you're all doing.   

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

We are all doing fine. Some ups and downs as usual. Glad to hear that you are doing well. It will be a process for both of you. I am glad the financials are not straining you. My first year was a struggle but now I am in a much better place.

You will find the dating scene interesting and I am glad you seem to have found someone special. Just take your time and go slow. No need to rush and take the time to heal. You are building a different life and sometimes in the rush to complete the job, you may overlook important things.

Enjoy your day and keep moving forward,

(((((Ready))))))

[PJ Ames]

Good to hear from you Alvin. Glad the financials have worked out well. Like Ready, I struggled at first. But I'm now in a better place than I've ever been. Hard to believe.

I've had similar observations of the dating scene. Unfortunately, I think good men are in short supply. A man who is self-aware, a good Dad, and who generally has his act together is pretty rare. Sorry ladies. After what you've been through, it has to feel pretty validating to be in demand.When a kind, beautiful and intelligent woman likes you, it really makes you feel good about yourself, doesn't it?

I'll agree with Ready about going slow. I didn't and I regret it now.  I had a four-month relationship with a very lovely professor not long after my divorce was final. I thought I was much further along in my healing than I actually was and I totally bungled it. I feel bad about it now.

But beyond moving slow, I would encourage you to move reflectively. Take the time at each stage of the relationship to reflect on yourself, what you've learned, the relationship and where you are in the healing process. Not trying to take the fun out of your new relationship, just hoping you avoid the mistakes I made! Congrats on finding Ms. H. I'm in a similar situation and I'm really happy for you.

To life!

[AlvinTheMaker]

Thanks Ready and PJ.

Importance of taking it slow is something both of us acknowledge.  As is importance of reflecting.  We share and talk a lot of what is happening in our lifes, as well as within us.  It is kind of hard to explain the difference as  it is oh so familiar but yet oh so different on nyances on what I've experienced before.  There is a sense of deep respect, gratefulness and understanding that maybe never was there before.  I do understand that I am a different man because of what happened, and she acknowledges she is different woman what has happened in her life.  And we honor the lessons learned.  Not out of fear but out of respect and love towards ourself and each other. 

Today ms.H was helping me wrap gifts for the kids ,and it felt so right to look at her and think of her becoming part of my family and future xmas'es.  One small step at a time, enjoying of what is and embracing the joint adventure...

Alvin.