[OffRoad]

I am sorry to hear about your father, Alvin. It's hard enough as parents go downhill, but then being unable to visit and/or say goodbye must be extremely difficult. I wish him peace.

RE: Alimony. Do you have something in place that says you need to tell her that you are making more or less money? If not, why would she know, why would she try to renegotiate? Maybe your culture is different, but where I come from,  we don't give specifics of how much money we earn unless it is required for some reason. I had no idea how much my father earned until after my mother died and I was going through paperwork.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Thanks Offroad

Maybe your culture is different, but where I come from,  we don't give specifics of how much money we earn unless it is required for some reason.

No need to share income on this side of big pond  neither, but basically life changes (like job changes, health issues, getting married etc anything that affects persons income in some way) is valid reason to ask official review for the alimony and parenting deal.

The only requirements for review to pass are  1) that it has to be long term change (so I think I'll be well covered at least for the 6month probation period),  and 2) the alimony sum given by 'official calculator' should change by 15% (and they are looking only at calculator sum based on financial data they get from IRS, not what kind of alimony has been paid/agreed in RL).

Theoretically it should always protect the financial wellbeing of kids in case one parents life goes up or down. But in RL the system has got more loopholes than swiss cheese as some people do and try to gamble the system😖

Alvin

[PJ Ames]

Catching up Alvin. You sound like you're living your life, doing grown-up things, and generally being a healthy human. Congrats on making it to the place where you are. Also congrats and good luck with the new job.

So sorry to hear about your father. That's a really tough thing to go through. Take care of yourself through this.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Thought I would do a bit if update.... All in all life's good with the usual ups and downs

My new job ... I have recently noticed that when on my way to work and off work, I often times whistle, sing or take few dance steps. Though the days are long and occasionally challenging, I'm really enjoying it.

My father...  For better or worse, no change. All in all I am prepared he will not make past this winter... My brother seems to have adjusted for the same as well.

Ms H.... Suffering from random bouts of stress.  About family, friends, work... Going through XWs MLC was a valuable lesson not to get sucked in with other people's drama. So I listen to ms.H, support and help out when asked,  but otherwise stay out if it. In the end how she deals issues with her sister etc is her thing, and complex enough without me giving any advice/opinions.

Kids.... Doing well.... Except for S7 who broke his phone earlier this week. He was heartbroken.

XW... A funny story.... I ended up fixing her new phone 🤣 But she did not ask for it, but the request came through G16.I guess it says pretty much everything necessary about level of communication she wants to have with me 😅. But maybe some day we could talk like two adults who once knew each other

Alvin.

[Standing Strong]

Alvin!!!

Good to see ya!!

Interesting how LBS prepares you for a healthy R. 
Glad you're doing so well.

-SS

[5hilmerton]

Hello Alvin,
today I was just looking for your silver lining post to share with an LBS.  Glad things are going well with normal life events.

Take care,
5hil

[FaithWalker]

Great update Alvin.

I think it's UM that says something like "one does not travel to hell and back without picking up transferable skills"

[PJ Ames]

Alvin! Thanks for the update. Normal life is a beautiful thing isn't it?

[AlvinTheMaker]

Time for quick update....

It seems my fathers final days are here.  He has stopped eating and drinking, and is travelling somewhere between consiousness and unconsciousnes with my brother and my godfather visiting by his side daily.... What surprises me is that I am very much in peace with it all.  Possibly the only thing that bothers me a bit is that I am not feeling sorrow; I think sorrow too will come someday.   I am just happy my father lived such a good and long life, and was able to be great grandparent for my kids. I will miss talking to him, but he will always be on my heart for a quick talk like my mother.

What worries me bit is that my brother seems unstable and not-so-ready for my fathers passing.  The lessons from making through XW's MLC are once again proving valuable - I know I cannot fix him, but I can give some  guidance and some support (not too much to get dragged in),  the rest will be all up to him.

Kids... I have talked with them few times in past week about upcoming death and funeral.   They seem to be all in peace with it as well. Some were expecting it, for others it was a surprise.  But they seem to understand that life is fragile at old age, and even so life goes on when people pass away.

G19 (now 21) is doing her intership.  She loves the job, but I feel it is placing some kind of toll on mental side as she has started taking afterwork drinks. As she is all grown up I'm not giving her a lecture, but have told her that winde doesn't solve mental pressure or issues.  XW had told the same advice, so at least not all parts of her are fully messed up, LOL.

G18 (now 20) is once again struggling with depression/anxiety.  The good news is that this time she recognized it before the ball started rolling, and is seeing mental health professionals regularly.  She is opening up more and more about the issues and whats going on in her life to me, so that is clearly a positive thing.

Rest of kids... All good, except just got word that COVID has started to spread on G12's (now 14) school.   Time will tell how that goes.

Ms.H.... All's good.   I think I am now internally done of acknowledging her as the new biggest love of my life. It is funny how it is "when you know you know". I knew when I saw her that "she is something", and it is now the same with "she is gonna be biggest love".  Feelings come and go, but I think the purpose of good life is to nourish the feelings you want to shelter, improve and grow.  That is the path I am at.

XW.... The little I do know is coming from the kids. Some of it sounds like the XW I knew, some of it is just so bizarre that I do know she is not fully okey.... But as it doesn't influence the kids in any way, I am more than okey with her living the life the way she wants to, and wish her well on her journey.... XW did express her regrets for my fathers sitch, so it was a nice unexpected bit of news.

As for me....    Life's good. I am happy.  That's pretty much all.

Alvin.

[Standing Strong]

I'm sorry to hear about your father Alvin, and that your brother is having such a hard time with it.

Life has a way of always keeping things new and moving doesn't it?

Glad to hear Ms. H is doing well (as well) 

-SS