[PJ Ames]

Thanks for the update Alvin. I'm glad you're doing so well. Teenagers are challenging to say the least. I have no advice other than just to be there for your kids when they need you.

13 months can come at you pretty quick! Enjoy your time before then and do as much recovering as possible!

[AlvinTheMaker]

Time for some journaling....   lots of unexpected twists and turns  past week. 

At work...half of the staff working in my team was laid off. It was hard, especially as there were no direct signs of the layoffs coming . Even though I was one of the "fortunate ones" to keep my job, I have already started looking for alternatives out there (just in case).

With kids.... G17 moved to a flat of her own.  Just like that...    I knew it was coming, but not the precise timeline....   Well, at least it made me and XW exchange some messages of how the communication for co-parenting should work, and what she is expected to message me (instead of hearing it from kids).   The funny part of it all....  she was honestly thinking that kids would/should act as messengers and tell me everything in their life.   I just said that it does not work like that, and that all of it was in the co-parenting agreement she signed.  No apology, just acknowledgement that she tries to change her behaviour in future. Time will tell how that goes.

Yesterday was the prom of G17, and my oldest gal sent me plenty of photos and videos from the event.   There were also some shots of G17 with XW together....  My god XW has aged.  I did share the prom images to ms.H as well, and she was shocked by how different from past images she looks.  Her hair has much more gray, her skin seems aged and spotty, her fingers were much thicker than I remembered, and the BD "sporty-version" of her is gone and she seems to have gained some weight all over ... she looks some 15-20 years older than she actually is.  No doubt her body is going through something massive.... Whether or not the change in appearance is related to MLC is hard to say.

Alvin



 

[Standing Strong]

Hey Alvin 

Lots going on in your life, I'm so glad you avoided the axe!! I'm seeing a lot of that lately. Lots of companies doing rather large mass firings.
Rough times ahead I think.

So Ex-W is doing the MLC aging thing? I'm sorry to hear that. Not surprising, but it has to be difficult to see.

The kids are turning into not kids.... HA!!! Funny how that works. Has to be a proud moment with a touch of worry. 

Glad you are doing so well. 

-SS

[AlvinTheMaker]

So Ex-W is doing the MLC aging thing? I'm sorry to hear that. Not surprising, but it has to be difficult to see.

Indeed, it is very eerie and confusing.... Your head is telling they are the person in your memories, and the eyes are Asking "do I know her?".... A lot like looking at my father in his final years. It is very much like a ghost in a shell.

Alvin

[MadLuv]

Crazy how they are off to a better life, but all appearances seem the opposite. Mine also aged 20 years!

[AlvinTheMaker]

Hi all,

Just to share a quick shout for reality tv-series titled 'Welcome to Plathville' airing on TLC. It seems they turned the title as 'Welcome to MLCville' for season 4 (airing now).... Here's a short clip what's it alike: https://youtu.be/kNFOixIwKpg

Even after this many years watching mlc-ish events happening to somebody else's family... it still raises faint/distant echoes of my own experiences within.... It is not a bad thing, just makes my heart cry for the poor man and kids trying to make some sense on what the green tastes like. 

What else can I say that it's definitely "interesting" watch.

Alvin

[Tsun]

My son's sitter recommended this show to me and I started watching season 4, and instantly thought MLC!! Very sad to watch..

[Benson]

Agree it is sad when you have lived through it. Great to see you are still posting Alvin and hello to you TSUN. I have corresponding lots over the last couple of years with Alvin and take much wisdom from his thoughtful and detailed posts.

I havent had the stamina to keep posting Alvin but I love that you have . Sharing the journey into detail is very helpful for so many of us and I hope is cathartic for you my friend.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Good to see you too Benson. And good to hear that you still enjoy following my story.... I wish that my writings from past year and half give  hope for others walking the LBS path.  When you are in middle of hurricane, survival is the only reasonable thing to think about. But after the storm, life goes on and good things start to happen as well. It is a slow road, but eventually it will happen.

Alvin

[AlvinTheMaker]

So once again I have spent a summer with my kids. It was definitely different since G14 (soon turning 18) has moved to her own flat and was working all summer. But I did have a good summer with my family, and ms.H also greatly enjoyed us all spending time together. This is definitely a new family unit in the making... For the first time since Covid we went out on the holiday doing amusement parks, zoos etc public places. And of course one of us got hit by Covid for the second time, sigh... S5 (now 9) made plenty of new friends, whereas G12 (now 16) mostly isolated to her room with mobile (teenager stuff).

Despite spending money like 'a-grade disney parent', I have also lived frugally. Thus I now have a healthy financial buffer that should keep me safe for 12-24 months in case of emergency. From here onwards it's all about saving for the weddings 😃 Sadly the future of my job (and entire company) has remained unstable,  so I have continued browsing at job listings and applying on some open key positions (wish me luck).

It's been long since I shared anything about my  MLCr, but finally I got some news. It seems XW is finally beginning to get that actions have consequences, and at times they are not nice.

XW asked for second year in row if S5 could join her grandparents for holiday trip during my summer vacation. I just politely refused saying I had already made plans for us.... It really irks me how her grandparents do not respect the limited days/ time I have with my kids. They are retired, so they could choose any of those 230 days kids are with XW. I may go to hell by saying this aloud, but IMHO they lost their right to ask  anything from me  the moment they chose to support MLCr crazytrain.

Another round of communication happened month later when XW messaged and asked when the kids are coming to see her. Then she complained that it has been so long since they were there (bah, humbug... it was just 2 weeks, and her next scheduled turn was another 2  weeks away)... I understand that most likely she too misses the kids when they are gone. But I could not help firing a truth dart by mentioning that during school season I occasionally have to wait up to 6 weeks (instead of usual once a month) to see them live...but I asked kids to call their mom more often (she still does not call them, funny how that goes).

Some stuff kids have told me....

XW has become a cat-owner too LOL... For all the years we were together, we had a policy of "no pets" because I do not like dogs but prefer cats, and she and kids wanted a dog but not a cat.  And now she has one, LOL ... So bizarre.

I also heard stories I did not want to hear  of... XW is still driving over the speed limit like world class rally champ, sigh. I am not sure if kids are truly as thrilled about it as they seem, or if they are just masking some worry behind their adoration as well. Anyway, I just told them I hope they understand that following speed limits is important for everyone's safety and their mom should drive accordingly.

Another tidbit I did not fancy was that the garden and farm yard are now officially taken over by the weed knee deep. Kids have made XW to buy a line cutter so that it would become usable on some level (tall grass is good hiding place for not just ticks but also vipers etc.wild life, so it is safety question as well). And if XW does nothing, then kids will.... This made me really sad, because I did spent so much time on making it all usable and safe for the family. Oh well, it's XWs turn now to sweat for it now.

Last but not least..... I am bit worried how XW (and kids) will survive financially over the next winter. Food price is up, gasoline price is up, energy price is up. And expected to rise even further... If this winter may become bit rough for me and ms.H, then it will be pure murder for XW. I know her housing costs way too well (I paid all the bills throughout our marriage), and most likely she needs additional 10k to cover increased living expenses.... I have shared my concern with ms.H, and we have come to conclusion that if XW comes asking for money, then we will  suggest flipping parenting turns. I hope we never get there, but we are prepared if $h!te hits the fan.

But that's all for now....

Alvin.