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Author Topic: My Story 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2

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My Story 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
OP: July 20, 2020, 02:38:12 AM
Previous thread - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11330.msg767793#msg767793

I hope I did that right as I’m on my phone and not that savvy with this kinda thing.

I feel like it was perfect timing to start a new thread.
So on Friday I decided to take the children away for a weekend. I decided this just as I was picking D6 up from school. I just thought firetruck it. I had been debating it but kept talking myself out of it “oh but what if D3 kicks off on the journey” “what if what if what if” but then I just thought no, fire truck it. I booked the train walking back from school and booked the hotel on the train.

We arrived on Friday and went straight to the hotel. Had a quick freshen up etc and then decided to have chips on the beach. I mean, you can’t really go to the seaside and not have chips can you? Well, this was certainly a memory that will stay with (scar) the kids for the rest of their life. We found this chippy that did cute little buckets of chips, so I ordered them and envisioned this cute little photo I could get of them on the beach eating it. The chippy cost me £21!! And as we started walking with it towards the beach, seagulls appeared. Before we could get to the beach we were swarmed with easily 50+ sea gulls who LITERALLY came right above us and stole the chip buckets from the kids. The kids were in floods of tears. D8 got bit/pecked by a seagull on the hand. A man who was also on the beach had to help retrieve the buckets (minus the chips) for us. The kids have since refused to eat chips from the chippy since.

I mean it was a ordeal for them but I kinda also wish someone videoed it.

The next day we went to the arcades and I lost my bank card. And to make it worse, there were no branches of my bank around. So I was completely stuck. Luckily my phone “auto fills” my card details so I could order tickets etc online. Annoyingly the children had been desperate to stay a extra night. So when we were checking out, I ordered a extra night (at £160) and then within a hour or two lost my bank card. Yipee. We then went to Madame Tussades and the kids really were in their element especially D6 who is a massive Britney fan and they have a wax work of Britney. Luckily, clington phoned and D8 explainer about the bank card and he reminded me that MIL lives 15 minutes away so to speak to her as she could drop off cash, which is what she did. I put money in Clingtons bank (as I don’t have her details). He put it in hers. And she gave me the cash. Which was handy if I’m honest. We had a hotel right on the sea front so after MIL came and dropped the cash off. We had a bit of a chat etc. Me and the girls went and got some snacks and sat on the benches by the beach. We saved some snacks for the hotel. We then went back. Had baths etc and then all snuggled in bed and watched Mama Mia (well some of it as it already started). Luckily the hotel we stayed at had one massive huge bed - it fitted all of us in comfortably and two single beds. So it was nice we had the huge bed to be all together. Because I hadn’t cancelled my bank card I could auto fill it and booked us tickets for the pleasure beach, I also ordered us the unlimited refill cups just incase I ran out of cash. It was quite expensive I won’t lie BUT honestly we had the best time ever and defo got our money worth as we were there all day. D8 in particular is a very appreciative child. And when I told her we were going to the theme park began crying saying “I’m just so happy to go”.

Honestly it wasn’t half as stressful as I thought it would be travelling with three kids on my own. And we had the best day. Was just a bit crap that we could have gone abroad for the price I paid for our weekend in Blackpool. However it’s made me even more determined to sort passports and be able to do this abroad soon!

The night before we went Blackpool my cat had kept me awake all night and I was so paranoid I would come back to her having had kittens. Luckily, this didn’t happen! So I am very happy about that.

All in all, it was a roaring success and I’m so proud of myself that I was able to do it all by myself.
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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#1: July 20, 2020, 09:55:43 AM
With you my lovely xx
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Me 52
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Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#2: July 20, 2020, 09:56:18 AM
Sounds like a fabulous weekend xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#3: July 20, 2020, 04:33:44 PM
Good job on the solo trip with the girls.  Making memories!
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#4: July 20, 2020, 04:39:37 PM
Attaching xx
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#5: July 20, 2020, 06:59:50 PM
Attaching. Sounds like a very memorable trip!
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
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My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#6: July 26, 2020, 11:55:50 AM
Thanks for attaching/staying with me guys!

Mal - I must admit it may only have been a small trip to Blackpool but it was 2 hours travelling there 2 hours travelling back. All on my own with three kids 8 and under so I’m pretty proud of myself. I feel more confident in making more trips alone in the future.

PJ - I have a feeling this will be one trip the girls won’t forget 😂

Update

So during the week we didn’t have much contact with clington. I text him on Monday and asked if he could have the girls on Friday evening as one of my friends wanted me to go for drinks at her house. So I asked him and he said “I’ll double check but shouldn’t be a issue”.

On Wednesday I took the girls to one of my friends children’s birthday parties, it was a all day thing and was really lovely for the girls. There was lots of children a bouncy castle etc. We stayed till around 10pm! However, those who have me on social media will remember my “My favourite kids parties are the ones you drink at” well, silly Sacha forgot to eat properly before which made Sacha get a bit too squiffy. So I phoned Clington and asked if he could come collect the kids. He said he couldn’t as he was working the next day. Which was fair enough. In the end, C (remember him from previous threads) began texting me and he came and picked me and the girls up from the party. It was a bit awkward because I don’t want anything romantically with him, I certainly didn’t want him meeting my children however it was only brief. They were so tired I don’t think they remembered which worked well for me. However once we got back to mine I did explain to him again, that it will never be romantic as I just don’t view him that way.

I can’t remember what day, but one day this week a letter came for clington...so I opened it. Mainly because I’ve had a few letters for a while and I’m interested in what they are. I opened it up, and it was a letter from his credit card company. Mr “I have sorted my life out now” Clington has missed w payment. His credit card is also maxed out. I won’t lie, the evil inside me felt very smug. At BD my finances and life was an absolute mess. There was nights I had to turn the gas physically off at the meter so that I didn’t use it during the night. However since BD, I’ve stayed in more than I wanted too. I’ve saved money. I’ve cleared debt. Whilst clington was off buying new houses and going on holiday and spa breaks. I didn’t. And now, I can. All my bills are paid and I’m not missing payments. I’ve also got money in my savings so yes I did feel smug. I then contacted the company and told them he was no longer at this address. As he’s missing payments I don’t want his bad credit blacklisting my address.

On Friday when he came for the kids we had w brief chat in which he told me I might not be able to have Friday nights kid free as he has been made redundant and will now be doing agency work and what not. I don’t know if I’m over cynical but I find it a bit suspicious, that he always has to “double check” about Fridays. Then suddenly he’s made redundant and can’t do Fridays anymore but managed to get a new job within a few hours whilst he was in his old job? Hmmmm. I guess we will see as everything comes out in the wash as they say. As the kids were getting in the car I was talking to him through the window and he opened his glove box and a small really rubbish phone was in the glove box. So I said “Ohhh aye” and he was like “yeah that’ll be my new phone I’m selling my iPhone”. So I said “if your getting rid of it you should have said. D8 could have had it” to which he replied “no I’m selling it”  I then made a few jokes about him being a drug dealer. To which he shrugged.

As it turns out, my friend I was meant to be having drinks with cancelled on me. So I decided to stay in and clean the house. This way, I got the practical stuff out of the way on my child free weekend and I could do what I wanted the rest of the time.

On Saturday I noticed from D8 TikTok and w few selfies she sent me that clington had been splashing the cash. He had taken all the girls out and bought them all new trainers. Why I will never know as they don’t need them and he clearly doesn’t have the funds for this as he is missing payments. I stayed up way too late on Saturday. I didn’t get to bed until 5am on the Sunday morning as I was too traumatised after watching the Jeff Epstein documentary that I had to stop and watch a comedy film. I felt very emotional and just wanted to cuddle my girls and hold them tight but they weren’t here to do that. It’s funnt because even when I go out clubbing I’m never out this late yet the night I stay in, stay sober I’m up later than usual 😂.

I noticed D8 did a TikTok from Clinton’s car and I just knew he would bring the girls back early. Low and behold around 3-4pm he FaceTimed. General chit chat etc and then he said “I’m just down the road from you so I’ll bring them home soon”. Okay!

Now this is the point where I need a bloody medal....as we’re talking when he returns the children. I explained I would probably take D3 to the CBeebies land hotel for a night or two for her birthday in a few weeks. And I said to clington “If it’s all open and okay to go. You two are more than welcome to book your own room and come along”. Now I know clington and Ow won’t come at all. However I felt it was the right thing to do to invite them, for D3 sake as it is her birthday. If that means I’ll have to be around Ow (unlikely) then so be it. I will be civil for a day anyway.
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« Last Edit: July 26, 2020, 11:59:54 AM by sachat3 »
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#7: July 26, 2020, 12:39:50 PM
Wow Sacha,

That is really brave of you to invite your ex and the OW!  That represents true growth.
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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#8: July 26, 2020, 03:00:41 PM
Sachet you are a better woman than me as I don’t think I could do that but if my kids wanted to meet her then at some point I would do it for my kids. Xx
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Me 52
H53
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#9: July 26, 2020, 06:41:29 PM
Hello,

Quote
Mr “I have sorted my life out now”

Nice when the true facts come out. LOL

Quote
And now, I can. All my bills are paid and I’m not missing payments.

Isn't that a nice feeling? I am putting the final touches on my next five year plan. I remember the first month after she left and I had 38 cents in my account. The first year was tough, but I never missed a payment and I took care of my daughter's school. Now I am married and enjoying a much more comfortable life as well. I am glad you made the wise choices early and missed the iceberg and now Clington has hit the iceberg.

Keep taking care of yourself and your kiddos. You deserve a big virtual high five and hug!

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#10: July 27, 2020, 03:26:05 AM
LB - I think I felt comfortable inviting them because it’s for D3 birthday and her birthday is a Monday so she’ll be with me that day. But also I can almost guarantee that they will not come but the offer is there.

Rising - I think knowing that she’s met the girls and they stay with her every other weekend (when she’s not making herself Vanish!) makes it so much easier.

Ready - it is 100% a good feeling. We are very lucky that we were able to save, but still go on holiday as my mum has a caravan in wales, on a haven site, lots of children, by the beach, lots of activities so they’ve had a blast. I feel like me and clington swapped rolls. At BD he was here there and everywhere. Spend spend spend. And now it’s clear his finances are not what he would have me believe. Whereas at BD I was so much in the breadline it was absolutely crazy. Whereas now I can live comfortably which is a nice feeling.

For what feels like weeks clington has had a story of how FIL will be bringing a lawn mower for me to sort my garden etc. I waited patiently as I didn’t want to waste money unnecessarily. Weeks and weeks have gone by and in that time my garden has got ridiculously over grown. So I had enough and ordered one. Luckily it was available from Argos for same day delivery so I ordered at 12 and it was here before 5pm. When it arrived clington was bringing the girls back and he was full of “oh you should have said, saved yourself some money I could have picked one up for you on my way here” OH P OFF! He’s more than happy to help when ow isn’t around but how am I meant to know when she is and isn’t. I’d much rather sort it myself Atleast then I know it will get done!

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the situation with C. It’s a very complicated one. He is a very lovely man in fairness. And a lot of the time we do tend to gravitate towards each other and end up chatting a lot but I used to put my lack of wanting anything with him down to “Oh I don’t want a man” or relating to clington but the more I think about it. The more I just see red flag after red flag. I honestly don’t know if I am against dating because I think if I met the right person I would be open to it. And I think that’s the catch. I haven’t met the right person. Me and C share the same sort of social circles. We go drinking in the same places. Heck, our kids met through TikTok (nothing to do with me and him as the time they met my girls were with clington and his with their mum) and so they talk to each other so we will remain friends. But quite literally nothing more. He’s text me w few times and I haven’t replied. I explained my stance to him. I’ve told him how I feel etc. And if I see him out and about we can be nice and friendly etc but literally nothing more.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#11: July 27, 2020, 12:56:09 PM
Hello,

Just like all of us, bomb drop caught you off guard. Left you in a real bad position and yet you recovered.

Quote
He is a very lovely man in fairness. And a lot of the time we do tend to gravitate towards each other and end up chatting a lot but I used to put my lack of wanting anything with him down to “Oh I don’t want a man” or relating to clington but the more I think about it. The more I just see red flag after red flag.

I completely agree. I had a good friend that I used to run with all the time. We got along fine. We were both single, but it never evolved to anything else but friendship. I saw a lot of red flags that would have been disaster for both of us. Now, I am married and still friends with her. Don't push something that you don't feel right about. No sense in putting your world back in disorder after working so hard to get to a good place.

You are doing well and your strong point is making wise decisions. So keep being wise LOL!

((((((Ready)))))))
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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#12: July 28, 2020, 12:47:39 AM
Joining your new thread, Sachat. Well done on the Blackpool weekend with 3 little ones. Sorry you lost your card, but look how you sorted everything anyway! Just loved how your D cried when you told her you were going to the pleasure beach. What a great mother you are.
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OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#13: July 28, 2020, 01:15:56 AM
Well exactly ready. I always assumed I didn’t want things with him because of clington. But I no longer think it has anything to do with him. Because I do believe if I met someone, and we had the spark I would run like the wind. It’s just we don’t have that spark and I won’t waste my time. I’m very happy being single. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything so if I meet someone they have to be pretty damn special to change that.  I’m not sure how our friendship can progress though as his own friends have said “He’s mad about you and wants to be with you” but that’s not what I want.

Milly - Thankyou, I think because I do do a lot with the girls and in effect they do go to lots of places and they do have a lot. I mean D8 has a iPhone, 40 inch smart TV in her room, lots of friends stuff etc they assume that the girls are spoilt but they aren’t. They are very very appreciative of everything they get in life.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#14: July 28, 2020, 05:55:05 AM
Well done on the trip to Blackpool. I am taking my 2 kids and my son's 2 friends to The Pleasure Beach on Thursday. Hoping Seagulls won't eat my chips. I won't give them time to get them.  :D

I've driven to France for a holiday with my 2. We've also done South Wales, Butlins and Holland. It is a really good feeling to know that you can just go. My ex's family always go on about how strong I am for just going on my little holidays with the kids. My ex's Grandad says he is proud that I have not let anything stop me. You should definitely take some more holidays with the kids.

I need another break away and your post has inspired me to start looking.

Keep up the good work. Go Sachat!

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#15: July 28, 2020, 09:16:36 AM
You deserve a medal, a trophy and a large amount of cash for that invite. I mean...WOW! I am beyond impressed. Although sometimes I throw out invites when I know people won't say yes. LOL. But oh yes, we do sacrifice for our kids when we just want the best for them. And include their fathers. Clington is super immature and doesn't always prioritize right, but he sounds like a sweet caring father. Even if he is the equivalent of a 13 year old.

I think when we have kids, they are the priority. So when we do start dating, they are always in the back of our minds. And of course that old self preservation. No one wants the agony of BD again.  I think when we meet the right person, whomever it is, we will know. In the meantime, you have 3 gorgeous littles to occupy your time.  Hugs friend.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#16: July 28, 2020, 04:16:44 PM
New day - it’s funny you should say that as tomorrow we are heading to my mums caravan in Wales for a bit, how long we will be there is weather depending as a lot of the facilities are closed but we do have a beach and family so can’t complain. I’d been saving to take the girls to Spain this summer but that’s not going to happen now. If anything  we may go abroad for Christmas (Covid depending).

KIT - I know right!? I started looking into the hotel in the Saturday and from then until he picked the kids up I was umming and ahhhing about inviting them both. It felt a bit pointless to invite it they probably won’t come, but then I figured I invited them and so it’s up to them. Not me. I’m only doing the invite as it’s for a birthday, if it was just a random day out then no. But I just don’t see them coming. But I’m prepared if they do. Hahahahaha would make a lovely breakfast wouldn’t it, me clington ow and the children. May have to have a few mimosas in this occasion!!

What. A. Day.

So today I got a message at around 2pm from D6 best friends mum, she wanted to know if D6 wanted to go to play at her house. So I agreed. This really upset D8 as she’s been unable to see her friends. So as D6 was putting her shoes on etc, I phoned clington and said “can you phone or FaceTime D8. She’s upset and I explained the situation”. He then turned round and said he couldn’t FaceTime her as a man came and bought his iPhone and his Apple Watch. I didn’t ask why just said “oh okay. Well phone her then”. I know at the weekend I saw the crappy phone he said it would be his blah blah blah and I didn’t believe him. Mainly because why sell a phone and Apple Watch, because you need money.....then go out and buy all the girls new trainers (which they didn’t need!). Only in MLC would this happen. But it did make me feel a little smug (I know I know childish) but it’s nice to see karma is working her magic.

Then, I think tonight I experienced every parents worst nightmare. D6 and D8 have Instagram accounts. Yes I know they shouldn’t due to their ages. However, I have full control on them. They are completely private. I am the only person who can accept people etc etc. And they only have it due to the fact that we have family abroad and they use Instagram to contact them as they don’t have mobile numbers. So as the children go to bed, I do my usual checks if the devices and notice a message request on D8 Instagram inbox. This is a request from someone who isn’t her friend hence why it’s in a separate folder. Now D8 makes it clear on her Instagram she is a child. Her bio says “my name is X. I am 8. I love my cats”. I open the message request, which is from a adult male performing a sex act on himself. Luckily for me, D8 has not seen this. She had no idea that this video exists. I have now filed a report with Instagram (who are NOT helpful at all and say the account hasn’t breached guidelines when I’ve reported the account). I have also filed a report with my local police department. It has obviously made me reassess the girls online activity etc. Now this also meant I needed to contact clington. He phoned me back as soon as I text saying “Can you phone me back please it’s urgent”. I then told him what happened etc and what we can expect in the future. I think more than anything I’m shocked this has happened as I thought I had taken all the steps I needed to to protect her online. Also, this man was not her friend online and so therefore he could send her and anyone else. Anything. He was sending this message to people he wasn’t even connected to online. Which is the scary thing. But I’ll be forever grateful D8 did not see this video and has no idea it exists.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#17: July 31, 2020, 04:46:53 AM
Hello,

So sorry about what happened to you. Thankfully your daughter didn't see the video.

Quote
Also, this man was not her friend online and so therefore he could send her and anyone else.

I think you use the term man very loosely here. This is a monster.

Quote
I have now filed a report with Instagram (who are NOT helpful at all and say the account hasn’t breached guidelines when I’ve reported the account).

Wow, what exactly breaches their guidelines?

Quote
I then told him what happened etc and what we can expect in the future. I think more than anything I’m shocked this has happened as I thought I had taken all the steps I needed to to protect her online.

Well, you intercepted him and you had measures in place to make sure you viewed and accepted anything being sent to her before she saw it. That's great. The worst nightmares are those that are in contact with your children and are already grooming them. You should be happy that you were there to protect your daughter.

Keep at it!

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#18: August 01, 2020, 08:38:12 AM
I will forever be grateful I intercepted this message. Heaven forbid D8 saw it. She overheard me on the phone to the police. So she knows she can’t have Instagram because someone sent her a sexual message but really she’s naive for her age so has no idea what that really means.

Luckily for us, we have had minimal contact with clington since that incident on Tuesday. It’s now Saturday. I have come home from the caravan for a night. Just to give the cats some attention etc and have a breather as my dad came home today for a night so I did too. This also gives the girls time with just my mum so works well for them.

The area in which I live has been put on a somewhat kind of lockdown again. It’s the most bizarre lockdown. I can’t go to my friends house if she lives in the area, but the friends I have that don’t live in the area I can go to their house. Or me and my friends from th area can’t go to their house or mine but we can all go to the pub together 🤷🏽‍♀️ I mean, come on. It’s just so contradictory. Luckily none of my GAL plans have been affected really as my main bone of contention was, most of my friends don’t live in the same area as me so especially after BD I was very isolated. I feel extra isolated now, however the local lockdown allows me to travel outside the area so I should be okay. But it does also, shine a light to the fact that as much as I love my house, and I do. I feel a strong bond to it I won’t lie. Maybe I need to move out of my area. The only family I did have in the area were Clingtons and now they no longer live here so it really is just me and the school mums really. All my family and friends live in other areas.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#19: August 05, 2020, 03:36:45 AM
So we are now back from our week away at the caravan. We honestly had a fantastic time. Barely any contact with clington which worked SO well for me. However, I did say to a few people “Oh watch when I get back clington will start calling and texting” even I wasn’t prepared for how fast that would work. Before I had even finished getting all the stuff in the house, he was on the phone. The chat lasted about half an hour, he was telling me about his new job and blah blah blah. He spoke to the children a bit. What was strange was I think he was in the bath, that distinctive bathroom sound was on the other end of the phone.

I don’t mind having these chats with clington as they don’t make me feel any kind of way, I don’t get monster out of him or anything like that. If anything, it’s hit the point where to me, I could be talking to anyone. That’s the level of detachment I have. Which I suppose is good because I don’t stress about “he said this what does it mean?” Or anything like that.

But that said, it was really nice to get away and be out of the usual Groundhog Day. However what’s annoying is my mums view that I need to have a boyfriend. It’s wearing a little thin now. Almost every time I see her, this is how the conversation goes....

Mum (talking to the children, whilst I’m in the room) - does mummy have a boyfriend yet?
Me (butting in) - no
Mum - why not?
Me - because I don’t want one
Mum - no, not like a full time boyfriend. Just a every other weekend one.
Me - no

It’s getting so monotonous now, the thing is...I’m a all or nothing person. I couldn’t have a boyfriend under those circumstances. And I say it to my friends all the time, whilst I’ve come across men, in these last few years since BD, who are nice enough on paper. Without that “spark” there really is nothing. Unless I look at someone and just want to be with them all the time. Want to spend time with them etc. To me, it’s pointless.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#20: August 06, 2020, 01:09:52 PM
I can relate. My Dad and aunts and uncles are on a constant prowl/manhunt for me. You know, so I don't end up alone. I kindly remind them that I WASN'T alone before H left. Anyone can leave. Howz about we start recognizing the fact that KIT has single-handedly handled the Sh@! out of this situation for 4 years now. I just nod and smile now. They care. They want us happy. All we can do is get happy on our own and intoxicate them with our happiness as singles.

Now.......if someone were to set me up with a handsome widowed plastic surgeon, I may indulge......

Happy you had a great holiday--both the trip and the non-clington aspects.
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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#21: August 06, 2020, 04:47:12 PM
Kit. That’s the kind of guy I’m looking for. Lol but like you, I am kind of happy on my own.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#22: August 07, 2020, 03:18:16 AM
The thing is with my mum, she’s very much a “this is how I did it so you have to do it this way” type of person. And in the most humble way, if I wanted to find w man to merely sleep with, I quite easily could. In this day and age it’s very easy to do. However, I’m very VERY happy with my life right now. I don’t “need” a man. However, if someone wants to come in they have to be VERY special. Not just someone I only want every other weekend.

I had a very strange interaction with clington, now I’ve very very sceptical about a lot of things he tells me. IE him being made redundant...was he really? Or was it a excuse to get out of having the kids Friday evening? Has he really got a new job, just this week or has he always had it? Etc etc. And so on Wednesday, we had a chat on the phone for about 10-20 minutes. Very light, friendly etc. Nothing too heavy. Until right as I was trying to hang up he said “oh it’s not a issue, but rent money? What are you doing about it?” Now the arrangement we have is, I receive housing benefit. That housing benefit goes into my bank. I give it to clington and clington gives to FIL who works as the landlords agent. My housing benefit doesn’t cover the whole rent hence why clington covers the short fall. So I was under the impression I had sent the money the previous day. I explained to him in the phone I had sent it. I checked my inline banking and which confirmed it went to him. He then asked what details I sent it to. I told him the details he told me to send to. Just like I sent to every other time. Etc. He was adamant he hadn’t received it. So I said when I was home, as I was out with the children I would phone my bank and see. Low and behold when I phoned him back, he had received it. But hadn’t seen it on his transactions. This could very well have been a genuine mistake, but right now I’m so sceptical about anything and everything he says. Especially since I imagine he has money troubles atm - dang those poor consequences.

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#23: August 07, 2020, 03:46:46 AM
Quote from: sachat3
He was adamant he hadn’t received it. So I said when I was home, as I was out with the children I would phone my bank and see. Low and behold when I phoned him back, he had received it. But hadn’t seen it on his transactions. This could very well have been a genuine mistake, but right now I’m so sceptical about anything and everything he says. Especially since I imagine he has money troubles atm - dang those poor consequences.

Or, like a vast majority of Mid-Lifers, he is as thick as a brick and doesn't see his nose in front of his face..... I can't tell you the number of times xW2 has said "You didn't tell me about <xyz>" where I go back, copy the message I sent via Whats'sApp with 2 little blue checkmarks showing that she had read it, copied that and resent it to her....

"Oh, I totally forgot about that."

Yep! Because you have a brain like Mid-Life Swiss Cheese, my dear.....

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#24: August 07, 2020, 06:39:59 AM
Hmmm, sacha....
As he is having money troubles from the little you know, is it perhaps a sign from the universe to cut out the middle man and send your part of the rent direct to FiL as the agent leaving Clington to send his part separately? Just a thought......
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#25: August 07, 2020, 11:00:09 AM
I was going to post the same as Treasur. Maybe its time to manage the benefit portion and leave Clington to send the rest?

Either he's foggy and overlooked the payment, or he dipped into it, and tried to pull a fast one over your eyes, in hopes you would send again?  Maybe not, but I dont trust these spending MLC'ers
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#26: August 07, 2020, 01:04:04 PM
UM - I guess you could be right. Naturally I’m a really sceptical person with most people tbf but EXTRA sceptical with him. I always think sometimes, it’s too convenient to be a coincidence.

Treasure, LBS - in a ideal world that’s how I’ve wanted it since, basically the beginning of me taking over the house. Mainly to show them I CAN DO IT. I AM CAPABLE. But also it stops the unnecessary chats with clington. I don’t want to have to discuss this thing with him as it’s MY house not OUR house. I have asked FIL on more than one occasion and the response is usually “Let’s just keep it as it is. Easier that way” or occasionally “We will discuss at a later date” but then always goes back to the first. I’m not sure why they seem so against it. Even when we were in Blackpool and I lost my bank card when MIL came to bring me the cash, I had to put it into Clingtons bank to put into her bank. Even when I asked for her details she said “put in Clingtons bank and do it that way”. I did think about cutting out the middle man completely and just handing them my rent in cash, but then I wouldn’t have evidence I gave it them if I needed it. Whereas with bank transfer it’s there in black and white.

Lbs - I’m also not sure if he tried to pull a fast one. Because like you say they do spend spend spend. I mean it’s only last week he sold both his Apple Watch and iPhone 11 “because he doesn’t use them” but got a really crappy Samsung phone 🤷🏽‍♀️ he only seemed to see the transaction on his banking when I said “well here’s a screenshot of my banking saying it’s gone to you, along with all the other times with no issue. All to the same account”.





Today I received a phone call from the police regarding that video D8 received. They want to come and speak to me at home. It will be Sunday afternoon/evening. So I text clington and 1) let him know and 2) ask him if he could bring the girls back at a later time than usual as I don’t want D8 to see the police officer unless they want to speak to her. Right now she doesn’t know about the video and I would like to keep it that way if possible. Absolute radio silence. Which I expected.

I had to have a little chuckle, I have a friend that follows ow on social media. I don’t really like this, and have asked not to be told anything. Unless it’s a needs must type of thing. Anyway I was talking about D3 birthday with her and said I would stay at the hotel (Covid depending) so we could have one day at CBeebies land and one day at the water park splash landings. My friend then laughed and said “well she’s got her get out of jail free card” turns out today she’s been there. Which is fine by me. I extended an olive branch, which let’s be honest I didn’t have to do. And I invited ow to MY daughters birthday and it seems she’s looking for excuses not to come. Which is fine by me.

All these issues with clington and the rent is making me second guess this house. I love it, but the ties to FIL and the family are so strong. If I were to get another rental (would be either more expensive or same price and smaller) or a council house, it would be all mine. It’s a very hard choice that I will have to think about in great deal. One other option, and it’s my “favourite” is to work my arse off for a few years and see if I can buy this house. But I’m not sure if it’s doable.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#27: August 07, 2020, 01:18:42 PM
Perhaps it is time to stop 'asking' and simply say that this is how you'd prefer it to be from x date......?
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#28: August 08, 2020, 04:43:56 AM
Treasure - your definitely right. I think when it comes to FIL and MiL in particular I need to “toughen up”.

So clington came for the children today at the agreed time. He’s his usual strange self. I had a few deliveries on my kitchen side when he came in the kitchen. One of which was a box from “Pandora”. He looked at it and went “oh eye” as if to say “who’s buying you pandora” however I would have let him think whatever, I wasn’t going to correct him on the fact it was actually my friends birthday present (I’m at her party tonight) but D8 butted it “it’s what we got for M” and he then looked at me and said “M? Never heard of her”. Why would you have heard about MY friends I’ve made after BD!?

As he was then putting the kids in the car and I’m saying goodbye to them I mentioned how to get D3 hair brushed it’s best at a table with a mirror (she’s very phobic about her hair being brushed and screams a lot!) and I said “it’s so much easier. I’m getting one. My mum had one at the caravan and it worked. At home I have to wrap my legs around her to do the slightest of brushes” he then made a sexual comment. Which silly me thought may have stopped 🙄 I ignored it. Which seemed to do the trick.

He eventually after trying to involve me in pointless chit chat, drove off.

So Atleast my kids free weekend and GALing starts now. Yippee. So if I start speaking gobbledygook from now on ignore me...it’s the Gin 😂
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#29: August 12, 2020, 01:38:43 AM
I had the wildest of wild weekends at my friends. I can’t lie. Unfortunately don’t have the “I best go home I need my bed mindset” so I didn’t get home till 8am and I have two HUGE blisters on the back of my feet. After the original party, I went to one of the school mums houses (hence how I wasn’t home till 8am) and we quite literally were up just putting the world to rights. It was quite nice actually that I seem to be bonding with more and more people since BD. Winner winner.

The police were going to come round on the Sunday but things for them got busy and she phoned to say she couldn’t come. Which I’m actually quite glad about as I needed my bed! She did instead come last night, which was good. But she did say it’s slim and none anything can be done about the video D8 got because there was nothing to identify him. No photos. No face. No real name. No location etc. However they have noted it all down and if they can track him, they will try but she has warned it’s slim and none. Which I understand.

I phoned clington this morning and explained that to him and just basically kept him in the loop. No idea who he thinks he’s speaking to on the phone because when I phoned he said “Yello” to answer. We then got cut off before I could finish telling him what was said and he answered again this time saying “Yo”.

What did tickle me a bit, was that with all the issues clington had, I had a broken iPhone 8 that I said clington could have however, he would need to pay to get it fixed. He gave me some BS story about “oh you know I’m not bothered about things like iPhones” then when he’s collecting the kids and I text to ask what time he would bring the girls back, I noticed the text went from green to blue. Meaning he had a iPhone and low and behold he stood at the door and told me how he had just picked up a iPhone 8. He must have felt like he needed to fit in or something. I don’t know. 
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#30: August 12, 2020, 07:49:47 PM
What did tickle me a bit, was that with all the issues clington had, I had a broken iPhone 8 that I said clington could have however, he would need to pay to get it fixed. He gave me some BS story about “oh you know I’m not bothered about things like iPhones” then when he’s collecting the kids and I text to ask what time he would bring the girls back, I noticed the text went from green to blue. Meaning he had a iPhone and low and behold he stood at the door and told me how he had just picked up a iPhone 8. He must have felt like he needed to fit in or something. I don’t know.

Its amazing how offering a broken phone, is seen as controlling uh?  "No, I cannot take your phone because you may be trying to spy on me, so Im going to spend money that I dont have, to buy a new one!  Jokes on you!"  ::)

Glad you were able to have a great night out - those 8am mornings, are always the best ones LOL
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#31: August 14, 2020, 05:54:38 AM
Well exactly LBS. I had asked him previously about the phone - long story short I bought it off eBay for D8 but the screen doesn’t work and I didn’t return quick enough to get a refund. So I wanted to fix it. He said it would only take a new touch sensor and screen. Now I’m no expert but I imagine, that is cheaper to do than to buy a new one. But that’s his choice. Funny how a few days before he was all “oh I’m not bothered about iPhones. You know that”. Evidently he is but I bet he also regrets selling his Apple Watch now ahahahaha. Oh karma can be good.

Luckily I don’t get hangovers and when I was at my school mum friends house, we really put the world to writes over what felt like a million coffees. It was nice as she also has three kids and is a single parent so it was nice to bond over that. No such thing as too much support.





My house really does need so much decorating work done so I’m working my way through it. It also feels nice making it “my house” decorated my way. The one room I felt probably needed the Sacha touch was the living room. As I spend most my time in there. But I loved the wallpaper. It was a weird spiral floral kind of design in hot pink and grey. I know as I type it doesn’t sound nice but it was. So I avoided decorating my walls. I got new carpet. New furniture etc. But kept the walls. There was part of the wallpaper where cats have scratched it and kids pulled it up but it wasn’t too bad.....until last night when D3 pulled literally a full “drop” up. So I had to strip it all. Luckily I had a few tubs of paint in so that’s what I did in the evening. I’ll have to spend the weekend now finishing the room.

It’s probably a sign somewhere thag I refused to do the room so I was forced into a situation where I HAD to do it. But the colour I have now is so nice and cosy in the evening. Especially when I have all my candles lit.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#32: August 14, 2020, 06:37:51 AM
Hello,

Quote
My house really does need so much decorating work done so I’m working my way through it. It also feels nice making it “my house” decorated my way.

It's nice to have your place and decorated the way you want it to be. I just finished building a covered patio for our home. My dad and I spent a week and a couple of weekends getting it built. Now I have it all done and waiting on the patio furniture to arrive. This weekend will be the first one in over six weeks that I don't have anything major to do in regards to home construction at either my home or the rental.

So what color did you paint it? Maybe we can start our own LBS Eye for Interior Design:  "Want to rid your home of all the things that bring you down.? Watch LBS eye for Interior Design! We show you colors and furniture that bring peace and comfort to your new life while other designs bring out positive energy and self focus. Our own expert Sachat3 will spill the tea on all the secrets on exceptional design. Be tuned for every other weekend when Sachat doesn't have the children."

Enjoy your day,

((((Ready))))
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#33: August 14, 2020, 06:47:41 AM
Hey!  Maybe we can get Mourning Dove onboard with this too! She's been remodelling her kitchen and Library, KiT has finished painting HER kitchen if I recall....
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#34: August 14, 2020, 06:56:15 AM
It’s all a go on the DIY front. I’ve almost finished D8 room. She just needs carpet but I’ll get that fitted when she’s in school and out of the way. Maybe a new bed (hers is only a month old) but she may need a mid/high sleeper for more storage as it’s the small room. Same with D3 and D6 bedroom. They have a new one too. Again just need flooring.

The colour I went for ready is a lilac purple kinda colour. It’s one of the ones I used in D3 and D6 room. Hence how I had spare paint of it. But I will do the full room in that colour. It’s a strange shade as it’s not too dark it makes the room look small but dark enough to give a cosy feel at night. It’s handy as my accessories etc were already silver so it still goes.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#35: August 14, 2020, 02:09:59 PM
i think, if ever I go quite on HS someone text me. Check I haven’t murdered clington because I can see it happening.

So today 4:45 he FaceTimed and asks weird questions. Like “are you in? Do you have plans. What you doing tonight” so I stopped answering and just said “Why?” He carried on asking and I said “why are you asking these things”. He explained as the kids were going to his mums this weekend he was dropping the car seats off with me blah blah. I then had a sip of my drink which was a cider and he said “Is that strongbow?” So I just said “here we go” he then started with the “I can’t believe your drinking blah” so I snapped and said something like “your kids have been b@$t@rd$ all day.  So forgive me for having a cider” to which this smug a$$h0le said “well they never do that for Me” so I just gave him the look. And he said “Whaaat? They don’t”. So I said “well they won’t will they when in a month I have them nearly 600 hours a week and you have them 80 odd. He soon shut up.

He then arrived and was just making really weird and strange comments. Little things like when he was leaving he said to the kids one by one “right give me a kiss” and then looks at me and said “no not you”. He came bearing gifts (Ofcourse he did) and I told D8 not to open her slime. So she did and I shouted and he said “oooh mummy’s knickers are in a twist maybe she should take them off”. So I looked at him dead in the face and said “Do you talk like this to your girlfriend or just me”.

He took the kids for a scooter ride round the block. And then before I could sit down D8 is back as D6 scooter broke and they had to come back. So I said “great I’ll buy D3 a new one for her birthday then and D6 can have her old one” and he then comes up with a hair brain idea of how next week when the kids are with him he will fix it. Never leave it to me you see.
I just think one of these day’s I could well end up on women who snap programme. I know each thing isn’t a major thing he’s done but when you add them all up it’s one big straw camels back yadda.

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« Last Edit: August 14, 2020, 02:12:21 PM by sachat3 »
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#36: August 15, 2020, 06:42:35 AM
Hello,

Quote
I then had a sip of my drink which was a cider and he said “Is that strongbow?” So I just said “here we go” he then started with the “I can’t believe your drinking blah”

Next time put it back on him, "I can't believe that the man who I had three children with left me and his kids for another skirt." I think the hardest part of dealing with a MLCer is when they question your morals.

Here you are ready to do some home design and enjoy a little free time and here comes the Jerry Falwell wannabe trying to tell you how to live your life. I'm not surprised he didn't tell you that if you didn't change your ways, you would find yourself in Hades.

I hope sometime today he is walking barefoot somewhere and stubs his big toe on a stone or concrete. He won't die, but for 30 seconds he will wish he was dead. Oh Karma bus, wherefore out thou!

Quote
So I looked at him dead in the face and said “Do you talk like this to your girlfriend or just me”.

Now that was a solid dart thrown very well. That's entering the Morte league which are the best thrown darts in all of HS.

But don't kill him, from the view of the balcony, it looks like he is doing a pretty good job of ruining his life all on his own.

(((((Ready)))))



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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#37: August 15, 2020, 07:25:59 AM
The thing is, if he FaceTimed and I was paraletic and the only person in the house with the kids. He would have a point. It wasn’t so he has no point.

Oh I’ve already had the “going to hades” comments. The last time I saw him, D6 said something about getting her attitude from me. Tbf, she does. She is a mini me in every sense of the word and he said “Well, nobody knows what else they could catch from mummy”. Yeah they can catch a large dose of morals and integrity.

Unfortunately for me, I have zero free time today. Now there is a bit of A back story to this....

During the week D6 wanted to go to London. So I said I would ask nana if she would watch the girls for one day and we would go for a day trip. Nana replied and said “I was going to ask you when we could have them” she settled on having them this weekend. As the time with nana changed from one day to a full weekend. D6 decided she wanted to go nanas so I told nana (Clingtons mum I might add!) she said “I thought she wanted to go London” so I explained. I spoke to D6 and she said she would think about it. Only last night did I text MIL and say D6 had decided to go to hers for the weekend. This is the second time, she’s been asked to have D3&D8 so I could do something with D6. First time was a eye app and now this. Both times she seemed reluctant. Low and behold this morning 7:30am I got a text saying her and FIL had food poisoning and may not be able to get kids but she would let me know by 10. 10am came. Nothing. So 10:15 I asked her what was going on. She said she was going for a shower and would let me know later on. She eventually got back to me and said she wouldn’t get the girls today. Maybe tomorrow. So I don’t have my relaxing day and instead have three rather miffed kids.

It’s also a nightmare as my house now seems to be infested with fleas 😩 D8 seems to have had a really bad reaction as she has many many bites. So now I’ve got hell of a lot of work to do not only with decorating and general day to day running of a house. I now also have a flea infestation to control. It’s annoying as I have a monthly subscription which I have put on the cats every month, but clearly it’s not working.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#38: August 15, 2020, 10:34:20 AM
I then had a sip of my drink which was a cider and he said “Is that strongbow?”

I think your my HS spirit animal - I LOVE STRONGBOW.  I cant drink it as much as before, as the sugar levels, but my god, I do love the crack of the can.

I hear you on the decorating front - The first thing I did when W left, was to make minor changes to the living room of our old house.  Added an area rug, and some funky pillows, new plug ins - she had commented that it looks nice, and that I did a good job of "removing my smell". (Ya think?)

Then when I moved into my new place, I got all new furniture, with the exception of the dining set, couch and coffee table.  I have vibrant yellows and greys, browns and gold, and I just love the look and feel.   So I understand how refreshing redecorating can be.

Its your place to make it how you want, without the input of another - have at it!
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#39: August 15, 2020, 11:24:08 AM
You can’t beat a strongbow especially the dark fruits on a hot summers evening. That’s exactly it LBS. I always say, no matter what now this will always be my house. Even if I move someone else in. Even if clington returns. Even if whatever happens happens ITS MY HOUSE. I do have the dilemma of moving away for a fresh start but then the house I have is an absolute steal and I have everything around me. But I think no matter how it’s decorated it will always always in Clingtons head have some of his house. He still calls it “home”. Funnily enough, when we first moved in. We decorated the chimney breast and that wall dark purple. And now it’s a lilac shade. The whole room will be this colour. Since BD I’ve decorated my every room but some need redoing/finishing. This was the last room and I didn’t want to get rid of thit wallpaper as I did love it. But D3 has other ideas.

So today after the disaster of nana not turning up for the kids. And with all the other stressors I was a bit on edge. D8 has her own phone and a Snapchat account. The only people she has on Snapchat are me and clington. As I’m sorting the washing etc I’m my bedroom. D8 walks in and says “Mum look what dads doing”. She was showing me his Snapchat story. She actually showed me two selfies of clington and Ow. Now what shocks me. Is I felt NOTHING seeing a photo of her with clington. No anger. No jealousy. Nothing. She could have been anyone. What made me feel a little bit  sad, was  Ow and clington we’re having w nice day out. Don’t get me wrong it’s his kid free weekend. He can do what he wants. But it comes to something when he has them for weekends and the most he can do is a scooter ride up and down his street. No meals out. No day trips. Nothing. Just staying in the vacinuty of his house. Unless ow or MiL are about then they might have w day out. But never just him and his girls. But as soon  as he’s not with the kids. He can do nice days out. When D8 showed me the photos I just said “oh the nice. Atleast he’s having fun”.

What it has reminded me of is, when I came home from the carvan for one night. D8 showed my mum the pictures I took because my mum said “we saw your selfies” and now she’s showing me Clingtons stuff. So I will have to be careful what I post when he has the kids as I’m sure she’ll show him my stuff. I must I must avoid Snapchat when drunk at 3am.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#40: August 21, 2020, 10:42:47 AM
A relatively normal week.

Wednesday I took the kids to Blackpool with three of my friend and their children for one of my friends daughters birthday. It was honestly a lovely day. D6 did text clington whilst on the train. The text said told him we were going Blackpool. He never replied to D6 but phoned me and questioned me. He said “I think D6 is confused. She sent a funny text” I asked what the text said and he said “she said she’s going Blackpool” I said she is. We’re on our way now. He seemed shocked. After that call nothing until last night at 8:20pm when he phoned. I was very apprehensive answering the call because clington doesn’t usually call and certainly not at this time it night. It was a really weird chat. I would go as far as to say pointless. I was half expecting the pointless stuff to be a build up but nothing. It was “did my mum text and say when she’s getting the girls” “yes she did” then we were talking and I said “it’s like I said to my mum X” and he said “speaking of your mum, I didn’t know she worked at (the place she works at that’s near him)” I said “yeah she does” he said “so does your dad drop her off”. Me dead confused and explained no. He said “oh it’s just I saw her in work the other day and didn’t see her car” now my mum works at a large supermarket that has a even larger car park so why would he notice it. But I explained they have new cars. To which he replied “i can see a car reg once and remember it for life. So if I ever see a car on your drive. Just know I’ll find it again” I laughed and he said “I know a BMW has been on a few times”. Which is true, as it when BIL lived next door I had a few friends over and one of them drives a BMW and stayed the night (to save on taxi fare) which BIL has clearly told clington. He then started making reallt pointless chat asking about D3 birthday, D8 birthday, school etc. I was so convinced this pointless chat was gearing me up for something but nope. There was nothing. Hung up the phone and that was that. I joked to my friend I should probably start hiring out my drive as a parking space to see how clington reacts. It’s a large drive and I don’t have a car. So it would be comical to see.

Then today I had to phone clington. Up until today the school said because of Covid. They wanted the kids to go on in trainers, no PE kits, school bags etc to avoid the things coming in and out. Which was fine.i didn’t buy a PE kit, didn’t buy a school bag and got them all trainers.  Today, 12 days before school starts they send a text that says “children will need school shoes, PE kits and small school bags” so I phoned him. To see weather the letter the sent meant what I thought and does he want to buy school shoes (as of now I’ve bought everything and him nothing!) However a few hours later school retracted and said if they went in in trainers it’s fine as it’s short notice etc. Just a bit silly to change everything when school resumes on 2nd September.

Then MiL came for the children and I got a bit emotional. She started handing me things flowers, a bottle of gin, a box of cupcakes, a bag full of other home bakes and a card. She then said “it’s not for your birthday don’t worry” and I was confused. I assumed it was as it’s my birthday soon. She told me to read the card, when I did the card read “To Sacha, as we no longer live next door (so you don’t get a break) and clington has a new job which means he is away sometimes. FIL and I just wanted to let you know your a great mum and doing a great job. Have a good weekend love MIL and FIL” honestly when I read that I cried a bit. It’s so nice to be appreciated. Especially when we all have the “I’m failing as a mother” thoughts. Was really quite lovely I must say.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#41: August 24, 2020, 05:32:25 AM
So a weekend of heavy GALing.

On Sunday, the kids were with MIL and I’m Sunday clington went to spend the day at MIL as it’s D3 birthday (today she’s now D4) and they celebrated a day early. And clington brought them back. Now what happens is, when it’s just clington the car comes on the drive. When Ow is I’m the car the car doesn’t get parked on the drive and will be a few houses away. It’s always in fairly close to the house so I can see the car. So I was doing my bits and wondering to myself where the car would be parked. I was upstairs when I heard kids voices outside so I looked and low and behold, the car is a few doors down. So I went to the door. By the time I was outside the kids were outside the car and I said “Girls I can hear you from in there”. And stepped outside my house but still on my drive. As I looked at the car, from where it was parked I saw ow staring at me through the open door. The girls then came running to me and I picked up D6 and took her in the house. I then stayed at the door to get the things from clington. By this point I’m not sure if she was still staring as I didn’t look to see. But I just thought, I was no longer going to be hiding myself away from her. If she wanted to stay in the car that was on her, but this is my house and these are my children. And I won’t be hiding from her.
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« Last Edit: August 24, 2020, 05:33:31 AM by sachat3 »
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#42: August 24, 2020, 08:49:43 AM
oh yes--never hide from those OW. They should be hiding from us. You are the queen my dear. She's the psycho creeper in the car staring at what she will never be.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#43: August 25, 2020, 03:41:20 AM
That the thing KIT. I just thought to myself I’m done from hiding from her. If she wants to sit in the car a few doors down. So be it. But this is my house, and I’m not going to hide from her. However that said, if she had come out and been civil, heck I may have just done the “hi you okay - yeah you - yeah good thanks” small talk. I’m just not going to hide from her anymore.

I have also made my Instagram private. Mainly due to the fact I want to share more pictures of the children and with a open profile I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. I had my Instagram open to link to my business Instagram so it won’t help that but I just felt it was the best option.

Yesterday was D3(D4) birthday. We had a lovely day. Stayed at home playing with toys in the morning and in the afternoon went to the airport pub near us. We go there a fair Wack. It may just be the perfect pub. Lovely food. By the airport run way so you can see the planes landing and taking off and also a large outdoor play area. When the weather is nice (like it was yesterday) you literally could spend all day there. Clington did say he wanted to come and see D4 on her birthday but as the weather was nice we were out. So I phoned him and explained we were out. I then said we would get a few drinks, food etc and then be heading home so could let him know nearer the time of him finishing. He phoned me back around a hour later saying he was going back to the yard (at work) and would be finishing. I told him where we were and said he was more than welcome to join. I wouldn’t normally invite him however it was D4 birthday so it was different. On the phone he didn’t confirm it he would come or not and he seemed very awkward on the phone. There was a awkward silence right after. I assumed he wouldn’t come and then all of a sudden. Guess what? D8 screams DAAADDDDYYYY. Clington was stood right behind me. He sat down at the table with us for half a hour or so. It was strange because I can’t work out why he bothered driving out of his way to come and see D4. When he didn’t seem that fussed by her. She was running off and playing so he didn’t really see her much. It was a visit where his body was here, but he had certainly checked out.

I was going to go to CBeebies land and stay in the hotel for two nights and visit all the theme parks for D4 birthday but, the price to do that...I could take me and three kids to Spain for some winter sun for a full week. So I decided not to do that.

But we did have a good day. And I’m looking forward to a bit of normality once the kids go back to school.
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#44: August 25, 2020, 12:52:21 PM
Hello,

Quote
I assumed he wouldn’t come and then all of a sudden. Guess what? D8 screams DAAADDDDYYYY. Clington was stood right behind me. He sat down at the table with us for half a hour or so.

Very strange as well. I may be off the wall, but he was talking to you about strange cars in the driveway, now he is showing up unexpectantly, do you think he feels he will find you with someone else? I know it is impossible to ever know what is on their wee little brains. In fact, most MLCer rely on their reptilian brain to operate, that's why you often catch them flicking their tongues. Very strange.

He also may be sensing that you are moving past him. After all, you are moving forward and recovered both emotionally and financially. Of course, it could be nothing but a sudden change in the weather.

Quote
I could take me and three kids to Spain for some winter sun for a full week. So I decided not to do that.

A week in Spain sounds amazing. I think Europe will be closed to the US until we get a vaccine.

Keep enjoying your amazing life,

((((Ready)))))

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#45: August 25, 2020, 01:05:54 PM
Ready I’m not sure, because before I invited him he did ask if we were here with friends and I said “no it’s just us 4”. Even after that when I invited him, he was very awkward. Almost like if I asked him when he’s in bed with her does he think of me. I did suspect he wouldn’t show as I couldn’t imagine Ow being entirely pleased because aside from anything we all know kids have huge mouths, so if she asks them about D4 birthday they will likely say “yes it was good and daddy came to the pub with us”. I honestly couldn’t tell you what goes on in that mans head. It’s almost like he likes throwing little curveballs. Strange behaviour. Also, D8 was telling him about the gifts his mother gave me and I started explaining and he was smiling along. He didn’t seem shocked. So I’m wondering if he was in on it? If she told him or what?

Yeah, I’m not entirely sure we will head to Spain as right now it’s all a bit too risky, but I was looking November/December and anything can happen. I just thought for £1,000 I could have a weekend in a theme park or a full week in Spain. It’s a no brainier really when it’s put like that.

Although D8 did “let slip” this little conversation Where clington told the girls “ow doesn’t need to hear about mummy and mummy doesn’t need to hear about ow”
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#46: August 25, 2020, 01:54:44 PM
Hello,

Quote
I was going to go to CBeebies land and stay in the hotel for two nights and visit all the theme parks for D4 birthday

I looked that up online, that looks like a lot of fun and the park is huge. Either way, you will have a lot of fun. LOL

((((Ready))))
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#47: August 25, 2020, 03:10:31 PM
It does look fun but it’s also hella expensive. I went to college with a guy who is now a journalist and he reviewed it. He even said it was nice just very expensive. Even the food.

What also made me laugh, about a 5 minute walk from my house is a supermarket. It’s the one, me clington & all children had/have (me and the kids kept ours but I’m sure him living in a new area voids that for him!) electronic prescriptions set up for. So I’m always in and out. It’s also the supermarket my best friend works at so I’m regularly popping in. On Saturday I almost popped in, instead I decided to go home and nap....guess what my BFF text me

“Clington & ow are in X”
I replied “ya lying 😂😂” thinking ahe may have been joking (remember clington lives a good hour from me)
Her “no seriously they are here”.

I saw her that evening and apparently she saw them near the pharmacy. I just can’t, literally can’t imagine it. There must be easily 50-100 supermarkets between our houses. And I’m sure there’s an equal amount of pharmacies. So he has to come all the way to MY area, 5 minutes from my house 🤷🏽‍♀️ Huh?

But your right ready, I’ll always be smug that I’m leaps anr bounds ahead of them in everything. I’ve moved on emotionally and financially. And it feels AMAZING
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#48: August 27, 2020, 12:12:24 PM
So up until last week the girls school had said this
• no school shoes. Just black trainers so they didn’t need to change for PE
• no school bags
• no PE kits

Then last Friday that guideline changes too
• school shoes
• school bags
• PE kits

Now I had bought all three girls matching really nice black trainers for school. So I was a bit miffed when they changed the guidelines. However, the school have said they won’t be so strict on it and they can go in trainers if needed. However, I decided if I had time I would get them some proper school shoes. That way the trainers I bought could be used for weekend. Or whatever but not to get wrecked at school. Today was that day. Today I decided to take the girls and get them school shoes, which I know was pushing it time wise but I would rather Atleast try. Plus it got us out the house.

Luckily I managed to get them some school shoes. I phoned clington and I told him they had school shoes. Usually the deal we have is I buy the uniform. He buys the shoes. And that’s how it’s always been. I bought the uniform earlier in the holidays and the shoes today.

Now I know, I know one could argue I should have demanded he pay his share of the shoes. But frankly, I am not begging that man for a penny. I was able to comfortably buy my girls shoes and that’s what I did. He isn’t stupid. He knows full well they start school next week and he also knows full well what they need for school.

I also had to phone him at 4pm and ask him for a photo. As D4 is staring in reception the school have asked for a family photo, you know so 1) they know who is who when it comes to pick up but 2) it’s also a talking point with D4 if she gets upset “is this your mummy” etc. I have the photo to send in of me D4,D6 & D8 but I do not have a photo with clington in it. Ofs. So I asked for him to send me one. What makes me laugh is he spoke to D6 and asked if we were going caravan this weekend. She then handed me the phone and said “Dad said he’s putting money in your bank” so I said what, and asked him what he meant. He then says “Well I’ll put money in your bank for them in the arcades”. Ahhh I see, so you can give them spending money for arcades but not pay for uniform/school shoes. Ok. Got it. However, it’s now 8pm. And still I haven’t had any money go in my bank.

P.S - I am aware that clington does pay a decent amount in “maintenance” and I know he’s not one of these people who hasn’t paid a penny at all. However it’s more the fact that, it’s always been me buy uniform. Him shoes. And he only said a few weeks ago he would buy them. But as of yet he hasn’t.

But it’s okay, mamas got them and I’m not giving him the satisfaction of “Clington I need you to pay X”
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#49: August 30, 2020, 03:33:28 AM
***** WARNING, RANT COMING *****

So on Friday, we came to the caravan. Clington knew this as D6 told him Friday we were going. He then phoned me around 3-4pm on the Friday when I was in a supermarket with the kids and my mum. He made the usual small talk “Hi you okay, are you going caravan today. How’s the kids. Blah blah blah” and then he said “I know you won’t like this, and I think I already know what you’ll say but I’ve been offered a new job. Same company but it’s 4 on 4 off. So you would lose some of your weekends”. I couldn’t really talk because my mum was about. So I said “well I can’t really talk right now so I’ll text you”.
I text within 5 minutes and said “ Obviously I would prefer to keep my weekends however if I loose them because of your job. I’m ok with that. If that makes sense” he replied almost instantly “ Yeh I no I have decided I’m staying Monday - Friday it’s better all round”. So he already made the decision but wasted his time asking me. I never replied after that.

Then on Saturday, and this is where the rant comes in. I was out with my family and my friend text and said “You’ll never guess what?” So I said “what?”  This is a friend I haven’t spoken to in a while so the news could have been anything new with her. She said “Guess where Ow is having her lunch”. I replied saying “I really don’t care, nor do I want to know” because where she eats is irrelevant to me. My friend replied “The airport pub”. Which is the same pub I take the kids to quite a lot. It’s over an hour away from where ow and clington live. It’s annoying because I only spoke to another friend of mine the other week where I said “she’s not copied me in a while. Maybe she’s bored” so I jinxed myself. But it fire trucking annoys me, that this place to eat isn’t exactly cheap. For the two of them to have a meal, and I would assume a few drinks. It’s easily £50+  That’s on top of their petrol to get there. So it’s annoying to me that they can go out and spend that on a meal. Yet, when it comes to paying Clingtons half of the uniform. Nothing. The kids spending money HE told them he would give them. Nothing. But a meal out is totally acceptable.

I also find it a little bit intrusive, if I’m perfectly honest. That at any given moment, When the kids are not with them. They come near me. Last weekend it was the supermarket right by my house. Which I could have quite easily have been in. And this weekend it’s the pub I like to take the children (they knew I was in wales) but that’s not the point. What if I wasn’t? What if I had taken the kids there as the weather was nice. What then?

What did make me laugh, is I took the children to the arcade at the caravan site. I uploaded a photo to my Facebook of me and D8 in the arcade having fun. An hour or so later clington text “I’ve put money in your bank for the kids spending”. So he can provide pocket money, but not the school uniform or school shoes which the children actually NEED.
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« Last Edit: August 30, 2020, 03:35:54 AM by sachat3 »
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#50: August 30, 2020, 08:13:21 AM
Hello,

Quote
It’s annoying because I only spoke to another friend of mine the other week where I said “she’s not copied me in a while. Maybe she’s bored” so I jinxed myself.

Interesting that Clington joined you for the birthday party at the pub just over a week ago and now he takes OW there as well? It just seems so strange that they would drive an hour to go to a place you like rather than find their own special spot. It's one thing if it was close, but rather odd to go out of their way to go to this place.

I don't know the dynamics of their relationship, but one thing is very clear, they are not coming together to create a new life as a couple as much as Clington is using her to replace you in his life. In acting, her role would be the understudy and the understudy replaces the lead if the lead is ill or needs the day off.

It is a fatal flaw that will only become more strained. No matter how hard OW tries, she can't replace you. They have not built any new memories as a couple other than reliving the life he had with you. As a baker, it is like baking with real vanilla extract or imitation and trust me, you can tell the difference.

So no need to rant, just know that in their relationship that both of them can't think of anything better to do than copy you.

((((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs))))

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#51: August 30, 2020, 09:34:11 AM
You are so right. The thing is, me and clington used to go to this particular pub within the first year or so of our relationship. Before we had kids. Then the pub had a massive make over and me and the girls have been a few times recently. The fact he joined us at the pub, did also enter my mind. Because it’s yet another thing that, maybe it’s her, but also maybe it’s him. Which makes it a weirder dynamic. Especially when you add it the fact that they also went to my local supermarket. So what’s next? Will they start having cups of tea with my neighbours.

The rant was more based on the fact he can go out for a meal, ( I just assume he was there with her but can’t prove it as I have no idea really. Just my friend saw her upload a picture of the menu on social media) when he hasn’t contributed towards the uniforms the girls need. It’s lucky for him, I was able to buy all the girls uniform and school shoes without him. So I don’t need to beg him for the money as I’ve already got that sorted. But it’s just the principle of it. It’s just rather annoying, that aside from the money I spent it was also rather stressful getting the girls things in time. I had to drag them to the shops for shoes. I had to sort the uniform whilst he swans about doing whatever.

Your also right, they don’t have many things they do. That we didn’t.
They go to London...one of my favourite cities and the place me and clington went every year for his birthday. They also tend to go around the time or his birthday.
They go to Paris...the place that he was going to take me for my pre Bd birthday. That never happened.
They went to my favourite curry place for NYE.
They go to the supermarket near me.
They go to the pub near me.
They either go to places we went or wanted to go. Ow also went for a spa weekend at my favourite Manchester hotel, after I had two spa weekends there. They also tend to copy my post Bd life. The only thing that is starting to creep in, and another HS member said it to me on WA was “they go to your supermarket and now your pub...is Ow wanting a confrontation?”  I would really prefer not to bump into either of them when they are together.....unless I am on a hot date with a hunk and I look like a movie star that is.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#52: August 31, 2020, 05:14:16 AM
She just wants to be you....
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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#53: August 31, 2020, 06:45:47 AM
The dumb thing is, they don't stop and think there are memories of you and him together in these places.  There will no doubt be something that will remind him of you....some memory.

But these alienators aren't very bright.   ::)
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#54: August 31, 2020, 02:56:21 PM
HAHAHA UM I know right. Duplicate never as good as the original anyway.

Thunder, I’m not that fussed about where they eat. If they choose to go the places we went then that’s on them. I just have an overwhelming feeling now, that I may end up bumping into them one day and that’s what scares me. That maybe we will be in the same supermarket, same pub, same shop or whatever and then I’m faced with whatever comes. I would imagine, should clington see me in a pub, he would do his best to avoid a confrontation but I would imagine ow is keen for it, as it’s her making it known that she’s in these places. I’m not hearing about it from him. He has never told me where he’s been. And I’ve never asked.

I’m more than happy to allow him to be making memories with Ow. That’s fine by me. Go to the places we went. Try and rewrite whatever he is trying to rewrite but I know I win because I’m making those memories with the kids. I know, even back to the airport pub he may have taken her there. But I will always be the one that went there with the kids. He may have taken ow to Paris. But I’ll be taking the kids there and seeing them at Disney.

I’m coming home tomorrow from a lovely few days in wales. Me and the girls have made lots of memories but I have just checked my emails and seen on our neighbourhood watch group we have there has been an attempted break in on my road. So now I am very much on edge, knowing my house was one that has been left vacant this whole time. This is a time it would be handy to have clington next door to keep a eye on things. Wow I never thought I would say that sentence lol
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#55: August 31, 2020, 04:39:34 PM
HAHAHA UM I know right. Duplicate never as good as the original anyway.

Thunder, I’m not that fussed about where they eat. If they choose to go the places we went then that’s on them. I just have an overwhelming feeling now, that I may end up bumping into them one day and that’s what scares me. That maybe we will be in the same supermarket, same pub, same shop or whatever and then I’m faced with whatever comes. I would imagine, should clington see me in a pub, he would do his best to avoid a confrontation but I would imagine ow is keen for it, as it’s her making it known that she’s in these places. I’m not hearing about it from him. He has never told me where he’s been. And I’ve never asked.

I’m more than happy to allow him to be making memories with Ow. That’s fine by me. Go to the places we went. Try and rewrite whatever he is trying to rewrite but I know I win because I’m making those memories with the kids. I know, even back to the airport pub he may have taken her there. But I will always be the one that went there with the kids. He may have taken ow to Paris. But I’ll be taking the kids there and seeing them at Disney.

I’m coming home tomorrow from a lovely few days in wales. Me and the girls have made lots of memories but I have just checked my emails and seen on our neighbourhood watch group we have there has been an attempted break in on my road. So now I am very much on edge, knowing my house was one that has been left vacant this whole time. This is a time it would be handy to have clington next door to keep a eye on things. Wow I never thought I would say that sentence lol

Great perspective on this Sacha....he's trying to hold on to something from the past, while trying to flash his shiny new life.   As the LBS, who have been forced to dig deep and look within, we see this clear as day.   To them, they dont understand why the want to "rewrite" the memories of these places.

I think you are in a strong enough place, where you had to see them, you would handle it much more stronger than you give yourself credit for.  I suspect that you would have a good chuckle, if that happened.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#56: September 01, 2020, 01:40:44 AM
Oh I can defo see the wood from the trees. The thing is, in this respect. I’m 100% okay with clington “rewriting our memories” because realistically I’ve done the same. London was always “our place” I specifically remember a chat we had whilst in London about how London was our place and if either of us took someone else there it would be hurtful. Well BD was November, the following January he was strolling around London with Ow. So it didn’t quite work that way did it. But for me, I knew I had to go back there. I had to have something that took it from “ours” to “mine”. So I went in December last year, two years post bomb drop. So now, my memories of the place are “remember when I was badass and took myself to London, on my own on the Friday? Got the train solo. Found my hotel and checked in solo. Spent time alone”. I have my own memories now instead of being plagued with “clington and ow”. Me and clington went London almost every January throughout our relationship. So I know, he’ll always be thinking “oh remember when Sacha did X. Remember when we went here”. That’s for him to deal with on his own. With that said, I must admit it does still feel very intrusive. Because some of the places they are going, such as my curry place, are my post BD places. They are the places, I went to GAL so it feels very much like, none of my life is safe. They are travelling a hour plus to get to a place, I go to. So that does feel very intrusive.

I think the problem I have with bumping into them, is, under ordinary circumstances one of us will have the kids with us. As 9/10 the children are either with me, or him. So that amplifies everything. It feels very much like ow is clawing at getting my attention. We went a good few months without her doing anything. Well so I think, I don’t check these things but I didn’t hear anything from anyone so I assume that means she was doing nothing. Whereas now, I feel like she’s after my attention. Not quite sure why, but that’s the vibe I’m getting. Let’s just hope, she doesn’t decide to come and find me in a pub when I’m kid free. She might have a different kind of meet and greet a few gins in 😂
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#57: September 01, 2020, 02:11:54 AM
It's obviously an MLC/ow thing bc so many of them seem to do it.
Makes zero sense to me. If I was in a new relationship, the last thing I would want to do is revisit old places I associated with my h or indeed hang out at new places he went to  ::)
And if my bf left his wife for me, why on earth would I feel threatened by his wife or want to copy her or go to 'their' old spots? Zero sense. And I have (slowly) learned that if something makes no sense, it is usually bc it is coming from someone else's messed up head not mine  :)
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#58: September 01, 2020, 02:08:45 PM
I totally agree. I think, if I ever went on an official date with C (unlikely) and we sat down and he said “oh yeah me and my ex always came here”. It would make me feel uneasy. I mean, if they were places she went before him, or places local to them. I could kind of get it. But, it’s not. Even when I saw them going for “walks” very close after BD when I was in my stalky stage. They went walking in the places me and clington took the children. Places he drove 1 hour to her house to pick her up, then a hour to the spot, then a hour back to her, then a hour back to his house. That always seemed excessive to me. Even now it does, the places they are visiting, even my new post BD places are local to ME. So they are making 2-3 hour round trips just to come to a place I’ve been.

I’m now home from the caravan...and very please to see it was NOT my house that was broken into. Which was a relief as my house was empty which obviously makes it a prime target. However, I do not have home insurance and so I think tomorrow I will have to look around and find some quotes. It’s really made me think twice.

Tomorrow the girls start back at school, so prepare yourself HS members, tomorrow is D4’s first day of big school. So I may post a lot of emotional stuff lol. Tomorrow D4 “phases” in. So she’s only in half day. Luckily for me it’s the morning. I text clington and said
“ Just to remind you, the girls start back at school tomorrow. They are all in at 8:45am so we will be leaving my house at around 8:25-8:30. If you would like to do the school run with us, that’s more than fine by me.“ I sent this text at 5:13pm and didn’t get a response until almost 7pm when he FaceTimed from work and explained he’s on a overnight trucking trip so won’t be able to do the school run, but would FaceTime them in the morning etc. We had general chit chat, but it was the most bizarre vibe. He had me on FaceTime, whilst talking to people on his Walkie talkies at work. I knew they could hear me and I could hear them. I’m not being big headed when I say this, but I very much felt like clington just wanted to talk to me. He wanted to chat with me but didn’t seem interested in anything about the kids at all. Even when I was telling him my concerns about D4 first day (for those new she’s autistic as well as a few other issues) and his response was just “yeah yeah I get that” but then “so did you have fun this weekend? Bet you can’t wait for me to come this weekend and get the girls hey. Bet you’ll be really drunk won’t you” but anything about the girls (which I attempted to keep the chat too) his response was one word answers. Almost like I was talking about children that weren’t his.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#59: September 02, 2020, 05:33:04 AM
Hello,

Glad your place wasn't broken into. I've had that happen once (bad thieves, they did more damage breaking in then what they stole). Insurance covered everything.

I will keep you in my prayers for school. Normally this would just be anxiety for the little one's first day, but this covid has everything completely out of whack.

((((Hugs))))

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#60: September 02, 2020, 06:42:22 AM
To my uneducated ears, it sounds as if Clington was on a fishing expedition to see if you had "plans" for the weekend etc.  The whole "bet you'll be plastered" nonsense reeks of jealous insecurity... or maybe the Disney Queen is a secret drinker and he sees her sloshed all the time?

Who knows... More importantly, who cares?

And the one word answers... Well, of course, you were not taking the Clington Bait so he wasn't interested in yanking the fishing line.... Kids are boring so ...
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#61: September 02, 2020, 11:46:55 AM
Ready - Thankyou! It’s defo made me want to look into home insurance as at the moment I have none, and when I saw the post I just thought ohmygoodness if they did steal the TVs and jewlery etc etc I’d be up sh!t creek without a paddle so to speak. Yes Covid has definitely changed certain aspects of her starting school, but in someways it’s been the silver lining.

UM - I agree 100% he was on a fishing trip. Well, that coupled with having a sly “is all you do get drunk. You have no life” dig. I’ve explained to him many times, that whay I do in my kid free time is non of his concern. Unless I start taking hardcore drugs that are still in my system when he drops the kids off. Nothing I do matters to him. So he doesn’t need to know. It’s a need to know basis.

- - - - -
So one thing I did forget to mention, during the phone call last night clington said to me “So are they all set for tomorrow?” To which I replied (probably with a bit more attitude than needed!) “Yes they are. I got them the uniform so that’s sorted. I got them the shoes so that’s sorted. They are using their old school bags so that’s sorted. They are all sorted” to which he said “Oh I forgot to mention, I picked them up some socks nice frilly ones and I also found a plain green (school colour) jumper for D4. Should fit her”. Which did make me laugh, that that is his contribution to the kids uniform and he just happened to remember it. He’s promised to bring them at collection this weekend.

So today I’ve had much more contact with clington that I would have liked, but as the girls are going back to school and it’s their first day with new teachers etc I allowed it. What did make me laugh is, we’ve had a few facetime calls theoughout the day...before school, when D4 came home, when D6&D8 came home etc. And then later in the evening he FaceTimed and spoke to D6. D8 has had her friend over for tea today so she didn’t speak to him. But the vibe of the chat was very much “are you excited to see me because I’ve bought you this”. He hasn’t had the girls at his house for a month now, so I would imagine the guilt has started kicking in and instead of planning a nice day for the girls where they can do something and make memories. He’s buying things.

But all in all, today has been a good day. All three girls have had a great first day back at school. Even D4 went skipping in. Which is good to see. I just hope it continues.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#62: September 04, 2020, 09:58:34 AM
What a week it has been. And I mean wow. Last night alone I had to take myself to bed for 8pm because I was THAT tired. I think tonight will be much of the same. Going from 6 months of lockdown and not really leaving the house to suddenly having to get three girls up and out the house and at school for 8:45am is sure a stark contrast.

We’ve had a lot more contact with clington that I would have liked, I don’t have a issue contacting him. Like, I don’t feel angry or upset after his calls but like said previously, I know he tries fishing or making sly digs and it’s very much exhausting. Next week when the back to school again settles, it should be much easier.

This weekend clington gets the children and I’ve booked myself into a hotel. Frankly, it’s been a long and tiring week and I need a break. I was going to stay home, but recently my cats seem to be playing up, well one of them and they’ve been using spots in my dining room to use the toilet, as well as my kitchen counter tops. She’s been to the vet, before for this issue but it doesn’t seem to be medical. Just behavioural. So I definitely need an escape. Especially when the kids are gone.

It’s been nice having this free time whilst D4 has been in school. I’ve been able to get some practical things sorted such as the grocery shopping and also housework. Which is freeing up my evenings to do spray tans and work. So I also think once I’ve got myself into a routine with that, life should run a lot smoother.

I do think more often than not now, when clington has the children I will take myself away. Even if it’s just a one night stay in a local hotel. I think a change of scenery will do me the world of good.
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#63: September 07, 2020, 04:53:51 AM
I feel like this weekend was a all rounded type of weekend.

Friday was a very much chilled evening as the girls were still a bit  tired from the first week back at school. So we all ended up in bed much earlier than we usually would have.

Saturday clington got the children, he told me he would get them around 9ish and at around 9am he phoned me and I could tell he was outside as he said “I’ve just picked up something from Civic (shopping centre fairly local to the house) so I’ll be with you shortly”. Okay then. He then turned up and I did give him the usual run down “put this cream on D8 legs. D4 has a snotty nose so give her calpol etc etc. There was also a few jokes that I just had to ignore from him. What did tickle me (inside I never let him see) is when he’s been making these sexual comments/jokes. I noticed him staring at me. Almost like a child who’s drawn a picture and stares at you for your reaction. So bizarre. I also sent him a picture message of the spelling D8 has this week. And asked him to practice them with her. I can guarantee right now he never did that though. Heaven forbid he should have to actually be a parent and not the cool fun uncle he is at the moment.
 
Once he was gone i did a few jobs around the house and then headed to town where I booked myself into a hotel for the night. I didn’t have any major plans so I felt like an escape from the kids and the cats was very much needed but I definitely think that this is something I will be doing a lot more often as I slept SO well. I actually woke up feeling very very refreshed. Which hasn’t happened in a long time. When I was out, I bought a bottle of gin to enjoy at the hotel and I had a lovely chilled out time. A nice relaxing bath, a couple of gins. I felt amazing. I then uploaded a picture of my hotel bed to Instagram and said something like “No kids, but more importantly no cats I’ll be sleeping like a log tonight”. When C (if any of you remember him) saw it, he text me and we chatted a bit. He was at a bar locally for his birthday as it’s his birthday today (Monday) so we texted back and forth and he came to the hotel I was at and had a few drinks with me in the hotel bar. We literally had two drinks each and then he left as he had football training. And I went back to my room ALONE by 11pm - ish. I literally slept all the way through till about 10am. I briefly woke up at 6 and panicked I had over slept but realised I didn’t and went back to sleep till 10 when I had to get ready to check out.

The very bizarre thing was, whilst I was having drinks with C and I had already had a few gins in the hotel. It was fine. I was enjoying myself and even when I got back to the hotel and he had gone I started thinking to myself “oooh maybe I misjudged him. Maybe all this came from a self defence place or whatever” because he wasn’t as I imagined him to be. I didn’t feel like he was someone I could potentially hurt. Because I know I don’t want a relationship, but in the past I always felt that was something he was desperately seeking. It was then around midday Sunday that the texts from him starting coming through and he seemed way more keen than he did the night before...but again this is over text so I wonder if maybe I misread the situation on text because in person we get on fine. There are no issues.

When it comes to C, I feel Like I could potentially have a very casual thing with him. Something without a label and without the pressure. Because frankly right now, I don’t have the energy to put into a relationship. Relationships take a lot of work to get through. Especially as he has 2 kids and I have 3. And so I feel like, a casual thing yes. But I don’t have the energy to raise three kids, two energetic house cats, home renovations, have a social life AND build a relationship.

Once I was home, I noticed I was having a leak under my sink/washing machine. I’ve been fixing the problem since yesterday as no solution seems to keep the leak fixed but we will see.

I’m now on a mission to get my house in a semi decent condition so I can leave, if I choose to do so. The problem I have is, because a lot of the issues with the house are my problem. That makes them my responsibility to fix and it’s impractical for me to look at moving until I physically can do. But getting my house sorted will be the first stepping stone. Ofcourse I may then decide to stay but I then have options. Which is what I really need.

Then clington brought the kids back around tea time..5:30pm and as he’s getting ready to go D6 said “we still haven’t had tea” and I just looked at him as if to say “REALLLY???” He looked at me and said “I’ve been at my brothers all day, I’ll go grab them something now” to which the kids start jumping around and demand a McDonalds. He then goes McDs and gets me a meal too. But I couldn’t finish it as I had already eaten not too long ago.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#64: September 07, 2020, 07:15:43 AM
Hello,

Quote
Once he was gone i did a few jobs around the house and then headed to town where I booked myself into a hotel for the night.

It's nice to take some time just for yourself. My wife and I book a weekend out every three or so months so we can just focus on each other. We pick places to eat and overall just chill for the weekend. It really helps to take a time out from the busy world we live in and just enjoy each other.

Quote
Well, that coupled with having a sly “is all you do get drunk. You have no life” dig.

Which is so ironic based on the fact that he spends 90% of his time trying to copy your life. LOL

Quote
When it comes to C, I feel Like I could potentially have a very casual thing with him. Something without a label and without the pressure. Because frankly right now, I don’t have the energy to put into a relationship. Relationships take a lot of work to get through. Especially as he has 2 kids and I have 3. And so I feel like, a casual thing yes. But I don’t have the energy to raise three kids, two energetic house cats, home renovations, have a social life AND build a relationship.

You know your priorities and you have a good head on your shoulders. However, I strongly urge caution as you have a built a good life and you don't want to complicate it with a bad relationship, casual or otherwise. Go slow to go even slower. My situation was entirely different as I got involved with my new wife, my youngest was 15 and lived with her mother and my oldest was 19 and in college. Her children were 16 and 17 at the time. They all had their own lives and there wasn't much complications in regards to children.

My MLCer was 1000 miles away and that was another factor that was gone and her ex is remarried. A lot less going on for both of us. I am not saying don't, but really listen to your intuition as you move forward.

Glad that you had a great weekend,

(((((Ready)))))





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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#65: September 07, 2020, 09:10:53 AM
Ready -
I definitely think, if I don’t have GAL plans i will take myself away. The hotel I stayed at is lovely. It also usually has a spa but due to Covid it was not open.

What’s funny ready, about the copying, is D6 is an emotionally tired child. So she asked to FaceTime clington and I agreed. It was 4:20pm and she’s so tired from school and such she was ready for bed then. D8 was saying she’s not tired she would drink one of my monster energy drinks...:Guess what clington was drinking during the FaceTime call 😂

With regards to C, I don’t think I’ll ever be in a relationship with him. And if I was, it wouldn’t be for a VERY long time. Don’t get me wrong he is a nice guy...HOWEVER, I do think he could be a typical MLCer in a few years tome and I certainly don’t have time for that. Aside from anything, our friendship group overlaps ALOT so we couldn’t have a horrible messy ending (if anything even started) as it would be too awkward. A lot of the time he’ll be in the same pub as me with his friends and so we all just get one table. This weekend was the first time I’ve spent 1-on-1 time with him. I just don’t see me in a relationship with anyone anytime soon. More so because like you say, I’ve built a life I love and I don’t want to deal with the stress of spinning another plate. But I did say to my friend, there’s a reason for everything. And there’s a reason he’s in my life. Not sure what it is, but there will be one. Worst case, I think I’ll always have him as a friend.

What did make me chuckle is...clington hasn’t had the kids at his house in a month because his last weekend to have them, his mum had them instead. So he went to see them on the Sunday at his mums. Clington also spent last week working in Scotland. He was sleeping in his truck for a good few days. And low and behold, D6 upon telling me about her weekend “We only saw her once” D8 then butted in “yeah Ow came to the shops with us, but then she set her alarm really early in the morning and went out”. So she’s not had to deal wirb the kids for a month and yet is still avoiding them. When I envisioned her meeting the kids and such, I never once imagined her to be like this. I honestly thought she would be all sweetness and light. I thought she would plan the most amazing days out. They would have the most high tech up to date toys. But nope. Total opposite.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#66: September 12, 2020, 02:35:08 AM
This is my first proper weekend with the children, in actually quite a while. As it’s been summer and we’ve been at the caravan a lot.

Thursday was my birthday, and to say I was shocked when at 7:55am I received a FaceTime call from clington to wish me a happy birthday is an understatement. He was actually the first person to wish my happy birthday. Which is a stark contrast to last year when he didn’t even say happy birthday.

Tomorrow is also D8 soon to be D9 birthday. And so I will have to see clington tomorrow as he is offering to take the three children for breakfast. But then It is also nice he is making the effort.

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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#67: September 12, 2020, 03:03:21 AM
Happy Birthday, sachet!   :)
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#68: September 12, 2020, 03:13:15 AM
Happy birthday, sachat.....hope you have a lovely weekend with your gorgeous girls  :)
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#69: September 12, 2020, 07:00:16 AM
Hello,

Happy birthday to you and your daughter. I hope you have a great weekend.

Quote
Tomorrow is also D8 soon to be D9 birthday. And so I will have to see clington tomorrow as he is offering to take the three children for breakfast. But then It is also nice he is making the effort.

Making an effort is so much better than total rejection of his children.

Enjoy!

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#70: September 12, 2020, 11:39:20 AM
Happy Birthday Sachat!
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#71: September 13, 2020, 02:42:25 AM
Thankyou for all the birthday wishes. I had a very lovely day.

I didn’t think I would be here with an update for you all but hey ho. Here goes.

Here’s a bit of back story, before Ow met my children. I told clington “it’s your call when you want to introduce them to one another. However I expect the curtesy and respect of you telling me and not me finding out from the kids” that was the deal we made. And that happened. So I agreed if I ever got in a relationship and the girls met the man. I would tell clington before hand.

My children have met C’s children a few times and they get on reallt well. As we have many many mutual friends. When there is a children’s party both of them are invited. His oldest is 3 months younger than D9 and his youngest is 2 months older than D6. So it’s inevitable they would get on. Especially when our mutual friends children are around 3/4. More in D4 age range. They are always the older ones that hang together. Whilst the kids have met. C hasn’t really met my kids as he tends to drop kids off and pick them back up. He doesn’t usually stay, but because I do. I’ve met his kids.

Now C is not my partner. He isn’t someone I’ve even kissed. It’s only ever been a repeated flirt. He has told me he likes me though. And for D8 birthday outting yesterday D8 asked to invite C’s children (technically she wanted her BFF O from school, but she was busy. She then asked for Cs kids). So I debated letting clington know there was this potential. However, a HS member told me, unless it was a relationship I didn’t need to tell him. Them being around their friends dad who I sometimes flirt with in a pub. Isn’t information he needs. So I agreed. I decided not to tell Clington. I also decided it probably wasn’t best to invite his kids out either & we just had a family day.

I explained to D8 that we wouldn’t see C’s children. She asked me why, and I just said “Mummy and L&M daddy sometimes go to the pub together and when your grown up it can be very complicated sometimes and it’s best we have a family day” What I didn’t bank on happening was D8 texting clington b!tvhing about me and her text said “Mum is mean, she won’t let me see L and M for my birthday” he asked why and D8 replied “Because mummy and their daddy go to the pub and it gets complicated”. I only found out about these texts at 9pm (they were sent at 11am). So I now assume that clington has put two and two together and typically ended up with ten.

The original plan for today was clington would get the kids from me at around 9-9:30am and take them for breakfast at a place near me with MIL FIL & BIL. I spoke to clington at 9pm Friday and that was still the plan.

When I read the texts, i text my BFF and showed her what D8 said. She laughed and said “clington defo thinks you and C are together and had broken up” (clearly not true). Anyway, about half hour later my BFF sends me a screenshot of Ow Instagram and it is a table with balloons and presents etc and said “all ready for the birthday girl tomorrow” I just laughed a little. I mean, she’s been with clington almost 3 years. She’s lived with him for nearly 1. No Christmas photos. No D6 birthday photos. Not even D4 got photos and her birthday was only a few weeks ago. But suddenly last night D9 gets a photo. Very convenient isn’t it.

So we do our usual birthday things and I’m just waiting for clington to text me as he told me he would text when on his way. No text came. 9:30 comes around. Still no text. Thwn D9 screams NANNY AND GRANDAD ARE HERE” which is irritating because 1) it’s not the plan we had and 2) I didn’t know they were coming so had no warning. And D4 wasn’t dressed. So with MIL at the door I said “oh sorry, I didn’t know you was coming. Clington told me he would get them and he would text when on his way. She then said “oh he didn’t tell you...yeah he’s (she mouthed this bit) blowing up balloons”. So by the sounds of it, clington is now changes the plan from Friday evening to have a mini party for D9 at his house” 😂😂😂

It’s been almost 3 years since we split. The first year he never attended D4 birthday party intact him and ow did their best to ruin the party. There’s been 9 birthdays in this time and yet only D9 suddenly gets a party. If I didn’t know better, I would say someone has a green eyes monster. Which is funny because, there isn’t much to be jealous of but hey. I’ll let him think what he wants.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#72: September 14, 2020, 09:22:37 AM
So after the breakfast i assumed clington would be bringing the kids back.  WRONG 😂

There was one present I wanted to get for D9. I was originally told that it wouldn’t be in stock till Tuesday however at 10pm the company text and said it was back in stock and could be picked up from 11am Sunday. So I was happy and explained this to XMiL. She said it would be fine. So I went to pick it up. Turns out clearly wasn’t fine because before I was home D9 text to tell me she was coming home. So I phoned MiL and made them go round the block a few time’s.

Around an hour or so later I have clington phone me. It was a weird call where he didn’t seem to have a point to it. Usually it he wants to talk to me about something, he’ll make pointless chat first and then jump in with the “so ....” and get to the point of what he wanted to say. But this time there was no point. When I realised their was no point. I just ended the call with him.

I then took the kids to the airport pub - so no doubt the copy cats will be there this weekend 😂 and whilst there MiL sent me a few photos from breakfast. In one of the photos. You could clearly see in the reflection or the glass Ow taking a photo of the girls. So I know I know, but I checked her insta...it’s an open profile and I wanted to check that there was no photos or the girls on there if it was still open. Even my social media is private now. The photo ow had taken wasn’t on her socials which was good. But there was a photo or D9 birthday cake. Which I’m fine with her acknowledgment of the kids online. Especially as their faces aren’t in the pictures. But, my only concern is, I hope it’s real. I don’t want her to be doing all this but then when the kids are around her actively avoiding the kids. I mean it was only a week ago she set her alarm really early and left the house and never returned until the kids were back with me. So I want to believe that she’s taking a more invested approach to the girls. I don’t want it to be all for social media show.

However, the cake photo she uploaded, was around the point of the best thing about birthdays is cake. Which is a general upload. HOWEVER she never got a slice, as the cake cake back to me all in tack and it was my job to do the candles and cake.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#73: September 14, 2020, 04:24:35 PM
HOWEVER she never got a slice, as the cake cake back to me all in tack and it was my job to do the candles and cake.

And believe me that is one cake she will NEVER have. ;)  You made a most memorable day for your little. Such an amazing mama!
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#74: September 15, 2020, 03:11:29 PM
Well KIT you saw the cake 😍 it tasted as good as it looks. But then MIL is good at that. Not so much on raising decent kids 😂 I joke I joke.

My only thing, Is both her posts were clearly fake regarding ow birthday cake. She laid out presents and balloons on a table as if D9 would see them. She never did as she never went to the house. So was pointless. And also she posted about the cake and how it’s the best part of birthdays but never a actually got any cake. This is why I worry her posts are purely for social media and not a genuine thing. If they are genuine I’m all for it. A extra person to love my girls is always a bonus. I’m just not so sure. Time will tell

So today, we went to see my mum for mine and D9 birthday. Lord, does that woman stress me out. I could cope with her in small doses but it’s hard work. My mum is one of those people where. Her ideas and values are right and If you don’t agree. Your wrong. No ifs no buts. Example - we were eating and my mum had a different meal (She’s a vegetarian) she says to D9 “want to try this?” D9 declines. My mum “go on. Go on” so I step in “mum she said she doesn’t want too. Leave her” my mum “she needs to try things. It’s what life is all about”. Me “no she doesn’t. She has a balanced diet. She’s nine. If she doesn’t want to eat something. She doesn’t need too”. And my mum went in a huff. So that’s the level I’m dealing with.

Aaaanyway. D9 mentioned Ow and my mum suddenly became interested and telling me “oh clington and ow will have a baby and then your screwed” no mum I’m not. Even if Clington never paid a penny again and never had them. I’ve got this. She’s then questioning D9 on ow. And I’m sat there like “hello mum, they’ve been together nearly three years. Why you interested now”. She then turns to D9 and says “I really wish your mummy would have a boyfriend” now this p!$$ed me off because I felt like she was trying to coax D9 into her way. Which then Ofcourse D9 said “yeah well I want mummy’s boyfriend to b C because that my friends dad and then I will see them more” which then started the Spanish Inquisition.
And now my own mother is trying to get me to make C my boyfriend.

I’m aware to people over here, probably my mum but I know definitely my friends in RL they seem to think I’m “anti relationship” and I’m really not. My friends in RL always say “oh but you and c get on so well when your together and he really likes you. Just get with him” and I’m not saying it’s something that will never happen. I’m a never say never kind of person. But it’s not a case of I’m anti relationship. I’m not. It’s just a case of. Unless I’m really into that one person. I don’t see the point. I can’t do a grey area. I’m not that type of person. So if I met someone tomorrow That I was madly in love with. Well sh!!!!t I may just be a 2020 bride 😂😂😂 however it just aggravates me to no end this notion that unless I’m with someone I can’t be happy. I might be single but I can assure you all. My life is so full of love and blessings. I’m not missing out on anything being single.

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#75: September 15, 2020, 03:23:40 PM
I might be single but I can assure you all. My life is so full of love and blessings. I’m not missing out on anything being single.

Of course! And you have 3 small children. It isn't always feasible to have a full on boyfriend--they require attention too. No, you are doing it right. You are doing what feels right to you and not caving to outside pressures. You are enjoying life and counting your blessings. You may be young, but you are very wise.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#76: September 16, 2020, 12:37:52 AM
Parents.... Can't live with 'em and can't whack 'em with a 2x4 either.....

Things are NOT the same as when they were "young."
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#77: September 16, 2020, 02:09:58 AM
The thing is UM she’s actually been a single parent and she’s usually very much “Don’t need no man”. That’s her usual vibe.

To say it’s infuriating that outside influences assume that unless you are in a relationship your not complete is VERY annoying. Im more than fine all on my own. And until I find someone who makes me want to change those things. It’s not worth it to me. I’m all or nothing.

In other news, I’ve also found a online set of courses for beauty treatments that I can do all online, due Covid etc. So very soon I’ll be doing courses in lashes eyebrows etc and not just tanning.
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#78: September 27, 2020, 11:07:15 AM
So I’m slowly working out gin, is not my friend 😂😩

So a week or so ago I very nearly introduced C to the kids. We were going to go on a day out. Him and his kids. Me and mine. I thought if this were to happen I should inform clington. Just from a common curtesy place. However a HS member advised that it would appear like I was trying to make him jealous and that unless C was my boyfriend. It isn’t needed. So I decided against it. I also decided against the day trip with his kids. However since then, we have met with the kids together. The kids already knew each other so it wasn’t too much or a big deal. It wasn’t a meeting of “right kids I want you to meet C”. It was a meeting so the girls could play. Just happens to be I have a flirtationship with their friends dad.

On Clingtons weekend with the kids (last weekend) as we were putting the kids in the car and all the doors were closed. He cornered me and said “Erm what’s this about the girls meeting some man and his kids” so I explained the situation honestly and in a matter of fact way. He knows the kids speak to L and M quote a lot anyway. At first he didn’t seem too phased by it. But then he said something sarcastic like “well ya new man better not start slagging me off on social media Cos then you will have a problem” and I couldn’t help my reply and said “he’s not my new man for starters and secondly, not all of us shack up with immature @$$hol£$” he laughed and said “oh because you were so mature”. No defence of her from him. Standard really.

Then that evening I was out with some friends. We’re now under new restrictions where you can only meet with 6 people and originally we had 7 planned. And two of them, a couple dropped out. Leaving us with 5. It was fine by me. Me and my friend (female) CG met a hotel, had some drinks in the bar etc etc. Then we went on to another. This is where we should have met D & N (couple) and CE (female). CE arrived first and she was smirking the whole time and said “Can’t believe A & J aren’t coming” but laughing. This night was to celebrate my birthday. And I started thinking “omg they’ve booked some strippers or something”. Then N arrived at first without D so I looked at her puzzled and she came right over to me and said “don’t hate me” before I could ask why D came walking in with C (they are friends) C then sat down next to me and said “I can’t believe you didn’t even invite me” we got on really well all night. Tbf, we die the typical parent thing and both spoke about our kids most the night.  We started to get a lot of stick and many comments of “awe what a couple you are” and such. And then after one too many double pink gins (😩) I gave C a kiss on the cheek and CE took a picture or it and like a idiot I popped it on insta. Mainly because I knew it would attract a lot of comments and I was drunk playing devil’s advocate. My Instagram is private so it wasn’t like it was making a point to Clington. However both me and C know it’s just friendly banter.

I was interested to see when the girls got back, how Ow was behaving with them as with her insta posts I was starting to wonder if her posts were just for the insta show OR if she was beginning to adjust to having a boyfriend with 3 kids. Turns out, it was the former. Another weekend the girls have been there and another weekend where they have hardly seen Ow.

I have noticed, throughout the week an increase in FaceTime/phone calls from clington. Also so have the kids. On Tuesday morning, he FaceTimed D9 her phone was in my room as it was a school day and so I answered. All the girls spoke to him. D6 wasn’t in uniform as she had an eye appointment and at first he questioned it it was own clothes day and then D6 said “no silly daddy I’m at the eye hospital”. He asked me to let him know what was said and so I did. Not much changed for D6. A very slight change to her prescription for glasses which means she now needs new ones. But nothing too crazy.

Clington also informed me, that he now trucks Monday to Friday and is away from home. Looks like someone is still running 🙄 not just metaphorical but physically too. I guess that makes it even stranger that Ow can’t suck it up with the kids as she hasn’t seen clington for a week anyway and then he’s home with the kids. But clearly not.

Yesterday (Saturday) D9 came and said “look at this TikTok mum” and it was one of Clingtons. Showing he’s used his kid free Saturday to go on a motorcycle ride with FIL - I knew it was him as I know what his motorcycle looks like. I did chuckle to myself that on his free time he’s riding motorbikes and not with his woman who he hasn’t seen properly in weeks due to working away and the children. I have also noticed on Clingtons TikTok a few sly digs regarding ow. I also find it a little amusing that he made fun of me for using TikTok. However he’s now using it himself 😂

 
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#79: September 28, 2020, 05:17:32 AM
Hello,

Gin for you and whiskey for me.

Quote
if her posts were just for the insta show

Yes, they are all for insta show. It's not just the kids, but her relationship, and her life. It just seems as she lacks substance and any form of originality. All the people in her life are just props for a life she wants everyone to know she has even though it doesn't really exist.

Quote
I also find it a little amusing that he made fun of me for using TikTok. However he’s now using it himself 😂

Speaking of another copy cat. Hmmmm seems that they both play a game of let's copy Sachat's life.

Keep being you and know that you are a good mom. You have set the right priorities that may not always make your life appear happy, but at least it has substance and meaning.

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#80: September 28, 2020, 03:55:39 PM
I think my problem with gin, is in the moment. I find myself absolutely hilarious. But then the next day I’m like yeah. That wasn’t funny. Luckily enough for the photo, I’m on a private insta now. C knows it was bantz he found it funny. My friends and family and anyone’s opinion who matters knows the truth. Anyone else, doesn’t really matter.

I can totally see that about her insta posts. I used to care so badly. But now I just feel a bit sad for my girls. I mean D9 isn’t stupid. She will see through it and D6 is edging closer there. And that’s a horrible feeling for them.

I’m also so shocked that clington is now copying me. The funny thing is, now I look back with some hindsight, I often wonder when Ow copied. Did she see something in my posts and decide to copy OR did clington mention something that forced her to act. Either way, it doesn’t matter. It’s very very strange.

Thankyou ready, your words have helped me so much in the past and especially today when I’m having a horror of a day. A day I need a gin for.

————-

Speaking of my horror of a day. Today started out as one of those days where I was playing songs like “Destiny’s Child - independent woman” “TLC - no scrubs” “Pu$sy cat Dolls - I don’t need a man”. Today was the day for getting shizzzz done. I even mowed the lawn on my extremely overgrown garden. Despite the fact it was only mowed the other month. And it was FREEZING! The grass in my garden grows ridiculously quick. As I did the school pick up I thought to myself “wow what an amazing and productive day you’ve had”. And it was. But then come 7pm it went to $h!t and I had a horror of a day. However like I always say to my friends. It wasn’t a bad day, just a bad few hours.

Earlier today I also had a chat with a pal, I haven’t spoken to in a week or so. She asked general life things. Asked about clington and I told her about the exchange with Clington about C. Where I explained to clington, C isn’t my boyfriend. He’s a friend.Maybe one day that will change. Maybe it won’t. But for now and the foreseeable he is a friend.  And this friend was in her words “really firetrucking disappointed” she said I should have used this opportunity as a chance to get back at him, remind him other men want me and I should have told him me and C go on romantic dates. And that really wound me up! For one, I’m sure as hell clington knows men want me. Hello. He stalks my insta. He sees my selfies. 😂 Maybe it was even the catalyst for my bad few hours. But I’m SO past these childish games. If you had seen me weeks/months after BD at a child exchange or anytime I was on FaceTime to clington. I always made sure, me the kids, the house...we were all immaculate. I had my nails done, tan done, hair done, makeup done. I always wore new clothes. I wanted him to see me at my best. Guess what, now when he comes on a Saturday morning I’m either in yesterday’s/no makeup. I’m in my PJs. My hair hasn’t even been brushed. I don’t care anymore.

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#81: September 30, 2020, 06:43:34 PM
Hello,

I hope you are having a good day today. I had a hard but fun day. I administered assessments to our kindergartner students. WE are planning to start school on Tuesday with the students back. I was testing one young lady and she was very excited about coming back. She told me had a new backpack and lunch pail. The backpack was big and the lunch pail was small. I asked her what she was going to put in her lunch pail and she said, "All of my snacks." I thought to myself, "Good answer, you'll go far."

Quote
Guess what, now when he comes on a Saturday morning I’m either in yesterday’s/no makeup. I’m in my PJs. My hair hasn’t even been brushed. I don’t care anymore.

Is it that you don't care or that you've grown more comfortable just being you and that you no longer are trying to live for him, but live for yourself. That is when you are detached and living which is the goal we all strive for.

((((Hugs))))

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#82: October 01, 2020, 03:16:53 AM
Is it that you don't care or that you've grown more comfortable just being you and that you no longer are trying to live for him, but live for yourself? That is when you are detached and living which is the goal we all strive for.

And THIS is the heart of the matter.....
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#83: October 03, 2020, 02:56:56 AM
HAHA Ready. I like that girls logic ALOT

I guess it’s a little bit of both. So I’m now a lot more comfortable in my own skin. When I was 18 I wouldn’t leave the house without my makeup and hair done. Even if I was only popping to the shop for a pint of milk. Nobody ever saw me without makeup. EVER...whereas now I’m older, I only really wear makeup if I’m going out. If I’m meeting friends for lunch then I’ll put a little on. But then if I’m “out out” I will get FULL makeup. But just staying in the house, I’m more than happy to be makeup free and my hair scraped up. But, at the same time. I’m not phased by what clington thinks of my appearance. I no longer care if he looks at me and thinks “wow she’s so beautiful” and I equally don’t care if he looks at me and thinks “OMG she’s so ugly”. He came for the girls today and I’m wearing a tracksuit, I’ve got my hair scraped into a bun and no makeup. His opinion is irrelevant to me. I have no plans right now so I won’t waste makeup, time, effort and nice clothes on a child exchange.

Tuesday was the day D6 had been counting down from for the full week. It was the day she got her new glasses. She’s honestly been so excited for this day for so long now so as soon as school finishes we went and picked them up. I took photos of her with her new glasses. Sent them to my mum, MIL and clington. I then also had to go and get D9 some new school shoes (insert every version of angry emoji known to man) less than three weeks into the term due to the fact her shoes were “talking” and it was her fault as it happened because she kicked a football and using her feet to stop the bike at school!! About a hour or so after I sent clington the photos he then FaceTimed back and we had a brief FaceTime chat as he wanted to see D6 new glasses. D9 was in the background showing him her bag and he said “new shoes already?” And I explained. No offer to pay but hey, mama has got this!! Once we got home, it was time for bed and so once I got the kids to bed, my sky stopped working. So I had to book an engineer. The account is still in Clingtons name, I pay for it but it’s his name on the account so he got all the confirmation emails and he sent them to me. We have been trying for a very long time to get the account changed to my name but it’s proving very difficult. My friend works for sky, and even he has said it’s much easier to wait till the contract ends and redo it as opposed to name change as it’s so difficult.

I didn’t really hear from him until Thursday, when unbeknownst to me, D9 has been texting clington. My friend has had a litter of kittens and offered one to me. He was adorable however HE was a HE and I have two unspayed females so it was a massive no no. Plus I do think 3 cats is a lot. So D9 had text clington begging him to get the kitten so she could still see it. So he phoned me and said “what’s this about D9 wanting me to get a kitten” I explained the situation to which he said...wait for it....”yeah I’m not getting a cat, I’m getting a dog off B (a person who breeds my favourite breed of dog)” so I laughed and said “Ofcourse you are. The very breed of dog you stopped me gettinf 4 years ago because you said it was a ugly dog. You now want one” he laughed and joked a little and I then said “hang on, don’t you work away?” He said “I only work away Monday to Friday and anyway ‘someone’ is always at the house”. I found it interesting it was “someone” not “ow name” and “house” and not “home”. He then said “well I’ll get two dogs off B and get you one” I just said “okay then”. Wasn’t going to get into it with him. I have my opinions on someone, anyone getting a dog and it being in a house all day but that’s not my place to say to him. It’s his life and he can do whatever he wants with it.

Last night walking from school, D9 suddenly went on a tirade about how her dad is so embarrassing he always pretends to be rich and he isn’t and when he was in the car he was saying he didn’t have the £300 it would cost to fix his car and blah blah blah. Tbh, I didn’t think much of it. Even this morning when I said “come on let’s get dressed your dad will be here soon” she was saying things like “oh for gods sake, really? I have to go there today” I did tell her she could stay with me if she wanted but she didn’t want too. The kids also told me that ow went away with her mum and dad when the girls were with clington and they got to go in ow car because ow was getting a new car for her birthday off her mum and dad. Again I didn’t think anything of it. Until 10am this morning and a car pulls up on my drive. Not Clingtons car. I wondered who it was as sometimes people pull up on my drive and spin back off in a opposite direction as I live on a main road. Then clington got out the car. He’s in ow “old car” I said “oh I didn’t know it was you in that car”. He then said “yeah well my car’s breaks are broken and so yuno, now we have three cars, I’m in no rush to get it fixed” which given the chat I had with D9 is code for “I don’t have the money to get it fixed”. D9 said “oh it’s ow car” and used her name and I’ve never seen clington look so uncomfortable on my life. I just stood there unphased. He started telling me all about his job and how they wanted him to work Sunday and he explained he can’t work Sunday his words were “I told work, it’s not worth my life to work the Sunday’s. I can do them every other Sunday on my weekend but not yours. Told them they would be a trucker down haha” so no doubt, today it’s laughing and joking about how he’s not working on my weekends and in a few weeks when he needs the overtime money it’s all my fault. I did remind clington, that I don’t ask for much. I just need a break from everything once in a while and having 4 days out of 30/31 to myself isn’t really asking for much.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#84: October 07, 2020, 12:02:11 PM
I’m learning a fair few things about the on going’s of the girls time with clington. I never really ask too many questions. I ask enough that I show an interest and give them the freedom to talk about it. As I don’t want them to be in the position clington put them in, where they can’t talk about me around ow. I’m happy for them to feel ok to talk about ow and clington. Whilst I won’t ask direct questions likw “did you see her. What did she say” I will just be basic and keep it to “did you have fun?” And let them tell me whatever they feel is appropriate.

When clington bought the kids back they were high AF on E numbers. He came carrying sweets chocolate everything. He then jumped in telling me a story about a play centre they had been at. I was happy that Atleast this weekend they got to go out and play whereas in the past. The vast majority of their weekends with clington are just at Clingtons. However, it soon transpired that ow and ow nephew were at the play centre. D9 was the one who said “Yeah ow only came cos he came too”. So I would assume, the only time they really go out on days out, is when ow has her nephew. It’s a bit crappy that, because I just think he only sees his kids for 4 days out of 30. Would it really kill him to take them out? Even if it’s just to the park, regardless of weather ow comes or not.

The Sunday, when the girls were back. I decided to let D9 have a sleepover with me in my bedroom. The new David Attenborough documentary came out and she loves things like that (as do I) so I thought it would be nice to get some one on one time with her. It then also transpired clington has a bit of a short fuse and snapped at the girls, for being out of bed and reading their books. Ofcourse, I’m very much aware this could be half of a story. But it also does seem fairly plausible.

On Tuesday I had the parent teacher meeting (over the phone) for D9. Her teacher basically said, academically she’s fine. However it’s her confidence that needs work. She seems too shy to put her hand up and say “miss I don’t understand” which holds her back a bit. But also, her teacher said that it she answers a question, say it’s 1+1 and something very simple. Her teacher needs to know she actually knows the answer and didn’t just get a lucky guess. But even when D9 is correct in her work, it the teacher says “are you sure that’s correct” she will start doubting herself. So the work we need to do on her isn’t hard at all. I explained this to clington in a phone call and he said “Yuno she’s just like me. Too stubborn to admit things”. So I said “no clington, that’s quite literally the opposite of what her teacher said”. He then said “what she needs, is to know if she admit she’s wrong will it all be okay for her? “ there was then a awkward silence where I was like “wtf is he on about” he then said “so yeah, it’s something to work on I guess isn’t it”. I have a feeling that he wasn’t talking about D9. Either that or he totally didn’t pay a single bit of attention to anything I said.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#85: October 08, 2020, 05:37:56 PM
Most likely the last one... He IS a "Mid-Lifer" and they are only on about themselves, their needs, their wishes....

In other words....
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#86: October 09, 2020, 03:04:55 AM
It’s just so strange to me that he can be there but also, not there.

It’s also really strange that throughout the week I hardly talk to him, unless I have too. And it’s usually 99.999999% or the time about the kids. I just keep the info straight to the point. And so yesterday D4 came out of school with her star of the day badge. In effect what that means, is she was the chosen person for the day. She’d been well behaved etc. So she came out with a star badge on. I sent him the pictures and just said “star of the day” I also sent the pictures to my mum and MIL. About half hour later, he FaceTimed back. It’s strange because that’s what tends to happen. 9/10 he won’t text me. But he will call or FaceTime back. I can only assume someone somewhere accesses his phone/messages because it’s so strange. Even on the days where I text “what time are you collecting the kids” he will FaceTime or call back and say the time. As opposed to texting back.

Last week I was given a date and time for a meeting with D4 teacher and the head of SEN. This is in addition to parents evening. I emailed her teacher and asked to change the appointment to be in school time, because that makes it easier for me. Today she gave me the new meeting time which is on Monday at 10am. So, purely just to cover my own back...I asked clington if he was working and informed him of the meeting, as it is important due to the involvement of SEN. Probably more important than the standard parents meeting we will have. Aaaanyway, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s off work. He was a stuttering blubbering mess on the phone when I let him know. However, if he misses that app (which I’m 99.9% certain he will) I’m fine with that. 
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#87: October 09, 2020, 03:07:13 PM
It’s just so strange to me that he can be there but also, not there.

It’s also really strange that throughout the week I hardly talk to him, unless I have too. And it’s usually 99.999999% or the time about the kids. I just keep the info straight to the point.

Its only strange cause he's in Lala land, and you're the Mayor of Sane Town (do you even have Mayors over there?  :o)

You're doing a fantastic job  ;D
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#88: October 10, 2020, 12:32:39 PM
I’m the queen of sane town haha!

How my weekends change when I have the girls and when I don’t. Usually by this point on a Saturday (8:23pm) I’m in a pub, drinking pink gin and lemonade like it’s going out of fashion and I’m dancing like nobodies watching (despite the fact they are!) whereas this Saturday I’m in a bath (with a pink gin and lemonade) and I’m ready for bed. I’m trying to hold out a bit, just so I don’t wake up wide awake at silly o clock on a Sunday morning.

Today has been great. But also tiring. I decided, as it’s fairly likely the UK will go into another lockdown soon, I would use my time with them wisely and go the places a little bit less local. To really make the most of it. I spent too much of the first lockdown saying “I wish we had done this”. So today we went to the world museum in Liverpool. Which meant an hour and a half train just to get there and a hour and a half train on the way back. It was a really lovely day despite the weather. What was lovely to see, is how much information the girls have taken on over time without realising it. Example, they had an exhibit where they had a model lion chasing a zebra. D6 said “oh no he’s going to get him. Poor zebra” so I explained it’s the circle or life. It is still sad, but if the lion didn’t catch the zebra he wouldn’t have anything to eat. To which D9 said “you know it’s fake don’t you” so me thinking she’s being sarcastic shot her a look she then said “no I mean, because if they are hunting. Then it’s actually the lioness who would be getting the food. Not the lion”. I was actually really impressed.

It has also, opened my eyes to that D4 isn’t as bad on public transport as I think. I’ve always wanted to take the kids London, and I’ve always said I would. But I’ve been waiting forever for clington/someone to watch D4. However, the train to London is 2-2.5hours and yet I’ve done that type of journey with them to Blackpool in the past. So maybe I won’t need to rely on him after all. Although, it would take a bit more planning due to the busy underground etc.
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#89: October 11, 2020, 09:54:15 AM
Another one of those “I can’t do that with D4 activities” ticked off today. Today I took all three girls to the cinema to watch the new cats and dogs film. Usually it a film comes out, that the girls would want to see. I either wait for it to go on sky movies (usually there before DVD) or I find someone to have D4. Whereas today, I just though F it! Now is the perfect time as their would be hardly anyone in the cinema. There was only us and two other people. But honestly, she was fine. She sat and watched the film munching her popcorn. Which was nice, because we saw a few films on the trailers that looked really good and now I know we can all go as a family. Instead of leaving her out :)
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#90: October 11, 2020, 05:15:02 PM
Hello,

It is nice that you can take the whole family places and you don't need Clington in that aspect either. 

Quote
D9 suddenly went on a tirade about how her dad is so embarrassing he always pretends to be rich and he isn’t and when he was in the car he was saying he didn’t have the £300 it would cost to fix his car and blah blah blah.

Even you daughter sees that Clington isn't true to himself and lives a fantasy life. Now make it a lesson for her by saying it is more important to be true to yourself and live within means and be content. Then to live outside your means and be miserable.

Quote
I decided, as it’s fairly likely the UK will go into another lockdown soon,

Same here in the US. I think just after Thanksgiving for us depending on how the cases rise as it gets cold. Just be safe and take care of yourself and the girls.

(((((Hugs))))

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#91: October 12, 2020, 05:07:38 AM
Ready
It is certainly nice that we can do things as a while instead of finding someone to have D4. I did pack her ear defenders and such, but she didn’t need them. It’s also just nicer for all of us to experience these things together as a whole. Instead of having someone left out.

I think, this time around with hindsight, I’d much rather do things with the girls that I missed out last time. I spent most of the last lockdown thinking “oh I wish I did that when I had the chance”. Not that phased about pubs shutting, I can always drink more at home anyway haha just prefer taking the girls out as they fight less when out and also, less cleaning up at home.

————————————

Today I had an appointment with the head of SEN and D4 teacher. Just to see how she’s doing, where she’s at the next steps etc. So I knew that today I would need to speak to clington as I would have to phone him and let him know what they said. I had prepared myself for this. Now one thing to note is, on Friday I phoned him and asked had he got D9 spelling book at his house. D9 was adamant she showed her dad the book, but I know she didn’t do that at my house. So must have been his. Friday he told me he would look etc etc. No word from him over the weekend (I didn’t expect him to though!) but what made me laugh a bit, was come Monday morning when he’s back on the road with work and away from Ow. Suddenly he’s FaceTiming me telling me he couldn’t find the book. 😂 he FaceTimed me at 8:30am and I just very quickly said “you’ve picked the most awkward time to call. The kids need to be in school in 15 minutes. I’ll call you after the meeting”

I had the meeting at school and they really didn’t say much I didn’t know anyway. However, they did her a preassment type thing and in this they marked certain things that weren’t true. However the thing with D4 is, she’s very strong willed. And if she doesn’t want to do something. She won’t. So one of the assessments  for example was “D4 can not say words such as cat, dog, pen”. I can accept they may have assessed her and she didn’t participate. However I know for a fact she can say cat, as she says it multiple times throughout the day for me. So I did bring that up to them. I was also on FaceTime to clington for almost a hour. It was very strange. He was more than happy to sit chatting, telling me he went Costco this weekend, saw a milkshake machine the kids would like, he did this, he did that. Each time I tried talking about something in the meeting with D4 (yuno the whole reason for the call) he didn’t seem too focused. Could be because there was really no new information but he wanted to happily chat about Costco and he said he would tell me next time he goes, so I can tell him what things I want him to get for me and blah blah blah. It was all very strange.

It’s so strange in fact, that Monday to Friday when he’s away workinf. If I phoned him and said “clington him having my nails done today. What colour should i go for” he would give me a full breakdown of what colours I should pick. However if I have an emergency with the kids on Saturday and have to call him. I won’t get through. So strange.
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#92: October 13, 2020, 01:55:22 PM

It’s so strange in fact, that Monday to Friday when he’s away workinf. If I phoned him and said “clington him having my nails done today. What colour should i go for” he would give me a full breakdown of what colours I should pick. However if I have an emergency with the kids on Saturday and have to call him. I won’t get through. So strange.

It is strange. Of course not when there is a controlling (and sometimes a scary) OW on the scene. They are not allowed to talk to us you see. Even about the children.
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#93: October 13, 2020, 02:05:54 PM
Very strange indeed KiT. I’ve had a few of my friends think that he is logged into his Apple ID on a shared iPad/laptop. As even if I text “what time are you getting the kids” he won’t reply via text..but FaceTime. 

Today I’ve had one of those “I fire trucking want to punch your face in days” I slept funny last night and so I had a sore neck which didn’t help. But all the basic things the kids need are always down to me. The odd one he may do. But it’s usually always me. Reading with the kids. Me. Homework. Me. Spellings. Me. Getting D6 a new pair of school shoes. Me. Buying all the girls hat scarfs and gloves. Me. Which meant today, after I got the girls from school I had to get a bus with them to the shopping centre. Get the things and take three over tired kids on a bus. Nightmare! I know realistically I can’t complain too much as he isn’t here as he works away during the week. Just gets a bit sucky that all the responsibilities of being a parent get thrown on me and then this weekend he can get them and go have fun then back to mum for the serious stuff.
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#94: October 13, 2020, 11:14:38 PM
Quote
back to mum for the serious stuff.
But also the good stuff, Sachat. I had terrific parents and a very happy childhood....but you know what, my memories of that are hardly ever the big fun stuff, they are all the small moments....my dad brushing my hair or reading me a bedtime story with funny voices, the memory of coming home from school to a cosy home and the smells of my mum cooking in the kitchen, funny family jokes that were only funny to us. A huge collection of small moments. Not stuff, not big holidays......just all those moments that come from being there day after day and year after year. (And I am still staggered by the stupidity of any parent who would willingly choose to become a p/t parent of small children....)

Funny too how common it seems to be that these men leave relationships where they are trusted and respected and go to relationships where they are seemingly much more controlled and corralled....but then I suppose if you choose to hook up with a man you know deep down is now poor quality as a husband and parent, that is what you do as an ow.  ::) Glad that I didn't have to do that in my marriage....I wouldn't like to live that way or respect a man who made me feel I needed to do so  :)
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« Last Edit: October 13, 2020, 11:18:43 PM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#95: October 14, 2020, 01:52:48 AM
No I know. I guess it just gets frustrating as I didn’t get home till 7pm which is reallt late for a school night. But clington drives and has a car. So a trip that would take me three hours to do. Would take him just one hour. If that. But then mama’s got it 💪🏾

Tbf if it is the case that someone somewhere is watching his texts. That’s his karma. I might start sending him selfies with the caption “since you asked for this on FaceTime” 😹😹 but it’s certainly not a situation I would ever want to be involved in. The whole not my circus. Not my monkey. Springs to mind.


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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#96: October 14, 2020, 02:45:02 AM
What's your feeling about learning to drive when covid constraints allow you to do so, Sach?
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#97: October 14, 2020, 02:59:54 AM
Oh it’s 100% on my list of things I will be doing. I have got the point previously of taking my test. I just failed it. So it shouldn’t take too long. However, my theory certificate has now expired. So I will need to redo that. Which could be the biggest obstacle as last time I took my theory 8 times and only passed on the 8th go. For my 18th birthday I was gifted a car off my parents. And when I pass my test, they will get me a car. A bigger family friendly car. It’s just q case of getting the theory done and dusted so I can progress forward.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#98: October 14, 2020, 04:35:22 AM
So I’ve just spent a rather large time on the phone to sky. I’ve been trying to get the account in my name. I had an engineer out on Tuesday and that really started me pushing to get it in my name. I pay the bill via direct debit. All the calls texts emails have been changed to my contact details. It’s just the account is in clington name. Basically, long story short. I can’t just change the name over. If i want the account in my name. Which I sort of do. As I want that form of independence. I need to get clington to cancel the account and me set up a new one. So I looked into doing that. And again, it’s not worth it to me. The package we have currently has all the channels we need. However, we got it on a introductory offer when the new box first came out. And it’s only £30 a month. And if I set it up new in my name. The best deal they have is £55 a month. Plus the faffing about or a new installation date - with an installation fee might I add.

So, I think this is one of the independence things I’ll have to forfeit. Because it feels like, realistically I’ll be cutting off my nose to spite my face.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#99: October 17, 2020, 10:25:57 AM
Picking up from where we left off and WOW. How things change.

So on Thursday D6 & D9 were complaining that the snacks I pack for school they aren’t aloud because they can’t take chocolate or crisps. So upon leaving the house walking to school I said “FINE. ILL BAKE SOME FLAPJACKS AND YOU CAN TAKE THEM”.

So after completing a few household jobs I head to the supermarket. Whilst in the supermarket I get a call from the girls school telling me D4 isn’t herself and can I collect her. So I explain. I’m in the supermarket and will be there as soon as I can. Two minutes later a random number calls. It’s clington but on his work phone. Telling me school phoned him too. So we briefly chat and I go to collect D4. Whilst waiting for D4 coat in the waiting room. D9 passes by and she smiles and waves at us. She works out, I’m taking D4 home. I get D4 home. Feed her (despite the fact she didn’t eat in school) and speak to clington on the phone a bit as he’s checking in on D4. Midway call I say “let me phone you back. School are phoning me”. Low and behold, D9 now feels sick and neees collecting. Usually the school are much more strict but given COVID. They aren’t. The receptionist tells me to take D6 at the same time. So I phone clington back and explain. He asks me to FaceTime him when we’re all home (remember he’s working away in a truck !) so I do. D6 cries the whole time as she didn’t want to leave school. She was happy there. D9 is a bit on and off and D4 is watching cartoons. So I tell him I’ll call him after D6 parents meeting to let him know what’s said. I do and he didn’t seem one bit interested at all. “Uhum. Yeah. Ok” was all I got from him. But as we end the call he asked me to phone him tomorrow and let me know if the kids go back to school.

So Friday, I do just that. I phone him when I’m home and let him know etc. Now during Friday we spent many times on the phone. The first glimpse I got that all wasn’t ok with him was, in our first phone call he spent 5 minutes asking questions about my cats. How did the adjust to the change or a full house in lockdown and now just me during the say. Which was odd that he couldn’t care less about D6 parents meeting the day before but now asking about MY cats. Hmmm. During the course of the day he made some WILD statements such as

1) C - I’ll have a bond with you for life (because of the girls)
Me - well only really until D4 is 18. So only 14 years
C - what if I want it for life

2) C - I’ve got two more kids in me but I’m only having children to you. I can’t have two baby mummas

3) C - what or we didn’t split up
Me - but we did
C - but what if we didn’t

4)  what if we got back together

These weren’t in one call. They were spread out over the day but the main points. But usually I can guess where chats with clington are going to go and I have a smart reply. Yesterday I had nothing. I just sat there absolutely perplexed. I can only assume something in him is stirring. I don’t know what but something must be for those reactions.

Today he came for the girls and I have to laugh, I messaged my BFF and laughed to her. He came for the girls in Ow car because he can’t afford to get his fixed. I handed him letters from his credit card company (I already know he’s missed a few payments) and this boy could not look at me. Yesterday he was telling me he would have two more children to me. Today he can’t even look at me. Usually he comes in the kitchen and makes brief chit chat. Today he spoke mainly from the car whilst I was stood at the kitchen door.

YOU. JUST. CANT. MAKE. THIS. SSSS. UP
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#100: October 17, 2020, 02:13:27 PM
Sounds like you had a touch and go.....so naturally, its time to go back into that shell.
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Me (W) 43 - W 41
BD - Jan 17, 2020


OW status unknown, don't care, not relevant.

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#101: October 19, 2020, 05:22:30 AM
He's going to have 2 more kids with you? Really?  How is THAT going to happen?  Immaculate Conception?  I mean, it does take a certain physical proximity in order to get pregnant and I am sure that OW would have objections....  ::)
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#102: October 19, 2020, 09:10:09 AM
LBS - It certainly was a strange touch and go.

UM - I do chuckle to myself thinking about that. “Hey Ow. I know you struggle with my three girls but funnt story. I’ve got my ex knocked up. Here’s a 4th, oh and I’ll be having a 5th”.

If I had to guess, it probably comes from a place of fear. He knows i love a big family. I love the house full of noise and kids and all those things. And I guess, as we come to three years his mind is wondering to “it’s been three years. She’s probably found someone else. Oh for what if she has more kids” type thing.

And just to throw this strange T&G a full 360.
Saturday when the girls were with Clinton . They all seemed to be in one bedroom having a sleepover, they ask for this at mine a lot. And they FaceTimed me because they all missed me.

Sunday D9 text me and said she was doing school work. (I do fine this odd as it’s been mentioned in my thread it annoys me he doesn’t do the practical stuff with them and the very next time he has them. He does practical stuff) he then phoned me and said “I’ll be about half an hour with them. Just taking them for a McDonald’s for tea” (he never usually tells me when he is bringing them home!) so I said “right ok” he then said “right we’ll I’m near a few shops. Do you need anything bringing in?” I explained I didn’t.

Then when he brought the girls back he was happy upbeat, chatty even. He stood there and clapped in my kitchen and I looked at him thinking it was sarcastic. He then said “hats off to you what you’ve done to D4 hair. It’s a dream now”. Usually her hair gets notty and matted quite easy but recently I’ve been using a oil in it and brushing it out and it’s helped a lot. I was so shocked that he actually mentioned it.

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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#103: October 19, 2020, 01:29:09 PM
Hello,

Quote
I’ve got two more kids in me but I’m only having children to you. I can’t have two baby mummas

Hello, are you Kourtney Kardashian and he's Scott Disick? Wow, quite the confidence. I guess you really don't have much choice in this conversation. Like you stated, he has a habit of focusing on fantasy while ignoring reality. After all, he is at your place having arrived in OW's car because he can't afford to pay to have his own car fixed, He then takes the time to talk of having two more kids with you so you can have the honor of raising all five of his kids on your own while he plays?

Clington gets upset about your drinking while in the meantime he is abusing magic mushrooms. Wow

How did you keep a straight face? Because of that conversation, I am going home after work and having a drink myself.

You just can't make this stuff up,

((((((Ready))))))
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