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Author Topic: My Story 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2

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My Story 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#10: July 27, 2020, 03:26:05 AM
LB - I think I felt comfortable inviting them because it’s for D3 birthday and her birthday is a Monday so she’ll be with me that day. But also I can almost guarantee that they will not come but the offer is there.

Rising - I think knowing that she’s met the girls and they stay with her every other weekend (when she’s not making herself Vanish!) makes it so much easier.

Ready - it is 100% a good feeling. We are very lucky that we were able to save, but still go on holiday as my mum has a caravan in wales, on a haven site, lots of children, by the beach, lots of activities so they’ve had a blast. I feel like me and clington swapped rolls. At BD he was here there and everywhere. Spend spend spend. And now it’s clear his finances are not what he would have me believe. Whereas at BD I was so much in the breadline it was absolutely crazy. Whereas now I can live comfortably which is a nice feeling.

For what feels like weeks clington has had a story of how FIL will be bringing a lawn mower for me to sort my garden etc. I waited patiently as I didn’t want to waste money unnecessarily. Weeks and weeks have gone by and in that time my garden has got ridiculously over grown. So I had enough and ordered one. Luckily it was available from Argos for same day delivery so I ordered at 12 and it was here before 5pm. When it arrived clington was bringing the girls back and he was full of “oh you should have said, saved yourself some money I could have picked one up for you on my way here” OH P OFF! He’s more than happy to help when ow isn’t around but how am I meant to know when she is and isn’t. I’d much rather sort it myself Atleast then I know it will get done!

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the situation with C. It’s a very complicated one. He is a very lovely man in fairness. And a lot of the time we do tend to gravitate towards each other and end up chatting a lot but I used to put my lack of wanting anything with him down to “Oh I don’t want a man” or relating to clington but the more I think about it. The more I just see red flag after red flag. I honestly don’t know if I am against dating because I think if I met the right person I would be open to it. And I think that’s the catch. I haven’t met the right person. Me and C share the same sort of social circles. We go drinking in the same places. Heck, our kids met through TikTok (nothing to do with me and him as the time they met my girls were with clington and his with their mum) and so they talk to each other so we will remain friends. But quite literally nothing more. He’s text me w few times and I haven’t replied. I explained my stance to him. I’ve told him how I feel etc. And if I see him out and about we can be nice and friendly etc but literally nothing more.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#11: July 27, 2020, 12:56:09 PM
Hello,

Just like all of us, bomb drop caught you off guard. Left you in a real bad position and yet you recovered.

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He is a very lovely man in fairness. And a lot of the time we do tend to gravitate towards each other and end up chatting a lot but I used to put my lack of wanting anything with him down to “Oh I don’t want a man” or relating to clington but the more I think about it. The more I just see red flag after red flag.

I completely agree. I had a good friend that I used to run with all the time. We got along fine. We were both single, but it never evolved to anything else but friendship. I saw a lot of red flags that would have been disaster for both of us. Now, I am married and still friends with her. Don't push something that you don't feel right about. No sense in putting your world back in disorder after working so hard to get to a good place.

You are doing well and your strong point is making wise decisions. So keep being wise LOL!

((((((Ready)))))))
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

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Re: 2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#12: July 28, 2020, 12:47:39 AM
Joining your new thread, Sachat. Well done on the Blackpool weekend with 3 little ones. Sorry you lost your card, but look how you sorted everything anyway! Just loved how your D cried when you told her you were going to the pleasure beach. What a great mother you are.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#13: July 28, 2020, 01:15:56 AM
Well exactly ready. I always assumed I didn’t want things with him because of clington. But I no longer think it has anything to do with him. Because I do believe if I met someone, and we had the spark I would run like the wind. It’s just we don’t have that spark and I won’t waste my time. I’m very happy being single. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything so if I meet someone they have to be pretty damn special to change that.  I’m not sure how our friendship can progress though as his own friends have said “He’s mad about you and wants to be with you” but that’s not what I want.

Milly - Thankyou, I think because I do do a lot with the girls and in effect they do go to lots of places and they do have a lot. I mean D8 has a iPhone, 40 inch smart TV in her room, lots of friends stuff etc they assume that the girls are spoilt but they aren’t. They are very very appreciative of everything they get in life.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#14: July 28, 2020, 05:55:05 AM
Well done on the trip to Blackpool. I am taking my 2 kids and my son's 2 friends to The Pleasure Beach on Thursday. Hoping Seagulls won't eat my chips. I won't give them time to get them.  :D

I've driven to France for a holiday with my 2. We've also done South Wales, Butlins and Holland. It is a really good feeling to know that you can just go. My ex's family always go on about how strong I am for just going on my little holidays with the kids. My ex's Grandad says he is proud that I have not let anything stop me. You should definitely take some more holidays with the kids.

I need another break away and your post has inspired me to start looking.

Keep up the good work. Go Sachat!

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#15: July 28, 2020, 09:16:36 AM
You deserve a medal, a trophy and a large amount of cash for that invite. I mean...WOW! I am beyond impressed. Although sometimes I throw out invites when I know people won't say yes. LOL. But oh yes, we do sacrifice for our kids when we just want the best for them. And include their fathers. Clington is super immature and doesn't always prioritize right, but he sounds like a sweet caring father. Even if he is the equivalent of a 13 year old.

I think when we have kids, they are the priority. So when we do start dating, they are always in the back of our minds. And of course that old self preservation. No one wants the agony of BD again.  I think when we meet the right person, whomever it is, we will know. In the meantime, you have 3 gorgeous littles to occupy your time.  Hugs friend.
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Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#16: July 28, 2020, 04:16:44 PM
New day - it’s funny you should say that as tomorrow we are heading to my mums caravan in Wales for a bit, how long we will be there is weather depending as a lot of the facilities are closed but we do have a beach and family so can’t complain. I’d been saving to take the girls to Spain this summer but that’s not going to happen now. If anything  we may go abroad for Christmas (Covid depending).

KIT - I know right!? I started looking into the hotel in the Saturday and from then until he picked the kids up I was umming and ahhhing about inviting them both. It felt a bit pointless to invite it they probably won’t come, but then I figured I invited them and so it’s up to them. Not me. I’m only doing the invite as it’s for a birthday, if it was just a random day out then no. But I just don’t see them coming. But I’m prepared if they do. Hahahahaha would make a lovely breakfast wouldn’t it, me clington ow and the children. May have to have a few mimosas in this occasion!!

What. A. Day.

So today I got a message at around 2pm from D6 best friends mum, she wanted to know if D6 wanted to go to play at her house. So I agreed. This really upset D8 as she’s been unable to see her friends. So as D6 was putting her shoes on etc, I phoned clington and said “can you phone or FaceTime D8. She’s upset and I explained the situation”. He then turned round and said he couldn’t FaceTime her as a man came and bought his iPhone and his Apple Watch. I didn’t ask why just said “oh okay. Well phone her then”. I know at the weekend I saw the crappy phone he said it would be his blah blah blah and I didn’t believe him. Mainly because why sell a phone and Apple Watch, because you need money.....then go out and buy all the girls new trainers (which they didn’t need!). Only in MLC would this happen. But it did make me feel a little smug (I know I know childish) but it’s nice to see karma is working her magic.

Then, I think tonight I experienced every parents worst nightmare. D6 and D8 have Instagram accounts. Yes I know they shouldn’t due to their ages. However, I have full control on them. They are completely private. I am the only person who can accept people etc etc. And they only have it due to the fact that we have family abroad and they use Instagram to contact them as they don’t have mobile numbers. So as the children go to bed, I do my usual checks if the devices and notice a message request on D8 Instagram inbox. This is a request from someone who isn’t her friend hence why it’s in a separate folder. Now D8 makes it clear on her Instagram she is a child. Her bio says “my name is X. I am 8. I love my cats”. I open the message request, which is from a adult male performing a sex act on himself. Luckily for me, D8 has not seen this. She had no idea that this video exists. I have now filed a report with Instagram (who are NOT helpful at all and say the account hasn’t breached guidelines when I’ve reported the account). I have also filed a report with my local police department. It has obviously made me reassess the girls online activity etc. Now this also meant I needed to contact clington. He phoned me back as soon as I text saying “Can you phone me back please it’s urgent”. I then told him what happened etc and what we can expect in the future. I think more than anything I’m shocked this has happened as I thought I had taken all the steps I needed to to protect her online. Also, this man was not her friend online and so therefore he could send her and anyone else. Anything. He was sending this message to people he wasn’t even connected to online. Which is the scary thing. But I’ll be forever grateful D8 did not see this video and has no idea it exists.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#17: July 31, 2020, 04:46:53 AM
Hello,

So sorry about what happened to you. Thankfully your daughter didn't see the video.

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Also, this man was not her friend online and so therefore he could send her and anyone else.

I think you use the term man very loosely here. This is a monster.

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I have now filed a report with Instagram (who are NOT helpful at all and say the account hasn’t breached guidelines when I’ve reported the account).

Wow, what exactly breaches their guidelines?

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I then told him what happened etc and what we can expect in the future. I think more than anything I’m shocked this has happened as I thought I had taken all the steps I needed to to protect her online.

Well, you intercepted him and you had measures in place to make sure you viewed and accepted anything being sent to her before she saw it. That's great. The worst nightmares are those that are in contact with your children and are already grooming them. You should be happy that you were there to protect your daughter.

Keep at it!

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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#18: August 01, 2020, 08:38:12 AM
I will forever be grateful I intercepted this message. Heaven forbid D8 saw it. She overheard me on the phone to the police. So she knows she can’t have Instagram because someone sent her a sexual message but really she’s naive for her age so has no idea what that really means.

Luckily for us, we have had minimal contact with clington since that incident on Tuesday. It’s now Saturday. I have come home from the caravan for a night. Just to give the cats some attention etc and have a breather as my dad came home today for a night so I did too. This also gives the girls time with just my mum so works well for them.

The area in which I live has been put on a somewhat kind of lockdown again. It’s the most bizarre lockdown. I can’t go to my friends house if she lives in the area, but the friends I have that don’t live in the area I can go to their house. Or me and my friends from th area can’t go to their house or mine but we can all go to the pub together 🤷🏽‍♀️ I mean, come on. It’s just so contradictory. Luckily none of my GAL plans have been affected really as my main bone of contention was, most of my friends don’t live in the same area as me so especially after BD I was very isolated. I feel extra isolated now, however the local lockdown allows me to travel outside the area so I should be okay. But it does also, shine a light to the fact that as much as I love my house, and I do. I feel a strong bond to it I won’t lie. Maybe I need to move out of my area. The only family I did have in the area were Clingtons and now they no longer live here so it really is just me and the school mums really. All my family and friends live in other areas.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

s
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2020 with clearer vision - Part 2
#19: August 05, 2020, 03:36:45 AM
So we are now back from our week away at the caravan. We honestly had a fantastic time. Barely any contact with clington which worked SO well for me. However, I did say to a few people “Oh watch when I get back clington will start calling and texting” even I wasn’t prepared for how fast that would work. Before I had even finished getting all the stuff in the house, he was on the phone. The chat lasted about half an hour, he was telling me about his new job and blah blah blah. He spoke to the children a bit. What was strange was I think he was in the bath, that distinctive bathroom sound was on the other end of the phone.

I don’t mind having these chats with clington as they don’t make me feel any kind of way, I don’t get monster out of him or anything like that. If anything, it’s hit the point where to me, I could be talking to anyone. That’s the level of detachment I have. Which I suppose is good because I don’t stress about “he said this what does it mean?” Or anything like that.

But that said, it was really nice to get away and be out of the usual Groundhog Day. However what’s annoying is my mums view that I need to have a boyfriend. It’s wearing a little thin now. Almost every time I see her, this is how the conversation goes....

Mum (talking to the children, whilst I’m in the room) - does mummy have a boyfriend yet?
Me (butting in) - no
Mum - why not?
Me - because I don’t want one
Mum - no, not like a full time boyfriend. Just a every other weekend one.
Me - no

It’s getting so monotonous now, the thing is...I’m a all or nothing person. I couldn’t have a boyfriend under those circumstances. And I say it to my friends all the time, whilst I’ve come across men, in these last few years since BD, who are nice enough on paper. Without that “spark” there really is nothing. Unless I look at someone and just want to be with them all the time. Want to spend time with them etc. To me, it’s pointless.
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

 

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