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Author Topic: My Story I just needed time

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My Story I just needed time
#10: July 27, 2020, 07:10:19 AM
Yes, you got it Gray. You can always go to your profile and click on "posts" and then "topics" and that will bring you to your latest thread. Sometimes they do get buried in all the other threads.

So sorry about your husband pushing forward with seeing a lawyer...what I had to tell myself was to separate the "business" from my "emotions" for we have to get this right..for we only get one shot at it.

It is all so overwhelming that to deal with all the feelings of them leaving and then to even think about something like a divorce is very very hard.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

b
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I just needed time
#11: July 27, 2020, 01:44:11 PM
Welcome Gray . I am sorry about your situation , I have been in the exact same boat. Most of us ( if not all) have been thru what you are describing. We never recognized our spouse . It is excruciatingly painful . That you are damn good and angry sound right to me ,even normal given the situation.  We can offer support and understanding here and bits and pieces of advice as we share our  journey with you. Please try to focus on you and your children as there truly is nothing you can do about your spouses crisis. You did not break him and you cannot fix him and in all honesty it has absolutely nothing to do with you or your marriage. Keep reading and posting, take very good care of yourself and know that you are far from alone .
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Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

S
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I just needed time
#12: July 27, 2020, 11:17:30 PM
Hi Gray

My ex was exactly the same. He told me that he was doing me a favour whenever he took the kids (to give me a break) and then when he had the kids he was so angry that they weren't appreciative of the time he was giving them.  I even had him return my 10 year old because the 10 year old wasn't happy enough to see him. I honestly don't know how I kept my mouth closed that time. I sometimes now get text messages from the ex about how good the boys are and that I am amazing. If I reply I just say 'I know'.

My ex also disposed of me so quickly my head was spinning. I had all the child custody and financial settlements given to me within 2 months of him leaving. He really didn't/doesn't give a cr@p about me.  He then divorced me as soon as legally possible.

20 years erased in less than 1 year - he worked quick. Honestly, for me I just don't engage with him. His life seems miserable (from what I can see). I have learnt the art of parenting alone. It is sad and you can cry and get angry but you will grow and get stronger. The first year was hard. OMG at this stage of my life nothing has been harder. The crying was exhausting, the burning in my throat from all the things I wanted to say hurt so much.

BUT
You will find joy again. You will think of them from time to time and it won't hurt. I think I am 2 years out now. Still so early in the process and still with so far to go. But you know what. I am awesome.
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M 39
H 40
Together 20yrs
Married 11yrs
S 10
S 8
BD Jul/Aug 2018

5
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I just needed time
#13: July 28, 2020, 08:08:39 AM
Hi Gray,
so sorry for your pain.  I just want to reach out to you and tell you there are so many of us that were in utter shock on BD.  Between the shock and unbearable pain you must still live your life for yourself and your children.  My BD was on 5/2019 after H and I planned a 6 week trip on 9/19 to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary with our kids in Italy.

This is a great place to vent, ask questions and receive guidance.  All of our MLC'rs are unique in their own way but surprisingly they have so much in common.  One of the best things you can do right now is to research, read and learn all that you can about MLC. The MLC PHENOMENON is real! 

Post often and let it all out!!
((HUGS)) 5Hil
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