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Author Topic: My Story Think my husband having MLC HELP

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My Story Think my husband having MLC HELP
#20: September 11, 2020, 05:48:15 PM
Mouse I know some of this sounds very harsh to you right now, but we are all coming from different situations and just sharing with you what we experienced so you can be watchful of some things that you may be able to relate to.  Just things to be aware of.

My H was never a Monster.  He was a very Low Energy MLCer, never had an OW, but some can turn on you when you least expect it.

We just want you to be aware and don't always trust what they say.  They are very good liars.

Just take good care of yourself in every way.

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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Think my husband having MLC HELP
#21: September 11, 2020, 05:53:04 PM
Mouse very important.

Yes really good liars and take heed of OffRoads post.

 Don't wait for him to make any decisions regarding money. Protect yourself.

You are getting great advice here.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Think my husband having MLC HELP
#22: September 12, 2020, 04:14:18 PM
Thank you everyone.  I haven’t had sex with him in months.  But constantly tries.  I mean constantly.    I was having sex with him and it made me feel so bad about myself.  You all have helped me so much!
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Think my husband having MLC HELP
#23: September 12, 2020, 05:45:05 PM
Mouse that is the point, if it made you feel bad then you made the right choice for you.

There are some LBS's who can be intimate and it does not bother them, but not a lot of them.  I knew my H had no ow, so I was not bothered by that, but that is not the norm.

Most of them do have ow's on the side and lie about it.

You're doing good, Mouse.  Keep respecting yourself and keeping yourself safe.

Hugs
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Discussing MLC with my husband
#24: September 14, 2020, 03:38:30 AM
Has anyone talked with their husband telling them you think they are in MLC???
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« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 03:53:25 AM by Thunder »

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Re: Discussing MLC with my husband
#25: September 14, 2020, 03:45:33 AM
Well I will jump in and say there are many reasons and stories why this is a very very bad idea. Hey did I mention bad?

People in MLC are disordered, they project all their pain and difficulties onto others. If they did not they would address them and well, they wouldn't be in MLC. So what can be accomplished going to someone who is doing their best to deny their problems and saying "have you considered you have a very big problem?"

I would go as far as to say anything you tell him, if he is in MLC, is a guarantee he will reject as a thought and if an action he will then DEFINITELY refuse to ever consider.

Can I turn this around for a second and ask: what is it you want to accomplish if you did talk to him and tell him he may be in MLC? Because maybe this is more about a desire to control or "fix?"
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« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 04:11:02 AM by marvin4242 »

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Re: Discussing MLC with my husband
#26: September 14, 2020, 04:03:48 AM
I have to agree with Marvin, not a good idea.

My H has a very high IQ so I thought clearly he would understand if he read an article that fit him to a T.  Nope, he not only was irritated I showed it to him, but he said...that does not sound like me at all!   :o :o

It made me look like I was in denial because I didn't understand he just wanted his freedom.  I was not believing him and trying to change his mind.  I was not accepting how he felt...and there was nothing wrong with him.

I never mention MLC again.   ::)
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Discussing MLC with my husband
#27: September 14, 2020, 04:18:04 AM
We have a business and his spending is out of control.  Also, employees are trying to avoid him because of his jekyll and Hyde behavior.  I guess I will continue to let go and continue just watching him destroy everything he has worked his butt off for as difficult as that is.  I feel like jumping off this runaway train but feel bad for him at the same time.  I wish I was at the point of indifference.
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Discussing MLC with my husband
#28: September 14, 2020, 04:59:48 AM
Hello,

Quote
I feel like jumping off this runaway train but feel bad for him at the same time.  I wish I was at the point of indifference.

Yes, you definitely need to detach from the situation. However, let me explain the difference between detach and becoming indifferent. Indifference is apathy. Apathy is draining and leaves one with no energy and focused on the negativity. Apathy leads you to feeling that you have nothing to look forward to, and/or there is nothing meaningful that you can do. What apathy does is close your heart and warp your perspective to see only negativity and limitation.

Detachment is when you are not attached to a certain outcome. You feel an inner calm that is not easily shaken by what the future might bring. We feel at ease with ourselves, and life. When you are detached, you don’t assume anything—good or bad. You let reality unfold as it’s meant to be. Detachment is liberating yourself.  When you are not too concerned about what happens next, you can be free doing what you are doing.

Think of a boxer in the ring. As he grapples with his opponent at close quarters, he may have to push off to detach himself. To create a separation so that he can pull himself together, set his feet, and reengage at the right time. He may be detached from his opponent, but he still is in the fight. Indifference will only get him knocked out.

Don't worry about talking to him. Go find a nice wall in the house and let it know all that is wrong with it. The wall will listen better than your MLCer. After you finish your talk with the wall, go protect your finances. MLCers can go through the money fast and will leave you with nothing.

Time for you to be the mouse that roared!

(((((Ready))))))
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Discussing MLC with my husband
#29: September 14, 2020, 05:13:06 AM
Mouse -
I agree with the others.
No sense in doing it.

So many (most?) MLCers hit rock bottom both emotionally, in their relationships and finances before the start to come out of the tunnel.
AND, I'm not saying rock bottom is the impetus for coming out, just correlative.

Detach, love unconditionally and protect yourself to the best ability possible.
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