Skip to main content

Author Topic: Discussion Script sentences and WTF moments 2

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23233
  • Gender: Female
Discussion Script sentences and WTF moments 2
OP: September 01, 2020, 02:41:10 PM
First post, posted by Silver:

So call them script sentences or WTF moments,
Here are mine, these are all heard at least once during my journey from XW:

I don't know who I am anymore
I don't want to live in loveless marriage
I never though I would get trapped in my life like this
You were never there for me  :o :o :o
You are crazy
You are delusional/paranoid
You have been depressed for years
I feel like I am in the eye of a hurricane
I feel like I have to walk over anyone that stands in my way
I feel like I have to break my life to pieces
You don't let me change/grow as a person
Can we separate and then maybe get back together
Would you travel abroad with me? (after just left and divorced me)
Can we make a trip as a family? (after divorced months ago)

I'm sure I have more, will update maybe later. Feel free to post your  :o moments.

previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10840.0
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 01, 2020, 02:51:22 PM by Thunder »
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3411
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#1: September 01, 2020, 04:43:12 PM
“You’re edgy.” (Bear in kind our marriage counselor had said to me/us “you have an edge!” about a week before that.)

“I love you as the mother of S17”

“You either grow together, or grow apart”.

“We have nothing in common.” 

“You hate my family.”

All of that.  UGH. 
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 01, 2020, 07:09:25 PM by megogirl »

t
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 480
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#2: September 01, 2020, 06:58:30 PM
Don’t I deserve to be happy?
You can be committed to two people at the same time.
What if I’m married to you, but I live with another woman?
Don’t you want me to have friends?
I don’t want to die in [town where D and I live].
She’s a lot like you. Exactly like you, in fact.

:/
  • Logged

Z
  • *
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 10
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#3: September 01, 2020, 10:37:21 PM
On BD night!
- ILYBNILWU
- You have never been with anyone else
- She is not a factor
- We can be friends
- I don’t want to keep hurting you
- The kids will be fine


From a meeting a few months after:
- “In 23 years you never gave me a surprise middle of the night XX”.
- I said that out marriage was easy.  “Our marriage was easy, but that’s not enough”!

Response to his best friends wife that marriage isn’t rainbows and butterflies always... “IT SHOULD BE!!!”

There is more,  but kinda happy that they are getting harder to recall!!!

  • Logged

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 10368
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#4: September 02, 2020, 12:57:30 AM
Response to his best friends wife that marriage isn’t rainbows and butterflies always... “IT SHOULD BE!!!”

I heard something similar.... "Marriage shouldn't be like work. It should just happen... A relationship doesn't need to be worked on. If it does, there is something wrong...." ::)
  • Logged
Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

N
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 15
  • Gender: Male
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#5: September 02, 2020, 04:54:44 AM
"I need to be true to myself"
"I've lost my spark"
"I love you as the father of our children"
"Kids are resilient.  They will be fine"

I somewhat laugh at the last one.  My W comes from a broken home (abusive father).  She is leaving a 20+ year marriage. with no real reason explained to me or our kids.  Her brother no longer works (struggled to keep a job), stole money from family and is divorced.  Yep, divorce has no affect on the kids :)
  • Logged

s
  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 14447
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#6: September 02, 2020, 07:01:28 AM
I've never taken a risk, always played it safe!

It's my turn, I've always done what was best for others, now it's my turn!

I love you both!

As said by another, really glad I can't remember most of the madness! Ugg!

Hugs Stayed
  • Logged
Married 42yrs.
Reconciled July 5, 2006

"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out".  by Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.
"We believe marriage is sacred, but it is not our job to save marriages; it is our goal to empower each of you to save your own marriage."

Stayed Husband Letter
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
LBS SCRIPT

A
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3346
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#7: September 02, 2020, 07:16:31 AM
‘I’ve never been happy since the wedding day.”
“We are not compatible because I love the beach and you don’t.”

And, all that swearing!  This is a guy who never used foul language.  Not in my hearing, anyway. 
All of a sudden, it was F this and F that.  Unreal.  I told him to stop or I would stuff his mouth with a sock. 
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 02, 2020, 07:54:48 AM by Acorn »
My first thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8164.150

My reconnecting thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10524.msg699615#msg699615

Live-in MLCer

Feb 2015: BD. 
Oct 2015: ILYBINILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

N

Nas

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2354
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#8: September 02, 2020, 07:34:31 AM
"I feel detached from life and I don't know why."
"I've never felt good enough."
"I look at pictures from our wedding day and I don't remember feeling happy...and you look like you'd rather be playing in traffic."
  • Logged

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 5031
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#9: September 02, 2020, 08:08:56 AM
I love these threads!!!

Let's see if memory serves me....

ILYBINILWY
I just don't feel any "oomph" anymore    (well, since you got me a bed to sleep in a separate room....um....)
Its not about her, she's not a factor         ( Oh really? In what universe?    >:()
Our son likes you better                     (Well yeah, you are taking him on dates with OW behind my back!  :o )
I have to follow my heart                    (Well the Bible says our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked so I guess that makes sense!  ???)
The dog is too fat.                            (My personal favorite.  ;D ;D ;D)
  • Logged
Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
Home May 2016

S
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 13
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#10: September 02, 2020, 08:34:33 AM
Awesome topic, my ex said some great ones (destroyed me at the time)

You left the marriage long before I did (ok, news to me)
You made my hair gray
I regret ever meeting you (after 20 years together)
There is something wrong with you (this when I was crying about our relationship ending)
I have given everyone everything and there is nothing left for me
I feel dead inside (yet there was something wrong with me???)
I am going to die soon (he was 39 at the time)

And the absolute killer that still upsets me

The boys don't need a father (they were only 8 and 9 years old)

There were plenty more, but those were the ones he said multiple times.
  • Logged
M 39
H 40
Together 20yrs
Married 11yrs
S 10
S 8
BD Jul/Aug 2018

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4680
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#11: September 02, 2020, 08:54:11 AM
I had the MLCer who bought a luxury convertible without my knowledge because OW said he deserved it. Six months later, he fired all but one of his long term clients and said he didn't want to work anymore, put the car up for sale and told me he wanted to move to a third world country and build huts for the poor.

Thrown into that whole nonsense, I heard from him...
- that he had been living a lie for the past 30 years.
- he felt that he needed to see what it was like to live on his own because he had never lived alone. (Funny, he was on his own at 17, having been emancipated and had his own apartment by then).
- after all of this, OW and I probably would become good friends.  :o
- OW was his soulmate
- maybe in 10 years he would look over and we could get back together
- he wanted to emancipate our S, didn't want to pay support for D, but he wanted custody of the dog.

Looking back, I kind of wish I had noted all of the crazy things. They were painful then, now they make me laugh a bit - pure absurdity.
  • Logged

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 160
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#12: September 02, 2020, 09:05:53 AM

I got the following:

My soul was dying.
I left the marriage emotionally, long before I left physically.
I dont want to divorce, but I think we need to separate for two to three years and then date each other again.
Its too soon to make a decision on divorce
Im at peace living on my own.   I absorb other peoples energy
We are just so different, you just dont get me at all.
You never supported me
Ive always put you first, its time to put me first
  • Logged
Me (W) 43 - W 41
BD - Jan 17, 2020


OW status unknown, don't care, not relevant.

t
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 480
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#13: September 02, 2020, 09:27:27 AM
- after all of this, OW and I probably would become good friends.  :o

- You’d really like her. (pleading with me to understand why ow is important)
- She loves me a LOT. (said as if “realizing” it for the first time)

:-X :-X :-X
  • Logged

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23233
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#14: September 02, 2020, 09:47:44 AM
Let's see....

I just don't feel like myself anymore...
I'm so old, just look at my hands...(he was 46...never looked better)
I think I have sun damage on my neck, it will probably turn to cancer...

Me- how do you just fall out of love with someone like this?
Him - Who ever said I didn't love you?  (Um because you want a divorce maybe)

My favorite...I can laugh at those others but this one stung....
Why should I pay you anything if we divorce?  We should just take care of ourselves. (I was retired...he made $30,000 more than I did)
Well you could just get a part-time job.  I shouldn't be responsible for you.   :o >:(
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

E
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 71
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#15: September 02, 2020, 12:51:10 PM
Here goes;

It’s not about her, it’s what surrounds her.
I don’t love her but I might in the future.
With her I can be free, she also doesn’t want any kids.
I don’t love you, but I can’t say we’ll never be together again.
I have a colleague who took a five year break with his wife and afterwards they got married again.
You broke up with me.
It really hurt when you said we couldn’t be a throuple.
Last night, when you came by and left waited 20 minutes at the door, hoping you’d come back. (so we could sleep together)
I want to travel alone for long periods. (he never did so far)

Many more, but I don’t immediately remember and will stay out of that void 😅


  • Logged

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3533
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#16: September 02, 2020, 02:34:28 PM
My H:
I've been unhappy for 10 years
I've been unhappy since the day we married
We should never have married
I never loved you
I don't have any good memories of our marriage
kids are resilient
First we divorce, then we can talk about getting back together again
You disgust me
You're boring
You're always tired
You're a manipulator
You're a liar
  • Logged
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

3
  • **
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 50
  • Gender: Male
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#17: September 02, 2020, 02:43:30 PM
I've been unhappy for the last 3/5/10 years...depending on her mood
I'm tired of having to take care of everyone
Its time for me to be happy
We want two different things now
You never want to do anything
You work too many hours
There is never enough money
We cant even agree on the dogs...
And yes...Ow is a nice person,you would like her....
  • Logged

E
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 285
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#18: September 02, 2020, 05:36:05 PM
I got all the standard ones plus (said to a mutual friend): "I have fallen out of love with her. That happens all the time. They even write songs about it." and "We never hold hands when we arrive at parties"
  • Logged
M: 50 (48 @ BD)
H: 53 (51 @ BD)
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 21 (19 @ BD)
D: 19 (17 @ BD)
'Extra D': 19 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (45, now 47) - he met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her. Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her.

e
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 452
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#19: September 02, 2020, 06:37:53 PM
 I am not domesticated any more
I am meant to live a different life
We haven't been happy for 5 years
I have done my time being a husband and a father
I just want to work and be happy.
I think its time you should be with someone else
You look good for your age, you are doable
I will visit you on holidays if I can

These are just the ones that really bothered me in the beginning

  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3836
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#20: September 02, 2020, 07:05:11 PM
"You hate me!" ( ???)
"You waited all day to talk s#!t about me" (wasn't talking about him at all. Wasn't talking to him, about him, nothing)
Him " I want this hybrid sports car that someone at work mentioned was really cool"
Me: "If it is what you want, you should have it then. You work hard for your money, you deserve to have what you want."
Him, later "You never supported any of my decisions."
The generic " Everything is every one else's fault except his" (He NEVER was rude, augmentative, cruel, angry or ANYthing. Everyone else was just a jerk.)
"I  haven't loved you for 1/5/10 however many years" (changeable)
"We should never have gotten married."
"You don't need me" (How exactly do you need someone who is not there?)
"You were right, I checked out years ago when you said you felt like you were in the marriage alone. That must make you feel good." ( :o)

The one I have no desire to forget or forgive "We should have never have had the second child." The one he went behind my back to convince to live with him 3 years later. :-X
  • Logged
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

k
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 745
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#21: September 03, 2020, 01:25:23 PM
1) The love was gone long time ago
2) Our marriage was doomed
3) You are emotionally distant mother
4) You got cold on me after kids were born
5) Children can have 2 loving homes to go to. (one "loving" home was supposed to be with a OW who had 10 pages long criminal history including child abuse)
6) My relationship idols alway were my divorced aunt and uncle who remained friends. (not once before BD I heard this btw)
7) I have not abandoned kids. (even though he has not paid one penny for his kids for close to 4 years)

P.S. Time works miracles. It used to be that I could not write these without tears in my eyes. Now it is just what comes to my memory.

Hugs.

  • Logged

N

Nas

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2354
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#22: September 16, 2020, 02:18:07 PM
Had to dig up this thread, since this just popped into my mind as I was looking for a file on an old flash drive and came across some old documents.

In the letter H wrote me basically blaming me for everything wrong in his entire life, he wrote:
"I know you will say this is not what happened, but this is about feelings, not facts."  ??? ??? ???

I had totally forgotten about almost all of this WTF kind of stuff.
  • Logged

P
  • *
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 15
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#23: September 16, 2020, 03:21:38 PM
Absolutely! While I was still trying reason and responded to one of his strange accusations with an incontrovertible counterfact, he looked a little confused and said “But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is how I feel right now!”  That was when I stopped trying reason and logic. Sad, really....
  • Logged
Me: 52
H: 59
Married - 12 days shy of 30 years
D23, D26 (not local)
BD: April 2017
Moved out: October 2017
Divorce final: December 2018

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23233
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#24: September 16, 2020, 04:17:36 PM
"I know you will say this is not what happened, but this is about feelings, not facts."

How on earth do you argue with that??  You just can't, it defies logic.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

N

Nas

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2354
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#25: September 16, 2020, 05:21:12 PM
The saddest part is that the particular incident he was referring to was something that happened when he decided he wanted to pursue his dream of being a sports radio broadcaster, so I supported him going to a broadcasting school. I assumed responsibility for our mortgage and every single one of our bills for well over two years while he worked first at an unpaid internship and then an internship making $100 a week. He never sent out one single audition tape or demo.
Apparently his “dream“ included going to broadcasting school and then immediately getting hired by the only station that he would even consider working for. He did it all on my dime. One day he came home and asked me for my feedback on a show he had recently done live on a local radio station with three other guys. (The host of that particular show has actually gone on to some fairly big success.) 

He said to give him my honest feedback. I told him it sounded great, he sounded great, he really knew his stuff.  but that there was one moment when the host asked a question about dancing with the stars and there was a really long awkward silence. My husband and the other guys on the air clearly watched nothing but sports and had no other frame of reference, so my feedback was that in order to engage the audience, you should really be able to have at least a limited knowledge of the current pop culture references, not just sports.
At the time, I was in grad school myself, working towards my masters degree and also working a full-time job that allowed me to assume the entire mortgage payment and every other bill. I was in frequent writing workshops, since my masters degree is in poetry and creative writing. I was giving him the kind of feedback that I would have given to anyone in one of my workshops.

What I said was hardly a cutting condemnation of his ability to become a broadcaster. But apparently he took that as me “pissing all over his dream.” Even though I am the one who encouraged it. I am the one who helped him get into the broadcasting school. I listened to every show. I was his biggest cheerleader. And I was the one paying all of the bills and every single expense while  he made $100 a week or less and wasn’t even trying to find a paying job in broadcasting. 🙄
  • Logged

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3836
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#26: September 16, 2020, 05:24:45 PM
XH once told me I "never"  let him save money for the kid's college (don't even ask....) and I said "no one stopped you from saving money for the kids college. I certainly saved money.", he replied " I feel like you didn't let me." When I said "Feelings are not facts", XH responded "Yes, they are."  Well I suppose it might be a fact that you feel you feel that way..... ???
  • Logged
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

H
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Newbie
  • Posts: 2
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#27: September 16, 2020, 06:30:24 PM
Him: “I love you but I’m not in love with you”
Me: “WTF… I give you 19 years of my life and you tell me this” ???
Him: “you’ve been playing me like a damn fiddle our entire marriage”
Me: “WTF…I can’t even respond to this.  How??” ???
Him: “I remember the very first time I disappointed you”
Me: “WTF…enlighten me because I don’t remember” ???
Him: “you didn’t love me enough”
Me: “WTF…what more do you want from me” ???
Him: “our daughters are going to love her….she is really something special”
Me: “WTF…what about me??  I’m really special!!  I’ve been raising our kids for the last 16 years”  ???
Him: “we got married because that’s what all our friends were doing”
Me: “WTF…why didn’t you tell me that’s why you married me”  ???
Him: “everything I have done our whole marriage has been for you but this Porsche is for me”
Me: “WTF…what about your girlfriend…she sure the heck is not for me”  ???
  • Logged

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23233
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#28: September 16, 2020, 06:42:37 PM
Oh my gosh Nas, who could have been more supportive of him than you?

Will he ever remember this?
Will any of them remember the partner they spent years with who stood beside them before their mind turned to mush?

I know a midlife crisis is serious, but I have to wonder sometimes if it really does change their brain chemistry somehow.  It seems so few ever really come out of it better.

The only few I have seen over the years who seemed to come out of it have been pretty short term MLCer's (less than 2/3 years), or those who never left home.

Maybe it is because they really did have a midlife "transition" but never got to the level of a real crisis.  I don't know.

It will be interesting to see how this site evolves over the next 5/10 years when we have more data and more stories.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1084
  • Gender: Male
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#29: September 16, 2020, 08:08:28 PM

The only few I have seen over the years who seemed to come out of it have been pretty short term MLCer's (less than 2/3 years), or those who never left home.

Maybe it is because they really did have a midlife "transition" but never got to the level of a real crisis.  I don't know.

It will be interesting to see how this site evolves over the next 5/10 years when we have more data and more stories.

I think it just comes down to pass or fail T....... They all have the choice, but the choice is their's to make.
Sad as it is, it's easier to throw it all away then actually try. If they try, they can make it (IMO).

-SS
  • Logged
W - 39
M - 43
Together 25 years, M 22
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23233
  • Gender: Female
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#30: September 16, 2020, 08:34:13 PM
That may be the "key" word Standing.

If they have it in them to try.  Really try.
That takes a lot of courage from them.
  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11035
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#31: September 16, 2020, 08:43:10 PM
I really do not believe that we have any idea of the "real" outcome of what happens in our members lives. Many members stop posting after they stabilize themselves but we don't know what happens in their future.

Other's go on to new relationships and even if their MLCer attempts to come back, they are not interested or not available anymore. I doubt many of these members return to document what has happened.

2 couples that I know who remarried after divorce, one occurred 7 years after BD, the other was 18 years...both are very happy. Another member who was very active on HS remarried after several years, but she had left the site a couple of years before he returned home. That's three that I know of off the top of my head.

A very good friend of mine, also an HS member, is definitely reconnecting with her husband and it has been 11 1/2 years since BD.

Lately I have seen this "message" being posted, twice this week and there is no factual basis to it..it is opinion, that's all.

The important thing is not to base your life on whether they return or not. At this moment, they are not home or if they are home they are not over their crisis....go and live your life....their crisis will resolve in it's own time and the outcome is not and never has been in your hands..unless you decide not to accept them back under any circumstances.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 16, 2020, 09:02:08 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

m
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 470
  • Gender: Male
Re: Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#32: September 17, 2020, 12:04:43 AM
Some of my personal favorites from my list:

- “You trapped me here in xxx for the past 23 years,”  which is how long we had known each other. “Trapped” included having no kids, not having to work, traveling as desired and spending extended time away (2-3 months) on various trips including skiing.

- “My head tells me choosing OM is the biggest mistake I’ll make but I have to follow my heart.”  I was nodding internally while completely non reactive outside.

- “No one will ever love me as much as you do.”  Don’t even know what to say to that, except for her sake I hope that is not true in the long term.

- Told her sister part of the reason she left was that in the years we were together I never said “I Love You.” Besides not being correct it was an interesting reason to leave someone who spent, you know, 23 years actually acting like they are in love with you.

- The day she announced we should go our separate ways she listed all my faults again while I didn’t say a word, then she left the room. Then came back crying screaming “I am always taking care of you!” All I could think of was if telling me how awful I am is “taking care” of me oh please stop.

- This one actually cut deep because it was something that is fundamental and part of who we are. She said I “smelled wrong.” Not in the sense of bad or hygiene, but that there was no magic pheromone. I am guessing she was deep in limerence with the OM and so I was not creating any magic teenagy feelings for her. Which after 23 years I am sure was true.
  • Logged

W
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 46
  • Gender: Female
  • 'Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle'
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#33: September 17, 2020, 01:51:47 AM
The script is absoloutely mind blowing to me!

I think I have added a big list here but I will write some more, which I know so many of us have heard also:

— My mother thinks you don't like her
— I am allowed to have friends! (in response to my questioning why he texts the sexy female pilates teacher)
— You don't neet my needs (I think I don't look porn star enough for his changed needs - nope, he didn't choose to marry a porn star 20 years ago and I am not a porn star now)
— I don't know who I am
— I hate myself
— I must be allowed to do this! To live a life of complete autonomy! I need this!
— I was your benefactor!
— You take me for granted
— Do you love me?
— Everybody likes you!
— You always look so good, I have no chin, grey hairs, a big nose and a gap in my teeth
— It has nothing to do with you or your behaivour .... Wonder's behaviour caused all of this sadly (in legal letters)
— You leave fruit stickers on the bench and cupboard doors ajar
— The feathers in your cushions dig into me (I always thought they were 'our' cushions)
— I always put you first
— Time to no longer be devoted to you
— I just want to think about myself, as selfish as it sounds
— I wanted to spend more time with my family but was afraid to ask you  ???
— You were good at asking for what you need in our marriage, I wasn't. Now this is what I need!
— I'm confused
— Sorry for the confusion, but as I said, I was trying to work out what it was that I was feeling
— As you know I have not been happy for a long time (I didn't know actually)
— I hope we both find our happiness (I never said I was unhappy)
— Wonder will be happier without me
— Time for a fresh start
— Wonder is perfect but I HAD to do this
— Text "I have to leave'... emails a few days later ... "Hi love, Hi sweets... asking for thing and asking after our dog'.
— The garden is too much for me to do on my own, could we garden together more
— siiiiiiilence (the not talking!)
— I am so sorry for the pain and hurt I have caused
— I have to DISTANCE myself from Wonder (Makes me sound like a disease)
— I wasn't in my right mind (in reference to his slick manner of leaving the marriage via an out of the blue text message ... and how are you feeling now H? Back in your right mind?
— Me: 'You can't leave our marriage without at least talking to me'.... H: 'YES I CAN!!!! Hang up phone.'
— LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAVE AND YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! (all very true, but heck, that was a brutal way to end a long term marriage)
— I'VE CHANGED!!!!
— Wonder knows who she is, I don't know who I am (my heart hurts for him to hear he said this to a friend. What a huge struggle he is in).
— I do all the practical and emotional work in the relationship
— THREE emails to my lawyer stating that 'He needs to get to the house to list the chattels he wants'. He came, he went, (in Feb this year) he has not mentioned his chattels again since that urgent need to get here to list them.
— I need to come by the house to get some bits and bobs. It will be easier for everyone if you and the dog are not there. (Thanks for asking me)
— It's not us! It's a mid-life crisis! (that was the week before he ran away after his appointment with his psychologist - but then he RAN and ran hard and continues to run run run away from the disease that is me).
— I had my appointment with my therapist but didn't think you would be interested in hearing about it (why do they all think that we don't love them, don't care anymore! That couldn't have been further from the truth for me - I loved my husband deeply).
— I need a new iPad (sad face, wanting permission from me that he can buy one perhaps?)
— I'd like to get an MG sports car
— Me "a marriage is to be worked at'. H: "A MARRIAGE CAN MEAN MANY THINGS!!!!'. I hit a nerve there! Trapped married man-child.


Oh boy - it's all the same.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 17, 2020, 03:05:48 AM by Wonder »
Together 22 years
Married 16 years
BD1 - BD3 May to September 2019
H runs away via text message September 2019
Moves in with his mother
His legal separation is underway since Jan 2020

K
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 5514
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#34: September 17, 2020, 08:20:43 AM
These all resonate for sure! And I’ve heard many of these. The one that stung the most May have some truth in them:

“You are not attracted to me.”
“You don’t respect me.”

If I’m honest this did happen. As many of Us do, we take on the majority of the heavy lifting while the “future” mlcer does what they please. It became all about him and yes I grew to resent him for it.  My mirror work there bc I could have communicated.

Now.....could we have worked on this? YES.

Was it easier to start bonking the fat bailiff who worshipped and admired the newly minted judge? Yes. Yes it was.  Until it wasn’t.....lol. Careful what you wish for!
  • Logged
Me 49
H 47
S13
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

W
  • *
  • Trial Subscriber
  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 46
  • Gender: Female
  • 'Be kind for everyone is fighting a hard battle'
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#35: September 17, 2020, 01:35:57 PM
Hi KeepItTogether - no marriage is perfect, no human is perfect and one should not be expected to be perfect in marriage.

A marriage takes communication. My MLC H chose to not say anything to me other than he basically felt I didn't love him enough.

  • Logged
Together 22 years
Married 16 years
BD1 - BD3 May to September 2019
H runs away via text message September 2019
Moves in with his mother
His legal separation is underway since Jan 2020

  • *
  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 11035
  • Gender: Female
Script sentences and WTF moments 2
#36: September 17, 2020, 02:13:10 PM
 
Quote
My MLC H chose to not say anything to me other than he basically felt I didn't love him enough.

My husband has never told me anything except that I am too intense and I talk too much. That's it.

No words, no reasons, no rationale, no acknowledgment of OW...nothing.

Oh yes, once when I tried reasoning with him of how we had both worked so hard to get to this place in life financially he said "xyzcf, I cannot stay with you for money"...of course since he was the one with a job and making mego bucks, fine for him to say.

32 years, never once did he ever express to me that he wasn't happy in our marriage. Completely opposite, he was thoughtful, romantic, generous and I never felt that he did not love me and our family.  :'(
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 17, 2020, 02:18:40 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.