Skip to main content

Author Topic: My Story Another Day in MLC-Land 16

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3498
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
My Story Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#90: November 21, 2020, 09:20:24 AM
Thunder

XH hasn’t denied S17’s existence, but he may as well have.  He abandoned his family and lives 4.5 hours away.  I refuse to give XH props for his meager once-a-month visits where he arrives and takes S17 away, yet again.  I don’t care what others do or don’t do.  OUR situations are all bull$h!te and not to be compared.

We have no Thanksgiving plans other than to set up the Christmas tree.  Because Covid.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: November 21, 2020, 09:22:44 AM by megogirl »

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 513
  • Gender: Male
Re: Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#91: November 21, 2020, 10:12:01 AM
I know that S17 was a part of that too.  Admittedly I try to shield him from all things “custody” and I’ve busted my ass trying to make things as normal as possible even though it’s anything but.  I feel so, so sorry for this kid who doesn’t deserve any of this.  And I will never forgive his dad for that because it just isn’t possible.

Mego I no longer really comment on your posts, but I do read along because I wish you well and like other here hope one day you start moving past this place, take your focus off your ex, stop living in the past and hopefully start finding your road to peace and joy for YOU.

But I have to comment on this. Reading your posts I have to disagree. Some of the things you yourself have written about how you interact with your son is anything but normal. In fact they really, in my opinion, cross into things that are equally if not more damaging than experience a dad who left. I am not even commenting on the fact that he is picking up on on your constant anger, bitterness and negativity. I mean more things like texts you have sent him, comments you have made, and specially something you said to him when he was attending his dad’s wedding.

I say this because I do believe you really want the best for you son. So it would not be fair to not write this. You will probably dismiss this out of hand as you do with anything that isn’t an exact match to what you would like to hear. But maybe there is a small chance you may pause and consider this.
  • Logged

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3498
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#92: November 21, 2020, 10:35:02 AM
Marvin

?
  • Logged

b
  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2520
  • Gender: Female
Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#93: November 21, 2020, 01:46:45 PM
Quote
Uncomfortable truth is that the problem isn't the communication between you and your xH, but you and your son. He needs to learn there is an expectation for him to "check with mom" before making any plans. He needs to learn to respect you more than his father did.
.

This :  Precisely what I believe and expressed on the last 2 "events".   Son needs a "wise up" and check with me before you agree to any plans with your dad.  Period.
  • Logged
Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

N

Nas

  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2430
  • Gender: Female
Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#94: November 21, 2020, 02:01:35 PM
Out of curiosity, Mego, had your son come to you and said, “Dad wants to take me out for pizza but we can’t spend Thanksgiving together this year due to the coronavirus,” what would your response have been to him (your son)? And by response, I mean in every sense: words, gestures, attitude, body language...
  • Logged

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3498
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#95: November 21, 2020, 04:53:58 PM
Nas

My response would have been “Cool!”  I say this because that’s basically what happened.  He was on the phone with his dad, and afterward he hung up he said “Dad’s coming tonight.”  After I almost fell out of my chair S17 explained the whole sitch.  He didn’t mention the Covid mandate, just that Dad was on his way and they were having pizza instead of Thanksgiving dinner in NY. 

After I leaned of the Covid mandate things made more sense.  He wasn’t doing it as a precautionary measure.  He was doing it because he had to by law.
  • Logged
« Last Edit: November 21, 2020, 04:56:30 PM by megogirl »

  • *
  • Mentor
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 23399
  • Gender: Female
Re: Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#96: November 21, 2020, 05:17:45 PM
He was doing it because he had to by law.

But Mego isn't that a good thing he is doing it because of a mandate to keep people safe?

My family has cancelled our Thanksgiving celebration because of the mandate.
I'm a little confused.

Do you think he did the right thing or not?

  • Logged
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

m
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3498
  • Gender: Female
  • "You must do the thing you think you can not do."
Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#97: November 21, 2020, 06:24:06 PM
Thunder

I guess you could say it was a good thing, but that was only because the alternative was a very bad thing.  I recognize it wasn’t feasible to have him at Thanksgiving this year.  But HE DIDN’T EVEN MENTION IT!

And that is what I take issue with.  It’s called common courtesy and showing respect. 

  • Logged
« Last Edit: November 21, 2020, 06:59:12 PM by megogirl »

M
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 3613
  • Gender: Female
Re: Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#98: November 22, 2020, 12:09:33 AM
Mego, My H is the same, has not ever talked to me about his plans with my S, so I told my S to always put it by me first. So he tells his dad he'll have to ask me. His dad knows that I have the final say. Of course, I will always say yes to my S seeing his dad, but as long as it doesn't interfere with our plans.

Might be time to hand over all dealings about times your H spends with S directly to your S now. Just make sure he keeps you in the loop and your joint plans are not disrupted. We can't expect to change our disrespectful Hs, but we can still make sure our Ss get the most of their fathers will being considerate to us.
  • Logged
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

s
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 1661
  • Gender: Female
Another Day in MLC-Land 16
#99: November 22, 2020, 02:30:29 AM
I feel like, the underlying issue here isn’t his disrespect. It isn’t the pizza over thanksgiving dinner. The underlying issue I feel, is your fear that very soon your son will be a adult. And he’s then free to do as he pleases. He could very well say “mum dads on his way and I’m moving in with him”. He could go with his dad whenever he sees fit. And these will be things out of your control.
  • Logged
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.