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Author Topic: My Story S.T.R.E.S.S..: Someone Trying to Repair Every Situation Solo

C
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As usual, a well-timed reminder and affirmation.
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s
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Yesterday I learned a new word.
Atelophobia: The fear of imperfection, of not being enough.

So today, even if you feel otherwise:
You have enough
You do enough
You are enough

That's a new word for me as well.  Thanks for the share. 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

N

Nas

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Today, a little bit of grammar. In the English language, two negatives destroy each other and create a positive:

Sometimes things do not not work out.

Remember to breathe on this Sunday.
I’m trying to.
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Needed this one myself.
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"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

N

Nas

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Those suffering from C-PTSD are no strangers to the chronic sense of worthlessness and not being good enough.

Tonight:
It’s not the trauma that destroys us,
It’s the shame about the trauma.

If we share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding,
Shame cannot survive.
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E
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Really like your post today Nas. Thank you.
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M: 50 (48 @ BD)
H: 53 (51 @ BD)
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 21 (19 @ BD)
D: 19 (17 @ BD)
'Extra D': 19 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (45, now 47) - he met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her. Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her.

N

Nas

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For today:

F.E.A.R.
Forget Everything and Run

OR

F.E.A.R.
Face Everything and Rise

🤔🤔🤔
Happy Tuesday, all.
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b
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Quote
It’s the shame about the trauma.
.

I think I finally understand the unexplained feeling around my  trauma/PTSD.  It is this....shame.
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Married April 1985
5 children
Bomb Drop April 2013
Thrown out of house August 2013
Affair discovered November 2013 (i guessed who)
Home December 3 2013
The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

Anger is like a candle in the wind ... it blows out the light of all reason.

N

Nas

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Shame is a real b!tc# and runs really deep.
I feel less shame now than I used to about the fact that my husband left me for another woman, that he called me less than, that he cited all my “faults” (One of my biggest “faults” he ranted about at length in the letter he wrote me was that I was generous to others… Laughable and you can’t make it up ) and left me for a horribly selfish and narcissistic human being that he normally would not even associate with.

Shame has deep roots though and it’s so hard to dig down deep enough to rip those roots out.  I had a disappointing biopsy on Monday and now I have to have a pet scan this coming Monday and I have been too afraid to tell anyone in real life because I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed that I am still “sick” and I haven’t “beaten” this, as if I caused it and I’m too weak to overcome it. (My own older brother even said that to me last year, as if I were not trying hard enough.)

Trauma and shame, two nasty little jerks who are always hanging out together...
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I'm sorry, Nas.
It is one of the strange things about cancer I think that so much of the language around it has that overtone of 'fighting'....and an implication that somehow there is a win or lose way to live with it in your life that says something about your character as opposed to the detail of those tiny cancer cells. And you don't hear people using that language about many other illnesses e.g. 'Determined to beat his coronary' or 'Refusing to let diabetes win'...... I don't know why that is, but it is odd.

You feel how you feel, and I'm not going to poo poo it. But I will say that from over here, it doesn't seem like an accurate window at all....for you or anyone else. S$it happens.....the grace and wonder of our character is how we paddle our boat through it, I think....and you have nothing to be ashamed of in that imho xxxx
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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