[Hoosier Daddy]

JT,

Yes time is our friend.  Allows us to understand things much better.  I am coming up on two years since BD and am in a much better place as well.

May you continue to grow.

Are you still seeing the old flame?

HD

[John T]

Old flame ?

[Hoosier Daddy]

Old flame ?

Sorry JT I think I confused you with another poster.

HD

[John T]

I seem to be facing up to some painful realities of the situation I'm in and accepting my role in our break up and accepting our marriage is over and that we could never be same again and I'm no longer wanted in her life .

 This whole process feels like your dropped into a maze and no matter which way you turn the answers aren't there that you want no matter which way you turn.

[MadLuv]

JT-
That seems for all of us to be the hardest thing to get past. We all want answers and we can’t get them, because the one person that we would need to provide them don’t have the answers for themselves. If they did we wouldn’t be in the situation. For me I found myself asking the same questions over and over and realizing not only will I not get them, but at this point it doesn’t matter. We are here.

So, we can only control how we move forward. Taking the focus off the MLC’r and putting the focus back on US is the hardest thing to do. I agree with so many wise people on this forum. We have to move forward like they are never coming back, because they may not. I think for me focusing on who they are now instead of who they were has been the most helpful. The person that they are now is not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. That person is hurting me. The person I loved would never hurt me. 

[John T]

Some thought provoking words Tonup.
 I had no idea how long this process is/would take and the extremely slow progress to just detach.

[John T]

In the last few weeks I've come to an acceptance of the ending of my marriage and an acceptance that I'm clearly feeling detachment from my W .I now understand you can't have one without the other.

I enjoy being calm it gives me an inner peace and better clearer thinking .

The work colleague who was getting me to try and do his work , no longer tries to off load on me after setting firm boundaries without getting angry with him. The other colleague who tried bullying me was reported for bullying by 3 separate people,I had no involvement in this .

[PJ Ames]

Your work stories remind me of something Ursa Major once told me: "You don't go through hell and back without acquiring transferable skills." Congrats on being calm and thinking clearly.

I'm glad you've come to a place of acceptance about your marriage. You may never get closure or resolution. I sure as hell haven't But once you come to a place of acceptance, you'll be able to move forward in your life without that heavy baggage weighing you down.

Keep up the good work!

[John T]

My W has just messaged after a month of NC with usual chat , but she's asking if I could move the motorbikes out from my old garage or at least put a security post in to protect the garage , she doesn't want om van on her drive any more , sounds like that dying a death .
She's said she can be out of the way if needed .

Is this her clearing me away for good ?

Could it be withdrawal  ?

[marvin4242]

John: it can be anything and nothing, I honestly would not try to ascribe any "stage," "motivation" or even thought to it. Trying to guess what is going on in MLCers mind is, as Ursa Major says SO perfectly, like trying to taste green with your elbow.

Do what you want to do, and don't try to analyze or read tea leaves. That way lies madness indeed.

Hope you are doing ok.