[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

No presents will be given by me , I got her a card and it simply said to a special friend , I don't think wife is appropriate

Good idea. Friendly, but not over the top. Doesn't come across as mean or manipulative. Good job!

((((Ready))))

[John T]

I think I've finally got an understanding of ' I love you but am not in love with you ' to me it means that sexual attraction has diminished and that's when the OW/OM come into focus and they then crave that other person with no firm basis other than a teenage buzz you get from someone new.

[UrsaMajor]

I think I've finally got an understanding of ' I love you but am not in love with you ' to me it means that sexual attraction has diminished and that's when the OW/OM come into focus and they then crave that other person with no firm basis other than a teenage buzz you get from someone new.

Yeah, that is one part of it... The "You don't make my bits quiver anymore" teenager nonsense... Among other things... but it is really all just a justification, an excuse, for them to do whatever it is they are doing...

[PJ Ames]

I think I've finally got an understanding of ' I love you but am not in love with you ' to me it means that sexual attraction has diminished and that's when the OW/OM come into focus and they then crave that other person with no firm basis other than a teenage buzz you get from someone new.

Yeah. And, beyond just the sexual buzz, there's the excitement from the newness and irresponsibility of it. For example, the affair partner might act like just as much of a teenager as the MLCer. Broken finds broken. Meanwhile, the LBS spends their time doing boring grown-up things like paying bills, folding socks or mowing the lawn.

Keep being strong and growing through this John T. You're doing well.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Yeah. And, beyond just the sexual buzz, there's the excitement from the newness and irresponsibility of it.

Yep, hit this one straight on. It's not about sex, its more about feeling sexy.

As PJ stated, you are doing very well.  I really like the Christmas card idea. Would have done that myself years ago when dealing with my MLCer.

Have an awesome Christmas!

(((((Ready)))))

[John T]

So I've stayed NC and she contacted me on  New year's eve to wish me well to which I replied in the same friendly manner, tonight I get an email entitled ' checking in 'she been asking how I'm doing etc ,so again I've replied in a light hearted manner .Most of our contact has been for a reason ,then it gets all friendly, but tonight there was no reason to get in touch

My birthday is just before Christmas I got a simple present and a card .

Does she seem to be reaching out a little bit  ?

[OffRoad]

Hi John T,

It sounds like she is just trying to be "friends". Because if you are friends, then what she has done is not so bad, you see. It is up to you if you what kind of relationship you want to have with her.  You can be friends, just be friendly, only answer when she contacts you first, only answer if it is important, go No Contact. Whatever it is that works for you.

Take what you get as exactly what you see: she wishes you well. I doubt there is any other underlying thought behind it. (except maybe "I wish you well so I don't have to feel bad about what I have done.")

[John T]

My W has been emailing constantly for 3 days mostly trivial stuff . I'm staying cool and reserved and only reply like for like.

[PJ Ames]

My W has been emailing constantly for 3 days mostly trivial stuff . I'm staying cool and reserved and only reply like for like.

Well done, good sir.

How is John T doing? Aside from your relationship with your W. Any new hobbies or interests? What are you doing to stay healthy and well?

[John T]

I'm doing ok thanks ,here in the UK we are back in lockdown again so the hobbies I'd started have stopped again, Gym and Golf , I'm just taking it easy and relaxing.