[Treasur]

But assuming the person was NOT a narcissist, did have value systems and acted with care and compassion for others before MLC then I have to say its not about integrity and characters. In my opinion MLC in these cases is a major psychological event. I don't mean a singular diagnosis or disease. Rather something that they have been papering over, working around, hiding, and even pretending is not there comes to a crises and they tend to have a fracture. The most visible element is the pain, the anger, the lack of empathy and the memory issues. They also tend to spend a lot of their time in a form of dissociative state (shark eyes, confusion, lack of caring).

Wow Marvin....  I can relate to this more than you know, especially what you described above (in bold).  This is exactly what's happening to my wife at the moment.  Any more thoughts on this dissociative state?  I feel like she's an empty vessel right now.  I'm just under ~2 months after BD.  Whats the best way to interact with someone like this?

Imho, as little as possible 
There’s nothing good to be found in the place they go to....and even visiting can be rather unsettling for a healthy person trying to focus on the good constructive things of life.

[MadLuv]

JohnT- very good update. Detachment and movement forward is very apparent in your update. Good sign that she doesn’t want a divorce also. Time will tell how the story evolves. Glad you are moving forward while she is twisting in the wind

[PJ Ames]

Wonderful update JohnT. I think it's great that she doesn't want a divorce and that she realizes that she is the one that needs to come to her senses. I hope she does!

Keep up the good work and keep in touch.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Should I be home more and be more available?  I feel like detaching just pushes her further away.   Sorry for hijacking John's thread but when I read Marvin's comments it just struck me as spot on.

Based on my own story (with somewhat similar MLCr) I would say what you do matters not. Like zip, da nada, null... Even on best scenario, you can only buy yourself some time (and use it for preparing for the worst behind the scenes).

If you enjoy being with her, then be. If not, then take distance. Just be genuine you.... You really cannot gamble the system as it is not about you, but about her. She has to be the one wanting for inner (and then external) change in your relationship.

Take care,
Alvin

[John T]

My MLC wife has emailed offering me scrap cable to weigh in, she's also offering to make clothes for my young granddaughter who she has no blood connection to . I'm u sure as to why she'd offer to do this.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated

[WHY]

Sounds like anchor checking.  I don’t think it means anything IMO.

[MadLuv]

I agree, just excuses to check in. She can’t let go

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

These are difficult "touch and goes" as the MLCer makes momentary attempts to reconnect. They can be in earnest or just brief moments of clarity.

The important thing is not to get expectations or think they are about to clear the tunnel.

My advice is to accept her offer and thank her in the same way you would for someone that opens the door for you or helps someone load a heavy object in a car. A brief moment of kindness. Keep detached and you will be just fine.

I think you are doing great and have built a life of moving on with or without her.

(((((Ready)))))

[John T]

Thank you all for advice and support its appreciated.

[JohnnyBravo]

These are difficult "touch and goes" as the MLCer makes momentary attempts to reconnect. They can be in earnest or just brief moments of clarity.
...
My advice is to accept her offer and thank her in the same way you would for someone that opens the door for you or helps someone load a heavy object in a car. A brief moment of kindness.

That's a helpful way to look at it, Ready. Thanks for posting that.