[Yo]

Hola!
Starting a new thread! H in Replay still after a little bit more than 3 years and me struggling to set limits...

My last thread
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11129.0

After two years of not knowing anything I had news about OW in a very ugly way and directly from her

I don't know if they are together or this was an act of insecurity but that is not what I worry about the most
My concern is how to set limits because he is acting like always when we had a fight, angry two days and after that he comes to my house like everything is ok and like if he has rights over me

Today he called D7 and told her he will come to see her, "to my house" the one that he doesn't pay or care about!
 when he came I opened the door and called D7, then I went upstairs to left them alone but he started to say in a very rude way that I was being childish, again D7 in the middle
I came downstairs and stay to make D7 feel less anguish and he stopped saying things

When he left I called him to say that he doesn't have the right to come to my house and act like that and less in front of D7 but I realized that it was pointless, his attitude was so arrogant! I believe like right now he really thinks he has the right and he is right!

Is not just like he doesn't want to be with me and prefers to be with OW or acting like a teenager
is like he needs me around to be hurting me

I haven't had the guts to tell him to stop coming and I would like to
And, I don't know if I would like to say that just to set limits or deep inside me I am expecting a positive reaction (to be honest)

I feel like we went backwards, both of us!
For several months he was showing a little bit of consciousness and I was doing good with detatchment and now... uugh
Definitely backwards and bad!

[Yo]

Hola!

OW keeps trying to talk to me, today she called me from another phone number, when I answered she started to explain that she wasn't the person that did all the charade to fool me and send the picture with H, I told her that I didn't have anything to talk to her and she should stop calling me, she told me that she was doing it to have a closure, like if I care!
I just hang off the phone

She kept calling and calling so I took a screenshot of the calls (five!) and sent it to H and asked him to please tell her to stop,
H told me that he'll do something about it

It took around 10 minutes and he called me back and told me that she'll never call or contact me again
He told me that he was very sorry for putting me in that situation and that he told her to stop trying to hurt me because he had hurt me enough so he would do anything to stop someone else do that to me, specially her

I told him that I appreciated to have talked to her but I appreciated even more the apologies because that was something that I needed from him
He cried

Something funny that happened is that when they were dating, 2 and a half years ago, someone called to our business (I thought it was her) and H ask to our worker if the voice was soft so I always thought she had a sweet voice and it was something that bugged me all this time (silly! I know) today when I finally heard her voice, I realized that she is not sweet, she is not better than me, not even near, she is not nice, and definitely not someone that I should waist my time or energy with
She said that she wanted a closure but she gave me one!
I felt relieved!

[Ready2Transform]

Some things are really a blessing in disguise, Yo. The "affair down" description is not a myth, and usually time is our friend in showing us. You handled it all so well, and I'm glad you got what sounds like a sincere apology from your H as well. Big hugs! It's an emotional rollercoaster to deal with!

[Limboland2018]

She wasn’t looking for closure. She was trying to feed off and perhaps make you feel insecure or gather information on you and your relationship with your Ex. A delusional and self serving woman. That type of person loves sucking goodness out of kind people and drawing them into their toxic web. So glad you rejected the calls. The levels these people will sink to remain involved in drama and destruction is incredible.

[UrsaMajor]

I have to agree with Limbo here... OW wasn't looking for "closure" but rather (IMHO) it was a sort of "anchor check" in reverse to see if you were still in play and had any "influence" over your Mid-Lifer.... When he told her to stop, she realized that you ARE still in play and that she is likely on the loosing side of the fence... so all of HER insecurities (and believe me, there are LOTS of them) came to the surface...

She really does need to go take a long walk off of a short pier and disappear...

And H needs to get his head out of his .... fog.... and quit being a Richard Cranium....

[Treasur]

She wasn’t looking for closure. She was trying to feed off and perhaps make you feel insecure or gather information on you and your relationship with your Ex. A delusional and self serving woman. That type of person loves sucking goodness out of kind people and drawing them into their toxic web. So glad you rejected the calls. The levels these people will sink to remain involved in drama and destruction is incredible.

This ^^^^
It is pretty textbook behaviour for ow types.  .....and not your circus, of course, as you said. She was working to her own agenda which was almost certainly to provoke some kind of reaction or contact from your h.....there is a reason why they call this stuff a 'drama triangle' 
All you can do....as you have tried to do....is remove yourself from the triangle. And if she continues to try to contact you (and she may) then you may need to take further legal steps without asking your h for 'help' like a TRO or a legal letter saying that this will be your next step.

[Yo]

Thanks a lot friends! I found useful every word that you wrote, thank you very much!
I wrote a reminder to me of each of your advices...

Ready2= rollercoaster (always while in MLC)
Limboland= ow= toxic web
UrsaM (I had to look what Richard Cranium is) 😄 you always make me laugh and that is a must while we are LBS s! I really would like her to disappear!
Treasur= not my circus!!!!

Thank you guys, I really appreciate it

[UrsaMajor]

UrsaM (I had to look what Richard Cranium is) 😄 you always make me laugh and that is a must while we are LBS s! I really would like her to disappear!

Google is your friend <snort>

[Yo]

Yes! Google and Alexa helped 🤓😄

[Yo]

Hola!!!

I am reading some of your posts, is good to be back!
With online school the work has been tripled, my students are struggling with emotional issues after Covid and anyway we have to keep covering the program, I am exhausted but blessed with health and a job

Update:
Apparently OW's charade worked well but not for her...
H started therapy on his own and he hasn't missed his appointments (I didn't ask to, his idea!)
I am being cautious and don't talk at all about it but, I really would like to know 🤭
Some times he looks very happy and others is like he is here but his mind in another place, but since that day he has been calm and nice
Finally he sold his sporty motorcycle and bought an "old people's bike" not a Harley but an Indian and I am really, really happy about it
It is very significant for me! He actually cried, because he is old, he said, but he said that he was ready for it! We'll see...