Since it has been 6 months since my last update, I figured I had better write something before I have to archive my own thread for non-use......
For me personally, it dawned on me that I am at 9 years 6 months after ABD. Gee, where does the time go?
I'm now four years in a new committed R where I quasi-inherited 3 kids, VS (Vice-Son - a German term that means basically caring for them like your own without having any formal or blood relationship)34, Vice-D-23, and Vice-S21 in addition to my D1- 33, S17 and D13. Vice-Daughter lives with us and is getting her B. S. in Physics, VS21 is getting his Master Certificate in Watchmaking, will come back home for the summer and VS34 doesn't have a lot to do with us and is off making his own way through life. D1 is working int he US as a Graphics Layout and Design artist for a publishing company, S17 just got his final grades for the 10th grade (and I am MEGA-proud of him after he had a horrible 9th grade that he repeated out of free will due to missing so much school) and will go into the German Upper Class (In Germany, High School lasts 13 years and is culminated with the "Abitur" exam which is quite extensive and difficult).
D13 is a bit of a different story. She had significant problems starting in the fall of last year, was in a "Tagesklinik" (where they go during the day and then come home at night) for the last 3 months and was released finally on the 21st. Most of her issues appear to revolve around her being "Therapist #1" for MLCxW2 and D13 was having panic attacks if she had to be away from mom for more than a couple of hours. MLCxW2 was and is still depressive but refuses to acknowledge it or do anything about it. S17 has basically gotten to the stage where he realizes that it is not his job to prop her up. I hope that, after the clinic stay, D13 has also gotten to that point. We'll see as the school summer holidays start here in a couple of weeks and while S17 is going n a sailing trip for 10 days, D13 is supposed to come to me. My partner, in turn, is on a 10-day tour of Ecuador so I'll have D13, Vice-D23 and Vice-S21 with me for that time. The 2 older ones are pretty much self-sufficient and Vice-D will cook for all of us once a week, usually with her BF. I just need to make sure the house doesn't burn down, is kept clean, the dog is fed and walked, and the fridge is full
My contact with MLCxW2 is limited to co-parenting at the moment. We will have a meeting with D13's new Therapist and there is a meeting scheduled with the German "Jugendamt" (a bit like CPS but not in a"coming to take your kids away" sort) in order to get some "Family Help" (primarily for MLCxW2 since the kids are there 90% of the time) in July so that will be interesting. MLCxW had already tried to pawn off the Jugendamt to a 50/50 proposition until D13's case worker told her flat out that, since D13 was with her 90% of the time, 90% of the effort would be looking at MLCxW's situation.
D13 and I have a good relationship even though D13 doesn't appreciate the fact that I have moved on in my life and have a new partner by my side. I've gotten the Ï already have a mother and don't need a second one." from D13 and I told her that I understand that and that R (my partner) is NOT trying to take MLCxW2's place but that, at the same time, R and I agree on many points and have our own set of house rules that apply to D13 as well as anyone else when they are with us. In addition, R makes suggestions that are in D13's best interests (like going out and being physically active instead of sitting around on her phone) which, of course, being a typical teenie, D13 is not all that thrilled about but D13 needs to be more physically active (her Case Worker and Therapist both said that and I expect the Jugendamt will tell MLCxW that as well). D13 is not overweight or anything but she is physically quite unfit, especially for her age. Ironically though, we walked 10 km (6.2 miles) in 2 chunks a couple of weekends ago and she (D13) was fine......
I only hear about MLCxW's life through the kids, mostly S17 when he is complaining that mom spent the weekend on the sofa "sick" again so he had to go shopping and cook..... (Note that one of MLCxW2's primary reasons for blowing up the marriage was that it was making her sick
) Other than that, I don't have a lot to do with her, except where the kids are concerned. Since I hold their health insurance, I get the bills and submit/pay them so that is about the extent of our dealings. She asks me about things like getting D13 a new phone because hers broke but that is like talking to the hand. I suggested that D13 should have a phone and NOT a smartphone but the contact possibilities with What'sApp, etc., are important at the moment as D13 begins to leave the confines of MLC-dom and becomes more socially active.... so .... it is what it is....
My R is 4 years plus and going well. COVID kind of forced our hand with the lockdown so I moved in to her place with her kids a bit faster than I would have normally done but it has all worked out. We each have our own personal trigger issues that occasionally pop up but we work through them. In fact, the fact that we do occasionally argue is quite different than my R with MLCxW2, where we never argued at all. Since we are both approaching retirement age (me faster than R by 3 years), we have been starting to plan for the future as in where we might like to live, what kind of house or apartment to buy (you know, like accessible for old people
- no stairs or an elevator to the floor, if we want to have a yard, where in the country (city, suburbs or countryside) and all these kinds of things. Kind of strange at times to be thinking about this kind of stuff , especially with someone other than who I thought I'd be looking a it with but that is the way things have panned out.
So, I guess that, in a nut shell, my life now could be described as rather boring for the most part...... For my birthday, R and I took a week and went to visit parts of her family and then up tot he northern part of Germany where we intended to go on a couple of bike trips. The first day was rained out which was good because we spent several hours the night before sitting in a traffic jam on the highway (it was closed completely for 2 hours because someone was threatening to jump off a bridge into traffic) so we didn't even get into the hotel until 01:15 in the morning. The next 2 days though we managed to do a couple of 60km/35mile trips in the area avoiding the rain and then went to 2 other cities in the evening for sightseeing and dinner. Also THIS is something MUCH different than my previous life with MLCxW2 - her idea was to go somewhere and lay on the beach and sleep and eat and that was about it. If we went to visit family, there was even less to do and a good part of the time was spent sitting in front of the TV. Now, don't get me wrong, a beach vacation can also be very nice but as I am an active person that loves to bike, hike and dive, I tend to get a little restless a few days into doing nothing.... I can do nothing just as well at home and not have to spend piles of money to go somewhere just to see a hotel, a hotel restaurant, and a beach or pool....
Work wise, my team and I are preparing for back-to-back launches of 2 satellites in September and November where I am the prime Ops Manager again and another one in May/June 2025 timeframe so there I am quite busy which beats the alternative....
So, I'll come back in another 6 months probably to update... or maybe in July after the 2 appointments in order to rant...
who knows...
UM
Thread 37 - Blended, not stirred
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